The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

April Week 1
BattleBrawl
Cattle Castle

We open with additional footage from the end of last week’s March Madness P4V. After Zed and the wooden shipping pallet fly off the loading dock, Grimcraft slinks away. The camera man looks over the edge of the dock as we hear officials and medical personnel approaching. Zed is laying in the middle of the splintered wood with numerous cuts and scrapes all over his body, some bleeding fairly heavily. By the time the medical team jumps off the dock and tries to assist him, he is already rising from the wreckage. He rips a partially broken slat off the pallet and brandishes it, the jagged wooden end causing the medical team to leap back. Then, in a low bass growl we hear Zed for the first time….”GRIMCRAFT”. With athleticism belying his size, Zed does a standing vertical leap from the ground to the dock, and walks quickly back into the building still holding the broken board.

Back at the Cattle Castle, Rod and Cutie Pie tell us that Zed did not find Grimcraft that night. True to Grimcraft’s MO, using his followers as human shields, he is forcing Zed to face Diablo on tonight’s show.
CUTIE PIE: He’s Grimcraft and answers to nobody. He’s already run Evermore back to the Northwoods Kingdom, and Claymore will be on the next plane. Why should he waste his time with a walking lump like Zed. By the way, Flint Decker stumbled his way through March Madness and, yawn, managed to win. What he’s won is the right to be embarrassed by Alexei Monstro at Champ Clash.
ROD: How do you get away with being that unprofessional? Folks, we will hear from Flint Decker later on tonight along with his colleagues in Blue Steel…which now includes two familiar faces with exciting new looks.
CUTIE PIE: The Over Knights got blue clothes and joined Blue Steel. Woo Hoo!
ROD: Lord Evermore and Winter are back tonight along with Claymore, and we will hear from them as well.
CUTIE PIE: My sources tell me that they will admit that the Dark Arts are the superior team, and say good-bye forever…we can only hope.
ROD: Grow up. Fans, let’s go to the ring.

1) We open with a 3-way match pitting Dre Apex versus Seraph versus Doomsayer. Seraph gets a clean win by pinning Apex. Doomsayer managed to stay clear of the action, only inserting himself when he had a clear advantage. Seraph helped Apex to his feet after the pin, and the two men embraced. Doomsayer stood and glowered in the corner. With nothing but a look between them, Seraph and Apex acted. Dre dropkicked Doomsayer hard into the turnbuckle. He staggered out right into a Heavenstrike from Seraph. Diablo came running out, but didn’t engage the two opponents. However, Autumn Hex walked right up to Dre and slapped him. Seraph caught her wrist before she could do the same to him.

2) The Sky Diamonds, Destiny and Pink Champagne, made quick work of Molly Oliver and Kristy Tristan. They asked for a mic and were about to address the crowd when a masked female came though the crowd and entered the ring behind them, grabbing a steel chair as she did. They were both laid out with chair shots before they knew what hit them. The started to lift the mask from one corner, but stopped. She gave the first-finger waggle “no, no, no” sign, and left back through the crowd.

3) The newest version of Blue Steel makes their way to the ring as the Cattle Castle is transformed into one giant rave. The Neo-Knights, Electronica, and Cyber Blue party their way around the ring while Decker looks on with a huge smile on his face.
DECKER: Give it up for Blue Steel!! What a week it’s been. All I can say is that Tokyo knows how to party. I’m not going to lie. Blue Steel went hard before flying back to the States. I’m not sure Blue’s recovered yet.
BLUE: Let’s hear it for the first ever March Madness tournament winner, Mr. Flint Decker! (crowd goes wild) Mr. Monstro, sir, your days are numbered. Just sayin’
ELECTRONICA: How’s about these two fine looking fellas? Give it up for the Neo-Knights!!
JOHN: I’m Bomber John
JACK: You can call me Jackrabbit. What do those names mean? They’re our Blue Steel identity. This beauty’s birth certificate doesn’t say Electronica.
DECKER: Mine does say Flint Decker.
JOHN: Buzzkill. All seriousness aside, call us what you want as long as you call us-
JOHN/JACK: The NEXT X.P.W. Tag. Team. Champions.
ELECTRONICA: I like that hip action.
BLUE: You would.
JOHN: Don’t be a hater, Blue, just cause you ain’t got the moves. A word to the goombahs. Champ Clash is coming up, and we will be taking those tag titles.
DECKER: And I will take the XPW title, Alexei. Somebody save this clip so we can play it back.
BLUE: Yea, and I’m going to…
ELECTRONICA: You will play DJ this time so I can show my moves alongside the new champs!
(The music hits and Electronica and the Neo-Knights start dancing. John encourages Decker and Blue to join in. Flint breaks out some crazy moves to the astonishment of all while Blue watches)

4) Wally Saratoga causes quite a stir when he upsets Kongo Kid.

5) In a No DQ anything-goes brawl, Mother Mercy defeats Baby Girl. Throughout the match, Mother referred to her opponent as “Missy”, while Baby Girl would respond with “my name is Baby Girl” or something similar when able. Big Tony and the Underworld came out with her, but she insisted on fighting alone. After Mother got the pinfall, Tony and the Hatchetmen rushed down. Tony did go straight to Baby Girl while the Hatchet Men cornered Mother. She did not back down. Before anything physical occurred, The Neo Knights slid into the ring, and the Hatchet Men rolled out. Mother grabbed a mic.
MOTHER: I appreciate the help, boys, but it wasn’t needed. I had those, what do you call them? Goobers? Right where I wanted them.
6) In the next match, Zed makes short work of Diablo. The rest of the Dark Arts are at ringside, but don’t affect the outcome. They do make a move after the match. Zed goes out of the ring and under it, and pulls out a wooden plank like he picked up in Japan. The Dark Arts back off, but don’t leave. Autumn Hex slips in behind him and distracts him allowing Grimcraft and Doomsayer to attack. It doesn’t last long before the Northwoods Kingdom come to Zed’s aid. For the first time, Evermore gets his hands on Grimcraft, and the results aren’t pretty. Claymore takes Doomsayer to the floor, and Winter charges her sister and spears her into the guard rail. A recovered Diablo rejoins the fray. It takes security and wrestlers to break it up. The Dark Arts a force-marched to the back.
EVERMORE: Not a bad day’s work for our first day back. Well, milady, my first day back. You took a quick trip back to the states without my knowledge-
WINTER: Not apologizing either.
EVERMORE: I was merely letting the good people know about my absence the last month. Matters of state.
CLAYMORE: Lady Winter did a fine job if I may say so myself. The witch Hex needed dental work, I believe.
WINTER: Was that all? Missed my goal. Oh, well, she will experience many more such beatings at my hands.
EVERMORE: Grimcraft, it’s time for a showdown. No more excuses. My #1 came a hair’s breadth from beating you at March Madness. Your Dark Arts are about to come crashing down.

7) In the main event, The Underworld of Big Tony and the Hatchet Men defeated The Numbskulls and Jolly Foo. The Skulls/Foo team didn’t get a lot of offense.
TONY: That’s what happened when you mess with the Underworld. Blue Steel, I am putting out a contract on all of you. Anybody can pick it up. You want some easy cash then put somebody from Blue Steel on the shelf. You make sure Decker and the Knights never get to Champ Clash. You’ve got 4 weeks.

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One
Week One Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Blue Steel, enjoy your bright lights and dance music for now. Underworld is gonna devour you like a bunch of cannolis at a family reunion.

@yoboycyber
YOOO!! Dance party bois!! @acedogma, love having you around! We gotta run back some Four Knights again soon!

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
‘Twas a good return to XPW this week. When the home realm is secure, it allows me to focus, right @northwoodswinter?

massivegaines
Glad you like them moves, Elexy. Can I call you Elexy? Actually, I don’t care, as long as you call me your sexy Bomber John.

@acedogma
Cyber, we’ll run it back after we beat up the #goombahs at Champ Clash.

@thiccbabygirl
Not sure what to do now. I keep losing my title chances. Doubting a lot of things...

@northwoodswinter
My lord, I’m glad you hastened to return. Your presence enchants me.

@@grimcraft
Winter, you’ll be enchanted alright. As soon as you realize, like your sister, that Evermore is the most enchanted bag of wind and excrement the world has seen. #windandexcrement

@northwoodsclaymore
@grimcraft I would be remiss if I did not express my intense displeasure of you and all your kind. You are lucky that I cannot reach through the internet and strang

@northwoodswinter
140 characters, Claymore.

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One Post Week One
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

Pony: Welcome once again to the best wrestling podcast in the world! My guest this show is the champ, the undefeated, the Russian Wrecker, Alexei Monstro!

Alexei: I’ve heard better introductions from a six year old at a kindergarten graduation.

Pony: That aside, Alexei, you’ve had three wins in three title matches since being named the inaugural XPW champion. Obviously they chose the right man for the job.

Alexei: And here I was thinking you were going to ask me questions. Pony, your flattery is irrelevant. Move this thing forward.

Pony: OK— you were pushed pretty hard by a decidedly over the hill Grabd Manga, and Flint Decker gave you everything you could handle before that. How long before someone pushes you just a little bit more?

Alexei: I don’t know Pony— how long have the mountains stood? How long have the oceans roared? It’ll be that long until someone can stand up to me.

Pony: Some say Flint is the man for the job.

Alexei: And some say the earth is flat. Your point?

Pony: Aside from the one on top of your head?

Alexei: You’re one word away from suing me for the grievous injuries I inflict upon you. This “interview” is over, and after I tell XPW how you’ve handled this, you’ll be lucky to be interviewing Sherman Turk.

[cotguy130]

April Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Chitown Complex

Rod and Cutie Pie welcome us with the news that today’s card could be called “Night of the Bounty Hunters”. With the exception of the opening match and main event, the other three matches will be wrestlers trying to cash in on Big Tony’s bounties on members of Blue Steel.

1) The opening match sees Lord Evermore defeat Shadow.

2) Eliza Brat defeats Electronica by disqualification when Electronica waffles her opponent with a steel chair right in front of the ref. She walks off. Brat calls out for Big Tony to “show her the money.” Baby Girl comes out.
BABY GIRL: Eliza, putting somebody on the shelf doesn’t mean just beating them. It means take them out of action. You were in worse shape than Electronica when that match ended. Sorry, Brat, no stack for you.”

Baby Girl turns to leave as Brat screams at her about “unfairness.” Baby Girl ignores her.

3) The Dark Arts team of Doomsayer and Diablo, with Autumn Hex, try to collect on the Neo-Knights. They come up short as Bomber John pins Diablo.
JACK: Bomber, the goombahs are getting desperate.
JOHN: You know it, Jack. They’re scared of Blue Steel. At Champ Clash, we are going to become the 2-time, 2-time, 2-time…
JACK/JOHN: X.P.W. Tag.Team.Champions.
JOHN: Our man Flint...
JACK: Why does that sound familiar?
JOHN: I think it was a movie from when your Granny Rabbit was a little girl. Flint is going to walk out with that XPW title.
JACK: Blue Steel gonna rule XPW!

4) Grimcraft appears alone in video segment.
GRIMCRAFT: Lord Evermore, it’s good to see you again. I’m glad you decided to come back to XPW after your unannounced retreat to the Northwoods. I was telling the Dark Arts the other day about how our unique relationship was like the solar system. My force attracts you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t allow you to get any closer, or ever leave. You stay where I put you, and I know that must be galling. The rest of XPW has this ridiculous notion that I am dodging you. We’ve established that the reason I haven’t given you a one-on-one match is that you haven’t proven yourself worthy. A fool could see you aren’t. This isn’t enough for the simpleton fans and those wrestlers who need their vocal support. I decided the best way to end this silly debate is to prove them wrong, once and for all. Next week, you will face Doomsayer. Should you defeat him, then, and only then, will I deign to face you, one on one, at Champ Clash. Your road to me is a straight path with one obstacle. Nothing against my student, but I almost hope you find your way through that obstacle. I will enjoy shutting your mouth myself for the final time.

5) In the next match, Cyber Blue defeats Richie B to avoid another bounty.

6) We go to a segment called “The Champagne Room”, with your hostess, Pink Champagne. Her guest is her partner, Destiny.
DESTINY: Pinky, we should be out there wrestling as the Sky Diamonds, the best ladies tag team in XPW.
PINK: You’re right, D. You see fans, I had just come out of concussion protocol, you know how I got there, when we get attacked by a “mystery” lady. That chairshot you saw her give me put me back in protocol. I’m out of action again.
DESTINY: “Mystery” lady…riiiight. She’s as mysterious as the two people who put you in protocol the first time, and we still can’t name her. Until we can use her name, we’re going with the very basic “bitch”.
PINKY: Wait, D, aren’t we supposed to pretend what happened after our match last week didn’t happen? Like what happened at the Battle Royale didn’t happen. Here’s the deal, XPW. By the time I cleared, again, you better have us a name we can use on the air. Not just any name, the name.
DESTINY: And an opponent to go with it. Otherwise, we start dropping bombshells and will accept the consequences. Truly, Pinky and I aren’t sure we want to work for a company that let’s wrestlers hide behind technicalities just because they might be big ticket someday. Don’t protect her, XPW.

7) In the main event, Jakob Hearse retain the TV title against former champion, Dre Apex. The Kingdom’s music hits, and Claymore walks out.
CLAYMORE: Mr. Hearse, my good champion, while my lord vanquishes Grimcraft at Champ Clash, I would like to challenge you to a match for your TV title. Do you accept?
JAKOB: I like people who get down to business. Wait, do you have television where you come from?
CLAYMORE: Despite our ways that seem old-fashioned to the rest of the world, The Northwoods Kingdom is very much in tune with modern technology. We have flatscreens now.
JAKOB: That’s something, really. Flatscreens. Where are you on Chirpr? It’s really kicking your butt. Speaking of “kicking your butt”, I accept your challenge. See you at Champ Clash.
CLAYMORE: Hashtag indeed you will (as an aside as we fade out) Did I say that right?

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One, Post Week Two
Jackrabbit’s BoobToob Channel

JACKRABBIT: Welcome to the Second. Most. Watched. BoobToob wrestling and gaming channel, hosted by yours truly, Ace Dogma. For those new to the channel, some explanation. I now have more names than most folks.

BOMBER JOHN: That’s true, he does.

JACK: So, my original wrestling name when I started this channel, and have maintained online, is Ace Dogma. That’s after the most iconic wrestler of the era when I was growing up, the Aceweiser drinking, mud puddle stomping, Ace of Spades. And I just knew I was gonna be the next Ace.

JOHN: That didn’t happen.

JACK: That’s right, that didn’t happen. So then I became Jackson Good, which frankly, is a generic, terrible name.

JOHN: Terrible.

JACK: I don’t dance like the Pop King.

JOHN: Doesn’t dance.

JACK: I’m not particularly good.

JOHN: He’s neutral.

JACK: So here, I’ve embraced my true self— I’m fast as lightning, whether in the ring or on the sticks.

JOHN: He’s quick.

JACK: And with that out of the way, what we’ve got today on the channel is a three way match in XPW 2KY1, between myself, my partner, Bomber John, and our guest... Cyber Blue.

CYBER: YOOOO!!!! And we’ll be playing as ourselves!

JACK: First let’s look at the ratings. Johnny boy, looks like you’re rated an 84.

JOHN: That’s respectable.

JACK: I’m up next, and I’m an 82. I can live with that. And finally, Cyber, you’re... a 68.

CYBER: WHAT?!? That’s so disrespectful! I mean, I’m new and all to wrestling, but that’s an embarrassment. It’s a travesty. It’s a mockery.

JACK: So, no DQs in a three way, and we’ve loaded the Battle Brawl set. Here we go.

CYBER: John, you’re just letting me punch you.

JOHN: Your rating is so bad it don’t matter.

CYBER: Wait.. damn it, reverse, reverse!!

JACK: Ooooh, I didn’t know you could do double team moves in this mode. Want to set him up for our old finisher, Daylight Savings Time?

CYBER: YOOOOO, I can’t reverse anything? My rating is too low!!

JACK: Ouch! Through the table! And one, two, three! Jackrabbit wins!

CYBER: Why didn’t you break up the pin John?

JOHN: I forgot.

JACK: See you next time on AceDogma’s BoobToob!

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One, Week Two
XPW’s Official BoobToob Channel

A fog rolls in from a forest, and a shadowy figure stands in the fog. This is exactly like the intro video for Lord Evermore a couple months back... but Grimcraft emerges into the light. Doomsayer and Autumn Hex are by his side.

GRIM: Were you expecting someone else? So, here we are, at the border of the Northwoods Kingdom. Or should I say, fiefdom. After all, once Evermore is eliminated— whether by Doomsayer or myself is irrelevant— and the lady Winter is taken down by her dear, dear sister here, there will be nothing standing in the way of this kingdom becoming a vassal state. Doomsayer has seen it.

DOOMSAYER: Yes, Lord Grimcraft, I have seen the future of this land. It is dark, it is perilous, and it is inevitable. Only time separates this prophecy from reality. SO SAYETH THE DOOMSAYER!

GRIM and AUTUMN: So it is said, so it will be.

AUTUMN: Sister, your end is coming soon. It is written on the stars, in the annals of time, and on both of our hearts.

GRIM: Enjoy your wealth, your kingdom, and your freedom for now. Eat, drink, be merry. For it may all be gone in a—

Grimcraft snaps his fingers, and all three Dark Arts members disappear from the screen, leaving only the foreboding forest.

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One Week Two
Pink Champagne’s Digifoto

Accompanying this digi-story is a photo of Pink and Destiny after Battle Royale.

Y’all, I was told not to post details, but enough is enough. See this black eye? See that knot on my head? Management knows who did this, and has done nothing about it. That chair shot last week? Same perpetrator, and I’m still told to keep my mouth shut. This is some bulls$&! and you know it and they know it. This is a hostile work environment that is going to lead to people leaving this company. XPW either needs to lift the gag order and protect their employees— excuse me, independent contractors— better than this.

Help me out, guys. We’ve had an announcer suspended over this, and Kyle, I can’t thank you enough for your support. But please write to XPW management to have them handle this!!!

[cotguy130]

April Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Empire Gardens

1) We open with The Hatchetmen and Baby Girl in the ring.
BABY GIRL: The reason my Tony isn’t here is because he’s getting ready for a big match tonight. Tony’s associate, Mr. Monstro, has asked my big snuggle bug to keep that stupid ol’ Flint Decker out of Champ Clash. Mr. Monstro’s going to pay Tony the same amount as the bounty that Tony put on those jerks from Blue Steel. He promised me we would take all that delicious cash and go on the biggest date night ever!! I’ll will be wearing some new ice when you see this Baby Girl again.
DOMINIC: Last week, nobody was able to cash in on Tony’s offer. There’s time left, but we want the Neo-Knights taken care of now.
CHARLIE: Who are the Neo-Knights? They look and act like those idiot Over-Knights, but as far as we’re concerned, they’re a new team. They gotta start all over. Tonight, we told the Numbskulls that they’d better take out the Bomber and the Bunny for us. They can have the bounty if they get the job done, but all that matters is the Neos don’t make it to Champ Clash. You hear me Danger and Scuzz? This ends with us handing you a wad of dough, or a beatdown. I would advise you to get the job done.
BABY GIRL: I know we’re supposed to be done, but I gotta say something.
CHARLIE: Uh, careful-
BABY GIRL: Big Tony’s girl doesn’t need to be careful. I gpt the most important man in XPW watching my back. XPW has decided that I’m no longer in the title picture. Yea, Mother beat me last time in that NO DQ match, but since when does one loss knock a former champ out? The office is going with the new flavors of the month in those two weirdo sisters. That doesn’t work for me, XPW, and it don’t work for Big Tony. I suggest you do something about it before I have Big Tony make a scene, capisce?
DOMINIC: Yea, BG, they, uh, get it, right Charlie? Why don’t we go see if Big Tony needs any help with his workout? I bet he’d love to see his Baby Girl right now. Hit that music!

2) Our first match pits Winter against Autumn Hex to see who challenges Mother Mercy at Champ Clash. Winter comes out first.
WINTER: Baby Girl, watch yourself. My sister might be indeed be a “weirdo” now that she’s part of Grimcraft’s cabal, but she’s still my sister. Even half-deranged, she’s still twice the woman you are, and that’s saying a lot if you get my meaning. You keep out of our business; how do you say it…capishy?

Autumn Hex defeats Winter to claim the XPW ladies title shot at Champ Clash.

3) In an interference-ridden affair that still got *** 1/2, Lord Evermore defeats Doomsayer to guarantee a one-on-one match with Grimcraft at Champ Clash. While Grimcraft himself stayed away, Diablo, Autumn Hex, Winter, and even Zed got involved. The interferers cancelled each other out, more or less, so Evermore’s pin on Doomsayer was a clean fall. After the match, Doomsayer, Diablo, and Autumn Hex went after Zed. The Kingdom came to their ally’s aid.

4) As the Kingdom remain at ringside, Rod Codger catches up to Claymore.
ROD: Claymore, you are all over the XPW landscape.
CLAYMORE: I may not know how to Chirp, but I know how to wrestle….and fight if need be. Our attention is focused on Grimcraft’s vile crew, but I will help anyone of honor who needs assistance.
ROD: Last week, you challenged Jakob Hearse to a TV title match at Champ Clash. What can you tell us about that?
CLAYMORE: I asked his lordship for permission first, of course. That is my station. He wholeheartedly supported me, and fully believes that I will beat Jakob Hearse.
ROD: Thank you Claymore for those remarkably level-headed comments. A far cry from the yelling and screaming that I’m used to hearing. Next up, The Neo-Knights take on the Numbskulls.

5) The Neo-Knights defeat the Numbskulls to clinch a tag title shot at XPW. They are joined by Electronics for some post-match celebrating. The Numbskulls watch from ringside. The Hatchetmen’s music begins playing, and the Neo-Knights turn to face the entrance. When they do, the Skulls attack them from behind with chairs. Buddy Danger grabs a mic and yells “just like we planned it.” Electronica jumps on Scuzz’ back, but he throws himself over the top rope. He holds on, but she takes a hard bump on the floor. Finally, the Hatchetmen come to the ring. They appear to be friendly with the Numbskulls. Cyber Blue comes out and helps Electronica to the back, leaving the others.
BUDDY: Dom, Charlie, good to see you fine gentlemen. As you can see, we did a number on these NewOverWhatever Knights. We think we earned our little bonus. We hope you agree.
CHARLIE: Do you really think you sniveling little worms had a chance in Hell of getting a thin dime out of us? What you’ve earned is about a 5 second head start.
DOM: 1, 2, 3,-

(The Numbskulls take off while Dom and Charlie laugh at them)

6) In a strong main event, Flint Decker pinned Big Tony. The ring announcer had previously stated that nobody would be allowed at ringside, and anybody who interfered would be suspended for 30 days. Big Tony looked confused at the statement. After the match, Flint spoke.
FLINT: Alexei, Alexei, Alexei…you’ve tried so hard to keep me out of this match, and you’ve failed. You’re not done failing, Alexei. Your biggest failure comes next week when I take the XPW title from you. I’ve already promised Grand Manga a shot. I changed my mind about you. At first, I wanted to string you along like you’ve done me, or like Grimcraft’s done to Evermore. Hiding in plain sight you might say. Talking big, acting tough, but not backing it up. When I’m champ, Alexei, I’ve decided to let you back in the ring ASAP. I want to finish you quickly and put you behind me. A big old rubberstamp on something everybody knows already…you can’t handle Flint Decker.

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One Week Three
Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: Welcome to this episode of the Wrestling Monitor Review. We have some interesting news coming out of XPW, with this Sky Diamonds situation getting almost out of hand. Here to discuss this, long time ABCW employee and current trainer with AOE, Jobber Joe.

JOE: Thanks for having me.

RYAN: So, Pink Champagne and Destiny are popping off on social media about this situation, presumably with either Candy Cotton or Carolina Strutter. Joe, what’s your take?

JOE: Well, I can tell you that you’re dealing with four extremely talented women here, all with egos the size of the Hindenburg, and just as combustible. What Pink and Destiny are doing is grounds for termination, but what Candy and Strutter are doing is grounds to rescind their contract offers.

RYAN: Are you saying that Cotton and Strutter are under contract?!? That’s huge news!

JOE: I’m guessing, based on how much they’ve “not” been on TV, and how much the Sky Diamonds are “not” mentioning them, that we’re being worked, Ryan. These women are all very business savvy. None of them are going to jeopardize a lucrative deal by screwing it up by going off script.

RYAN: So you think it’s a work.

JOE: I’d bet my house on it.

RYAN: Obviously, time will tell on this developing story. Joe, thank you for your time and expertise.

[Thumper Moore III]

April Year One Week Three
Chirpy Highlights

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO!! Champ Clash is gonna be tight! Blue Steel is coming out of it with the tag champs and world champ!

@bigtony450
Flint, you may have gotten lucky this time, but watch your back. You never know when an accident may happen, capiche?

@hearse
I just want a challenge! Not some loser pretend knight! Give me a real match!

@mamamercy
This skinny bitch thinks she’s gonna take my gold? I worked too hard and long, and she may have a hex on her sister, but not on me.

@russianinterference
Jakob, I agree. After I dispose of Decker, AGAIN, let’s talk turkey.

@northwoodswinter
Careful, Mercy. Autumn may not be thinking straight, but one day she will be.

@northwoodsclaymore
I assure you, @hearse, I am no pretender. You will feel my wrath at Champ Clash.

@lordevermoreprotectoroftherealm
Claymore, I do believe you’ve figured it out!

[cotguy130]

April Week 4
Champ Clash
Mojito Beach

1) The opening match of the night sees Jakob Hearse successfully retain the TV title against Claymore the Brave.

2) Next, Rod Codger introduces a video featuring a returning face and a new face to XPW. The screen fills with the visage of Haruki Enyu. It pulls away to show Enyu dressed in magnificent golden robes, staring haughtily at the camera. With him is another Japanese wrestler who identifies himself as Bao Zhang. He speaks in perfect English.
ZHANG: America, a few weeks ago the Emperor Enyu came to your country. He chose not to wear his imperial robes as he did not want to seem ostentatious. He was fully aware of his superiority, and he believed you all would see it. There was no need to lord over you something that was obvious. The Emperor put his trust in the wrong person. You have an imbecile on your roster named Jolly Foo. He misled the Emperor into thinking that he spoke Japanese. Considering its his homeland, the Emperor made a rare error in judgement and trusted this Foo. Further investigation has shown that Foo does speak his mother tongue perfectly, and his interpretation errors were indeed intentional. He felt the need to present a different image of the Emperor to the American fans. Here’s the truth, America. The Emperor is as far above you commoners as you are above a colony of ants. He had to bathe for hours just to get the stench of your skin off his. Upon our return to XPW, do not touch the Emperor in any way, shape, or form. This is not a request. You will comply, or he will have you ejected from the arena. Jolly Foo, you are beneath the Emperor’s gaze. I will be dealing with you. Flint Decker, Alexei Monstro, and the gangster, Tony, are in the Emperor’s sights. Anyone holding or in contention for holding the XPW title should prepare to be humbled. The Emperor has a special message for the self-proclaimed lord of the Northwoods Kingdom. There’s only room for one royal bloodline in XPW. When The Emperor is done defeating you in the wrestling ring, Evermore, we may annex the Kingdom, because we can.

3) The Hatchetmen defeat the Neo-Knights to retain the XPW tag team championship in a strong match.
CHARLIE: It doesn’t matter how you guys dress, dance, or what you call yourself. Until you learn to wrestle, you’re still the same two lames that we beat months ago. Give it up. There are other, more deserving teams who want a shot at these belts, and we want a chance to beat them up too.

4) In a special challenge match, Mr. Europa defeats Dre Apex.

5) In a three-way for the cruiserweight title, Seraph defeats defending champion Diablo and the Kongo Kid to regain the title.

6) After the match, Destiny runs up to the announce desk and puts on the extra headphones.
DESTINY: Guys, I don’t mean to be rude, but please let me talk. That mystery woman, as I’ve been ordered to call her, is here. I want her out here right now. Mask or not, I don’t care. I know who I’m beating on. If you have an ounce of courage, you will face me!!

Suddenly, Destiny is grabbed from behind and pulled over the guardrail. We immediately see the masked woman beating on her. She slams her face into the guard rail and throws her back over into the ringside area. The masked woman follows Destiny, and drags her onto the announce table. Kyle and Adam escape. She puts Destiny through the announce table. After a noticeable delay, security finally shows up. They make a weak effort to catch her, and then watch “helplessly” as she leaps back into the crowd and flees.

7) Autumn Hex defeats Mother Mercy to win the XPW ladies title. Hex negates Mother’s size advantage with speed and agility. Mother kicks out of the Teardrop once, but the second one proves too much. The Dark Arts come out en masse to celebrate. However, Grimcraft sends Diablo away. Doomsayer and Autumn Hex are kissing in the ring when Evermore’s music hits and he and Lady Winter step out.

8) Winter’s face is a mask of revulsion as her sister and Doomsayer put on a show. Grimcraft looks on smugly. She finally pushes past her husband and stomps towards the ring. Her sister bails out. Doomsayer looks ready to fight her himself, but then he also bails. Grimcraft stands his ground, and it looks like Winter will attack him, but Evermore quickly moves to separate.
GRIMCRAFT: Good move, Evermore. Should your mate strike me, I will not hesitate to retaliate. I am going to send the Dark Arts away from the ring, as I don’t want you to have any excuse when I defeat you. I don’t care if you follow suit or not. She is of little to no concern to me. Doomsayer, Hex, please return to our normal meeting place. (They leave. Evermore whispers to his wife, and she sits at the announce table) I see you wish her to remain. Remember Lady Winter, should you involved yourself in this match to the slightest…just don’t. It won’t end well for you.
EVERMORE: I don’t need her help to defeat you. Stop stalling and stop making idle threats. Your time of running is over.

The match is a brawl, and the ref’s officiating it very liberal. In the end, to the shock of all, Grimcraft picks up the win. Grimcraft continues to work over his downed opponent. Winter immediately rolls in the rig, and Grimcraft backs into a corner. While she’s distracted, the Dark Arts, including Diablo, attack. Doomsayer is carrying a length of chain. Autumn throws her sister down by her hair from behind. The rest of Dark Arts drag Evermore to the corner, stand him up, and chain him, by the waist, to the turnbuckle. Diablo secures the chain with an old-fashioned looking padlock. Grimcraft holds up Winter right in front of Evermore, and Hex lays into her. At one point, Evermore calls out “Claymore.”

DOOMSAYER: Your manservant is tied up at the moment, literally. He’s chained to a pole in the bowels of this facility. I’m not sure I could find him myself without some work, and I put him there.

By now, Winter is bleeding, and Grimcraft is the only reason she’s upright. He releases her, and she collapses at Evermore’s feet.

GRIMCRAFT: To show that I’m not totally without he art, here’s the key.(He drops it at Evermore’s feet) You wanted this match so badly, and this is the result. Better watch what you wish for next time. Dark Arts move out.

Kyle Marist suggests we go to a video package for the main event as order is restored.

9) We come back to the crew finishing up cleaning the ring. We are told that both Lord and Lady Evermore will be en route to a local medical facility as soon as she is stabilized. Claymore has been located and freed.
Flint Decker enters first, followed by the champ. The match is no disappointment, and when it’s over, we have a new XPW champion in Flint Decker. Decker survives “Russian Interference”, and only needs to use the Blade Runner once to put the champ away. As soon as he’s announced as the new champion, the rave begins, and he’s joined by his Blue Steel teammates. The party lasts a while, and is still going on as the last of the fans file out of the arena.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One Post Champ Clash
WhichCulture Wrestling’s BoobToob Channel

<light orchestral music plays>
BRIAN LIMEY: There are some guys who are a great fit for XPW, and some guys that aren’t. You want to know who? <slaps his chest a few times> I’ll tell you who! I’m Brian Limey from WhichCulture, and here’s four guys who will sign with XPW this year— and four who won’t.

Number one: Abe Buckingham WILL sign. What’s not to like about Abe? He’s tall, athletic, and British. Think of the matches he could have with Mr. Europa, new champ Flint Decker, or Kongo Kid. He’s a natural fit with his hybrid athletic style.

Number two: Keziah WILL NOT sign. Keziah is an interesting one, she’s not my cup of tea, but she has a sort of macabre appeal. But look at how badly this situation with the Sky Diamonds has gone. That will scare away any female talent.

Number three: Avarice WILL sign. XPW has a lot of monster heels— Alexei Monstro, Jakob Hearse, Big Tony. But they don’t have a lot of chicken heels with punchable faces— and that fits Avarice to a T. I just want to see him get slugged.

Number four: SilverGod WILL NOT sign. The real life half-brother of Flint Decker is an intriguing fit, but far too comfortable at the company he has called home for 25 years to make a switch. Not gonna happen.

Number five: Swish WILL sign. XPW has a lack of giants. They have big guys, but not REALLY big guys, and Swish could be a dominant tweener who is nigh invincible to much of the roster.

Number six: Zeta Quade WILL NOT sign. While I’d love to see Quade here, it seems like he goes wherever Jin Kinji goes. The two are joined at the hip, and rumors indicate they are also joined... anyway, the best buds are not going to separate, and Quade is staying put.

Number seven: The Glitter Gang WILL sign. XPW needs more bodies in its tag division— and with the tag team invitational coming up, they would be a great surprise entrant in that tournament. As good as the Neo-Knights and Hatchetmen are, they can’t fight every night.

Number Eight: the Mindbenders WILL NOT sign: As much as XPW needs tag teams, we already have too much heebie jeebie spooky stuff with Dark Arts and to an extent the Kingdom. They would make the company “the spooky guy” company, and they’re way too smart for that.

This has been Brian Limey from WhichCulture, telling you who. Remember to like, comment and subscribe, and we’ll see you next time.

[cotguy130]

May Week 1
BattleBrawl
Golden Plaza

Rod Codger, Kyle Marist, and Adam Stryker welcome everyone with the announcement that the Tag Team Invitational tournament is 3 weeks away. Cutie Pie will be out shortly to run down the list of participants.
1) We open with Brick City picking up an easy win over Timmy Tough and Pete Sinclair.
HUSTLER: Me and Banger don’t feel like waiting. We are letting ya’ll know right now that we are in the tournament, and we are planning on winning it. This tournament has been a part of wrestling history since Mr. Fantasy started before we were born. The greatest teams in the history of this business are engraved on that trophy….Destruction, The Insiders, Damage Control, The Gage Guyz.
BANGER: At the end of the night, the name Brick City is going to be right there next to those guys as the greatest of all-time.

2) Cutie Pie is in an interview area, and is visibly irritated.
CUTIE PIE: I’d like to thank Brick City for messing up this segment. I hope you two hillbillies get knocked out in the first round. You ever heard of a format? Idiots. Now, it’s my extreme pleasure to let you all know the 8 team that will participate in the first year of the resurrected Tag Team Invitational. (The Neo-Knights music hits) Speaking of idiots.

(They join her)
JOHN: S’up, Pie?
CUTIE PIE: That’s Cutie Pie.
JOHN: No go on the cutes, girl. Elle will get all bent out of shape if I call anybody else cute. It’s “Pie” or nothing.
CUTIE PIE: Then nothing you big goof. What do you and the Bunny want?
JACK: The Bunny wants to share you company as you reveal the teams we will have to work through to win the big tournament. Hurry up!! The suspense is killing me.
CUTIE PIE: Really? I will wait all night then.
JOHN: Or we can just read them for you off those cue cards the good people can’t see. First up, the Neo-Knights!!
CUTIE PIE: Stop!!

(JACK walks behind the camera and comes back with the cue cards)

JACK: Here’s Brick City, but you knew that.
JOHN: The Numbskulls are in it.
CUTIE PIE: I hate you guys. (walks off)
JOHN: Who else is on here..let’s see…there’s those creepy guys, Doomsayer and Diablo. Didn’t we beat them?
JACK: Yea, we did. Uh, the Wheelmen…they’re cool. Seraph and Grand Manga…they’ll be fun to watch.
JOHN: The Wild Things and…who’s left? Wow, check it, Jack. It’s a….
TOGETHER: DUN DUN DUN….mystery team!!!
JOHN: Mystery team in the house!!! Who do you think it is? Bet you s dollar it’s…
JACK: Yea?
JOHN: I got nothing. Check out that line-up, peeps. This tournament is going to be bad ass!!

3) Buddy Danger defeats Hotwire in a one-on-one match. Danger says that Scuzz is out sick, so Hotwire has Clutch return to the back. During the match, Scuzz emerges from beneath the ring, interferes, and goes back under. Hotwire doesn’t even know what happened when he finds himself pinned. Clutch immediately comes to the ring and tries to slide under the ring in one motion. Instead, his head goes under and he immediately stops. Hotwire, not knowing what’s going on, lifts the ring apron and pulls his partner out. The top of Clutch’s head is bleeding and he’s holding his neck. Further investigation shows that a heavy plank had been placed vertically just behind the apron, and Clutch had crashed into it. Scuzz pops out the other side, and he and Danger flee as Hotwire checks on his partner.

4) Zed’s dominance of the Dark Arts continues as he picks up a win over Doomsayer. Autumn Hex thinks about attacking Zed after the match, but decides not to do so.

5) Cyber Blue gets an easy win over The Enhancer. Electronica is with him, and does commentary from the booth. In the middle of the match, Eliza Brat comes down and gets in Elle’s face.
ELECTRONICA: What’s your prob, Brat?
ELIZA: You are, you phony party girl. You make sick. You want nightlife? Eliza’s your hook-up. I go to all the top parties, and Blue Steel’s nowhere to be found. You’re not a wrestler or DJ worth a damn.
ELECTRONICA: The reason you never see us at the weak-ass parties you go to is because we throw our own, and a bitch like you wouldn’t make our guest list in 1,000 years. Get out of my damn face. See, you made me miss Blue’s pin. I should-
ELIZA: Should what? Finish the thought.
ELECTRONICA: You really don’t want that. But ok...

(Elle punches Eliza. Eliza gets in the ring and throws the Enhancer out)

ELIZA: Ring’s clear, you phony. Let’s go, right now.

(Electronica follows and the two start brawling. A ref tries to break it up, but the two women cooperate long enough to throw him out. Eliza turns back and walks right into Drop The Beat. She falls on Brat as Cyber Blue counts the pin)

6) In the main event, Jakob Hearse successfully retain the TV title against Komodo.

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@northwoodsclaymore
You will pay, Grimcraft, Doomsayer, Diablo. Justice will be served. #youwillpaygrimcraftdoomsayerdiablojusticewillbeserved

@grimcrizzle
Autumn Hex suggested a new handle. Seems too many from the Kingdom we’re following me. I don’t want followers from there. I want subjects.

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO! Add referee to my list of skillz yo! Electronica was straight fire 🔥!

massivegaines
Elexy looking smooth out there. The Brat got nothin! #hitmeup

@hearse
I am still waiting for a challenge! I want the biggest, strongest, fastest, so that I can prove my superiority! #tvtitle #jakobthesestroyer

kongokid
Rough luck, Komodo. Let’s get some gold around both of our waists as a team. #ivegotjunglefever #wildthings

@komododragon
Kongo, don’t use a hashtag that has a racist connotation like that. I know you didn’t mean it, but trust me. I have a PhD in American History.

kongokid
@komododragon But isn’t Wild Things our tag team name?

@zedxpw
Grim puny man. Zed smash.

[Pierre The Enormous]

Apr 30, 2020 9:31:34 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

May Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@northwoodsclaymore
You will pay, Grimcraft, Doomsayer, Diablo. Justice will be served. #youwillpaygrimcraftdoomsayerdiablojusticewillbeserved

@grimcrizzle
Autumn Hex suggested a new handle. Seems too many from the Kingdom we’re following me. I don’t want followers from there. I want subjects.

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO! Add referee to my list of skillz yo! Electronica was straight fire 🔥!

massivegaines
Elexy looking smooth out there. The Brat got nothin! #hitmeup

@hearse
I am still waiting for a challenge! I want the biggest, strongest, fastest, so that I can prove my superiority! #tvtitle #jakobthesestroyer

kongokid
Rough luck, Komodo. Let’s get some gold around both of our waists as a team. #ivegotjunglefever #wildthings

@komododragon
Kongo, don’t use a hashtag that has a racist connotation like that. I know you didn’t mean it, but trust me. I have a PhD in American History.

kongokid
@komododragon But isn’t Wild Things our tag team name?

@zedxpw
Grim puny man. Zed smash.

Claymore is trying okay?