The 130Chance XPW

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@acedogma
Cyber, Chad, listen. Go back to BoobToobing. You’ll save yourself embarrassment and injury.

@xenodomingo
I have felled the mighty Nevermore, Puppetmaster of Void, the Destroyer. Let my conquests be known from Andromeda to Sirius!

@profwhen
Mystic and I may be on to something. Celestria, your assistance would be quite welcome.

@alexeimonstro
Slash, I’m like you— always lurking, just out of sight, until the moment I strike. And when I do, you’ll never see it coming.

@yoboycyber
Yoooo, I’m tired of your bull, Jackson. You’re not the entertainer I am, and you’re pissed I’m more of a wrestler than you, too. Accept it.

@theatomicage
Like the new handle? Anyway, the “Donny Wrestling” thing is old. It’s time for a new age in professional wrestling— The Atomic Age.

[cotguy130]

March Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Canada Centre

1) Diablo over King Solomon. This is a huge upset, even in light of Solomon’s “identity crisis”. Cutie Pie catches up to Solomon at ringside post-match.
SOLOMON: Diablo is a fine competitor, but he isn’t that fine of a competitor. Diablo should never be able to defeat me, and while that sounds like typical wrestling bravado, it is the truth. I must submit to some self-reflection. Excuse me.

2) As Solomon is making his way up the aisle, Reviver enters for the next match. They don’t acknowledge one another as they pass, but Solomon stumbles and almost falls. Reviver moves to help him, but Solomon throws up a hand, warding him off.

The participants, Reviver, Mystic, and Void, are in the ring. Mystic stands in the corner and his eyes shoot daggers at Reviver. Reviver stares back with a smirk on his face until the bell rings. Even after the bell rings, Mystic stares down Reviver. Finally, Void moves up as if to attack Mystic, who suddenly turns and clotheslines Void so hard he flips.

Mystic goes on to defeat Reviver and Void.

3) The Champagne Room is open and the guest is Dre Apex.
PINK CHAMPAGNE: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Champagne-
APEX: Is this going to get weird?
PINK CHAMPAGNE: Excuse me?
APEX: I don’t get invited to be on these little shows much. I’m not a real talker. Last time, somebody gave Candy Cotton a creepy “gift” for me-woah, this isn’t about that, is it? I told everybody, I don’t care what that was or who sent it.
PINK CHAMPAGNE: No, the office scheduled you because they wanted to give you a chance to talk since you don’t get to very often.
APEX: Get to? I don’t want to. Office, unless there’s something in my contract saying I have to do these, don’t schedule me. Bye.

• As Apex turns to leave, his own voice comes over the PA.

APEX: That’s me.
APEX (IN VOICEOVER): It’s great to be here, Pony.
APEX: Pony Umbrella’s show? That was a year ago.
PONY (IN VOICEOVER): Dre, you’ve got to tell me the story behind that first viral video— the first ever 810 splash. How in the world did you pull that off?
APEX (IN VOICEOVER): Pony, I was actually in competition for a spot on the US National Gymnastics team, and my specialty was to floor exercise. Since then, I bulked up and most of what I did in my youth translated very well to the squared circle. The 810... I darn near decapitated my opponent,

• The last three words, “Decapitated My Opponent”, then began repeating over and over. It increased in volume until-

PINK CHAMPAGNE: Turn that crap off.

• It stopped

PINK CHAMPAGNE: What the Hell was that?
APEX: An interview I gave Pony Express last…May…I think it was.
PINK CHAMPAGNE: What did it have to do with anything.
APEX: I have no idea. Were you in on this?
PINK CHAMPAGNE: Innocent!!
APEX: Sometimes I wonder if Gav and Gunslinger really got rid of the bad guys in the office, or if they just changed faces.

• Apex leaves.

PINK CHAMPAGNE: I ask myself that same question all the time.

4) Winter Hex over Kristy Tenant in a one-sided affair. Cutie Pie catches up to Winter post-match.
CUTIE PIE: Is it true that you have reunited with your ex-husband, Nevermore?
WINTER: He was never “ex”. The divorce was never finalized for reasons I don’t care to share.
CUTIE PIE: Why have you reunited?
WINTER: Why wouldn’t I want to? I like this edgier version of my husband. He is now the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.
CUTIE PIE: If you say so. Does he still bathe?
WINTER: I seem to remember you hitting on him at his debut before you knew there was a me.
CUTIE PIE: I guess our types are different.
WINTER: Your type must be boring and white bread then. Bye.

5) Amber Hardbody over Audrey Onyx

6) The Bizarre are outside the arena. A tech asks Silvergod what they were doing.
SILVERGOD: We were told there was an interview scheduled.
TECH: Not on my sheet. Can we go back inside, it’s March in Canada and I’m freezing.
SILVERGOD: If mundanities such as the cold bother you, feel free to leave us.
TECH: There’s no interview scheduled-Yikes!!!

• The tech takes off as we see Gavin Stirling and GQ standing behind the Bizarre. They run them hard into the side of the building and both men are cut immediately. GQ and Stirling lay a beatdown on their foes. The Forsaken gets powerbombed into the back of a pickup truck from off the top of the cab. The take Silvergod and dump him into a porta-john. They shove the porta-john over on the door side, trapping him in. We see the blue liquid running out from around the door.

STIRLING: Surprise!! I didn’t like not telling you good people the truth, but I wanted those two to have their guard down. I’ve known I would not only be back for March Madness, but that I would be here this week to take out the trash with GQ’s help. All of you Match Madness entrants, rethink your strategy. I just changed your odds.

7) The Hard Way over Brick City

8) Slashmaster is out alone.
SLASHMASTER: Alexei, so you’re plan for our inevitable meeting was to run far and run fast away from it. A smart strategy, but a cowardly one, and I hate cowards. Face your inevitable destiny. Defeat. Defeat at my hands. In two weeks, at March Madness, you will be added to the stack of corpses in my wake.

9) In a non-title First Blood match, Grifter defeats Chester Blood. Chester actually draws blood first, but Grifter managed to wipe it off before the ref could check. Chester and Grifter fought over Grifter’s baseball bat. Grifter managed to pop Chester across the nose with the fat portion of the bat, but it didn’t bleed. There was a ref bump. Grifter’s original wound began bleeding again. He wiped it off again, but this time he smeared it across Chester’s face. He helped the dazed ref to his feet and pointed him at Chester. Upon seeing Chester’s face, he called for the bell.



10) On her way to the ring for her main event XPW Ladies title match, Autumn is stopped by Cutie Pie.

CUTIE PIE: Excuse me. Autumn...are you still hexed by the way? I see you’ve changed your color scheme a bit. What do I call you?

AUTUMN: Right now, you don’t call me at all. I’m on my way to win the XPW Ladies title, and I don’t care to talk to anyone right now.

CUTIE PIE: How rude.



Keziah retain the XPW Ladies title against Autumn

[Thumper Moore III]

The Pony Umbrella Show

PONY: Welcome to my show! After clips of his previous appearance were played on the weekly show, I got a phone call from my guest asking... almost demanding he be on the show. And when a former Cruiserweight and Tag champ wants on my show, he gets on my show. Please welcome Dre Apex!

APEX: Pony, thanks for having me back. I was wondering if you’d have me again after what just happened.

PONY: Do you have any idea what that was about?

APEX: No idea. I was hoping you knew, since you provided the audio.

PONY: Actually, I didn’t. Our people called over to the XPW offices after we heard that— of course, I recognize my own voice— and we’re generally compensated if someone uses our material and broadcasts it. The people I spoke to claimed it was unscripted, but they would be cutting me a check.

APEX: Gonna share some of that with me? (Laughs)

PONY: I’ll take you to dinner. But seriously, they claimed no one in the office knew that was going to happen.

APEX: That’s the same line I got. Listen, I just want to get to the bottom of this. It’s been eating at me— that one line repeating about nearly taking the guy’s head off. That’s not something I want to be known for— the 810 is retired for that reason.

PONY: So, do you think that maybe Reviver is behind it? Maybe Morbid has gone off the deep end? I mean, you don’t have many enemies— one of the perks of treating everyone respectfully.

APEX: Speculating about who did it never works out well. It causes me to suspect everyone. I’ll let this play out— in wrestling, these things have a way of revealing themselves if you give it enough time.

PONY: So what’s next for Dre Apex?

APEX: Well, Pony, I am getting ready for—

At this point, the live stream inexplicably goes dark.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@magnusmuscle
What happens when you add Gavin Sterling to the mix? Everyone else’s chances of winning drastic go down. #marchmadness #sackerfice

@nevermore
Hey, Al— Al Monstro— keep biding your time. Why don’t you bide your time for about 20 more years.

@gregquebec
Sterling night of wrestling, wouldn’t you say? This is Gav’s path back to the title. Book it.

@revivergage
While I have no idea who freaked out Dre like that, I APPROVE of the method and will be stealing it myself. It was EXCELLENT.

@keziahxpw
MY REIGN OF BLOOD AND TERROR WILL LAST FOR ALL ETERNITY. THE BLOOD QUEEN IS SUPREME.

@averagesilvergod
It’s time for those who have been forsaken to rise up and claim what is rightfully theirs. The tag titles will soon belong to us.

[cotguy130]

March Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Casa De Lucha

1) We open with The OverKnights partying it up backstage.
GAINES: We’re baaaaaaaaack!!!
GOOD: I got one thing I want to make clear, cool? You had a nice little solo run while I was our recovering. I don’t want to take that away from you. You’re ok with this?
GAINES: Bro’, what did I just say? “We’re baaaaaaack!!!” If I were wasn’t ready to jump back into the OverKnights I would’ve said it like “We’re back” with like a sad look on my face. I’m all smiles, my man. I enjoyed that run, don’t get me wrong. I’m your partner first.
GOOD: Glad to hear that, ‘cause I’m not ready.
GAINES: ‘Scuse me?
GOOD: I got one thing I gotta do by myself first. You know.
GAINES: I do, and it has my blessin’. I want you to run that Cyber Red right out of XPW.
GOOD: That’s the plan.

• Cyber Red walks up surrounded by a security detail

CYBER: You’re plans gonna fail, bunny boy. As for my plans, while I’m loathed to admit that I didn’t get the job done the first time…Eh, I will just have to cripple you harder next time.
GAINES: Chaddy, Chaddy, Chaddy, a security detail….really?
GOOD: When, in the history of this business, did a security detail made up of civilians ever stop one wrestler from getting to another? No offense, guys. You try hard.

• The guys in the detail…”we’re cool, J”. “No worries, man” ,etc.

CYBER: Don’t agree with him.
GAINES: He’s just hoping they will slow you down long enough for him to run like the Cyber Yellow dog he is.
GOOD: I like that. Cyber Yellow. It’s the color of cowards and pee.

• The security detail snicker

CYBER: You’re all fired. Good, I dictate where and when our matches happen. Not you. You can sit back tonight and watch me beat Dre and not be able to do a thing about it. Gaines….stay out of my way or you’re next.

2) The Gold Club over Rhiannon and Sweet Jane.

3) King Solomon over Mr. Europa.
SOLOMON: That match went a lot better than my last outing. Something still feels off, but I’m going to turn out just find. Also, for those who keep trying to get me to play this game called basketball, while I may show in inordinate amount of skill in a game that I had never heard till I arrived in XPW, I despise the game. I have no desire to play “STEED”.

4) Dre Apex over Cyber Red. Jackson Good shows up seated in the front row holding a sign reading Cyber Yellow. It was a crude drawing of Cyber Red but (badly) colored yellow. It enraged Red, and the distraction was enough. After the match, Red got the sign from Good and shredded it.

5) The Media team are recapping current events in XPW when the sound of horses galloping fills the arena. Slow, western guitar plays. The crowd roars. This time, however, the guitar is accompanied by some kind of Gregorian chant. Two figures walk out. One is instantly recognizable as Gunslinger, except his traditional cowboy attire is now pale grey. The other figure takes a bit longer. It’s Zed, but wearing monk’s robes and sporting a long beard.
RIDER: The man called Gunslinger is gone, for now. I am the Pale Rider, the man who has traversed the streets of Heaven. My companion is my mentor. He is now The Gregorian, in honor of his sect. Yes, you know him, but this man is as far removed from the man you knew as the east is from the west. We are simply here to help. We’re not interested in titles or even wins if that’s what it takes. We are here to right wrongs and stop evil. No sacrifice on our part is too great. I have learned from my mistakes. No one else will go in harm’s way due to my actions. Thank you for your time.

6) Amber Hardbody over Nora Novak.

7) We come up on Brick City mid-conversation.
HUSTLER: What’s happening to us, man?
BANGER: I know. We’re the best. We owned the yard at the State Pen. We don’t need Mack the Soldier-Boy.
HUSTLER: OK. The first thing we gotta do is stop having these therapy sessions out loud like this. That’s not helping.
BANGER: You’re right. We look weak.
HUSTLER: Brick City never looks weak because we aren’t weak. We’re the toughest, meanest team in XPW.
BANGER: Yea!
HUSTLER: Next time we go out there, we’re going to beat our opponents so bad they quit the business.
BANGER: Yea! When is our next match!!
HUSTLER: I don’t think we’re scheduled.
BANGER: Oh. Kinda hard to do all that when you’re not booked.
HUSTLER: Good point. So let’s go get a booking!!
BANGER: Hellz to the yea, bro!!

• They run out whooping and hollering. Then stop.

BANGER: Do you know where we’re going right now?
HUSTLER: Not really, no.
BANGER: Me neither.

• Whooping and hollering resumes as they randomly run down the hall.

8) Alexei Monstro and The Hard Way are in the ring.
MONSTRO: Slashmaster, somewhere in the desiccated organ you call a brain, you’ve become convinced that I fear you. You and your leash-holder Nevermore won’t shut up about it. I’m here, now, waiting for you and Nevermore. Let’s do it. Trip, make sure those announcers do their job. Brick, you’re with me.

• Slashmaster and Nevermore make their way to the ring. Monstro signals to Winchester and they charge and meet their opponents in the aisle. Monstro actually attacks Nevermore, leaving Brick to be picked up and tossed three rows deep by Slashmaster. Trip then joins the fray. Monstro successfully avoids locking up with Slashmaster during the brawl by sacrificing The Hard Way to him while he worked over Nevermore. Security, refs, and wrestlers finally broke the brawl up.

9) In a cruiserweight title match, Grifter retains against Diablo. During the match, we cut to backstage where Nevermore, Slashmaster, and Void are brawling with Monstro and The Hard Way again.

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: FINALLY! We finally have some blood feuds worth investing in! XPW is finally getting it! Slashmaster vs Monstro, with Slash being the anti-hero— it’s done well. These guys actually hate each other. Monstro doesn’t want to be thought of as scared, but he sure comes across that way. Slash just wants to kill him— it’s great. Nevermore and Hard Way are playing their roles as well.

And we’re finally going to get Jackson Good vs Cyber! Injury derailed their line a bit, but they are finally going to have it out as the longest running feud in XPW will reach a conclusion, I think.

Then mixed in with the blood and guts you had genuinely funny backstage bits. Banger and Hustler killed it. The fact that they have no idea where the office actually is was a great touch.

Now, you know it can’t all be positive if you’ve seen this podcast before, so here’s my one nitpick— the cowboy comes back as a ghost cowboy, and the zombie comes back as a priest. I don’t get it... but based on how the rest of the booking has been recently, I’ll give it time to play out. XPW... I think you’re back on track.

[cotguy130]

March Week 4

March Madness

Silver Stadium



1) Round 1, Match 1: Gavin Sterling over Emperor Enyu



2) Round 1, Match 2: Xeno over Jakob Hearse



3) Round 1, Match 3: Mack Caliber over Silvergod. The Forsaken tried to interfere and Caliber knocked him out cold.



4) Round 1, Match 4: Reviver over Massive Gaines. A Cyber Red distraction gave Reviver the victory.



5) In an XPW tag title match, Flint Decker and Zeta Quade retain against The Hard Way.



6) Semi-Final #1: Gavin Sterling over Xeno.



7) Semi-Final #2: Reviver over Mack Caliber.



8) In the XPW title match, Slashmaster retains against Alexei Monstro.



9) In the March Madness final, Gavin Sterling defeats Reviver.

STIRLING: I want to thank the fans for their support while I was out recovering, and for every second of tonight. I had to go through three of the toughest men in XPW-



• Slashmaster comes out.



SLASHMASTER: Impressive, Stirling. I never recognize the accomplishments of others because they pale before mine. What you did tonight makes even me take notice. What you did tonight is already in the past, and I am your future. You beat me once…once. Once it shall remain.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@massgaines
Cyber, I went from trying to give you the benefit of the doubt to, and I don’t mean this lightly, wishing you harm by my own hand. Beware.

@gregquebec
Phase one of returning Gavin to glory is complete. Remember, just because it’s predictable doesn’t mean it’s bad.

@alexeimonstro
Minor setbacks this week. Hard Way, learn from me as we deal with losses together.

@domingoxeno
The stars ever amaze! Jakob Hearse was a force to be reckoned with, and he left me in a weakened state for my cataclysmic battle with the Protector of XPW, Sterling. More to come.

@yoboycyber
Yooooo! Bring it on, fatty. Bring your little sidekick too. I will end you both.

[cotguy130]

@rngesus
All media, both traditional and social, will henceforth be handled internally by XPW.

This chirp, from the account of XPW stakeholder Aaron Gee, was followed by all XPW wrestlers cancelling all appearances on all media outlets without explanation. A day later, this was chriped:

@rngesus
All pub is good pub=lie. Good pub is good pub. You all messed up. Good luck finding guests people want to actually hear from.

[cotguy130]

April Week 1

1) Candy Cotton over Warhawk

2) The Bizarre over H2H

3) Celestria over Destiny

4) Dre Apex is out.
APEX: I went for a long time and managed to avoid these goofy talk shows like the Candy Store and the Champagne Room. Sorry, ladies, it’s the way I feel. The office forces me to be on a couple of them just to set me up for some weird crap. I’ve never understood why the office feels the need to create this artificial tension. They knew somebody had left a package for me, and they had that sound clip that an anonymous person had sent in to be played for me. Rather than just present me with these things, they set me up for the shock value. Can you all tell I’m really irritated right now about this? Here’s why. The whole thing is a buncha nothing. As soon as I heard the sound clip from my Pony Umbrella show visit last year, I knew what the head in the box meant. It is so silly and overblown…typical pro wrestling, I guess. On the show, I refenced a dive that I did one time in my life. I will never do it again because I did injure the guy. I admit it. I checked on him while he recuperated. He was rightfully upset at first, but by the time he was ready to start training again we were fine. We even worked out together a couple of times. We lost contact and that was that. I’m not even going to say his name because it doesn’t matter. Anyhow, on the Pony show, I said something about “nearly decapitating the guy”. Even that was a figure of speech. I just told you the result, and I’m done. I don’t know, or care, if this is that guy. Someone’s trying to make a name at my expense. This issue is a nonstarter. Sorry, folks, nothing to see here.

5) Thumper Moore III over Chugger. The match was wrestled clean from both men, and they expressed mutual admiration.

6) In a NO DQ match, Winter Hex defeats Autumn.
WINTER HEX: Sister, I know you don’t respect my decision to go back to my husband. Understand this, you’re opinion of what I do with my life is beyond irrelevant. I never stopped loving Nevermore. Yea, I told you otherwise…deal with it. You don’t have one bit of say-so in my life. Do yourself a favor and pretend we aren’t related. Continuing to care is only going to land you in intensive care. Wow! That was pretty good. I made that up right then. Bye, sis. Stay. Away.

7) Jackson Good over Cyber Red in an I Quit match.
GOOD: That enough for you, Chad? Why don’t you run along now that I’ve embarrassed you. Leave XPW.
CYBER: You thank one loss in going to make me run?
GOOD: You’ve run from a lot less.
CYBER: Here’s the difference between us. You want me out of XPW. I want you out of wrestling...crippled. I came close, and I have the will to succeed.
GOOD: I am proud to be the anti-Cyber Yellow. You’re exact opposite. It’s been said before, Chad, you might be the most universally disliked person I’ve ever known in this business. The office kept you around because they needed a whipping boy. You would’ve been fire long ago by any other company. I am going to give you your final whipping, and you will be gone.

8) Pale Rider and The Gregorian are out
RIDER: The Gregorian and I are on a crusade in XPW. Right now, that is the sole reason we have returned. We simply call ourselves The Crusaders for that reason. We are back to right wrongs where we find them. The biggest “wrong” in XPW is Slashmaster. He is our target, along with Nevermore, Void, and anyone else who would ally with that trio.

• The Mindbenders come out. Mystic seems to be walking with a purpose while Prof. When is trying to slow him down.

RIDER: Mystic, Professor, welcome.
MYSTIC: Rider, I don’t want to start anything as we’re on the same side-
WHEN: I tried to talk to him.
MYSTIC: Don’t patronize me, Professor.
RIDER: What is the issue?
MYSTIC: XPW has crusaders. We have handled that job admirably, I must say. WE destroyed the Slashmaster/Grimcraft alliance, and have kept the title belts out of less deserving hands.
GREGORIAN: Do I hear pride, Mystic?
MYSTIC: You can speak. I thought you were still mute. Hear what you want, monk, as long as you understand this. There’s no need for you to come riding in as the saviors of XPW when it doesn’t need saving.
RIDER: Slashmaster may have parted ways with Grimcraft, but he has new allies and is still very much a threat.
MYSTIC: Which we will handle, right, Professor?
WHEN: Mystic, in a war, you can’t have too many soldiers.
MYSTIC: Whose side are you on?
GREGORIAN: We are all on the same side, or so we thought.
WHEN: I’m kind of stuck in the middle here.
MYSTIC: Maybe I’m coming on a little strong. I propose a challenge between our teams. If we win, we remain XPW’s sole defenders. If you win, we will willingly share the duties.
WHEN: Is this really necessary?
RIDER: It’s ok, Professor. I think Mystic just want to test out mettle. It’s not a bad idea. Let’s arrange this match.
GREGORIAN: Mystic, when this is settled, we need to talk. There’s more going on here than you know.
MYSTIC: When we win, there will be nothing left to say.

9) The main event is a Trios match featuring Slashmaster, Nevermore, and Void against Gavin Stirling, GQ, and Pendragon.

The ref throws the match out after it breaks down into a huge brawl all over the arena. After order is somewhat restored, Slashmaster gets on the mic.
SLASHMASTER: Stirling, I don’t want a regular match with you. I don’t want to pin you; I want to bury you. I want to put you away for good.
STIRLING: Works for me. You still got any of those coffins lying around the house?
SLASHMASTER: You want to try and put me in a coffin? I’ve never lost one of those matches.
STIRLING: I will put you in a coffin and take my title back.
SLASHMASTER: You just made this easy.

[cotguy130]

April Week 2

We see the Aesthetics talking to Chugger. Nora motions him over to a table where she unveils a chocolate cake.
ONYX: While you’re waiting on Amber, why don’t you have some cake?
CHUGGER: Yes, ma’am, that would be nice of you.

• Nora cuts a piece and hands it to him on a plate.

NOVACK: I know a big fella like you loves banana pudding!!

• She reveals a bowl of pudding and feeds him some with a big spoon.

ONYX: Chugger, you need a savory to go with all these sweets.

• She reveals a bowl of chips and dip.

ONYX: Your hands are full. Let me help.

• Onyx and Novack alternate feeding him pudding and dipped chips while he works on a huge piece of cake that he’s holding in his hand (he’s dropped the plate).

1) The Sky Diamonds over The Kunoichi Clan.

2) In a three-way match, Gridiron defeats Mac Caliber and King Solomon. Gridiron pins Solomon after the latter seems to have a small seizure during the match. Caliber checks on him after the pin, but Solomon politely declines his help.

3) The Argonauts and Dre Apex & Morbid wrestle to a 20-minute time-limit draw.

4) Amber Hardbody is walking around backstage looking for Chugger. She asks around, and a production assistant finally tells her where they saw him last. She walks up on Chugger being fed by the Aesthetics. He has food all over his face and chest.
CHUGGER: Hi, sugarplum. Audrey and Nora brought me all these awesome snacks. They said they felt bad beating you up.
HARDBODY: Who beat who up? Chugger, clean up, you’re a mess.

• She tries to hand him some napkins.

CHUGGER: My hands are full. Can you help?
ONYX: I’ll help.

• Onyx scoops some pudding off Chugger’s belly with her finger and starts to put it in her mouth. Amber grabs her wrist.

HARDBODY: If anything off this man’s body touches your nasty lips, Audrey…
NOVACK: You’ll what, Amber?

• Amber grabs the bowl of pudding and pours it over Novack’s head. Onyx tries to punch her, but Amber blocks it and slams Onyx’ face into the cake.

HARDBODY: I can’t leave you alone for two minutes. Let’s get you cleaned up.

• She pulls him away. Chugger pops back in frame to grab the bowl of chips.

CHUGGER: Thanks for the treats, ladies!! They were delicious.

5) Nevermore and Winter Hex over Mystic and Celestria. Hex pins Celestria.
MYSTIC: Celestria, you’ve performed well so far, but this was a disappointment. You have more to learn than I thought if you want to assist in OUR crusade.

6) Massive Gaines has just left catering when he’s attacked by two men. As they leave after the attack, we recognize them as the former Big Tony and Concrete Charlie. They are dressed similarly in in gray trench coats.
CHARLIE: XPW, we’re back. Gaines was our first hit. He was just for show. No hard feelings, Big Mass?
TONY: We didn’t come alone, either. Dom, the new boss is going to slap that ridiculous makeup right off your face.

7) Intruder over Thumper Moore III

8) Alexei Monstro and The Hard Way are out.
WINCHESTER (hesitantly): So Alexei’s letting us talk on our own about the tag team situation. So, uh, yea…we’re going to win those belts, right Trip?
LAMBO: That’s…uh, right, partner!! Flint Quade…I mean Flint and Quade…Sorry, I mean Decker….
WINCHESTER: They know who you mean, big guy!! The Least Important People is what we’re going to call them from now on so we don’t have to worry about names. You LIPs-
WINCHESTER: Lips?
LAMBO: Least important people? Duh!
WINCHESTER: Don’t use LIPS. Call ‘em-
MONSTRO: Just stop. I’m glad you two are improving in the ring because you are worthless with mics in your hand. No more talking for you two. Hit our music, we’re done here.

9) The Forsaken over Seraph.

10) In a TV title match, Xeno and Reviver fought to a 30-minute time-limit draw.

[cotguy130]

April Week 3

1) Emperor Enyu over Richie B.
RICHIE: Emperor, if I may have a moment of your time. From the loss you just handed me, it’s obvious you are a wrestler of the highest quality. I am no slouch myself, but I must admit that I am not in your league.
ENYU: Are you done?
RICHIE: Hear me out, please. You do know what the “B” stands for, don’t you?
ENYU: I’m not an idiot. I am very aware of your father’s identity. The apple fell a really long way from the tree.
RICHIE: The Emperor has jokes.
ENYU: The Emperor does not have jokes. I only speak truths.
RICHIE: The “B”, as you know, stands for “Billions”, as in, “of dollars”. I can put that money to work for you.
ENYU: I have the economy of a country at my disposal. What need have I for your pittance?
RICHIE: Pittance? Now you’re just being a dick. You don’t honestly believe you are the Emperor of Japan? I know we’ve had some delusional people running around lately with identity crisises in XPW-
ENYU: Crises. It’s just ‘crises’.
RICHIE: Whatever! You aren’t the real Emperor of Japan and you don’t have the entire Japanese economy at your disposal.
ENYU: I carry, shall we say, an honorary seat on the Chrysanthemum Throne. The ancestors know that I’ve done more for my country than the figurehead sitting on it for real. I don’t care if you’re done talking or not, I tire of your prattling.

2) King Solomon is out
SOLOMON: I would like to make a quick statement. Please listen. There is nothing wrong with me. I’ve been checked out by the company’s physicians, and I’ve been given a clean bill of health. I am grateful that most of you have ceased bringing up this fellow, Swish. While I admit from seeing his photographs that he appears to be my doppelganger, there is no connection. Let me continue my career in peace.

3) Brick City over H2H.

4) Jackson Good calls out Cyber Red.
GOOD: Cyber Yellow, glad you could make it. Two words… Barbed Wire. Chad, I challenge you to a Barbed Wire ring match with the loser contractually stipulated to be out of XPW for life. No chance of parole. If anyone representing XPW ever tries to sign you to a contract, there will be serious repercussions for the company.
CYBER: Fine. I’m in. I’m going to use that wire to shred you into tiny little pieces.
GOOD: You’re “in”? No, that’s the point, Chad, you’re out.

5) In a match to determine who will challenge Keziah at Champ Clash, Tempest defeats Celestria. Mystic approaches her after the match.
MYSTIC: I am beginning to think you were a mistake. You are not ready.
CELESTRIA: Mystic, the fact that XPW already believes that I’m ready to challenge for a title shot says they believe I’m ready.
MYSTIC: They are wrong. Keziah would’ve humiliated you. Perhaps that’s what you need. Your ego-
CELESTRIA: My ego!? What about-
MYSTIC: SILENCE WOMAN!
CELESTRIA: Don’t you speak to me like that again-
MYSTIC: I am your only chance at success in XPW, Celestria. You listen to my words and only mine.
CELESTRIA: But the Professor said-
MYSTIC: When is well-intentioned, that’s it. I am sorry that my volume troubled you.
CELESTRA: But you aren’t sorry you screamed at me.

• Celestria leaves
MYSTIC: Return this instant. I am not done.
CELESTRIA: You’re going to be talking to yourself then.

6) Dre Apex over Donny Atomic in a clean match.

7) GQ comes to the ring.
GQ: People are asking me what’s up. I’ll tell you. I’m talking to Pendragon about getting something going again. Not the Uprising. He won’t have anything to do with Atomic. Nice loss, by the way. I’m not interested in working with him either. Big Gav’s about to get his title back from Slashmaster and bury that big goof for the last time. The TV title’s out there looking pretty good. Nobody’s been able to hold it as long as I did by a long shot. It needs a steady home. I’ve got a match at Champ Clash with Xeno for the TV title. I was Greg Quebec after all. I was pretty unpredictable in those days. I might show up somewhere totally unexpected and do something totally unexpected. Watch me.

8) Nevermore and Void over The Bizarre.

9) Gavin Stirling over Alexei Monstro. The Hard Way attack after the match, but GQ and Pendragon make the save.

[cotguy130]

April Week 4
Champ Clash


Before the show, Rod Codger makes an announcement.
CODGER: XPW has been informed by Cyber Red that he will not be in attendance this evening and will not be wrestling Jackson Good in a Barbed-Wire match. Here is his statement.
CODGER (reading): A Barbed-Wire match is an abomination. It’s not wrestling, it’s legalized assault and battery with a deadly weapon and I will have no part in it. When that low-life Jackson Good can come with an idea worthy of my talents, I will participate. I only agreed to the Barbed-Wire stipulation in the heat of the moment. Try again, Bunny Boy.
CODGER: Fans, let’s go to the ring.

• In the ring is Jackson Good and an official.

OFFICIAL: Mr. Good, we want Cyber Red gone as badly as you. We are going to make the results of your match official. Referee, begin a 10-count. If Cyber Red isn’t in this ring by 10, he will be declared the official loser of the match. The stipulation will kick in and he will be gone forever.

• The ref counts till 10.

OFFICIAL: The winner of the Barbed-Wire match is Jackson Good. Cyber, if you’re watching, don’t call us and we sure as Hell won’t call you. Mr. Good, we have some additional news for you. Since you acted in good faith and actually showed up, you are being added to the cruiserweight title match later tonight.

1) GQ wins the TV title from Xeno. Reviver walks out to watch the match. As soon as Xeno sees him, he begins to look unsure in the ring. GQ is able to take advantage of this for the win. A confused Xeno watches Reviver leave after the pinfall.

2) The Crusaders are out.
RIDER: Next week, we will be facing the Mindbenders. I don’t want this match.
GREGORIAN: I don’t and neither does Professor When.
RIDER: The need for this match was dreamt up by Mystic. I will say that the lack of respect he showed Celestria last week has increased my desire to fight him.
GREGORIAN: As has mine.
RIDER: We are going in to win the match. Mystic can complain about our “missions” all he wants, but nothing will separate us from ours. You have our word.
GREGORIAN: Mystic accuses Celestria of letting her ego get in the way. I believe he should examine his own psyche in that regard.

3) Flint Decker and Zeta Quade over Nevermore and Void to retain the XPW Tag Team titles.

4) The Gold Club over The Sky Diamonds to retain the XPW Ladies Tag Team titles.

5) In the now triple-threat Cruiserweight title match, Grifter defeats Chester Blood and Jackson Good.

6) Dre Apex is backstage talking to Morbid
MORBID: C’mon Dre, tell me the guys name. We can get away from these cameras. It’ll be our secret. I’m just really curious if I’ve ever heard of or worked with the guy.
APEX: I doubt it, but I will tell you. He never made it anywhere that I know of.

• An unknown figure approaches.

MORBID: Hey, can we help you?
UNKNOWN: No, I got this. Can you give me a minute with Dre?
APEX: I don’t know you.
UNKNOWN: Please. Just a second of your time.
APEX: Ok. Look, I can’t get you any work here. I don’t have that kind of stroke.

• Morbid leaves

UNKNOWN: I can assure you. When I do what must be done, this office will be dying to hire me.
APEX: What must you do?
UNKNOWN: First, I think my head looks pretty good for a guy who has been DECAPITATED!!

• Before Dre can react, the newcomer assaults him. Morbid quickly returns and pulls the guy off.

UNKNOWN: Stay away, Gage. This is between me and the guy who tried to kill me. Say my name, Dre
APEX: I don’t remember your name. When I get up, you better be gone.
UNKNOWN: I’ll wait. Say my name!!
APEX: I don’t-
UNKNOWN: Because you only care about yourself.
APEX: Screw you, man. I’m not going to say it now even if I happen to find out what it is. You’re a psycho. I’ll never give you the satisfaction. How can you still be upset about something that happened years ago.
UNKNOWN: I’ll see you in the ring, Apex.

7) In the XPW Ladies title match, Keziah retains against Tempest.

8) Kyle and Adam tell us that there will be a Barbed-Wire match after all as the ring crew begins wrapping the ropes. The official from the beginning of the show returns with another newcomer.
OFFICIAL: This man is The Silencer. He comes from-
SILENCER: I’ll handle this, little man. I’m here to clean up the mess that Icepick Dominic left behind. Tony and Charlie work for me now. Dominic betrayed the family when he went rogue like he did. We don’t want him back; we want him done. In case any of you recall Missy Thicc, I’m why she left in such a hurry. She got wind of my coming. I didn’t expect her to run. I don’t mess with broads myself in a violent way. I’ve got female people for that, and she’s on her way. Missy, do come back from wherever you’re hiding. The reason this barbed-wire is going up is because I’ve been in touch with Dominic, and he’s here tonight. Dom, come on out.

• Slapstick comes out giggling and laughing as usual.

SILENCER: I told you to leave the makeup and silliness behind, Dom.
SLAPSTICK: Dom who? This IS me, tough guy. I could no more leave it than you could leave a finger. Now, if you insist on going through with his match, you might just leave a finger after all….wrapped in razor wire. You want that, Silento? You gonna do the Ne Ne for us?
SILENCER: I’m not going to dignify that, Dom. Get in the ring, and I will use this wire to scrap the paint off.

• Slapstick comes to the ring and the match is on. The match is called off by the referee with no winner declared. Both men are bloody messes, barely able to stand. Tony and Charlie come to the ring and look to attack Slapstick. He has already wrapped himself in barbed-wire, and they are hesitant to approach. He leaves the ring with the barbed-wire. They try to assist Silencer, who won’t allow the help. He makes his way to the back looking incredibly strong for a guy who just went through what he had.

9) The barbed-wire is removed, the ring ropes and canvas are replaced, and the coffin is wheeled to ringside.
We are reminded of the rules. Slashmaster and Gavin Stirling come out and the match is on. Stirling checks the coffin early on to make sure no one is hiding there.
SLASHMASTER: I don’t need help from anyone, Stirling.

• Stirling goes on to win the match and the XPW title by putting Slashmaster in the coffin. He places the coffin perpendicular to the ring and stands Slashmaster against the ropes over the coffin. Highland Strife cause Slash to flip over the ropes and land in the coffin. Stirling slams the door for the win. As he celebrates in the ring, Nevermore, Winter Hex, and Void come out. They are utterly silent as they wheel the coffin away.

[cotguy130]

May Week 1

We open with a video tour of the new XPW Studios. Media team members provide voice-over commentary. Back live, we are in the main arena.
ADAM: We are holding tonight’s show here to give you fans a look at our newest facilities. By and large, this operation will be used for XPW production facilities, but tonight we’ve turned it into the XPW Arena for your enjoyment.

1) The Sky Diamonds over Rhiannon and Sweet Jane.

2) Dre Apex is out
APEX: I’m sure you’ve all heard that a bit of my past has showed up to haunt me, at least in his mind. It’s more like a mild irritant than a haunting. This guy is obsessed with me saying his name. I was being honest last week when I said I didn’t know it. I guess I should say that I didn’t remember it. Like I’ve said over and over, that was a long time ago. I didn’t forget because I didn’t care. I’ve told you the story. He and I reconciled after the incident, and we were friends for awhile before life took over and we drifted apart. Since last week, I have found out what his name is, and the gimmick name he’s been going by the last few years. New flash, fella, I’m not saying either. I’ve heard you did get a short contract so you can challenge me and get your payback. Let’s go. Let’s get this over with so I can send you back to the mud shows you belong in.

• The Unknown man comes out.

UNKNOWN: Good people of the XPW, let me introduce myself since Mr. Apex won’t. The name you need to know, and the name that Dre Apex will be begging me to allow him to say through his busted-up face, is Avarice.
APEX: Let’s settle this right now, fella.
AVARICE: You’re still playing that game. Fine. Now, clear my ring. I have a match.
APEX: Yea, with me.

• The ref whispers to Apex.

APEX: You booked a match against somebody else? I thought I was your obsession.
AVARICE: Humiliating you is a goal, not an obsession. As far as I’m concerned, as a goal, it’s a relatively low bar.

3) Avarice defeats Wally Saratoga. He continues to attack Saratoga after the bell. Apex hits the ring, but Avarice escapes.
AVARICE: I control this narrative, Apex. I say when and where, and it’s not here and it’s not now.

4) The Crusaders defeat the Mindbenders. Pale Rider pins Prof. When.
GREGORIAN: Mystic, I hope we can put our differences behind us and work together.
MYSTIC: That is acceptable. As long as everyone pulls their weight. Do you understand, Professor?
WHEN: Don’t you worry. I fully understand, as long as everyone keeps their attitude in check. Do YOU understand, partner?
MYSTIC: Surely, you don’t speak of me.

5) Jackson Good and Tony the Tank wrestle to a double-disqualification. Massive Gaines is still recovering from the attack by the Trenchcoats, which is what Tony and Charlie are calling themselves.

6) Roberto Samba over Ziggy Thrash

7) Tempest over Celestria. Mystic comes out. Celestria waves him off.
MYSTIC: Celestria, listen.
CELESTRIA: Listen to you scream at me. Mystic, nobody treats me that way.
MYSTIC: I am here to apologize for that outburst. I had a lot on my mind. My response was inappropriate. I would like to continue working with you, and perhaps aiding you on your mission.
CELESTRIA: Let me think about it.
MYSTIC: As you will.

8) GQ retains the TV title against Pendragon in a cleanly fought match.

[cotguy130]

May Week 3
Wrestling Classic
XPW Studio

We are back in the XPW Studios already. Rod Codger tells us that the response to the studios was so positive that XPW is considering holding more events here than was originally planned. Fans said they liked the “old-school” studio wrestling vibe. XPW is here to give the fans what they want, so here we are!!

• Donny Atomic over Intruder.

• Gavin Stirling is out
STIRLING: I haven’t been able to carry this title since last November, and it just didn’t feel right. You’re home, baby!! You know who isn’t home? Slashmaster. I said I would bury him and I did, almost literally. He may not be six-feet under, but he was carried off in a coffin, and nobody from his gang is talking about him. For a big dude who rarely loses, he sure pouts when he does. The past is gone, and the future is a guy that I really like, Mac Caliber. Mac, thank you for your service. I’m still going to beat you, though. See you next week.

• Xeno over Claymore and Gridiron in a triple-threat match.

• Chugger is asking if anyone’s seen Amber. They are evasive. He hears a giggle as he passes a closed door and pops his head in
CHUGGER: There you are sugar blossom! I’ve been looking all over. Have you been playing hide n’ seek with your best guy?

We see Reviver is who she was talking to.

REVIVER: The lady and I were having an adult conversation. You should try it.
CHUGGER: I can adult. You wanna talk about taxes, or politics, or global-that thing where the Earth gets hot that some people don’t believe in.
AMBER: It’s warming, sweetie.
CHUGGER: What’s warming? Dinner’s warming? Where? Is Revolver eating with us?
REVIVER: It’s Reviver, although sometimes a revolver would come in-
AMBER: Hush you. We can finish later.
REVIVER: Fine. Do you have interest in my proposition?
AMBER: I do, but I need to think more and talk it over with this big lug.

REVIVER exits.

CHUGGER: What did Revenant want with you?
AMBER: How do you know that word, revenant?
CHUGGER: It’s a real word? Why were you talking to him?
AMBER: I can talk to whoever I want. At least he wasn’t feeding me cake or trying to lick salsa off my chest.
CHUGGER: Hey, that sounds-
AMBER: Down boy. I’ll catch up. I got some thinking to do.
CHUGGER: I can think with you.
AMBER: Don’t strain yourself. Go make yourself a sandwich.

Chugger goes in for a kiss on the lips, but she kisses his forehead and walks off. He rubs his forehead looking confused.

• H2H and Kongo Kid over GQ, Pendragon, and King Solomon. Solomon appears to have another moment of confusion and weakness, and Diablo exploits this for the win. GQ and Pendragon are not very sympathetic.

• The Mindbenders and Celestria are out.
MYSTIC: It is my pleasure to announce that the name Mindbenders now includes the lovely Celestria.
CELESTRIA: I now I haven’t been here long, but-
MYSTIC: However, being a member of this team doesn’t automatically include speaking rights. If you would like to make a point discuss it with me beforehand.
WHEN: Since when doesn’t it give speaking rights.
CELESTRIA: We never discussed that.
MYSTIC: We discussed what I felt needed to be discussed.
WHEN: And I don’t believe that discussion is over, Mystic.
MYSTIC: I’ve declared it over, Professor.
CELESTRIA: Forgive me, Professor, but I’m not sure I want to be a Mindbender.
MYSTIC: Stop speaking nonsense, woman!
WHEN: She has a name.
CELESTRIA: I can speak for myself, thank you.
MYSTIC: When I allow it.

CELESTRIA walks off

CELESTRIA: You better be allowing it.
MYSTIC: Because it suits me to do so.
WHEN: What’s gotten into you?
MYSTIC: Nothing’s gotten into me. It’s always been about the mission. You seem to have forgotten that, and SHE hasn’t learned it.

• Warhawk over Winter.

• Rod Codger is with the Argonauts, Brick City, and Nevermore. He announces the participants in next week’s Tag Team Invitational.
CODGER: Aside from the gentlemen you see here, the remaining six teams are The Militia, The Bizarre, The Hard Way, H2H, The OverKnights, and The Trenchcoats. Uh, Nevermore, why are you here?
NEVERMORE: To plug my new podcast. Talk is Nevermore. It drops tomorrow, and will feature interviews with all 8 teams in the tournament.
HUSTLER: We got about 3 minutes.
NEVERMORE: Couldn’t be helped. SilverGod ran long.
BANGER: Maybe we will get to shut SilverGod up in the tournament.
CODGER: They’re your first round opponent.
NEVERMORE: Codger! I was saving that for the podcast.
CODGER: Well, I just scooped you.
MITHRAS: It doesn’t matter. Rex and I are a lock to win this tournament.
ALL PRESENT: REX!!
SOLIS: You mean Solis, right? Me?
MITHRAS: Of course, brother!! Let us begin our celebration early!!

• In the main event, Mac Caliber defeats Alexei Monstro.