The 130Chance XPW

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: I have a special guest with me today to discuss the happenings at Survival of the Fittest in the segment, which I’m entitling “What the Hell Were They Thinking”. Please welcome Monitor founder Dan Mixer. Dan?

DAN MIXER: Ryan, I wanted to make an appearance because my sources inside XPW have informed me of who made the decision to put the belt on Doomsayer of all people.

RYAN: Dan, the floor is yours.

DAN: I’ve talked to several people in the booking room, and sometime within the past couple weeks, a new investor came in and bought a percentage of XPW. Now, this investor wanted creative control over several events in exchange for his stake in the company— and it was given. This investor, Mr. Aaron Gee, has apparently wreaked havoc with the planned booking of the fed...

The John Corvette Experience

CORVETTE: I don’t care who the f$&@ this Aaron Gee guy is. He’s a douchebag moron who is going to murder the business!! A guy like Doomsayer is never gonna draw! Gavin Sterling versus Domingo is a license to print money, and we’re gonna get stuck with f$&@in Doomsayer versus Bayonet for six months...

The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

PONY: Listen, I was the first to sing the praises of Sherman Turk when he won the Cruiserweight belt. I’m all for the underdog guys getting a run with the title. But seriously, why Doomsayer? Why now? I’ve heard rumors of the new creative guy, Aaron Gee, really favoring the guy, but shouldn’t somebody have stepped in and talked about what a bad idea this was? Let him have a secondary championship for a bit? Sure, that helps him sell pictures at conventions after he retires, but the World Championship? I can say that’s a good idea....

Talk is Nevermore

NEVERMORE: Hey, Aaron Gee— what do I have to do to get you to book me a win every once in a while? A better question— did Doomsayer have some dirt on you? Are you old childhood buddies? You’ve got an entire locker room pissed at you, you stupid idiot!

Ace Dogma’s BoobToob Channel

ACE: Today’s the day I break my silence. I am BACK on BoobToob to talk video games but FIRST... I guess congratulations are in order for Doomsayer? I mean, he’s an OK guy, I don’t know him real well, but there are seriously about forty guys more deserving of a world title run than him. No offense to the guy. I know I’m supposed to keep it kayfabe, but give me just a moment here— I haven’t met the guy yet, but if this is Aaron Gee’s decision, he’s got a lot of explaining to do before the next show...

[cotguy130]

December Week 1
BattleBrawl
Golden Plaza

The media team welcome us to tonight’s show.
KYLE: We will here from new XPW Heavyweight Champion, Doomsayer, in just a minute.
ADAM: I never thought either of us would ever have to say that. Also tonight, we will have the final match of the SotF tournament with Monstro and The Hard Way taking on Flint Decker, Zeta Quade, and Gridiron. It will be interesting to see how the self-proclaimed MVPs get along with their temporary partner. In the main event, The Void will defend the TV title against Xeno.

• Doomsayer, SilverGod, and The Forsaken are out.
DOOMSAYER: Adam Stryker. You never thought you’d have to recognize me as world champion. I hope it really galls you. I hope it galls everyone watching to see me carrying this belt. All you talking heads out there in the wrestling media have provided me hours of entertainment. I rarely laugh out loud, or at all, but your outrage is delightful. I can feel the hate and it energizes me. Lest I forget, Aaron Gee. Who the hell is Aaron Gee? I see your collective attempts to weaken my victory by spinning as some sort of corporate conspiracy. Mr. Gee, wherever you are, if you exist, you have my eternal gratitude at allowing me to hold this title. That was sarcasm for you idiots. Your superhero, Gavin Sterling, took months and many attempts to win this. I succeed the first time. Some of you are blaming SilverGod and The Forsaken, claiming they helped me. All they did was make sure that Sterling wouldn’t be getting an immediate title match by beating him down. Mr. GQ, you are on our radar. You should’ve stayed put. That’s really all I have to say. I just wanted to rub this scene in all your faces. SilverGod, would you like to add something.
SILVERGOD: Gavin Sterling, before you get a title shot at all, you WILL go through me and The Forsaken. We are The Bizarre.

• Jakob Hearse over Roberto Samba

• The Mindbenders are out.
WHEN: The wrestling press is calling us the quietest champions in recent history. There’s talk that we will win tag team of the year in a couple of weeks. I’ll admit these acknowledgements of our abilities are nice, and we appreciate your support.
MYSTIC: Professor, be careful not to focus on the mundane. Titles and awards mean nothing when evil is afoot. Grimcraft and Slashmaster may no longer be a functioning entity, but Slash is very much a factor in XPW. His alliance with Nevermore and Void might be more dangerous than Grimcraft. Now, Doomsayer and The Bizarre have arisen.
WHEN: I haven’t forgotten.
MYSTIC: Furthermore, there is the issue of who has clouded the minds of the Argonauts and Xeno. Nothing good can come out something like that.
WHEN: I know, our mission isn’t accomplished.
MYSTIC: It’s-
WHEN: barely begun. I see that now. Fans thank you for supporting us on our mission and as champions. My partner appreciates it too.
MYSTIC- Quiet, I’m astral projecting.
WHEN: Not here. Let’s find a quiet place in the back.
MYSTIC: Good idea.

• In the finals of the SotF tournament, Alexei Monstro and The Hard Way defeated The MVPs and Gridiron.
Gridiron is the last one eliminated, and he eliminates Winchester when faced with a three-on-one situation.

• Mr. Europa over Thumper Moore III

• Scuzzbucket walks out.
SCUZZ: My best friend and I aren’t even talking now. He’s barely himself. Slapstick, you did it. You’re in his head. When you, let’s be honest, manhandled him last week, it broke him. You could hurt him at will, and he could do nothing about it. Slapstick, you whack job, get your ass out here right now. Nothing against my friend, but I will do something about it.

Slapstick comes out and Scuzz charges up the aisle to attack him. However, Slapstick turns the tables quickly. A ref tells them to get in the ring and he will make it a match. Scuzz obliges and Slapstick follows. He toys with Scuzz before finishing him off.
SLAPSTICK: You and Buddy are right. There’s nothing you can do about me. I think you two need to go away.

• Chugger over Yugen

• Mother Mercy over Rhiannon

• In the main event, despite the interference of Nevermore, Xeno wins the TV title from The Void.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@domnigoxeno
AH HA HA! I am the new Intergalactic Communications Champion! I will defend this title first against Glork Andromedus of the Great Supernova Corps. I await your challenge with glee!

@profwhen
My partner’s projections are malfeasant and disturbing. We will report results post haste after more analysis.

@sevenstarzeta
Once again, Gridiron couldn’t get the job done. Is big guy upset? Does he need a teddy bear to go to sweepsie weepsie?

@biggrid
enuf. zeytuh and deker are dead men. i am the sooprem athleet in the world. u 2 will find out soon.

@scuzz
This isn’t over, Slapstick. You’re going to crash and burn when Buddy gets back to himself.

@smilefordominic
Teehee! While you mourn your friend, I plot your end!

@missythicc
Things haven’t been right around here for a while. Not sure about the future either.

[cotguy130]

December Week 2
Friday Fight Season
The Ballroom

• Pete Sinclair is talking to Sherman Turk and Timmy Tough.
PETE: Guys, when I said I wanted to get my hands on Amber, this isn’t what I had in mind.
TIMMY: You sound afraid.
PETE: I’m not afraid of wrestling her at all. It will be an easy win. It’s just going to be weird.
SHERMAN: Treat her like a guy. Do what you would do to anybody else in the same situation.
TIMMY: She’s got a grip like a guy. It still hurts when I pee.
SHERMAN: You really should see the doc about that.

<Amber Hardbody walks by>

AMBER: Sherm’s right, Petey. I’m going to fight you like one of the ladies. You fight me like one of the guys. Timmy, you really should get that checked.

Amber heads to the ring.

She goes on to pin Pete Sinclair, much to the delight of the crowd.

• Gridiron is out
GRIDIRON: Decker, Quade, I’ve said it before. It bears repeating. I am the only reason you got to the finals. If you guys are MVPs, then “valuable” doesn’t mean what I thought it did. Here’s the funny part. You would think, in this business, that all of this stuff I’m saying, calling them out….would lead to a match. Decker and Quade are, according to their secretary, Tempest, focused solely on tag teaming. How convenient. I could force the issue, but I will let it speak itself. MVCs…Most Valuable Cowards. That’s more like it.

• Grifter over Dre Apex and The Forsaken in a three-way match.

• The Sky Diamonds over The Aesthetics.
PINK: Missy Thicc, you’ve stopped picking up the phone. We aren’t done. I told you that your apology wasn’t accepted because I think you’re lying about why you tried to cripple me. Our teaming with your friend was strictly convenience. We didn’t like her, and she didn’t like us. If she’d pulled her weight, we might’ve won. Hell, she probably tanked it as a favor to you. Doesn’t matter. You showed the world you’re no better than that skeevy skank that let Fat Tony slap her around. Still, I’d love another shot at showing you what a table to the spine feels like. Let’s fight, Missy.

• Gavin Sterling and SilverGod fought to a double-disqualification. The Forsaken and Doomsayer attacked Sterling. A report from backstage said that they had taken GQ and Pendragon out while the match was in progress. They worked over Sterling’s leg for a long time before leaving at Doomsayer’s command. Sterling had to go out on a stretcher.

• Brooklyn Belle and Mack Caliber are talking.
BROOKLYN: Mack, I love ya’, but I think you’re crazy. The Florez’ don’t want to lose what we had.
MACK: What did we have, B? A bunch of ex-cons who thought they could rap every so often. I suck at rap. I don’t even like it. You know what I listen to when nobody’s around? It’s on my secret playlist.
BROOKLYN: Don’t you dare say country.
MACK: I won’t say it, but it won’t change the truth.
BROOKLYN: Mack, aw no. Look, I get it. The military is awesome…thank you for your service, God bless America and all that. I’m proud of that part of your life. Why are suddenly ashamed of your time in prison?
MACK: Like I said, I’m not ashamed of it. It’s a part of my life. It’s not a good part, B. You know that. My time in the Army is what I want people to know me for, not for being the toughest guy in the prison yard.
BROOKLYN: I think toughest guy in the prison yard is kinda hot.
MACK: I’ll keep that in mind for our alone time. Brook, look at this way. Say you and I end up with kids someday.
BROOKLYN: Slow your roll, big Daddy. Stop that right there.
MACK: Trying to make a point. I’m tired of talking about this. My mind’s made up. I gotta do the right thing. I hope you will do it with me.

• The Hard Way over Wally Saratoga and Izzy Thrash

• The MVPs are out.
TEMPEST: Gridiron, you call me a secretary again, and I’ll fight you myself.
FLINT: My money would be on Tempest, Grid. You did not impress me as our third man in the SotF tournament. What about you, Z?
ZETA: Not at all. I thought a guy with his size and power would bring more to the table. He was kinda like a big, dumb statue.
FLINT: Yes, Grid, we are using our new status as an official tag team to avoid wrestling you. NOT because we are scared of you, but because we don’t care.
ZETA: Getting insulted by you, or getting threatened or challenged by you, is like dealing with a shaved ape. You’re dumb, Grid. Apes are dumb. We wouldn’t fight an ape, so we won’t break up our team mojo to fight you.
FLINT: There you go. All you finds hoping for a big deal between us and Gridiron can cry in your beer. Now, the people that do need to worry about us are Mystic and Professor When. We’re coming for your belts, and all the 8-letter words you guys know won’t save you.

• In a 30-minute Iron Man match, Pendragon defeats Donny Atomic 3-2. Rod Codger comes out.
ROD: Pendragon, this match won you 2 out of 3 matches with Donny. Congratulations. A decision was made behind the scenes that the winner of this series would be rewarded. You will find out next week.

• In the main event, Keziah retains the Ladies title against Mother Mercy. After the match, the Sky Diamonds come out.
PINK: Mercy, will you tell Missy that Pink Champagne isn’t done with her yet.
MOTHER: One, I’m not your delivery girl. Two, I haven’t talked to Missy in days, so she’s avoiding more than you two. Three, what the Hell are you saying that I cost you the SotF? I can’t give you Missy, but you can have a shot at me, anytime, anyplace.
DESTINY: We will pick the time and place, Mercy. Best be ready.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@bigmackdaddy
Belle will come along. Or she won’t. Either way, I’m proud of who I was in the service, and I’m proud of me again. #salute

@biggrid
u 2 r the weak links. i will anialate u both

@justclaymore
As one who struggled in the past with Chirpy, can I lend a hand, Gridiron? There is a spell check built in. It helps.

@nevermore
This new crew is going places. Me and the big guy are inseparable.

@chuggerman
HOOO YEAH! My girlfriend Amber is woman enough for any man, even in the ring! The best!

@sevenstarzeta
Future tag champs, coming through! Next stop: titlesville.

@alexeimonstto
When doing things the easy way doesn’t get the results you want, you have to do it the Hard Way. Good job, but don’t let it get to your heads, boys.

[cotguy130]

December Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Boston Arena

• Alexei Monstro over Shadow.

• Doomsayer, SilverGod, and The Forsaken over H2H and Roberto Samba.

• Nevermore, Slashmaster, and Void are out.
NEVERMORE: In a few minutes, you will find out who will take Gavin Sterling’s place in the XPW title match next week at the Tournament of Queens. I should spoil it now, but I’ve been threatened with heavy fines. The royal coffers aren’t what they once were. It isn’t Slashmaster as you probably guessed, and that’s where my problem lies. It also lies with that delusional actor who is really too deep into his role, Xeno. People call us the weird ones. Gavin Sterling and Slashmaster had a match for the ages at Halloween Hellraiser, and Sterling barely eked out a win. We all know Slashmaster would destroy that ridiculous Doomsayer, who is nothing but a low-rent Grimcraft. The three of us get the night off to plot and plan our next move. They say free time is the devil’s playground. When we spend time there, bad things follow in our wake.

• The Mindbenders over Wally Saratoga and Timmy Tough in a non-title match.

• Pendragon is out
PEN: I’m glad Nevermore didn’t steal my thunder. You see, I’m the big surprise. I get to wrestle Doomsayer for the title next week, so you guys are looking at the uncrowned XPW champion. The office really like the way I handled the series with Donny, and this is reward. I am realistic. I know I’m here because Gav can’t be. That’s fine. I will just have to win the belt and deal with Gav when he returns. Yea, I guess I am looking past Doomsayer. That’s because I don’t respect him. He stole the belt with the help of his little minions, and if pulls that again, I will take them all out. Gavin, get well soon, buddy. There will
be a new champion when you get back.

• Cyber Red over Mack Caliber. Mack is still in his old Cellblock G gear.
MACK: After that dismal performance, it’s time. Follow me.

The camera crew follows Mack backstage and to the loading dock. He slides out an old oil barrel. He takes a lighter and starts a good-sized fire in the barrel. He takes his hat, vest, and gold chains, gives them a last look, and throws them in the fire. Over his shoulder, we see Brooklyn Belle watching quietly.

• Chugger and Amber Hardbody are backstage when Pete Sinclair and Sherman Turk walk up.
PETE: Amber, the only reason you won was because I held back because you’re a girl.
CHUGGER: The only reason you beat me was because Sherm hit me with a loaded fist.
SHERM: I did not. You have a glass jaw. I barely tapped you and you went down like a girl.
AMBER: Considering I kicked Pete’s ass, you might want to rethink that analogy.
PETE: You didn’t kick my ass. I may have unintentionally let you-
AMBER: Stop being such a wuss. You didn’t “let” anything. You want to go again?
PETE: Well-
CHUGGER: I do. I owe you for the loaded fist. Sweetie, what’s say you and me take on Pete and Shermy here.
AMBER: I like that. You boys not too scared?
SHERMAN: Let’s do it…in two weeks.
CHUGGER: Two weeks? How’s about now.
SHERMAN: I don’t have my gear.
AMBER: You’re wearing it.
PETE: We need time to strategize. You two are going down in 2 weeks.

• Tempest over Rhiannon.

• In the main event, Grifter wins the cruiserweight title from Bayonet.

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: It’s time, folks, for the annual XPW Award Show (yawn) so here at the Monitor, we’ve decided to do our own annual review, as voted by you, the viewers. Our categories are:

Best and Worst Storyline
Best and Worst Wrestler
Best Moment
Dumbest Booking Decision
Best and Worst Character

For best storyline, the viewers have chosen— and god, I hate you for this— Gavin Sterling’s slow burn to the top. Seriously? It took about three months too long, and ended up going nowhere because we have Doomsie as champ now. But apparently a lot of you liked it. I personally liked the way they spun Cyber’s alleged racism— they handled the subject well, and rather than tell you what to believe, they simply presented a story and allowed the audience to draw conclusions, which is how good storytelling should be.

Worst storyline, you voted for what I thought was the best story: Cyber’s alleged racism. You guys think wrestling is an escape... and I get it. I can disagree, but I get it. For me, the worst storyline was the booking of Sterling in the beginning of the year. Looks like we’re on opposite ends of this.

Wrestler of the year for both me and the fans is Gavin Sterling. No arguments here, and it was overwhelming. Worst of the year— you voted Cyber Blue, and I tend to agree. Although as a character he was easy to hate, his in ring ability is far short of his place on the card.

For best moment, you chose Grimcraft finally getting his due from Slashmaster. A good moment a long time in the making for sure. For me, it was seeing Arizona Chance and Dr. B standing side by side to try to correct some of the wrongs in our sport, and I think that moment will have impact in our industry for years to come.

You know my choice for dumbest booking decision, and Doomsayer, sorry. Aaron Gee should get out of the business while he has a chance, and the viewers agreed.

Finally, best and worst characters. You all voted Cyber Blue as the worst character, and I disagree. He did his job as a character well, and was easy to hate. My choice is Keziah— she screamed about blood, but she’s terribly one dimensional, which is a problem for someone who is a world champion.

Best character, both the viewers and I agree— the transformation of Icepick Dominick into Slapstick. What a presence, with fire, Jack in the boxes, the killer clown thing has been seen in wrestling before but not with this degree of insanity. Well done, XPW.

Disagree? Leave your picks in the comments, and see you next year, viewers.

[cotguy130]

December Week 4
Tournament of Queens/Year-End Awards

Before the Tournament of Queens P4V broadcast, XPW ran a 30-minute special highlighting the Year-End Awards.

Wrestler of the Year: Gavin Sterling
Lady of the Year: Keziah
Tag Team of the Year: The Mindbenders
Most Popular: Gavin Sterling
Most Hated: Flint Decker

As the actual P4V broadcast began, we focus on Missy Thicc entering the arena. She seems nervous, looking furtively around all the time. Cutie Pie tells us that The Sky Diamonds were told to stay away tonight, so there won’t be any problems there. However, Mother Mercy approaches her almost immediately. Missy walks right by her without acknowledgement.
MOTHER: Missy Thicc, slow your ass down, girl. <She doesn’t. Mother runs up an cuts her off> Don’t ignore me.
MISSY: Mother, back off. I don’t want trouble…with anyone. I probably shouldn’t be here, but I want
one last moment. Let me go.

<Missy continues on. Mother looks at the camera>

MOTHER: I’m scared for that girl. Something’s going on.

• In the first match of the first round, Amber Hardbody beat Sweet Jane. Pete Sinclair and Sherman Turk tried to distract her by catcalling her from ringside, but Chugger came out and crushed both of them.

• In the second match of the first round, Missy Thicc beat Candy Cotton. Missy was still acting oddly, and had trouble with Cotton throughout the match, until she finally put her away.

• In the third match of the first round, Mother Mercy beat Brooklyn Belle.

• In the final match of the first round, Carolina Strutter beat Autumn Hex.

• In the XPW tag team title match, The Mindbenders and Flint Decker/Zeta Quade went to a 30-minute draw.

• In the first semi-final, Missy Thicc beat Amber Hardbody. This time, Missy seemed more focused a finished off Amber rather easily.

• In the other semi-final, Carolina Strutter beat Mother Mercy.

• In an XPW title match, Doomsayer retained against Pendragon. Doomsayer won without assistance.

• In the Tournament of Queens final, Missy Thicc beat Carolina Strutter. Immediately, after the three-count, she grabbed a mic, said “Thank you”, and left the ring.

• Backstage footage released during the week after the event on the XPW website showed her grabbing her bag sitting right next to the production truck at the loading dock. She pulled her keys out of her bag and walked straight to her car. Before entering the car, she looked under it on both sides and front and back. She checked the hood and trunk lock. After entering the car, she was seen looking all over the interior. She finally settled into the driver’s seat. There was a long pause, the car started, and she drove off.

[Thumper Moore III]

Official XPW.com Press Release

Missy Thicc has tendered her resignation from XPW. We would like to thank Missy for her efforts and the memories made here, and wish her well in her future endeavors.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@acedogma
@missythicc I hope everything goes well for you. Love you girl.

@massgaines
@missythicc If you need anything, call. Hope to see you soon.

@sevenstarzeta
Delay tactics can only keep you champs for so long, Mindbenders. Flint and I will see you again soon.

@smilefordominic
Breaking character for a moment— @missythicc, it was always a pleasure working with you and I know you’ll land on your feet. Take care.

@yoboycyber
YOOOO, open spot in the women’s division. Someone step up!

@dr_bXPW
@yoboycyber PM me. This is the exact behavior we talked about with your sensitivity training. Unacceptable.

@chuggerman
HOOOO YEAH, Amber did so good in that tourney, and I got me a piece of Sherm and Pete! HOOO YEAH!!

[cotguy130]

January Week 1
BattleBrawl
Casa De Lucha

• Before the official opening of the show, we see film footage. The camera enters an old-fashioned looking building covered in Christian symbols. The only interior light is candles throughout the room and the little bit of light coming through the stained-glass windows. A broad figure stands in front of an altar. He is looking up at a large crucifix on the wall. A figure enters from the right and approaches Person #1. The second person kneels at the feet of the first guy, removing a cowboy hat in the process. The first guy dips his fingers in a bowl on the altar and lets water drip onto the second guy’s head. He then removes a large crucifix from around his neck. He holds it out in front of the kneeling man. He reaches for it, but we cut to the show’s opening before contact is made.

• Amber Hardbody and Chugger are out for their match against Sherman Turk and Pete Sinclair. Sinclair comes out alone and says nobody’s heard from Turk all day.
AMBER: Can’t imagine why. He realized he’s run his mouth and is now running away like a little bitch ‘cause he knows THIS bitch will kick his ass.
CHUGGER: My little sugar lump’s no…that “B” word you said.
AMBER: Sweetie, I’m proud to be that B word at a time like this. Petey, sorry for what I’m about to have to do.
CHUGGER: We’re going to do...don’t you mean? We are a team.
AMBER: Sorry, stud. He’s right, Petey. We’re gonna-

Timmy Tough walks out.

TOUGH: Amber when I call you a bitch, it’s not a compliment. Fatboy, you better look away, this Is going to get ugly for your girl. I owe her.
SINCLAIR: Come on it, double T.
AMBER: You wearing your cup…”Double T” ?
TOUGH: Of course.
AMBER: Size extra small, right?
TOUGH: Ring that damn bell. I want to get the humiliation under way.

The humiliation turns out to be Tough’s own. Amber pins him after a low blow.

TOUGH (rolling around the canvas in pain): I hate Sherman Turk
right now.

• The Candy Shop is open, and her guest is Dre Apex.
APEX: Miss Cotton, I appreciate your giving me time to say something on your show, but I don’t have to a lot to say right now. I’m focused on training for the next challenge.
Sorry to be boring.
COTTON: I honestly don’t care what you do. I get paid either way. Howeva, I got some mail for you.

Candy retrieves a box from behind the counter.

APEX: What is it?
COTTON: How should I know? I don’t go around opening other people’s mail, ‘less the deserve it. Jury’s still out on you, Dre.
APEX: How’d you get it?
COTTON: It showed up on my set. Are you gonna open it or not? My segments only got a few minutes.

Apex pulls off the brown paper wrapping. The lid just lifts off. The both look in the box and grimace. He pulls out the contents and drops the box. It’s a Styrofoam wig head wearing a Lucha libre mask. The eyes have been gouged out of the Styrofoam deep into the head, and the base is covered in blood-colored substance.

COTTON: That’s gross. Who would send that?
APEX: Probably just a prank and a waste of my time. Candy, next time you want me on your
show…don’t.

• The Mindbenders beat the Hard Way in a non-title match.
Alexei comes to the ring after the match. After holding the
ropes for him to enter, Lambo and Winchester each drop to one knee at his feet.
MONSTRO: Get up now. You are showing weakness. My followers
do not show weakness.
WINCHESTER: We embarrassed you with our defeat.
MONSTRO: I’m not happy, but don’t ever use “embarrassment” to describe any emotion of mine.
LAMBO: Sorry, Mr. Monstro.
MONSTRO: Losing is part of the Hard Way of becoming the best. For wrestlers other than me of course, losing is a part of growing. Just don’t make a habit of it.

• Yugen over Wally Saratoga

• Alexei Monstro over Thumper Moore III. The Hard Way were at
Ringside. Throughout the match, Alexei provided a running
commentary to his team about his actions during the match.

• Ziggy Thrash over Roberto Samba.

• Pink Champagne over Mother Mercy. Destiny provided her
partner with helpful distractions liberally throughout the
match.

• Xeno retains the TV title against Void.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@domingoxeno
Thank you for the amazing battle, General Void of the Ectplasmoverse. Your defeat will not bring you shame in this life or the next!

@chuggerman
HOOO YEAH, I’ve got the best girl in the world! She’s independent and doesn’t need me to defend her— I just get to reap the benefits of my sugar plum!

@alexeimonstro
That’s how things are done the Hard Way. Someday you’ll be able to dominate opponents like that, gentlemen.

@mamamercy
Pink, Destiny, I don’t know what’s gotten into you girls, but while mercy may be in my name, I’ll have none for you the next time we cross paths.

[Thumper Moore III]

Trending BoobToob Channel— XPW Mark

A young man, no more than 23 years old, is seated in an office with wall to wall XPW merchandise— action figures new in box, posters, foam fingers, and several framed, signed pictures of the man and various XPW wrestlers, both past and current.

MARK JOHNSON: Thank you, BoobToobers, for supporting me all the way to 100,000 subs! You are the best, and you are allowing me to continue to provide more and more great wrestling content for your consumption! I am XPW Mark, and I will be spending the next few minutes discussing the goings on in the best federation out there, XPW.

I’m about to say something controversial— I’ve heard the haters, and I know what they’re trying to say, but I told you all to wait and see where they’re going with Doomsayer as champion. And you know what? He’s carried the belt pretty well. He’s never going to be the most physically dominating guy, but he’s surrounded himself with two great muscle men in Silvergod and the Forsaken in this bizarre stable, and he’s making it work.

One more topic for this video— a quick tribute about the passing of the great Orion Northstar. He had some tremendous feuds with guys like Dark Mauler, won several titles with Arizona Chance (Chance Solar at the time) and Hairy as part of The Rebellion, and from what everyone said, he was a terrific guy. On a side note, his progeny, Aspin, is currently on the independent circuit and apparently he’s got all of Orion’s skill and charisma. Our heart goes out to the Northstar family during this difficult time.

Disagree with me if you have to, but that’s how I see it. Catch ya next time!

[cotguy130]

January Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Chitown Complex

Before the first match, the wrestlers gather on stage for a 10-bell tribute to the recently deceased legend, Orion Northstar. At the head of the assemblage is Orion’s son, Aspin. Next to Aspin stands his longtime wrestling trainer and current girlfriend, War Hawk. Adam comments
That he fully expects to see young Aspin working in an XPW ring in the near future.

• We open in the ring with a triple-threat match. Gridiron defeats GQ and Void.

• Sherman Turk, Pete Sinclair, and Wally Saratoga are gathered in the back trying to convince the camera crew that they actually have something of value to say. The crew agrees to stick around for a few minutes as long as they don’t take too long. We hear the cameraman ask Sherman where he was last week.
TURK: My gramma passed.
CAMERMAN: Isn’t this your seventh or eighth granny? The office is getting suspicious. Oh, yea, stay away from Timmy Tough.
TURK: I have a big family, and Timmy’s still icing his junk. I’m not worried about him.
SINCLAIR: Ever stop being irrelevant? We’re here to declare our entry in the Battle Royale.
CAMERMAN: You guys? You run this by the- <Cameraman suddenly stops.>
SARATOGA: By the office? We will do it if it suits us.

We hear a short scream and Pete suddenly flies off to the side.

TURK: We might not do it at all. Nobody tells 2-time champ Sherman Turk how to handle business.

Another scream and Wally flies up in the air and away.

TURK: Why you guys keep yelling. <To cameraman> What are you
looking at?

Turk turns slowly and is looking into Slashmaster’s chest.

TURK: That’s what you’re looking at.

Sherman tries to run but Slashmaster grabs him and throws him away. Nevermore steps out from behind Slashmaster.

NEVERMORE: I am rescinding their announcement and declaring that Slashmaster and Void WILL be in the Battle Royale. I will be at ringside providing guidance. Thank you for your time.

• Candy Cotton is out.
COTTON: Thanks to my bff Carolina…I hope you all heard the sarcasm in my voice…I have a Ladies title match. Now, I think it’s cool that I have a Ladies title match. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just that Carolina Candy held the tag titles for like three months. We got to defend them one time, and lost. It’s been my dream for ‘Lina and I to win the titles and hold them for a long time. Not just because I want to be champion, because I do, but I wanted to be champion with my best friend. I thought she felt the same way, but then along comes Tarah Thompson and I’m the third wheel. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to beat the freak Keziah for the title and I’m going hold it for a long time. I know that sounds like everybody’s plan, but I’m doing it to spite my ex-bff and her new fake bff. So there.

Keziah’s music hits and she comes out.

KEZIAH: Cotton, while I enjoy spite as much as the next person, you need to think this over. Do you even want this match? You’ve seen what I do to people. Opponents who are fully focused on beating me. I skin them alive and they’re never the same. Missy Thicc left XPW because she couldn’t beat me. Cotton, if you face me with your thoughts focused on your ridiculous friendship and not on me, it will be uglier and messier than usual.
COTTON: No, Keziah, you don’t scare me. Let’s fight at Battle Royale! How does that sound, freakozoid?
KEZIAH: It sounds delicious. I can’t wait to find out the answer to one question.
COTTON: What’s that?
KEZIAH: Does your blood taste like cotton candy?

• Zeta Quade over Mystic

• Donny Atomic over Slapstick. This was an upset to most. Slapstick worked over Atomic for 95% of the match. There was a light ref bump and he went down. Slapstick went to retrieve a sledgehammer from under the ring. He went after a stunned Atomic. As he raised the hammer over his head to crush some part of Atomic’s body, the ref popped up and grabbed it from behind. As they struggled, Atomic went after the wide-open Slapstick. One Atom Smasher later, and Atomic had the win. However, Slapstick kicked out immediately after the three count and appeared to be fine. He threw the ref out of the ring and grabbed his sledgehammer. He went to work on Atomic laughing all the way. He stopped on his own and left.

• The Gold Club over Rhiannon and Sweet Jane. Cutie Pie tried to talk to Strutter and Thompson after the match regarding Candy Cotton, but Carolina politely said she wasn’t ready to make a statement. Thompson said the issue was between Strutter and Cotton, and had no comment.

• Gavin Sterling is in the back getting ready for an interview in which it is guessed he will announce his entry into the Battle Royale. We come back from commercial and Rod Codger asks him the question. Before he can answer, Silvergod and The Forsaken crash the interview area. Codger takes off, and Silvergod hits Sterling with Codger’s chair. The Forsaken chokes him with the cord to his mic pack. The assault lasts awhile before The Bizarre are finally subdued. Sterling is loaded onto a stretcher for transport to a hospital. We cut back to the ring where we see Timmy Tough and Eliza Brat in the ring. Suddenly, we cut back to the loading dock. Silvergod and The Forsaken are attacking Sterling on the stretcher. They run the stretcher into the side of the ambulance as EMTs scatter. Sterling screams as the stretcher falls on its side with him still strapped to it.

• Back in the ring, Tough and Brat are arguing with Amber Hardbody and Chugger.
HARDBODY: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, haven’t the family jewels had enough? Don’t you want kids some day?
CHUGGER: Amber and I can’t wait to have our own little Chuggers…
AMBER: Sweetie, not now.
BRAT: Please spare us. The thought of you two procrastinating make me sick.
AMBER: What?
BRAT: Procrastinating!! Making babies…yuck.
AMBER: You really are as dumb as you play. Procreating is the word you want.
TOUGH: All women stop talking. Chugger, she may be hot as all get out, but how do you put up with her? Don’t answer that. I retract the question.
BRAT: Tim, let’s get this over with. I have an appointment.
HARDBODY: If you want a match, fine, but why do you think you can beat us with Eliza when you and another dude couldn’t?
TOUGH: I figured it out. All the guys that wrestle you hold back because you’re a girl. Eliza won’t hold back, but I bet Chugger won’t even fight Eliza.
CHUGGER: I’d rather not, sweetie.
HARDBODY: I know, I got this. You’ve got a match right now, Tough.

Amber and Chugger win again. Tough yells at Eliza, and while he’s distracted, there’s Amber with the low-blow. Eliza gives him one of her own and leaves. After Amber pins him, Chugger gives him a big splash.

• Morbid is defending the cruiserweight title against Grifter. Chester Blood is at ringside during the match.
BLOOD: Me and Grif are both loners, but we watch each other’s backs. When we got crossways with Blue Steel last year, we were lots of help to one another. He’s a good bloke, and we enjoy havin’ a pint together. I’m just here to make sure he gets a fair shake.

Grifter pins Morbid to win the cruiserweight title. Chester enters the ring to congratulate him. After a brief celebration, Blood tells him to bring it in for a hug. When they break the hug, Blood takes his cane and jabs Grifter in the throat. He follows that up with a couple of hard strikes to the head and neck before calmly leaving. Kyle and Adam try to get answers, but Blood just waves and leaves.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@sevenstarzeta
Who will the next challengers be for the tag belts? In the words of the Hunk, it doesn’t matter. You set Em up, we’ll knock em down.

@nevermore
When Slash and Void are the last two standing at Battle Royale, that’s when my advising role will be necessary.

@3rdgenthompson
Candy, for what it’s worth, I hope you win at Battle Royale and that brings you happiness.

@keziahxpw
THE SWEETNESS OF CANDY FLAVORED BLOOD IS MY LATEST OBSESSION

@smilefordominic
Teehee! It may have been a loss in the record books... but I think the rea winner is the one not in the hospital! Teeheehee!!

@gregquebec
Bad week for my old friends. Donnie and Gavin taken out on stretchers... get well soon boys.