The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

February Week 4
Valentine’s Day Massacre P4V
Silver Stadium

We open with a recap montage of important events leading up to today’s P4V. Live, we are greeted by Adam Stryker and Rod Codger. Codger will man the announce booth with Stryker today as Kyle Marist serves out his suspension. Stryker tells us Kyle will return in two weeks. Rod asks Adam if he’s seen Cutie Pie today.
ROD: She must’ve gotten that vacation approved.
ADAM: For a P4V? I doubt management would allow that. It’s all hands on deck for the supershows.
ROD: You’re right, but the office has been making some- (Evermore’s music hits) Anyhow, here’s the reason why Cutie Pie feels the need to make herself scarce.
ADAM: Her title is Lady Evermore, but her name is Winter!!

1) Lord and Lady Evermore make their way to the ring, carrying themselves with all the regal bearing they have, yet still very responsive to the crowd’s enthusiasm. They parade all the way around the ring before entering. The music changes. Doomsayer comes out alone.
WINTER: Typical lies from a follower of Grimcraft. I knew you couldn’t find a woman willing to tolerate your company. Regardless, it got me to America, and I’m happy to be here. Good came from evil you might say.
EVERMORE: You’re wasting your time, dear. Grimcraft doesn’t allow his sycophants to speak.
DOOMSAYER: Taking the low road as usual. Even as Szandor, I found the Northwoods Kingdom to be as distasteful a place to visit as I’d ever encountered. Now that Grimcraft, my friend and mentor, has gone into depth explaining to me how your little hamlet operates (fake shudders) you’ve gone from distasteful to totally abhorrent. Lady Winter, in regard to your witchy little comment, I’m going to enjoy what happens next. You see, not only have I found an in-ring partner, I’ve found a life partner. The woman who will accompany me through my tutoring at the side of Grimcraft. There is no good coming from our evil, your highness. Reveal yourself, my pet!!

A young lady with a scowling face enters. She is dressed like Winter, but in a dark color palette.

WINTER: SISTER!!
EVERMORE: Doomsayer! You demon. You’ve bewitched my own family. I will rip you to pieces, and then do the same to your master.
AUTUMN HEX: Give it a rest, your (sarcastically) Lordship. Both of you can shove your righteous indignation. Give me more credit than you ever have, please. I stand with Doomsayer because I choose to. I’m not bewitched by anyone. My soulmate and Grimcraft have opened my eyes to what you really are. Your years of abuse are over!! (To Doomsayer) Thank you, my love.
DOOMSAYER: You’re quite welcome, my pet.
WINTER: He just called you a pet…an animal. You’re a tool for his amusement. You have to bewitched. Evermore, I can’t do this. I can’t fight Autumn.
AUTUMN HEX: It’s Autumn Hex to you.
EVERMORE: Because you are under one, as we’ve said.
DOOMSAYER: It’s my little pet name for her.
WINTER: Like spot or fido.
AUTUMN HEX: Enough talking. I’m ready to rip those braids right out of your head.

Doomsayer and Autumn Hex make their way to the ring. Hex wants to start against her sister, but Winter refuses. Doomsayer and Evermore start, and wrestle what fans would come to say was the best match in XPW’s short history. It was primarily a singles match for most of it. After getting Evermore down, Doomsayer tagged in a begging Hex. She jumped on Evermore scratching, biting, and kicking. He got away and staggered to his corner where Winter put her hand on his shoulder in comfort. To Hex’ delight, the ref declared it a tag. She pulled her sister in and attacked. Winter would not fight back, and was pinned shortly thereafter. After the bell, Evermore went to check on his wife. Hex jumped on him again with kicks and scratches. Evermore finally threw her off, hard. He realized what he done and went to check on her. She suddenly popped up with a sadistic grin on her face as Grimcraft and Doomsayer attacked him. Claymore the Brave, with his sword and a steel chair, run off the Dark Arts.

2) Next up is the tag team title match with the Over-Knights challenging the Hatchetmen. In another highly-rated match, The Hatchetmen retain. The Underworld hold another champagne celebration in the ring as the frustrated Knights look on. As the Knights make their way to the back, they are met by Electronica and Cyber Blue. No words are exchanged between the four, but Good and Gaines are consoled by the Blue Steel members. Gaines and Good give each knowing looks before smiling and nodding at their friends.

3) Next is a video message from Haruki Enyu, in Japanese. Live, Jolly Foo is with a nervous-looking Cutie Pie on the interview set. Foo translates.
FOO: I really enjoyed my night in XPW, and look forward to returning. I found the fans to be caring and cordial, and I really appreciated how they wanted to shake my hand, or give me a “hi-five.” When I return, I humbly requests the fans approach me in public and ask for y autograph. If you see me dining out, or relaxing in a bar, I would love to share an American beer with you, or introduce you to the joys of Saki. Thank you.
CUTIE PIE: Foo, are you sure that’s what he was saying? The way he was saying what he said didn’t really match with what you said he was saying.
FOO: Silly American bimbo. Until you speak Japanese fluently, please keep your commentary on my translations to yourself.

Foo starts to walk off, but the Numbskulls walk up.

DANGER: Yo’ Foo-man, how’s it going?
FOO: I am quite busy. I cannot speak to you two right now…or ever.
DANGER: Oh, I think you can. We were listening to your translate Enyu’s video. I know Cutie Pie isn’t the brightest tool in the shed, but she was on to something.
FOO: She’s a fool, like you. Let me pass.
SCUZZ: Slow down, Foo. We all have places to be, but you need to know something. My Dad was stationed in Tokyo with the US military for years. I’m pretty fluent in Japanese. Get my drift? Either your not fluent in your mother tongue, or…
FOO: Japanese is a complex language. There is room for, uh, a wide variety of interpretations to, uh…I got the, how Americans say, jist of it.
DANGER (arm around Foo’s shoulder): I’m going to call you Foo-Bar. Get it? Foo-Bar. Because that’s what you just did, my man. We need a favor….

4) Back in the ring, Jakob Hearse defeats Zed. Before the match, he announces that he will be challenging Dre Apex for the TV title next week on BattleBrawl. After the pinfall, Zed rises to his feet slowly, as he does every match, win or lose. His expression is unchanging. Grimcraft comes down and gets on the apron
GRIMCRAFT: Zed, I hope you will forgive me for my outburst 2 weeks ago. I did not mean to insult you. I had a lot on my mind, and I took it out on you. I still believe an alliance would be beneficial to both of us. I could lead you down paths you could never access on your own. Your future would be- (Zed walks off) Zed, I am speaking to you. (Keeps walking) Zed, I am Grimcraft and I demand you- (keeps walking) I understand, you’ve had a grueling match and you came out on the losing end-(at this point, Zed does stop briefly and look back at Grimcraft in the ring. He utters a short, low growl) We can discuss this at another time.

5) In the next match, Diablo defeats Seraph to win the XPW cruiserweight title. Once again, Diablo abandons his high-risk style, and it pays off. The crowd is again disappointed. Diablo shocks everyone by asking for as mic
DIABLO: You jeer me because I refuse to fly around just to suit you. Grimcraft has taught me to feed off your derision. Your hate has taken me to the top of the cruiserweight division, and it will keep me there. Let if flow, sheep, let the hate flow.

6) Mother Mercy come out unannounced.
MOTHER: Missy, I’ve been calling you. Answer the damn phone…or did Big Tony take your phone away? Don’t worry, I’m not trying to make up with you. We’re past that.

Baby Girl comes out.

MOTHER: Did Big Tony let you out of the kitchen, Missy? Did you finish making his pastrami sammich?
BABY GIRK: Mercy, if continuing to call me Missy makes you sleep better, knock yourself out. I’m Big Tony’s baby girl and proud of it. He treats me like a queen.
MOTHER: He treats you like crap. As for “Missy”, I noticed you left it in your Chirp handle after your fat boyfriend told you to change it. How’s he dealing with the rejection?
BABY GIRL: Just stop. Tony and I are fine. You’re lucky you’re a female. Tony doesn’t whack females.
MOTHER: You’re probably the only female that would whack Tony. I’m not afraid of Tony or any of his goons. I don’t care about them; I’ve been calling you about my rematch. Stop running.
BABY GIRL: You gotta beat somebody first, Mercy. When you lost, you moved to the bottom.
MOTHER: Not true, but I’ll play along. Send me a victim right now.

The ring announcer whispers to Mother, and tells the audience that XPW will not be sanctioning any new matches right now. Look for Mother Mercy in action next week.

7) In the main event, Alexei Monstro retains against Flint Decker. The story of the well-fought match was simply that Decker wasn’t ready for Monstro, at least on this night.
DECKER: Alexei, you know how close you just came to losing that title. I pushed you further than you’ve been pushed in a long time, and you know I deserve another shot. Don’t try and tell me that start over. That’s not flying here. I will have a contract ready Monday morning. Sign it like a man.
MONSTRO: You took me to the limit, Decker, but you couldn’t get me past it. You failed. I will consult with the powers that be about a possible rematch down the line. You could always win March Madness, but I don’t think you can beat three accomplished wrestlers in one night. You get lucky and pull it off, I won’t have a choice but to give you another match. It’s your move, Flint.

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Pre-Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@sambamma
Allow me to be the first to enter March Madness, and to predict I’ll be the last one standing. #marchmadness

@grimmagic
It seems I must enter this mockery of a competition to accomplish my aims. Grimcraft enters the tournament. #hashtagsareidiotic

@bigtony450
When I win March Madness, I’ll make XPW a proposition they can’t decline. Baby Girl, we’re going places!

@doctorkomodo
I’ve got a doctorate in medieval literature, and I’m looking for a trophy to go next to my degrees. #countmein #marchmadness

Mr. Europa
Ciao. Hola. Bonjour. In any language, say hello to the March Madness champ!

@flintdecker
I need another chance at Alexei. I can beat him. I will beat him. And I’ll earn another shot by winning March Madness.

@northwoodsclaymore
I am entering March Madness. Did I do that right? What? I should add a hashtag? OK. #

[Pierre The Enormous]

Apr 12, 2020 17:11:06 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

March Year One, Pre-Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@sambamma
Allow me to be the first to enter March Madness, and to predict I’ll be the last one standing. #marchmadness

@grimmagic
It seems I must enter this mockery of a competition to accomplish my aims. Grimcraft enters the tournament. #hashtagsareidiotic

@bigtony450
When I win March Madness, I’ll make XPW a proposition they can’t decline. Baby Girl, we’re going places!

@doctorkomodo
I’ve got a doctorate in medieval literature, and I’m looking for a trophy to go next to my degrees. #countmein #marchmadness

Mr. Europa
Ciao. Hola. Bonjour. In any language, say hello to the March Madness champ!

@flintdecker
I need another chance at Alexei. I can beat him. I will beat him. And I’ll earn another shot by winning March Madness.

@northwoodsclaymore
I am entering March Madness. Did I do that right? What? I should add a hashtag? OK. #

At least Claymore is trying 

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Post Valentine’s Day Massacre
Rasslin’ With Remorse

Ryan Regret: Welcome to my P4V Review of XPW’s Valentine’s Day Massacre. This is just the second month of the company’s existence, and they’ve already created a huge buzz, so let’s get right to it.

First is a match between Lord and Lady Evermore against Doomsayer and a “mystery partner”, who turned out to be none other than Winter’s sister Autumn, who has been “hexed” by Grimcraft. Great story, great pacing in this match, and Winter refusing to hit her sister was great storytelling. I’m gonna give this one 4 stars out of 5, especially with the post-match angle involving Evermore accidentally smashing Autumn, and her no-selling it.

Next up is the first tag title defense for the Hatchetmen against the Over Knights. Another great frickin match. Hatchetmen get the assist from Big Tony (the lovable tub of lard) and hang on. This one gets 3 1/2 stars, and again you’ve got the members of Blue Steel consoling the Knights as they’ve formed a sort of loose alliance.

There’s a segment with Jolly Foo, and I need to explain something here: it turns out, as eagle eyed Patrikon supporter Weebiarca pointed out, that Foo has been mistranslating everything Enyu has been saying. What Enyu has really been saying is stuff like “I’m here to conquer”, which Foo translated as “I’ll be your conquering hero”, or “I’m going to be number one”, and since “number one” in Japanese is ichiban, Foo made it out like Enyu was a Kirin Ichiban drinking man of the people. Nice little Easter Egg there. Anyway, the Numbskulls call him out on it, and they need a favor. To be continued.

Jakob Hearse then beats Zed in what’s basically a squash. The lumbering giant gets in no offense as Hearse just beats him down brutally. This gets 1 1/2 stars— Hearse looks super strong, but then it makes no sense the Grimcraft offers Zed a spot in his group afterwards. He should be offering Hearse a spot.

After that, we’ve got Diablo beating Seraph for the Cruiserweight belt, and I was expecting more flying, but Diablo has changed his move set around since turning heel. This one gets 2 1/2 stars. Diablo cuts a promo about, you guessed it, Grimcraft. For a guy who’s not even wrestling on the show, Grimcraft has gotten more mention than the world champ, than his opponent. He’s basically dominating the Midcard scene right now.

Mother Mercy comes out demanding a match against Baby Girl, her former tag partner and the former Missy Thicc. Baby Girl tells her to shove it, Mercy says she’ll fight anyone, the office denies her and she leaves.

And finally, we get the the main event. Flint Decker won a number one contenders match, and he gets to fight Alexei Monstro and the two told a hell of a story. It was all about whether Decker could throw enough at Alexei to take him down. There were several near falls, several false finishes, Decker came up just short. Both guys look like a million bucks, and the match gets 4 out of 5 stars.

My overall grade for this P4V is a B+. The tag title and world title matches were good, as was the opening angle with Northwoods versus Grimcraft’s group. I didn’t like Grimcraft having his hands in everything... but I’m willing to see how it plays out. If they’re building him up to be a Thinker type guy who wrestles, but has this huge stable under him, then it’ll work, you just have to get there.

This has been Ryan Regret with your P4V Review. Thanks to all my Patrikon backers and we’ll see you next time!

[cotguy130]

March Week 1
BattleBrawl
The Ballroom


1) The Dark Arts make their way to the ring as Adam Stryker welcomes everyone to the show. He reminds us that this is the last week that he will be alone at the booth, as Kyle Marist returns next week. The Dark Arts are their usual reserved selves, aside from their newest member, Autumn Hex.
AUTUMN HEX: Were all you mundanes shocked last week when I showed up with my betrothed, Doomsayer? You didn’t know Winter had a sister, did you? Why would you? If it was up to that backstabber and her holier-than-thou false lord, I would’ve been tossed into a shallow grave years ago.
GRIMCRAFT: It’s good you’ve come to see the truth, Lady Hex. Doomsayer, I almost envy you, buy I don’t have time for such distractions, as pleasant as they may be. Lord Evermore, I don’t know what to say to you. You’ve whimpered and whined about wanting to wrestle me. I insisted, rightfully as is the tradition, that you work your way up to the right to face me. You struggled your way to where I thought you might be worthy to face Doomsayer. You couldn’t handle that. Today, you start over.
DOOMSAYER: Grimcraft, it’s a wonder the Northwoods Kingdom hasn’t collapsed under the weight of Evermore and Winter’s incompetence.
AUTUMN HEX: You are closed to the truth than you know, my dear.

Lord Evermore’s music plays, and he and Claymore enter.

EVERMORE: Grimcraft, you foul vermin…stop your lying chatter. Autumn, listen to me.
AUTUMN HEX: Oh, look, his lordship has come off his self-pedestal to address us. Where’s your wife?
CLAYMORE: His lordship ordered you to cease talking, and you will obey. (Autumn Hex giggles) Lord Evermore, allow me to-
AUTUMN HEX: Claymore, the royal lapdog-
GRIMCRAFT: Don’t be a scold, Lady Hex. Claymore, you and the fool holding your leash have no leverage. The two of you are supposed to wrestle as a team in a few minutes. You will be wrestling the most insignificant of the insignificant. Please, give the Lady Evermore our regards.
AUTUMN HEX: Not mine. I just want to kick her butt again, once she gets over her self-pity and decides to fight me.
DOOMSAYER: I wouldn’t hold my breath.
GRIMCRAFT: Dark Arts, let us depart. Evermore, I advise you and Claymore to let us pass without incident.

Evermore motions Claymore back, and the Dark Arts exit.

2) Lord Evermore and Claymore the Brave take their frustrations out on Pete Sinclair and The Enhancer. After the match, Evermore addresses the crowd.
EVERMORE: My wife, the Lady Evermore, sends her regards. She was admittedly shocked by her sister’s appearance alongside the Dark Arts. This affected her performance in the ring, and she apologizes for her reaction. I offer my sister-in-law a word of warning. Next time you face your sister in the ring, she will be more than ready to teach you the error of your ways. Claymore, I believe you would like to address the fans.
CLAYMORE: I would. I know many of you follow the digital news service Chirpr. If not, I issued a proclamation that I would be participating in the March Insanity-
EVERMORE: March Madness, Claymore.
CLAYMORE: My apologies to all. I will be participating in the March Madness wrestling tournament. I challenge Grimcraft to meet me in the first round of that tournament. No excuses about my worthiness, Grimcraft. You know I’m worthy. If you are what you say you are then accept the challenge.

3) Rod Codger and Cutie Pie tell us about some footage that was sent to the production truck earlier today.
ROD: It doesn’t need a lot of introduction. You will be able to tell who is behind it very quickly.
CUTIE PIE: Give credit where due, old man. This more shenanigans from the Numbskulls. Those guys are hilarious.
ROD: “Hilarious” isn’t the word I’d use.
CUTIE PIE: That’s because you left your sense of humor in 1974. Roll the bit of comedy gold, fellas!

Graphics at the bottom of the screen identify the location as the XPW offices, earlier the same day as BattleBrawl. We see Jolly Foo and Scuzzbucket, and hear Buddy Danger’s voice operating the camera.
JOLLY FOO: Gentlemen, perhaps there’s another way I can help you. Something less likely to end with me being critically injured?
SCUZZBUCKET: Sorry, Foo-Bar, but this is really the best way you can make it up to us for keeping quiet. I mean it’s going to get back to Japan eventually anyhow, but we can accelerate the process.
BUDDY DANGER: Scuzz’ right. Sure, you might get a little roughed-up this way, but imagine what Enyu will do if he finds that you-
JOLLY FOO: You’re right. (sighs) I’m between a boulder and a wall, I guess.
SCUZZ (laughing): Close enough. Let’s go.

They move down a hall that opens into a weight room/gym. Icepick Dominic and Concrete Charlie are in there doing a “very” light workout.
BUDDY DANGER: Go get ‘em, Tiger. We will be watching.

The Numbskulls stand right at the corner and film the following encounter.
JOLLY FOO: Excuse me, Mr. Pick, Mr. Concrete, may I have a word?
DOMINIC: I can’t possibly imagine what word you would need to have with the XPW tag champs, but go ahead.
JOLLY FOO: This concerns your esteemed titles. I stand before you representing the team of Buddy Danger and Scuzzbucket-San. My colleagues are requesting a match in which they might challenge for your titles.
CHARLIE: The Numbskulls want a title match? That’s what you’re saying?
JOLLY FOO: Yes, they do and yes, that is.
(DOM and CHARLIE laugh)
DOMINIC: They lost a match where they had a two-on-one advantage. It wasn’t close. This is a joke, right?
JOLLY FOO (nervously adjusting glasses): No, sir, it is not.
CHARLIE: You tell Bubba and Scumbucket that we said “no”. In fact, deliver this.
Charlie shoves Foo. He stumbles backward and trips over a weight bench. You can hear Buddy
whisper, “get ready, here it comes”. Foo gets to his feet, fixes his clothes, glasses, and hair.
FOO: Gentlemen, you leave me no choice but to do this.

He slaps Charlie across the face with an open hand and runs. The Hatchetmen take off in pursuit. They run right past the Numbskulls, who then run behind with the camera. Foo and his pursuers make several turns down various halls. He is able to stay a few steps ahead. They finally turn down another long hall, and we see sunlight coming through a big storefront-style glass window. Foo charges into the room, and we realize it’s the office lobby. Foo leaps over a coffee table and actually tips a couple of chair over in the Hatchetmen’s path. He makes it to the front door and explodes through the door. The receptionist squeals, and someone in the waiting area dives behind the big desk. The camera can picks up Foo, though the window, running for his life down the street. The Hatchetmen stop, totally gassed.
SCUZZBUCKET: Let’s go.
Before the Hatchetmen can turn around, the Numbskulls slip into a side meeting room and shut the door, laughing hysterically.
BUDDY DANGER: I didn’t know the little dude could move that fast.
You can here Charlie and Dom standing right outside the office door.
DOM: Who was that following us?
CHARLIE: I didn’t see ‘em, but it couldn’t have been the Numbskulls. Nobody would be that stupid.

Back live.
ROD: I guess those Numbskulls proved the Hatchetmen wrong. They are that stupid.
CUTIE PIE: Rod, as hysterical as I know you found that, you’re missing something. Did you notice the person who hid behind Doris’ desk?
ROD: I did. Didn’t make too much of it. Figured it was a vendor waiting for a meeting.
CUTIE PIE: Get your eyes checked. That was no vendor. I think that was-

We cut to commercial.

4) Next up, the debuting Kongo Kid defeats Timmy Tough in a passable match.

5) We cut back to Cutie Pie.
CUTIE PIE: I can’t believe they cut me off. I’m about to break a story and- (she listens to her earpiece) Yes, sir, I’m done, sir. No problem. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, my guest, Grand Manga.
GRAND MANGA: Thank you, Cutie Pie.
CUTIE PIE: You have speak English very well.
GRAND MANGA: Better than Jolly Foo speaks Japanese. I wouldn’t want to be him. Anyhow, I was in WoW for nearly 20 years on and off. It’s just natural now. I assume you’re going to ask me about Alexei Monstro’s offer?
CUTIE PIE: Definitely, Monstro has, out of the blue, requested you challenge for his title at March Madness.
GRAND MANGA: It was truly out of the blue as you said. I don’t think it has anything to do with his desire to see an “legend” like me get one more shot at the title though.
CUTIE PIE: You’re right. Locker room talk says he’s mentioned wanting to end a legend. It seems you’re the target.
GRAND MANGA: There are a lot of miles here, but that means lots of experience. I’ve seen things he couldn’t dream of. Old tricks he has no defense for. He isn’t taking me seriously, and they will be a mistake. Alexei, you’re going to regret this choice.
CUTIE PIE: Thank you, Grand Manga. Let’s go back to the ring.

6) The next match pits Big Tony, with Baby Girl, against former Cruiserweight champion, Seraph. Tony spends the pre-match mocking Seraph’s smaller size, and claiming an easy win. The reality is much different. With Tony on the floor, Seraph sets up for a suicide dive. Some observers feel that Big Tony pulled Baby Girl into Seraph’s flight path. Others say she sacrificed herself. Depending on the angle and speed of the footage, either could be correct. After Baby Girl hits the ground hard, Seraph stays to check on her. Tony grabs him from behind and flings him out of the way. Seraph uses his agility and ends up on the apron. Tony gives Baby Girl a cursory glance, and charges like a bull into the ring….right into Seraph’s Heavenstrike for the 3-count. Tony pops up at 3.1, but it’s over. He grabs for Seraph who takes a powder as soon as the pin is counted. Tony takes several seconds to rage at Seraph before finally bothering to check on Baby Girl who is just now to her knees and is still very stunned.

7) Mother Mercy defeats Winter, Lady Evermore, to earn a title match next week on Friday Fight Season. Mercy takes advantage of a distraction by Winter’s sister, Autumn Hex. However, Mercy has choice words for Autumn Hex, so they do not appear to be colluding. Hex asks Adam Stryker why her sister was getting a contenders match for her first solo outing, and after she’d embarrassed herself at Valentine’s Day Massacre. Stryker explained that XPW was taking into account Winter’s history as female combatant.
AUTUMN HEX: That’s funny since I taught her everything she knows. I’m sure that jackass bro-in-law of mine whined until they gave in.

8) In a solid TV title match, the red-hot Jakob Hearse defeats Dre Apex to take the TV title. Both men came away looking strong.

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Post Week One
Wrestling Monitor Review

Ryan Hernandez: We’ve got a special guest this week— the one, the only, the godfather of the dirt sheets himself, Dan Mixer! Dan, as always, it’s a pleasure to have you here.

Mixer: Pleasure is all mine.

Ryan: So, I wanted to bring you in for your expertise. It looks like in the Numbskulls video where the Hatchetmen chased Jolly Foo all over the building, there was a familiar face in one of the offices.

Mixer: Yes, and Cutie Pie was about to point it out before she got stopped by the production team. If she hadn’t slipped up I wouldn’t have even thought to look back at the video.

Ryan: And what did you find?

Mixer: Well, let’s roll the footage. As Dominic clears the frame here <the video stops, revealing a blurry image>, you can clearly see a very distinctive hairstyle above Concrete Charlie. I believe that hairstyle belongs to someone we’ve already accidentally seen on an XPW P4V. It certainly looked like Candy Cotton was sitting in the office. What were they discussing? Why was she there?

Ryan: That’s a huge bit of news. Especially juicy considering she was feigning horror at the treatment of her new BFF, Carolina Strutter.

Mixer: Ryan, I don’t think that was feigning anything. My sources inside XPW let me know that Cotton was backstage at the P4V because her contract was a done deal, and the incident with the Sky Diamonds gave her second thoughts. This may set things back even further, or even blow the deal completely.

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Week 2
Official XPW BoobToob Channel

Mother Mercy stands shoulders back, proud.

“Missy, everybody knows we go way back. Does it bother you when I call you Missy, Missy? I know it does, cause I know you better than anybody else. Better than your dad, your mom... and a hell of a lot better than your new boyfriend. You know, the guy that used you as a human shield, then still couldn’t beat a guy less than half his size?

But enough about no ambition losers. When I beat you next week and take by MY ladies title, I will make sure the record books say I defeated Missy Thicc, because Baby Girl will be forgotten.”

[cotguy130]

March Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Boston Arena

1) We open with the Sky Diamonds in the ring.
PINK CHAMPAGNE: Wrestling isn’t a complicated sport. Most of our rules come across more like suggestions. When somebody hurts you…puts you out for a while, you come back and tell the world you want to fight them. Not tricky at all. Destiny and I find ourselves in a tricky situation. I’m still in concussion protocol, you see. Can’t wrestle…can’t do my job. The difference is that I can’t call out the people who did this to me because they aren’t employees of XPW. After what I heard this week, we may be closer than I thought to calling somebody out, but I’ve still got a gag on…more or less. I’m going to end it like this. Everybody knows who I’m talking about. Do yourself a favor, SWEETIE, stay away. You and your new bff if it comes to that. You see, XPW may roll out the red carpet for you. Destiny and I are going to beat you to Hell and back, roll you up in that red carpet, and then dump the bodies. Your stay here will be short. Tell ‘em, Dest.
DESTINY: Pinky said all there needs to be said about that sitch. Now, Electronica, a few weeks ago I was on your cheesy little fake rave show. I know it’s been a while, but the way you acted like we were buddies and all that really irritated me. You’re a fake like your show. I’m itching for a fight, and since my real friend can’t go yet, I’m going to take out some of that irritation on you next week. Got it?

2) Komodo over Zed. After the match, Grimcraft comes out alone.
GRIMCRAFT: Zed, listen to me. What I have to say is simple. I can end your misery. You are a physical specimen, but there’s not a lot going on in your head. You lose because you don’t think. Let me fix that, Zed. I can make you as unstoppable as I am. See what I’ve done for Doomsayer and Diablo. Learn the path of the Dark Arts, Zed, and learn how to be a champion. Everybody’s asking who the 8th man in the March Madness tournament is. It’s you, Zed. Thanks to me and my power, I’ve got you a spot. Maybe you don’t deserve it based on your past, but I’m basing on your future…at my side. (Zed is an impassive as always. He turns to leave. Grimcraft grabs him by the arm as he turns away) no more of this, Zed. Your answer, now!”

Zed slowly and methodically shakes his head “no” and jerks his arm free. Grimcraft screams invectives and then slaps Zed across the face. Zed slowly turns back around as Grimcraft begs off. Moving with remarkable speed, Zed catches Grimcraft by the throat. He shoves him hard into the turnbuckle. Zed leaves the ring and is met by Doomsayer coming down the aisle. Zed swats Doomsayer aside into the guard rail. As he makes his way through the curtain, there’s a commotion, and the camera follows. Diablo has jumped on Zed’s back and is striking him around the head and neck. Zed looks annoyed. He very quickly backs hard into a concrete wall, and Diablo slides off stunned.

3) Cutie Pie tells us that today’s main event ladies title match may be in jeopardy as Baby Girl is being examined again by XPW doctors. She suffered an injury last week when she was hit by Seraph accidentally. She aggravated it during workouts this week.
CUTIE PIE: Let’s see if we can get an update. (Cutie Pie walks to the outside of a door marked “Ladies Locker Room”. She raps on the door, and Autumn Hex opens it slightly.
AUTUMN HEX: What do you want? Hold on, you’re the media girl who made a pass at Evermore.
CUTIE PIE: You have me confused with someone else. Is Baby Girl in there?
AUTUMN HEX: Baby Girl? What kind of female warrior calls herself that? If you mean that girl with the- real solid- backside, no, she’s not here. Without warning, a figure hurtles past Cutie Pie, crashing into the door and sending Autumn Hex flying. After the camera man resets himself, with Cutie Pie screaming at him to do so the whole time, we see Winter on top of her sister pounding on her. Eliza Brat runs off into another part of the locker room, but Mother Mercy steps up and pulls Winter off. She fights Mother briefly, but quickly calms down. As Autumn Hex gets to her feet, Winter spears her into Cutie Pie and the camera man, and we cut to commercial.

4) We’re back in the ring for a match between Brick City and The Numskulls to determine challengers for the Hatchetmen’s tag team titles. In a quick cut to Rod Codger with the Hatchetmen, Dominic tells us that quickly realized the Numbskulls were who put Foo up to that stupid stunt.
DOMINIC: The best way to get back at them is to give them what they want…sorta. Tony pulled some strings and got them in this match. Those Brick City boys are the hardest hitters we’ve faced in XPW, and they are going to have those idiots drinking their dinner through a straw.

Brick City do beat the heck out of The Numbskulls, but they come up short in the end to the shock of all. Jolly Foo shows up at ringside very quietly. Scuzzbucket has pulled their camera out from underneath the ring and is filming his partner getting in a rare bit of offense. Hustler starts a comeback, and Foo causes a distraction. While the ref’s focused elsewhere, Scuzz throws the camera to Buddy who catches it and smashes it over Hustler’s head. A quick sweep knocks the few pieces to the floor and Danger hits “Don’t Try This At Home” for the pin as the ref’s attention is suddenly drawn back to the action by Scuzz’ yelling. He misses Foo holding Banger by the ankle. The Numbskulls take off, leaving Foo with Brick City. They get their payback by hitting the Tick Tock Boom. When we come back from commercial, Adam Stryker says this happened during the break. Foo got up and staggered up the aisle. On the entrance platform, Charlie walked out. Foo turned to run and collided with Dominic who clamped on the Rib Splitter. It looked like Foo passed out in the hold and Dom released. Foo had been carried through the entrance way by several wrestlers just before we came back from break.

5) Alexei Monstro is out.
ALEXEI: If he will indulge me, I would like to request that my esteemed opponent, the living legend, Grand Manga, join me in the ring. (Grand Manga comes to the ring)
GRAND MANGA: What can I do for you, Alexei, aside from bear the brunt of the insults and threats that I’m sure are coming my way. Knock yourself out. I’ve heard it from a lot worse than you.
ALEXEI: I doubt that, but believe what you will. The only reason I politely requested your presence was to let you know how thrilled I am to be testing myself against you at March Madness. Now, I do expect to win and win decisively. I’m not given to faint praise. However, you do possess a skill set that I’m not as familiar with, and I feel you could be a small test for me.
GRAND MANGA: As many have commented recently, I’m not as small as I once was, but I’m tougher and smarter than I ever was. This will be much more than a small test for you, Alexei. Now, if you’re done being passive-aggressive….
ALEXEI: Actually, Grand One, I was going to offer a chance to test ourselves in battle before the big event. Next week perhaps? A tag match? Give these wonderful fans a taste of what’s to come?
GRAND MANGA: Sounds good to me. Hopefully, you won’t retract the title match offer after you see what I still bring.
ALEXEI: I don’t think that will be a problem.

6) Mother Mercy comes to the ring first. Big Tony comes out.
BIG TONY: No match tonight. The stupid quacks that work for XPW say Baby Girl’s ready, but her personal physician will not declare her fit.
MOTHER: You mean some mob doctor on the take, don’t you? I knew she would weasel out of this…or are you weaseling out for her?
BIG TONY: Listen, I don’t usually have broads whacked, but I’ll make an exception for you.
MOTHER: Let’s go you tub of goo. Right now.

Baby Girl’s music hits. Tony runs back up the aisle to meet her. They converse quietly, then he gets agitated.

TONY: You’re not fighting, and that’s final. Get back there.
BABY GIRL: Tony, I’m fine. (she passes him to continue on to the ring. He grabs her arm) TONY: Listen to me.
BABY GIRL : No, Tony (she pulls away and keeps walking. Mother Mercy applauds her actions) Mind you own business, Mercy. (Tony’s face reflects rage, but it passes quickly) You stay back there. I’ll handle this.

Mother Mercy goes on to beat Baby Girl and reclaim the title. As soon as the bell rings, Tony and the Hatchetmen hit the ring. Mother quickly gets away. Tony doesn’t offer Baby Girl any help, but berates her for not listening to him. She gets up on her own and pushes past him on her way to the back.

[cotguy130]

March Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Canada Centre

Rod Codger and Cutie Pie open us up with a rundown of tonight’s top matches. They are interrupted by Flint Decker.
FLINT: Rod, CP, if I can have a moment?
CUTIE PIE: You aren’t scheduled, so no.
ROD: Of course, Flint. What’s on your mind?
CUTIE PIE: No schedule, no talkie, no exceptions.
FLINT: This is pro wrestling. “Unscheduled” is how we work around here. Rod, thanks for the time.
CUTIE PIE: I’m going to talk over you. This is-
ROD: Is that Lady Winter? (Cutie Pie runs off)
FLINT: All I want to say is this. I’m opening the show with Komodo and Roberto Samba in a three-way. These are two great competitors, and this is going to be a fun match for you fans. Nothing against my opponents, but if I can’t win this match, I don’t deserve to be in March Madness. If I don’t win, I am pulling out. Thanks, Rod.

1) Flint Decker does indeed defeat Roberto Samba and Komodo to win the opening 3-way bout.
FLINT: Alexei, I am winning March Madness. I am going to take the XPW title from you. Period.

2) Grimcraft comes out alone.
GRIMCRAFT: I want to enlighten you mundanes on a few things. Autumn Hex is fine after her sister’s cowardly assault. Winter, you should’ve finished the job because she is going to. That’s when things really will start to go dark for both XPW and your husband’s little fiefdom. You’ll see. Claymore, I accept your challenge to meet in the first round next week at March Madness, and I’ve already made it happen. I’d say, “you’re welcome,’ but you won’t be thanking me. No, Evermore, this doesn’t put you any closer to a one-on-one with me. Sorry, not happening. Lastly, a word for Zed, the mindless abomination that shouldn’t exist, and won’t exist in very short order. I tried to take your spot in the tournament away. The one I got you. After your little display last week, I saw that you don’t belong anywhere near this tournament. The Powers That Be were being contrary, and refused to evict you. At this point, you will be humiliated in the first round, so no harm done. After the tournament when the Dark Arts can give you some
attention, there will be harm done.

3) Destiny defeats Electronica by disqualification when Cyber Blue tried to help his teammate, and it backfired. Electronica was not happy with Blue’s actions. She “didn’t want or need his help once she stepped inside the ropes.”

4) Big Tony is with Hatchetmen backstage.
DOMINIC: Boss, where’s BG?
TONY: Why you worried about her, Dom? She’s fine. She’s just…upset…at losing the ladies title, which she will take back very soon. I knew she wasn’t fit to wrestle, but she listened to XPW’s quacks over the family physician.
DOMINIC: Just wondering, boss.
TONY: Don’t you be wasting any brain power wondering about MY girl, capisce? You two need to be thinking about your match with the Numbskulls.
(There’s a long, awkward pause, then all three men burst out laughing)
CHARLIE: You had us going there boss. I was wondering why me and Dom would give those punks a second thought.
DOMINIC: They only be Brick City with Foo’s help. Charlie, don’t you owe him-
CHARLIE: oh, yea, I’m going to break his kneecaps next time I’m bored.
TONY: I was wondering if you were going to let that slap slide, Charlie.
CHARLIE: No way, boss. He’s just not a priority. You know, Dom and I been meaning to ask you-
DOMINIC: Let’s don’t bother Big Tony with that Charlie…not now…
BIG TONY: No, go ahead. I’m in a decent mood.
DOMINIC: Really, boss, it’s ok-
TONY: I said ask!! In fact, Dom, why don’t you ask this important question? I’m waiting.
DOMINIC: Well, we know you’re in this tournament next week, and if…when…you win, you get a title shot. We wuz just wondering why you ain’t talking it up? You’re a shoo-in to win the tourney, and you can beat-
(Tony grabs Dom by the ear)
TONY: The next time anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, asks me about the XPW title, I am going to take one of their ears. My plans are for me alone to know and, should I decide, to tell. Shut the Hell up!! Both of you, get out of here!!

5) Grand Manga and Seraph come to the ring. Next out is Mr. Europa.
EUROPA: Alexei has made the obviously perfect choice for a partner. Now, please welcome, your XPW champion, Alexei Monstro.

Monstro barely acknowledges Europa. It’s obvious throughout the match that Monstro and Europa have no chemistry together. To some, it appears Europa is more concerned about upsetting his partner than what his opponents are doing. The finish is Monstro catching Seraph in mid-air during a Heavenstrike while all four men were brawling in the ring. He crushed him with a powerslam and went for the “lazy” cover. They weren’t the legal men, however, and a second later Manga nailed Europa with the shooting star press for the win. An aggravated Monstro got up and walked off without having anything to do with his partner.

6) In the main event, Diablo successfully retains the cruiserweight title against Cyber Blue. Blue gets a mixed reaction from the crowd, and doesn’t respond well to the negativity. However, as a group, they hate Diablo.

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Post Week Three
Cyber’s BoobToob Channel

Cyber: YOOOOO!!!! Yo boy Cyber here, remember to like, comment, and subscribe. Guys, it wasn’t a great week for yo boy. I’m happy Flint won his match... but I cost Electronica her match and then I lost against Diablo in my first ever title shot. But it’s OK. I’m just... I don’t ever do anything my heart’s not in, and... I just don’t feel like playing Four Knights right now. Instead, I’m going to lay out my predictions for the March Madness tournament.

First match is Claymore vs Grimcraft— yooo, they hate each other from some beef in their hometown. This is gonna be tuff. Claymore’s social media game is great tho, pretending to not understand it. Very savvy. I pick Grimcraft.

Second is my boy FLINT DECKER! And he’s up against Mr. Europa. Y’all, this is gonna tear down the house! Ain’t nobody better than Decker— note to self, I need to pitch that as a shirt idea— but Europa just does things that nobody else can do. I know my boy Flint will win, but Europa is gonna put up a good fight.

Third, Komodo vs Roberto Samba. It don’t matter cause Flint beat em both last week! I guess Samba is a good fighter, so I pick him.

And last, Big Tony and Zed. Damn, can the ring hold them both? Tony is gonna win, and prolly get to the finals against MY BOY FLIIIIIIINT! And then, he gets another shot at Alexei for the title! YOOOOOO!!!

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One, Pre March Madness
Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Baby Girl, I’m going to the hardware store. I’m gonna come back with a new trophy for the mantle. #marchmadness

@northwoodsclaymore
Hey, @yoboycyber, thanks for noticing my improvement! Today I learned how to @someone!

@sambamma
Glad to get Komodo in a 1 on 1. There’s no three way matches in real fighting.

@kongobongo
Glad to have made my XPW debut, and to be by the side of my good friend Komodo at #marchmadness.

@someone
Listen, @northwoodsclaymore, back the f$&@ off. I don’t know you, quit tagging me you sonofabitch.

@thiccbabygirl
Tony, don’t worry about hardware. Bring me back an ice pack. I’m still sore from that “accident”.

@skydiamonddestiny
Can’t wait till the dirt sheets hear what else is going on behind the scenes. More to come. I will be vindicated!!

[Pierre The Enormous]

Apr 20, 2020 7:54:18 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

March Year One, Pre March Madness
Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Baby Girl, I’m going to the hardware store. I’m gonna come back with a new trophy for the mantle. #marchmadness

@northwoodsclaymore
Hey, @yoboycyber, thanks for noticing my improvement! Today I learned how to @someone!

@sambamma
Glad to get Komodo in a 1 on 1. There’s no three way matches in real fighting.

@kongobongo
Glad to have made my XPW debut, and to be by the side of my good friend Komodo at #marchmadness.

@someone
Listen, @northwoodsclaymore, back the f$&@ off. I don’t know you, quit tagging me you sonofabitch.

@thiccbabygirl
Tony, don’t worry about hardware. Bring me back an ice pack. I’m still sore from that “accident”.

@skydiamonddestiny
Can’t wait till the dirt sheets hear what else is going on behind the scenes. More to come. I will be vindicated!!

Poor Claymore

[Thumper Moore III]

March Year One Week Three Pre March Madness
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

Pony: Welcome to the best wrestling podcast in the world, The Craft of Wrestling! I’m Pony Umbrella, and I’m here with Buddy Danger and Scuzzbucket, the Numbskulls! I’m doing this against my better judgment, as I know they’re probably going to try to make me look like a jackass on my own show. Regardless, they’re challenging the Hatchetmen for the tag titles at March Madness.

Buddy: What’s up, never-was? How’s it hangin? Down and to the right?

Pony: This is a family show guys, and this is over if you can’t grow up.

Scuzz: What, Mr. Smiles-a-lot can’t take a joke?

Pony: OK, I’ll be the professional here. What do you say to the critics who say you don’t have a chance against the Hatchetmen?

Buddy: THEY’RE RIGHT!!

Scuzz: Yeah, we’re probably gonna get our asses kicked. But we’re going to have a hell of a lot of fun doing it!

Buddy: You see, titles are nice, but we’re all about the rush, Pony. And the rush of competing in front of tens of thousands of fans and almost dying in the process is worth the pain.

Pony: People are taking you as lightly as they’re taking Grand Manga. That doesn’t bother you?

Buddy: Nah. People think what they want to. I mean, we’re going to try and all, and winning would be nice, but—

Scuzz: The most important thing is that everyone has a good time.

Pony: That’s about the nicest thing I’ve heard from you guys. I appreciate your ti— <as Tony begins to stand up to shake the Numbskullz hands, his seat rises with him. Buddy and Scuzz begin laughing uproariously.>

Pony: Ah, the old “glue my ass to the seat” trick. I’m gonna give you the rush you want right now!

The Numbskullz take off, giggling like 12 year old boys. Pony attempts to give chase, hampered by the fact that he’s waddling like a duck due to the chair glued to his ass. The camera fades as everyone runs off screen.

[cotguy130]

March Week 4
March Madness
Puro Dome

The entire team, Kyle Marist, Adam Stryker, Rod Codger, and Cutie Pie are on hand during the intro to welcome us to Japan for the first, but definitely not last, time. They talk briefly of the week’s activities held leading up to tonight’s show, and the incredible affection shown by the Japanese fans. They close with a video montage with several XPW wrestlers talking about their experience in this new market. Now, on to March Madness!!

1) In an excellent tournament-opening match, Grimcraft does defeat Claymore the Brave.

2) In the second match of Round 1, Flint Decker defeat Mr. Europa.
FLINT (with interpreter): Thank you for this week’s incredible response to XPW’s first time in Japan. I want to warn Alexei about looking ahead to our match-up. Yes, Alexei tonight’s my night. It may also be Grand Manga’s. The man’s a legend, and I’m not sure you have what it takes. (In perfect Japanese) Would you like to see Flint Decker versus Grand Manga for the XPW title?

The crowd roars.

3) In match #3 of Round 2, Komodo defeat Roberto Samba.

4) In the final match of Round 1, Zed get what’s considered by many to get an upset win over Big Tony. Eagle-eyes viewers claim they saw what might’ve been a small smile play across Zed’s mouth for only a moment. As he was making his way up the long aisle, the Hatchetmen attacked him. However, Zed held them off by himself until Dominic hit Zed with a pair of brass knucks.

5) At this point, the Numbskulls, The Hatchetmen’s challengers in the next match, attacked Charlie, who had taken the worst of Zed’s fighting back. Scuzz and Danger had no interest in helping Zed, but were more looking for an opening against the champs. After a few minutes, the match began in earnest. Despite their slight advantage at the front end, the Skulls were not able to take advantage. After the Hatchetmen took the momentum, Dominic had Danger submitting to the Rib Splitter soon after.

After the match, the arena lights went down, and the big video screen lit up. It was a full-blown rave with 20-30 people present. Electronica was the DJ.
ELECTRONICA: Party people, listen to my words. Meet the newest ravers on Electronica’s circuit. They’ve always been over, now their new, fresh, and over…The Neo-Knights.

Massive Gaines and Jackson Good dance to the center of the floor. Their new look makes them a perfect fit for Blue Steel.
MASSIVE: They now call me Bomber John!!
JACKSON GOOD: I’m Jackrabbit. Like our girl, Elle, said-
BOMBER: We’re the Neo-Knights, full-fledged, dues-paying, card-carrying Blue Steelers.
JACK: We ride with Elle, Flint, and the other guy- J.K. Blue J.K My man Cyber Blue. Hatchetmen, we will see you next week.
BOMBER: Out with the old, in with the neo, goombahs. We’re coming to take our belts back.
JACK: For the first time!!

6) In the first semifinal, Flint Decker defeats Grimcraft. Claymore the Brave comes out to congratulate Flint as Grimcraft seethes.

7) In the other semifinal, Komodo defeats Zed after a Grimcraft distraction. After the finish, Zed chases Grimcraft into the audience and down a maintenance hall when we have to come back to the arena.

8) In the XPW title match, Alexei Monstro defeats hometown hero, Grand Manga, to retain the title. Manga comes close several times, and the announcers harken back to his matches with Blockbuster Brohan in WoW. After the pin, Monstro continues to assault Manga. Flint Decker rushes to the ring to assist Manga. He sends Alexei hurtling through the ropes. Monstro backs away from the ring.
DECKER: Grand Manga, that was a Hell of a fight. Alexei, this man was a breath away from beating you, and I’m not sure that a couple of those counts weren’t a little slow, ref. Alexei, I will be winning this tournament in a very short while when I defeat Komodo. You said I couldn’t do it, and I’m about to. Then, at Champ Clash in four week, I am taking the XPW title. Manga, I want you to be my first challenger. Don’t worry, Alexei, you’ll get a rematch. I don’t run from my duties as champ. I am going to make sure truly worthy contender gets a shot before you.

9) In the main event tournament final, Flint Decker defeats Komodo to win March Madness I. The two competitors shakes hands before and after the match. Alexei Monstro comes out and stands on the entrance platform as the champ and challenger have a long-distance stare down.
We start to fade on this scene. Suddenly, the cameras switch to what looks like the loading dock of the building. There’s a commotion, and we realize that Grimcraft and Zed are still fighting. We only get a few seconds of footage, but we do see Zed trying to hit Grimcraft with a shipping pallet. Grimcraft ducks and dropkicks Zed in the back, sending him off the loading dock and out of sight. We hear the pallet splinter.

[Thumper Moore III]

Post Year One March Madness
Wrestling Monitor Review with Ryan Hernandez

Ryan: I’d first like to thank Dan Mixer for being on last time. But on to current events... As the XPW fans in the arena left chanting “seinaru tawagoto” (that’s Japanese for “holy s$&@“), we have to wonder about the health of poor Zed. Even a guy who makes his name by taking serious punishment every night has his limits, and that was a ludicrous fall. He may be off TV for some time recuperating.

As for the other significant things that happened. First, Flint Decker wins the tournament, speaks Japanese, saves the godfather of Japanese wrestling, offers him a title shot for a belt he doesn’t own, recruits the Over Knights to his stable, and doesn’t have to deal with the Underworld to do it. No one has had a better night in years.

Komodo made a hell of a showing. There were those who thought he’d simply be a speed bump for Samba or Tony, but he made it all the way to the finals. A huge boost to him and his minuscule partner, Kongo Kid by proxy.

It was also a bad night for Grimcraft, as I’m sure he didn’t kill Zed, Claymore seems to be working a “enemy of my enemy is my friend” angle with Flint, and by proxy the suddenly five member Blue Steel. Mark my words— the lumbering oaf will get his revenge on Grimcraft and his minions.