The 130Chance XPW

[Thumper Moore III]

January Year One, Week 3
Official XPW BoobToob Video

Out from a misty forest emerges a stoic man, wearing a fur robe and a regal air. “At Battle Royale, I will make my presence known. But now, you will learn my purpose. I am Lord Evermore of the Cerulean Castle. For an Interminable amount of time, I have been on a quest to learn where the foul Grimcraft hath deigned to call home. Anon, I have found where he abides.

Grimcraft has wreaked evil on my land and I, the Protector of the Realm, am oathsworn to seek him out and blot his existence from the face of the earth. With my trusted ally Claymore the Brave, we will right the wrongs he has inflicted on both Cerulean Castle and all of Cimmerternia.”

Lord Evermore fades back into the mist, leaving no question as to who will be his first target.

[cotguy130]

January Year 1
Battle Royale P4V
Olympus Colosseum

ROD CODGER: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to XPW’s first big P4V event, Battle Royale! 10 men will enter the ring and 1 man will leave. He will get a shot at Alexei Monstro’s XPW title in the main event. There will be 3 other big title matches, and we will, for the first time, the Ruler of the Northwoods Kingdom, Lord Evermore. (Cutie Pie runs up out of breath)
CUTIE PIE: (To Rod) I didn’t know we were on- (to camera) Hello, there fans, welcome to-
ROD: I said that, CP. You aren’t scheduled for the open. You got the Evermore interview.
CUTIE PIE: I want both. Too bad. As I was saying before being rudely interrupted-
ROD: And you will be again. Before the Battle Royale kicks off, we have two changes. Grimcraft has pulled Diablo from the event, and he will be replaced by Jolly Foo-
CUTIE PIE: -And Roberto Samba has pulled himself out to focus on his tv title match against Dre Apex. Too slow old man. Let’s go to the ring.

1) The 10 entrants in the Battle Royale are announced individually. Sherman Turk is out first, and the legend, Grand Manga is the final participant to make the walk to the ring. After Grimcraft had entered the ring as the 5th participant, he grabbed the ring announcer’s mic.
GRIMCRAFT: Evermore, I know you’re back there listening. I know I’m the reason you’re in XPW. You’ve made a huge mistake. You’ve only hastened XPW’s doom.
The order of elimination went as such:
1. Sherman Turk by Jakob Hearse. Turk lasted about 10 seconds.
2. Zed by Jakob Hearse. Zed just looked confused by everything going on. He did know to put up a fight as Hearse tried to toss him. It didn’t help.
3. Jolly Foo by Jakob Hearse. After the initial 3 eliminations, the match continued without another for a while.
4. Flint Decker by Mr. Europa and Jakob Hearse with an assist by the Numbskulls. Buddy Danger smashed Decker in the head with a 5lb bag of sugar. The favorite to win for many was out.
5. Shadow by Grimcraft. As soon as Shadow hit the floor, he was attacked by Richie B. The two men brawled over the barricade and into the fan area.
6. Grand Manga by Chester Blood.
7. Jakob Hearse by Grimcraft and Chester Blood. Grimcraft immediately turned on Blood.
8. Chester Blood by Grimcraft.
9. Mr. Europa (a last-minute replacement) by Grimcraft

Grimcraft wins the Battle Royale. He is joined by Doomsayer and Diablo for s brief celebration

2) Dre Apex retain the TV title against Roberto Samba in a cleanly-wrestled match. Both men shook hands before and after the match.

3) Cutie Pie is out.
CUTIE PIE: Please welcome to XPW, the Rules of the Northwoods Kingdom, Lord Evermore. He also brough Claymore the Rude with him.
EVERMORE: Claymore…restraint. Cutie Pie is it? I’m going to have to ask you to be a bit more respectful to members of my team.
CUTIE PIE: I’ll tell you what, your lordship. You promise to keep saying my name with that voice, and I will do anything you want. I am NOT the only cutie pie here; I can assure you. If you’re looking for a Lady Evermore-
CLAYMORE: My Lord is happily married, you strumpet!
CUTIE PIE: Why did he just call me a musical instrument? Lord Evermore, as I was trying to say…
EVERMORE: Your advances are ill-advised. Lady Evermore is not to be trifled with.
CUTIE PIE: I don’t want to trifle with her, handsome, I want to trifle with you…(to production truck) Ok, I’ll stop. (whispers to Evermore) We can talk later. (Assumes more professional demeanor) Lord Evermore, the fans want to know. Why have you decided to come to XPW. Does it indeed have anything to do with Grimcraft, as the master of the Darks Arts himself said?
EVERMORE: It’s probably the only honest thing the foul creature as ever said. Yes, he is exactly why I, and my greatest warrior, Claymore, have come. Grimcraft, and his minions at the time, nearly destroyed my Kingdom. The story is long, but I swore I would stalk this creature till the ends of the Earth if that’s what it took. He’s already corrupted the man called Szandor, although from my dealings with Szandor, it wasn’t a big step. Now, he’s added Diablo. Any of these men is a threat on their own. Unified, they may be unstoppable.
CUTIE PIE: Grimcraft said that your arrival has “hastened XPW’s doom.” What could that mean?
EVERMORE: The rantings of a lunatic, miss. There is absolutely no way that our arrival could, in any way, assist Grimcraft in his quest. Claymore and I are incorruptible.
CUTIE PIE: You’re sure? He seems devious. Maybe there’s a plan you’re not aware of?
CLAYMORE: Child, cease your prattling. Lord Evermore answered your question.
EVERMORE: Thank you, Claymore, I can handle this. Grimcraft’s mind is an evil thing, and there may be some sick thought in there that thinks he can benefit from our halting his plans. He will be proven wrong.
CUTIE PIE: Thank you for your time, Lord Evermore… and the other guy. It’s going to be interesting watching this rivalry between the Dark Arts and the Northwoods Kingdom heat up here in XPW. Now, back to the ring for our Ladies title match. (to Evermore as her mic fades) So is Lady Evermore…around? Call me.

4) In the rematch from Ladies Title tournament final, Baby Girl comes out on top and defeats her former partner, Mother Mercy, to win the Ladies title. Big Tony joins her in the ring for a celebration. Mother tries to offer her hand after the match, but Baby Girl slaps it away as Tony laughs.
BIG TONY: Right here, people. You just saw the Underworld’s first step toward running this operation. My Baby Girl’s on top, and my Hatchetmen will be wearing the tag belts in just a few minutes. There’s no stopping us.

5) The announcers tell us there’s an altercation backstage. We cut to a scene of two pairs of ladies about to come to blows. One pair is immediately recognizable as Carolina Strutter and Candy Cotton. The other is identified by the announcers as the newly signed team of The Sky Diamonds, Destiny and Pink Champagne. Strutter and Cotton are not identified by the announcers. In the middle of the announcer’s commenting on the situation, the screen goes blank momentarily. When we come back live, we are at ringside and the announcers are acting as though the prior segment didn’t happen.

6) In the next match, The Over-Knight defend the XPW tag titles against the Hatchetmen. During the match, we see Electronica and Cyber Blue watching from the corner of the entrance platform. The Hatchetmen take the tag titles after Dominic pins Good with the Rib Splitter. Tony and Baby Girl come out again to celebrate. Baby Girl’s carrying what looks to be a wine bottle, and pours her teammates each a glass.
BIG TONY: I said it, and bada bing, bada boom, it happens. Dom, Charlie, ya’ did it. Now I don’t have to whack ya’.
There’s an awkward silence, and the foursome burst out laughing. They leave together, pouring and drinking wine.

7) Grimcraft and the Dark Arts come out first. Diablo holds a wooden box. Alexei Monstro then makes his way to the ring.
MONSTRO: Grimcraft, I must admit that you weren’t the person I expected to see standing across from now. I guess congratulations are in order. That being said, I will not go easy on you. What’s in the box?
GRIMCRAFT: It’s merely a totem for good fortune, Alexei. I like to have it close-by. Diablo, place it on the timekeeper’s table, and you and Doomsayer are dismissed.
MONSTRO: No, let them stay. I know good and well they will get involved somehow. I’d rather I know there whereabout at all times.
GRIMCRAFT: Fine. Minions, take a seat, but do not involve yourselves.
The match is on, and the crowd sees Monstro as the lesser evil in this case. Despite Grimcraft’s assertions, minions and the “good luck charm” do come into play. Doomsayer attempts to hand Grimcraft the box while Diablo distracts the ref. Monstro gets the box and smashes it over Grimcraft’s head. He follows it up with Russian Interference for the pinfall. Monstro exits as the Dark Arts tend to their fallen leader.

Rod and Cutie Pie thank us for coming and hope we enjoyed the show.
CUTIE PIE (to Rod as an aside): Did you know Lady Evermore and her sister were trained fighters? Wish I’d known that before I hit on-

BLACKOUT

[Thumper Moore III]

January Year One, Post Battle Royale
Wrestling Monitor Review

Ryan Hernandez: I just wanted to say, that was a pretty decent P4V that XPW put on. I loved the Apex/Samba match, and anytime Grand Manga makes an appearance is a joy. I have one thing to nitpick about, and that’s the Battle Royale winner. Grimcraft... meh? I’ve never been a guy who was a big fan of heebie jeebie voodoo stuff, I mean, I know some people love it, I just don’t. I was legitimately excited about Mr. Europa vs Alexei Monstro as a main event, but XPW decided to go a different way. I can respect the decision without loving it, and it didn’t take away from the show, I just think Europa and Alexei would have been a higher quality match.

One thing that wasn’t supposed to happen was seeing Carolina Strutter backstage. She is still under a non-compete with AOE, and it is believed that although it appears to have been an accidental visual, Strutter is afraid of being sued and has already issued this statement over Digifoto:

“I was simply visiting my friend Candy Cotton backstage when we were harassed by the Sky Diamonds. This unfortunately led to cameras being on me when I wasn’t expecting it. I apologize to AOE and hope that XPW will confirm this story.”

XPW May have shot themselves in the foot with this blunder, as it may jeopardize the talks with Candy Cotton that were ongoing, as well as a future chance to land Carolina. Time will tell.

[Pierre The Enormous]

Apr 5, 2020 13:29:01 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

January Year One, Post Battle Royale
Wrestling Monitor Review

Ryan Hernandez: I just wanted to say, that was a pretty decent P4V that XPW put on. I loved the Apex/Samba match, and anytime Grand Manga makes an appearance is a joy. I have one thing to nitpick about, and that’s the Battle Royale winner. Grimcraft... meh? I’ve never been a guy who was a big fan of heebie jeebie voodoo stuff, I mean, I know some people love it, I just don’t. I was legitimately excited about Mr. Europa vs Alexei Monstro as a main event, but XPW decided to go a different way. I can respect the decision without loving it, and it didn’t take away from the show, I just think Europa and Alexei would have been a higher quality match.

One thing that wasn’t supposed to happen was seeing Carolina Strutter backstage. She is still under a non-compete with AOE, and it is believed that although it appears to have been an accidental visual, Strutter is afraid of being sued and has already issued this statement over Digifoto:

“I was simply visiting my friend Candy Cotton backstage when we were harassed by the Sky Diamonds. This unfortunately led to cameras being on me when I wasn’t expecting it. I apologize to AOE and hope that XPW will confirm this story.”

XPW May have shot themselves in the foot with this blunder, as it may jeopardize the talks with Candy Cotton that were ongoing, as well as a future chance to land Carolina. Time will tell.

Ruh roh

[Thumper Moore III]

January Year One Post Battle Royale
Cyber’s BoobToob Channel

Cyber Blue: YOOOOO!!! It’s yo boy Cyber once again, if you like what you see, POUND that subscribe button and leave a comment below! While I’m booting up Four Knights, let me introduce my guest tonight. She’s tough, she gorgeous, and she’s got the hottest club in town... yo girl Electronica!

Electronica, over the headset: Hey Cyber, good to see you. How’d you like your first month of being a wrestler?

CB: Honestly... IT WAS DOPE!! I looked good out there, didn’t I? And you always look good!

E: Of course, we all looked good out there, but that was not a good month. I got beat up by Baby Girl, poor Flint got ganged up on in the Battle Royale. And those crooks, the Hatchetmen, stole the titles from Jax and Gaines. I can’t believe how they got screwed.

CB: I understand about you and Flint... but why do the Over Knights have you upset?

E: Well, first, Jax, or should I say Ace Dogma, is a gamer just like us. He’s got a BoobTube channel second only to yours— Left Right Left Right. It’s hilarious. And his partner, Massive Gaines... just look at those muscles and the way he moves. It’s quite the package.

CB: You crushin hard. Talkin about his package already? YOOOO!!!!

E: That’s not what I meant, and you know it, a-hole. Look, game’s started. If you mention it one more time I’m griefing you.

[Pierre The Enormous]

Apr 5, 2020 13:46:49 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

January Year One Post Battle Royale
Cyber’s BoobToob Channel

Cyber Blue: YOOOOO!!! It’s yo boy Cyber once again, if you like what you see, POUND that subscribe button and leave a comment below! While I’m booting up Four Knights, let me introduce my guest tonight. She’s tough, she gorgeous, and she’s got the hottest club in town... yo girl Electronica!

Electronica, over the headset: Hey Cyber, good to see you. How’d you like your first month of being a wrestler?

CB: Honestly... IT WAS DOPE!! I looked good out there, didn’t I? And you always look good!

E: Of course, we all looked good out there, but that was not a good month. I got beat up by Baby Girl, poor Flint got ganged up on in the Battle Royale. And those crooks, the Hatchetmen, stole the titles from Jax and Gaines. I can’t believe how they got screwed.

CB: I understand about you and Flint... but why do the Over Knights have you upset?

E: Well, first, Jax, or should I say Ace Dogma, is a gamer just like us. He’s got a BoobTube channel second only to yours— Left Right Left Right. It’s hilarious. And his partner, Massive Gaines... just look at those muscles and the way he moves. It’s quite the package.

CB: You crushin hard. Talkin about his package already? YOOOO!!!!

E: That’s not what I meant, and you know it, a-hole. Look, game’s started. If you mention it one more time I’m griefing you.

I ship Cyber and Electronica

[cotguy130]

February Week 1
BattleBrawl

Rod Codger and Cutie Pie offer their usual greetings.

ROD: Before we go to our first match, we want to let you know that the scheduled debut of the Sky Diamonds, Destiny and Pink Champagne, has been delayed due to an undisclosed injury to Pink Champagne. For our fans of the ladies, you will see Electronica take on Eliza Brat. We wish Miss Champagne a speedy recovery.
CUTIE PIE: Undisclosed injury…really? Anybody who watched the Battle Royale has a good idea what happened-
ROD (interrupting with a side-eye glare): Fans, let’s here from our guys in the booth, Kyle Marist and Adam Stryker.

1) ADAM: Thank you Rod and Cutie Pie.
KYLE: If she’s not careful- (Grimcraft’s music)
ADAM: IT’S ABOUT TO GET DARK IN THE WINDY CITY!! Here’s comes Grimcraft and his mysterious crew to the ring.
KYLE: I have to say that Lord Evermore doesn’t believe in taking the easy path. Making your XPW debut against a wrestler like Grimcraft is a powerful statement.
GRIMCRAFT (who overheard the comment): I can assure you, that won’t be happening. (Enters ring) Lord Evermore, I don’t know who you think you are. You may be royalty in the Northwoods Kingdom, but that’s worth absolutely nothing here. You don’t walk in and challenge the top man in the promotion. If the promotion is worth working for. You and I won’t be wrestling today. Please, spare me the “you’re a coward” talk. I fear you not even a little. I am a firm believer in tradition, however, and XPW is far too important to me to allow your arrogance to destroy those precious traditions. You will work your way to the top like everyone else.
(Lord Evermore and Claymore the Brave enter)
EVERMORE: Grimcraft, I won’t call you a coward. There’s no point in stating the obvious. I’ll play your game because I don’t care if I beat you or any of your “dark artists”. Where do I start? Diablo? Doomsayer?
GRIMCRAFT: You are the pompous ass. (Claymore wants to rush the ring, but Evermore holds him back) Hold your lapdog or we will neuter him. You have to work your way up to wrestling anyone associated with me. How can you not get that? Your opponent will be a fine you upstart named Jolly Foo. Were I a betting man, my coinage would be on Master Foo.

The Dark Arts leave the ring with security holding the Kingdom back. Evermore doesn’t move, but Claymore looks like he’s about to tear through them all. Finally, they make their way to the ring, and Jolly Foo comes out. The match takes less time than the events leading up to it as Evermore destroys Jolly Foo.

2) Mother Mercy makes her way to the ring.
MOTHER: I was champ for a month, and they didn’t give me a chance to talk. I lose the belt, and the office wants me to say something to you guys. I don’t really have anything to say to you fans, but I do have something to say to Missy. Girl, what’s your damn problem. The Missy Thicc I called friend would’ve never acted like a lovesick schoolgirl over any man. I don’t know what Fat Tony’s done to you, but seeing you together makes me sick. He acts like he owns you, and you allow that? No man owned Missy Thicc, she owned them if anything, and they loved it. I’m sure the office is getting mad because I’m not talking about the title. Yea, the title was very important, and I’m going to get it back from you, Baby Girl. You see, If I’d lost to a strong, independent woman like Missy Thicc, I could’ve handled it. I lost to Fat Tony’s giggling girlfriend. That pisses me off. In my mind, they’re too separate people. Next time we meet, I’m going to take Missy and beat the Baby Girl out of her. Tony, Dom, Charlie…if any of you want to do anything about it, feel free to try.

3) In a 2-on-1 handicap match, Flint Decker defeated the Numbskulls. Decker was never really in trouble. The finish was Decker laying out Danger with the Bladerunner. He went for a cover, but Scuzz tried to break it up by hitting him with a 5lb bag of sugar hidden under the ring. Decker rolled off the cover on his own, and Scuzz hit his partner in the face, breaking the bag and Buddy’s nose. Flint hit Scuzz with the Bladerunner, and he fell across his partner’s prone form in an “awkward” position. Decker pinned them both.

4) After the ring had been cleared and cleaned of the spilt sugar, Sherman Turk strode cockily to ringside.
SHERMAN: In a few seconds, this chump, Petey Sinclair is going to walk out here to fight me. After a I quickly embarrass him, I better see Jakob Hearse out here. Hearse, you made me look real bad at the Battle Royale, and I don’t appreciate it. I, uh, didn’t see you coming. Yea, that’s the only reason you were able to knock me out in like .000006 seconds. THE ONLY REASON. You get yourself out here after I beat Sinclair, and we will have a two-man battle royale tonight, and I will put you out twice as fast.
Pete Sinclair comes out and defeats Turk in about 2 minutes. Turk throws a tantrum. While he’s doing so, Jakob Hearse calmly walks to the ring. Turk doesn’t see him.
SHERMAN (looking to where he thinks Hearse will be coming from): Hearse, hold off. I was a little hasty in my anger. The Battle Royale is on me. I should’ve paid attention. Let’s talk. OK?
JAKOB (from behind Turk): What do you want to talk about? (Turk slowly turns around, then tries to beg off. Jakob shakes his head, and Turk tries to run. Jakob catches him) Sorry, Turk. You called me out. (Turk tries to plead his way out) Now, I just want to make sure you see me so you don’t have an excuse for this! (Hearse shoulder blocks a frozen Turk over the top rope. Looks at imaginary watch) That took way too long.

5) Next up is Electronica versus Eliza Brat. Kyle starts to remind us that this is a replacement match for what would’ve been the Sky Diamonds debut.
ADAM (speaking quickly): Very true, partner. Uh, we really hope to see those Diamonds in XPW very soon…let’s go to the ring, shall we?
KYLE: The fans are smart, Adam. Denying something happened doesn’t make it have not happened.
During the match, while on commentary, Kyle begins briefly addressing somebody in the production truck. He is agitated. After a few seconds, he drops his headset and walks off angrily. Eliza Brat picks up the upset win.

6) Richie B defeats Shadow. He calls out Dre Apex for his TV title rematch.

7) Backstage, Rod Codger catches up to Jakob Hearse.
ROD: Mr. Hearse, if I can have a minute, you have exploded on the scene here in XPW in just a couple of weeks.
JAKOB: You call this exploding on the scene? This is the natural order of things. It’s how I work. My job in the Battle Royale is to get people out of the ring. I did that. Hell, I helped dumped the great Flint Decker. It felt good. What happened to Turkey earlier shouldn’t be a shock. He’s a nobody, and isn’t qualified to call out the popcorn guy for a fight. My son could’ve beaten him up, and my son’s barely out of diapers. Rod, if what I’ve done so far actually shocked you, then what I’m about to do is going to make your head <exploding sound>.

8) The main event is a non-title match between the new champs, the Hatchetmen, and the team they beat, the Over Knights. Both teams are in the ring when Big Tony grabs the mic.
TONY: You know something, boys, it’s time for Big Tony to get in on the action. I don’t suppose you Over Knights would mind if we made this a trios match, hmm?
MASSIVE: Hey, Jax, sounds like Tony knows that his goombahs can’t beat us again without help.
JACKSON: Tony, either of us will be glad to deal with you later, one on one. Right now, why don’t you let your boys and us go at it.
DOM: If Tony says he’s in, he’s in. He wasn’t asking for permission. Ref, don’t you start. Tony’s in the match, capisce?
CHARLIE: Everybody just loves the Over Knights. There’s somebody back there that will join you, I’m sure.
DOM: I don’t see ‘em rushing out. I guess we gots us another handicap match. REF! I know where you live…ring da bell.
Cyber Blue charges to ringside.
BLUE: you were right, Chuckles, a lot of people do like the Knights, and more people really think the Underworld sucks. The delay was because they were arguing over who got to help. I won. Gaines, Jax, you ok with this? (The Knights hi-five Blue) Ref, now you can ring the bell.
The Underworld go on to win the match. The finish came when Big Tony had Good set up for the Capo Dei Capi. Cyber Blue knocked Good out of the way and took the impact of the move himself, causing a pinfall loss. Flint and Electronica rushed to the ring, as did Baby Girl. The two groups, aside from Cyber Blue, squared off. Adam signs off as the staredown continues.

[Thumper Moore III]

February Year One
Post Week One Chirpy Highlights

@acedogma
It’s only a matter of time before me and massivegaines get our titles back! Goombahs, we’re coming for you!

@evermoreofnorthwoodsprotectoroftherealm
I beseech Grimcraft to stop sacrificing minions unnecessarily and simply engage in one on one combat.

@destinyxpw
I’ve got something to say, and no suit is going to keep me from saying it. The truth must be told.

@missythicc
Baby Girl is here to tell you that Big Tony is the best!!

@bigtony450
Hey @missythicc, change that tag, will ya?

@richbillions
Dre, don’t get too comfortable with that TV title. It’ll be around my waist again soon.

[Thumper Moore III]

February Year One Post Week One
Wrestling Monitor Review

Ryan Hernandez: I have some hot, hot, HOT news on XPW this morning. Apparently, announcer Kyle Marist has been suspended for 30 days for a “violation of company policy”. This is rumored to have something to do with the Sky Diamonds/Carolina Strutter backstage altercation they keep trying to cover up, and his unwillingness to play nice and cover up the situation.

I wonder if this is what Destiny was mentioning in her chirp about the truth needing to come out. We know that Pink Champagne was held out of action for an undisclosed injury immediately after this incident took place. I don’t want to speculate, but you do the math, Monitors.

In other XPW news, the champ is becoming impatient. Alexei Monstro just released a lengthy post on Digifoto about how as the champ, he wants a challenger worthy of “lacing his boots”, to use his words. I mean, let’s face it. Gunslinger was the only babyface XPW had that seemed on par with Alexei, and him leaving for greener pastures left them in a rough situation. They quickly tried to elevate Flint Decker, but he seems caught up with the Numbskulls, the Underworld, and the loss in the Battle Royale definitely set him back.

One guy who made a hell of a showing in the Battle Royale and could serve as a “worthy” foe is, and you guys may not like this... Jakob Hearse. He’s huge, he’s been booked every bit as strongly as Alexei so far, and he could make things very interesting. You guys also know I love Mr. Europa, but I think for now, Jakob is the guy I’d go with unless they bring in a star from somewhere else.

[cotguy130]

February Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Empire Gardens

1) We open with the Over-Knights in the ring.
MASSIVE: Ever since last week, the fans, the boys and girls in the back, everybody been asking “Are you in Blue Steel?” What you say, Jax? We in Blue Steel?
JACKSON: I’m going to answer that question with a series of questions. Do you see our boy Cyber Blue out here? Flint? The lovely Electronica? Look at us. Look at Blue Steel. Visually, its not a fit. I mean, they look good, and we look damn good. We just aren’t sure how good we would look running together. It’s…just…off a little. Don’t get me wrong. We love those guys.
We have their back any time they want it.
MASSIVE: Let’s cut to the chase. It’s just not a fit. I would like to shout out to the lovely Electronica for defending my virtue on Cyber’s show last week. (acting faux offended) the nerve of that kid, talking about packages like that. Think of the children, Blue.
JACKSON: From what you said, you’d like to do more than shout out to El-
MASSIVE (Cutting him off): Hit our jam! I want to dance, bro!!

2) Claymore the Brave over Zed. After picking up the pinfall with the Lacerator, Claymore Is attacked by Grimcraft and Diablo. Lord Evermore comes out to make the save, but Doomsayer comes out of nowhere to cut him off and take him down. Grimcraft asks/orders Zed to help in the attack. Diablo holds Claymore while Zed just stands there. Finally, Grimcraft gets frustrated and take a shot a Claymore, who moves. Grimcraft decks him own guy. Claymore rolls from the ring and joins Evermore who has finally run Doomsayer off. Grimcraft yells after Zed that “I will not be denied anything I wish for, and I wish to control you, Zed, you mindless abomination. I will control you.”

3) After the break, we are back with the debut of episode of Club Electronica.
ELECTRONICA: Check this out party people, ya’ girl’s got her own show. To quote my hero, Jet Set Strutter, Wooo! Before you meet my first guest, I want to kick that shout out right back to my man Massive, and I do mean M-to-the-Assive Gaines. Over-Knights, no worries, bros. You’re fine in Blue Steel’s book…but we ain’t lettin’ up on you (blows a kiss) now, on to something a little more serious. Meet my new friend Destiny of the Sky Diamonds!! (Destiny enters warily) So, D, your chirp said you were going to speak your mind no matter the cost. I’ve given you a pulpit, drop some sermonizing, pretty lady. We’re ready.
DESTINY: -
ELECTRONICA: You ok, honey? Talk to us. I got your back.
DESTINY: -
ELECTRONICA: D, listen. I know what’s on your mind. XPW, listen good. Destiny and I are going to talk about what we want to talk about. Screw your little gag order.
DESTINY:-
ELECTRONICA: Destiny, I just pissed them off, and they will pull the plug if you don’t say something. Everybody know you were directly involved in the worse kept secret in wrestling. Get it off your chest, please.
DESTINY: Would you stop with the “pretty girl,” and “D,” and all that crap that’s supposed to make us look like I’m one of your bffs. You know who calls me “D”? My best friend, Pink Champagne, but she’s not here. By now, I think everybody knows why. That’s the real reason I want to slap you out from behind that fake-DJ shit. Your hero, Jet Set STRUTTER? He was your hero? The guy was jackass, and the bleach-blonde apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Go be bffs with that bitch.
(Destiny storms off leaving a stunned Elle behind)

4) Brick City over the Wheelmen. After the match, Hustler challenges the Over-Knights to a #1 contenders match next week.

5) Rod Codger is with Alexei Monstro in a sit-down setting.
ROD: Mr. Monstro, thank you for your time.
MONSTRO: The pleasure is all yours. I know it’s a cliché’, but it’s really true. You need me more than I need you. I sit with you and answer your questions because it suits me to do so. A peon like you has no choice but to ask questions of greatness like myself. Your pitiful station in life is set, never to improve.
ROD: uh, your opinion is noted.
MONSTRO: Opinion? My opinions are other people’s fact, peon. If I say you are a nobody, then you are a nobody. Do you have a question, or are you just going to waste my time?
ROD (through gritted teeth): When you look at your field of challengers, who do you see-
MONSTRO (laughing): I hit a nerve. Poor little Codger. Tell you what…I will answer your question if you promise not to pout. When I look at my challengers, I see the same thing as when I look at you, a bunch of peons. There’s not a person in XPW worthy to carry my bags, much less challenge me. That’s what I see. Any more questions.
ROD: No. I’m good. Let’s go to the ring.

6) In the main event, Dre Apex retains the TV title against Richie B. As he celebrates in the ring, Jakob Hearse walks out. He walks up to Apex and rips the belt from around his waist.
HEARSE: This is metal and leather until I wear it. Only then does it become something of value. (he throws the belt at Apex’ feet)

[Thumper Moore III]

February Week One, Post Week 2
Promo Video for XPW’s Official BoobToob Channel

A series of different camera angles show a perfectly sculpted body, but the face is obscured by shadow. Suddenly, behind the shadowy figure blazes a single word in purple: ENYU. The man steps into the light, and Jolly Foo steps to his side.

Enyu: Yoroshikuonegaishimasu. Watashinonamaeha Enyu Harukidesu.

Jolly Foo: Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Haruki Enyu.

Enyu: XPW ni saikin shomei shimashita. Anata wa sugu ni watashi o puroresu ōzoku to shite shiru yō ni narimasu. Watashi wa ēsu, ichiban, subete ga watashi ni atamawosageru.

Jolly Foo: I am recently signed to XPW. You will soon know me as King of Wrestling. I enjoy Kirin Ichiban, and you will all drink one down with me.

Enyu: Watashi wa anata no chanpion, anata no seifuku-sha, soshite anata no hīrō ni narimasu.

Jolly Foo: I will be your champion, and your conquering hero.

[Thumper Moore III]

February Year One
Week 2 Chirpy Highlights

@thiccbabygirl
Hey @bigtony450, is this handle better? Love ya sweetums!!

massivegaines
Songs could be written— no, albums could be written, just about Electronica’s booty.

@northwoodsclaymore
I think I have this figured out. Grimcraft, you swine, I covfefe

@bigtony450
Much better, Baby Girl. Or should I say, Ladies Champion, Baby Girl? Bada bing! A beautiful thing!

@acedogma
Down boy! Gaines, get your hormones under control! We got work to do!!

@flintdecker
This could get interesting. Haruki-San, welcome to XPW! And Over Knights— we’ve got your back too.

[cotguy130]

February Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Golden Plaza

1) We open with The Underworld in the ring.
TONY: A long time ago, before my time sadly, the mob ran this town. For one night, me, Baby Girl, Dom, and Charlie are going to relive those days. When we finish here, we’re going right across the hall and clean out the Golden Plaza (laughing) Of course, I mean legally…maybe. Look around, I got the ladies champ on my arm and the tag champs behind me. What more could a made man want?
BABY GIRL (giggling): When my Tony beats up that mean old Alex Monster and takes the XPW title, you will all come to us if you want anything!! So you better be nice to us, you hear?
TONY: Baby Girl, I will talk about the XPW title when it’s time. You don’t worry your pretty little head about stuff like that.
DOMINIC: She’s not wrong, boss. We have most of the gold, why not have all of it?
CHARLIE: You taught us the real Golden Rule, boss. He who has the gold-
TONY (cutting him off): All of you stop talking. I don’t need all the gold to make the rules. I don’t any gold for that matter. Big Tony makes the rules when and where he wants to. You all keep this up and you’ll spend this beautiful evening in your rooms. Capisce? We’re going to put all this behind us and go win a lot of money, right?
BABY GIRL: Sure thing, honeybunch.
DOM/CHARLIE: You got it, boss/Anything you say, boss.

2) Next up is a match to determine who will challenge the Hatchetmen next week at the Valentine’s Day Massacre. Brick City will take on the former champs, The Over Knights. In an exciting match, The Knights defeat BC to earn the title shot.

3) Grimcraft and Doomsayer come out. He calls out Lord Evermore.
GRIMCRAFT: Evermore, if you truly feel that one win qualifies you to face a member of the Dark Arts, you’re truly delusional. Anyone who is here to see you take on Doomsayer had far too much faith in you. You have a ways to go.
EVERMORE: I’m not sure who gave you the power to make and change matches, but it’s starting to become tiresome.
GRIMCRAFT: You’ve bored me for years. To answer your question, nobody gave me the authority. I walked into the office and took it. I control my destiny and the destinies of those who follow me. No mortal may thwart that.
EVERMORE: Mortal (laughing) There you go, trying to delude people into thinking you’re some kind of evil wizard with unholy powers. Stop.
GRIMCRAFT: I will stop when I’ve achieved my goals. Thank you for assistance in that area. You don’t have a clue what you’ve unleashed. Your match tonight will be against Mr. Europa. After your struggles with Jolly Foo, I expect Europa to finish you off.
EVERMORE: My “struggles” will Foo? That’s laughable, you freak.
GRIMCRAFT: Spin it however you like. Now, if I may finish….if you defeat Europa tonight, then next week, at the P4V, you will be given a chance to take on two members of the Dark Arts.
EVERMORE: Let me guess, Doomsayer and Diablo.
GRIMCRAFT: Diablo will be winning the cruiserweight title from the vile Seraph next week. No, you will need your wife, Winter, the Lady Evermore, if you wish to take this match. Doomsayer’s partner will be a woman of no small ability.
EVERMORE: Leave my wife out of this.
GRIMCRAFT: You’re all just pieces in a game, Evermore, and I’m the player. Take it or leave it. Doomsayer, we depart.

In the match, Lord Evermore does defeat Mr. Europa. He refuses an attempt by Rod Codger for a quick interview afterwards rushes to the back.

4) In a match to determine who will challenge Seraph for the Cruiserweight title next week, Diablo defeats Chester Blood. It’s a clean win, not involving any of Diablo’s Dark Arts teammates.

5) We are awaiting the arrival of our competitors for the main event. Haruki Enyu’s music plays. Nothing happens. Flint Decker’s music plays. Nothing happens. The camera crew assigned to film the entrances is fixed on the opening. Suddenly, a security guard comes flying out onto the platform from the back. The crew moves to the opening, and through it. We see Flint Decker and Haruki Enyu arguing. A security guard steps between them, and is also shoved, by Enyu, into the camera crew. Adam Stryker tells us that that he understands there’s a disagreement between Decker and Enyu over who should go out first. Enyu was scheduled to be first, but refuses. All of this is based on body-language and attitude, as Enyu doesn’t speak English. Jolly Foo runs up a second later, and Enyu says something in Japanese. Foo pauses and smiles.
FOO: Enyu-Sama merely requests that Mr. Decker precede him to the ring. There is no offense meant. Enyu-Sama would like to enjoy the company of the wonderful American fans as he slowly makes his way to the ring. He has spent so little time here, and fans the Americans to be most gracious. He loves the way they try to shake his hand or give him a “hi-five.” By going second, he would have more time to enjoy their affection.
One of Enyu’s “young boy” assistants snaps his head around at Foo after the interpretation. Foo merely smiles at him. Flint finally throws up his hands walks out without music. After he makes it to the ring, Enyu’s music begins and he makes the walk. The fans do reach out for him, but he practically recoils from their attempts to touch him. He has a very sour look on his face, and hastily rushes to the ring. Decker shows confusion at Enyu’s response to the fans.
Flint Decker defeats Haruki Enyu to secure a title match at Valentine’s Day Massacre. The crowd is split to start, but slowly turn on Enyu as his body language conveys constant frustration and complaint. Decker offer his hand after the pinfall. Enyu looks disgusted, and leaves for the back.

As Rod Codger and Cutie Pie are signing off, Lord Evermore walks up.
EVERMORE: I would like to apologize for my rudeness earlier, Sir Codger. I hate a lot on my mind. I can now say that the Lady Evermore will be in my corner to face Doomsayer and his mystery female partner next week. Please pardon the interruption.
Evermore exits
CUTIE PIE: So, his wife will be at the P4V. Hope they couldn’t get a feed for the Battle Royale in the Northwoods Kingdom or I might need to take vacation next week.

ROD: I’d book a flight, CP, I’m pretty sure they did. Good night everyone!!

[Thumper Moore III]

February Year One, Pre Valentine’s Day Massacre
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

Pony: Welcome to the best wrestling podcast on the internet! I have with me a couple of very special guests all the way from the Northwoods Kingdom— Lord Evermore and his trusty sidekick, Claymore the Brave!

The camera pans back from Pony, to reveal Lord Evermore, and empty chair, and Claymore, all seated at the table next to him.

Claymore: What is this “sidekick” of which you speak? I know not this terminology.

Pony: A trusted ally, like Tonto to the Lone Ranger, or Sparrow to Shadow Man.

Claymore: I understand the meaning but not your analogies, Pony of the Umbrella.

Pony: Anyhow, you’ve chased Grimcraft quite a long way. What exactly caused this beef?

Evermore: Forsooth, many seasons prior, seeds of discord and deceit were sown in my land, and this led to rebellion and warfare. Homes and families were torn apart, blood was shed. It is a time we now refer to as The Great Trouble. Grimcraft has this pattern— he seems innocuous at first, but slowly gathers influence, and turns into a festering boil as his words turn friends into foes. Beware of this, XPW.

Pony: Wow. You feel very strongly about this guy.

Claymore: Yea, he has already turned Szandor away from his allies with promises of personal power, and Diablo has abandoned his partner and is in open warfare with him. Grimcraft is a charlatan, and a dangerous one at that!

Pony: Lord Evermore, I understand you’ve brought along your partner for Valentine’s Massacre, and your partner in life?

Evermore: Yes, allow me to introduce Lady Evermore of the Northwoods Kingdom, Winter.

(Lord Evermore and Claymore stand and bow upon Winter’s entrance. Claymore shoots a nasty look at Pony, who quickly mimics their posture. They all sit simultaneously.)

Winter: How do you do, Sir Umbrella.

Pony: So, how do you guys manage a kingdom, a vendetta, AND a marriage?

Evermore: We manage. (He smiles at Winter coyly.) Our relationship is built on the solid foundation of love, honor and respect. These are the principles we rule by, and live by. And as Doomsayer and his mystery partner will find out, those bonds are not easily broken.

Winter: And whoever this partner is will realize that it will be a cold day in Hades before they trifle with me again.

Pony: That’s all the time we have. Until next time!

[Thumper Moore III]

February Year One, Pre- Valentines Day Massacre
Cyber’s BoobToob Channel

Cyber: YOOOOO!!! Yo boy Cyber here, and if you like what you see, TAP that subscribe button and comment below! Today I have with me a wrestling legend, and fellow BoobToober, Jackson Good of the Over Knights! What’s up my man!

Jax: Thanks for having me, Cyber. First off, online it’s Ace Dogma. (My bad, says Cyber.) And next, I’m not just a fellow BoobToober. I have the SECOND. MOST. WATCHED. CHANNEL. In the wrestling universe behind...

Cyber: BEHIND YO BOY CYBER!!! So, in this collab we’re playing for charity. I’m playing for Children Without Access. CWA provides gigabit internet connections for families who can only afford base levels of speed, giving them equal opportunity to do schoolwork— and game— with privileged kids. Ace?

Jax: I’m playing for End Trafficking Asia. Asia is a hotbed for kidnapping young children, especially girls, and ETA hopes to end that practice. They focus on every level of the child trafficking trade, from fighting poverty in the slums of Bangkok to—

Cyber: That’s great man. Half the money we raise will be split evenly, and the other half goes to the winner, which will be me. Here we go! Four Knights is loading up now.

Jax: As I was saying, I’m very passionate about this charity. They also work to decrease demand among the rich Chinese bureaucrats that are the the most prolific end buyers—

Cyber: Here we go, Ace. I just got a gold long sword out of this chest. Oh yeah, bust out that Tangerine Justice emote. Ooh, purple shield. It’s over Ace. I’m fully geared up. That money is going to needy, turbo-speed deprived kids... NOOOOO! How’d you take me down so quick?!?

Jax: Sometimes it’s not the skill of the Knight, it’s the heart behind their cause. ETA thanks you for that donation! And BoobToob— don’t forget that you don’t ever beat an Over Knight in Four Knights!