The 130Chance XPW

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week One
Flint Decker’s Digifoto

A picture of Flint, close to tears, holding the XPW title after Champ Clash backstage. Flint is on one knee, surrounded by Blue Steel. The following text accompanies the photo.

It’s been a long road to get here. I’ve held gold before, as a member of a tag team, maybe a mid-card title, maybe being the top guy for a minor promotion. But this? Winning the big one for the best federation on the planet? And surrounded by my friends? There are no words to describe the pure, unadulterated joy of the moment.

But now, it’s time to get to work. Getting to the top is one thing, but staying there is a different story altogether. So, to prove to you that I’ve gone from regrettable and forgettable to irrepressible, I vow to work my ass off to keep this belt around my waist. Thank you all for your support.

[cotguy130]

May Week 2
Friday Fight Season
The Ballroom

1) We open with Rod Codger and Grand Manga, Seraph, and Roberto Samba.
MANGA: After a conversation with Flint Decker, I am pulling out of the Tag Team Invitational Tournament. My friend Roberto Samba will take my place and team with Seraph. That same night, I will be challenging Mr. Decker for the XPW title. I appreciate Mr. Decker reaching out to me and confirming his prior comments that he would like to defend against me.
SAMBA: Seraph and I are excited about this opportunity, and we wish Grand Manga the best.

(All three men shake hands, and Seraph and Samba leave)

CODGER: Do you have anything else you would like to add about your upcoming title match?

(Before Manga can respond, he is brutally tackled and thrown to the ground. We can quickly see it’s the Hatchetmen. They pick him back up and team toss him headfirst into a concrete wall. Seraph and Samba show back up quickly, and the Hatchetmen exit.

2) Seraph is watching over Manga when Mr. Europa walks by and begins yelling at him.
EUROPA: Hey, little angel boy, we’re up. You want to fight, or would you rather forfeit so you can bodyguard your friend’s corpse? Oh, he’s still alive? In that case, get in the ring so I can knock you out. (Seraph runs past Europa and heads straight to the ring) You should’ve taken the forfeit loss. It would’ve save you pain and embarrassment, and made you look like such a good little buddy to Manga.

The match is on, and Seraph pins Mr. Europa to win the match. He immediately heads to the back to check on Manga.

3) Big Tony and Baby Girl are out for a mixed-tag team match. At ringside, Kyle Marist asks him about the attack on Manga.
TONY: Of course, I ordered that hit. Those boys don’t breathe without asking me first. Flint Decker gives that little midget a title match because he almost beat Alexei, and because Decker has a chubby for old dudes from his daddy’s era. Grand Manga doesn’t deserve a title shot, and my boys just knocked him out of it. I will be winning the title at the Invitational.

Their opponent’s Cyber Blue and Electronica make their way to the ring, and the match is on.

Tony and Baby Girl pick up the win after the Capo Dei Capi on Cyber Blue.

4) As we prepare to go to break, Cutie Pie and a camera crew are setting up for an interview with Flint Decker. When we come back, Adam Stryker tell us that the interview is still to come, but that a camera crew caught some interesting footage during the break. Cutie Pie is complaining about having to interview Decker. One of the camera men says “check it out” in response to something just off camera. The camera swing around, and we see somebody enter a small room just down the hall. The guy who said “check it out” motions for his partner to follow.
CAMERA GUY: Grimcraft and Monstro went into this room.

We can hear talking through the door.

MONSTRO: I don’t like being summoned, Grimcraft, even by you. Be quick.
GRIMCRAFT: Alexei, you know why I’m concerned. I shouldn’t have to tell someone with your insight.
MONSTRO: Shove the fake flattery. Yes, I do know, but I’m not concerned in the slightest.
GRIMCRAFT: How can you not be? Our agreement in tenuous at best when you consider who is involved. He is overstepping, and you know it. You should be more concerned than I. While our different goals allow us to…coordinate…like we do, your goals and his are a lot more similar than any of mine. He’s more of a threat to you than-
MONSTRO: He’s not a threat. OK. The only reason you’re a part of this is what happened at Battle Royale. How you won, I’ll never get. We decided that you needed to be brought in. It’s worked fine, till now.
GRIMCRAFT: Because of To-
MONSTRO: Because of your silly concerns. I’m out Grim.

At this point, Cutie Pie, who just realized her camera crew was gone due to her self-absorption, walks up.

CUTIE PIE: What are you doing?

The crew takes off running and the door opens revealing Monstro’s hugeness filling the door frame.

MONSTRO: What are you doing?

Cutie Pie squeals and runs off.

5) Next up is match between Scuzzbucket and Clutch. After what happened last week, both partners remain at ringside. Clutch picks up the win.
HOTWIRE: Ok, you idiots. Our two teams will be meeting in the first round of the Invitational. Don’t bother asking how, it’s a done deal. We are knocking you out, right away, because two clowns like you don’t deserve a spot that should go to a real team.

6) ROD: This is Rod Codger with new XPW Heavyweight Champ, Flint Decker. Nobody can find Cutie Pie, so I get the privilege of handling this interview.
DECKER: Thank you, Rod. I recently released a statement on my social media about what this title means to me. Those were my first public comments on becoming new champion, and they were as “from the heart” as anything I’ve ever said in this business. I’m going to steal from myself a bit if you don’t mind. Being a pro wrestling champion is a constant game of “king of the mountain.” You scratch and claw your way to the top, and there immediately 5 guys waiting to knock you off. I’ve been at the top of smaller mountains a number of times, and it felt good. The XPW mountain is the highest mountain I’ve ever successfully climbed, and it’s the most satisfying by a long shot. As I said, keeping your place on top of that mountain is where the real work is, and I’ve got to dig in right now. We’ve already seen people attacking one another for the right to be that first challenger. Manga, whatever happens, you will get a shot. Alexei, I want you back in the ring ASAP. Now, I’m talking to big, fat, stupid Tony. I know you think that you’re automatically getting the title shot at the tag tournament because you think you put Manga out. You may for the time being. Even if he can’t go in two weeks, you are most definitely NOT getting a free pass. Next week, meatball, you are going to wrestle Lord Evermore to see who I face at the P4V. I can almost hear you backstage now, bellowing and blustering about what you’re going to do. What you’re going to do, Tony, is play by my rules. You’ve made your own since you got here. I’m putting a stop to that. Evermore, I know you’re about to come out here and beat up a couple of Grimcraft’s creeps. If you’re listening, I hope you put Tony away without mercy next week. You and I would tear the house down. Bro, make it happen.

7) Doomsayer and Diablo, with Autumn Hex, come out for the main event. Lord Evermore and Claymore enter second.
EVERMORE: I would like to thank the fans who have reached out about Lady Winter. While she was injured by the trash in the ring, she will be fine. She has gone back to the Northwoods Kingdom to convalesce.
AUTUMN HEX: She’s running like the cowardly cur she is. I’ll admit that I’m proud of the job that me and the guys did to her.
DOOMSAYER: And how we made you watch.
CLAYMORE: The only coward I know of is the guy who leads you sheep around. Where is Grimcraft anyhow?
EVERMORE: Grimcraft won’t show his face as long as either of us is out here.
DOOMSAYER: You do recall that he beat you at Champ Clash?
EVERMORE: Trust me, I haven’t forgotten. I go to sleep every night with visions of that creature looking down on me. I’m using those visions to inspire me. To make sure it doesn’t happen next time. Enough talking, Claymore. It’s time for you and I to give Doomsayer and Diablo nightmares.

As usual, the Dark Arts clear the ring as The Kingdom enters. Evermore and Claymore go on to defeat Doomsayer and Diablo when Evermore submits Diablo with the Oathbreaker. He refuses to release the hold at the bell. Claymore attacks Doomsayer and Hex runs off. Evermore releases the hold only after the ref threatens to call for a disqualification.

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
I apologize profusely for my actions. They were unbecoming of a ruler, no matter how well deserved. #brokendiablo

@grimcrizzle
This handle is as inane as Claymore’s Chirpy feed. I would normally insert a veiled threat, but the real threat is to the English language.

massivegaines
I love Blue Steel, and I LOOOVE me some Elexy, but @acedogma, have we won a match since we joined?

@yoboycyber
Yoooo, punching Big Tony is like hitting a thousand pounds of play dough. I was tired by the time I got to hit something important. #tuboflard

@thiccbabygirl
He’s just more to snuggle! And I’m so happy I knocked the blue out of Electronica’s hair!

@diabloxpw
Estoy bueno, pero Evermore es un muchacho muerte.¡BIENVENIDOS AL INFIERNO!

@sambamma
Shame about Manga. But me and Seraph will win it all— the high flyer and the hard hitter. #realfighting

@northwoodsclaymore
Perhaps I’m trying too hard. This account will now contain misstakes and I wont worryaboutit. Hashtagfreedominbeingme

[Pierre The Enormous]

May 5, 2020 7:55:54 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

May Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
I apologize profusely for my actions. They were unbecoming of a ruler, no matter how well deserved. #brokendiablo

@grimcrizzle
This handle is as inane as Claymore’s Chirpy feed. I would normally insert a veiled threat, but the real threat is to the English language.

massivegaines
I love Blue Steel, and I LOOOVE me some Elexy, but @acedogma, have we won a match since we joined?

@yoboycyber
Yoooo, punching Big Tony is like hitting a thousand pounds of play dough. I was tired by the time I got to hit something important. #tuboflard

@thiccbabygirl
He’s just more to snuggle! And I’m so happy I knocked the blue out of Electronica’s hair!

@diabloxpw
Estoy bueno, pero Evermore es un muchacho muerte.¡BIENVENIDOS AL INFIERNO!

@sambamma
Shame about Manga. But me and Seraph will win it all— the high flyer and the hard hitter. #realfighting

@northwoodsclaymore
Perhaps I’m trying too hard. This account will now contain misstakes and I wont worryaboutit. Hashtagfreedominbeingme

I love how Claymore has accepted his mistakes on his account

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week One
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

PONY: Welcome to the best wrestling podcast in the world! I’m Pony Umbrella, and joining me today is a guest that needs no introduction, but does need a translator! I’m proud to have as my guest Haruki Enyu and his new interpreter, Bao Zhang! Haruki-san, welcome!

ENYU: Arigato.

BAO: Thank you.

PONY: So, your last trip here was incredibly awkward to say the least. To what do you attribute the strangeness of everything?

BAO: Dakara, koko de no saigo no ryokō wa hikaeme ni itte mo shinji rarenai hodo yakkaideshita. Subete no kimyō-sa o nani ni kiin shimasu ka?

ENYU: Foo-san.

PONY: Short and to the point. He was a bit of a troll, wasn’t he?

BAO: Mijikakute yōten. Kare wa sukoshi arashideshita ne?

ENYU: Kare wa sugu ni taisho sa remasu. Shikashi, sore ga anata ga watashi o koko ni tsurete kita riyūde wa arimasen yo ne?

BAO: He will be dealt with in short order. But, that’s not why you brought me here, is it?

PONY: No, it’s not. I see that you have a new robe. Will you tell me what this means?

BAO: Īe, chigaimasu. Anata wa atarashī rōbu o motte iru yōdesu. Kore ga nani o imi suru no ka oshiete kuremasen ka?

ENYU: Korekara wa watashi o ten'nō to yonde mo īdeshou. Watashi wa ōzoku to kakutō shite ori, ima dewa sono yōna kakkō o shite imasu. Kore wa, baka Amerika hito ga watashi no meiyo o jakuten to machigaeru koto o fusegimasu.

BAO: It means you may address me as Emperor from now on. I am wrestling royalty, and I am now dressed as such. This will prevent idiot Americans from mistaking my honor for weakness.

PONY: The floor is yours, Emperor. Is there anything you would like to say to XPW?

BAO: Yuka wa anata no monodesu, kōtei. Aru—

Enyu waves his arm at Bao, who immediately ceases translating. Enyu stands up and stares directly into the camera.

ENYU: YES. NO ONE STAND AGAINST EMPEROR ENYU.

[cotguy130]

May Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Boston Arena

We open with Rod Codger and Cutie Pie. Cutie Pie is very subdued.
CODGER: CP, are you feeling ok?
CUTIE PIE: I’m fine, Rod. Thank you for asking.
CODGER: You don’t seem like yourself.
CUTIE PIE: Nope! Everything’s peachy keen. Just fine. Let’s move on, shall we? Rod, there’s been a lot of speculation about the identity of the mystery team in next week’s Tag Team Invitational.
CODGER: So professional all of a sudden. You’re right, CP. The conjecture ranges from a team already on the roster to a newly-signed pair.
CUTIE PIE: The big rumor, which we can’t officially address, is a team whose appearance would truly be remarkable. Whoever it is, Rod and I do not know, and likely won’t know till they come through the curtain next week.
CODGER: In other words, quit asking. Right, CP?
CUTIE PIE: Exactly, Rod. Fans, let’s go to the ring for some Ladies’ Triple Threat action.

1) Baby Girl defeats Electronica and Eliza Brat.
ELECTRONICA: Right now, BG, you’ve got my number. I can’t deny that. I’m going to figure you out, though, whatever it takes.
BABY GIRL: There’s nothing to figure out. I’m better than you, and I always will be.
ELIZA: Well, I wanna say-
BABY GIRL/ELECTRONICA: Shut up, Eliza.

2) In a Trios tag match, The Numbskulls and Jolly Foo defeat The Wheelmen and Roberto Samba.
CLUTCH: You two jackasses listen up. Next week, in the Tag Team Invitational, we are facing off in the first round.
SCUZZ: That means we will be going to the semis, right Bud?
DANGER: Unless the Hot Wheels have some new trick up their sleeve, and I don’t think they’re that smart, then I think we’ve got an easy ride to the semis.
HOTWIRE: Your overconfidence is going to take you down.
DANGER: OVERconfident? We’re just regular confident. You’ve never given us a reason to be anything but confident.
SCUZZ: We know what everyone says about us. We couldn’t care less. We like to have fun…it’s no secret. When it comes down to showing a couple of wannabe Nascar hillbillies what the sport of wrestling’s all about, we will get the job done. You boys are gonna look so stupid.

3) Rod Codger is backstage. He’s looking around.
CODGER: I was told to meet, of all people, Zed, right here at this point in the show. As far as I know, this is the first scheduled interview with Zed in the short history of XPW. I don’t know what to expect-

A big, meaty hand comes from offscreen and takes the mic from Rod. Codger actually jumps back in shock. The camera pulls back and there’s Zed.

ZED (In a low growl): GRIMCRAFT! I beat up Diablo. I beat up Doomsayer. Next, I beat up you.

4) Destiny comes out first for a match against the Masked Mystery Woman. As the Woman makes her way down the aisle, Destiny charges out and meets her halfway. The brawl is on. Destiny seems obsessed with removing the mask. The match itself is never official as the bell never rings to begin it. The ref is unable to restore order. The end of the brawl comes when Destiny nearly has the mask off. As she’s about to pull it over the Woman’s head, she yells “I don’t care what XPW does to me. Candy Cotton, I’m going to break you!” However, this pause allows the Woman to hit a desperation cheap shot and flee. She stumbles blindly at ringside as the mask is over her eyes. She manages to adjust it and get away before Destiny recovers. While the announcers did not acknowledge it, front-row fans were heard confirming that the Woman was indeed who Destiny accuses her of being.

5) Alexei Monstro is in the ring.
MONSTRO: You humanoids amuse me. That’s all your really good for…amusement or, in a moment of weakness, pity. American humanoids are the worst, but none of you are worth a moment of my time. Sometimes, watching the looks on your stupid faces as I make a statement about the future that all of you know will come true. It will come true because no one can stop it. I will it, then shall it be. Flint Decker is a dead man walking. There are a few other names on that list, and they will be dealt with appropriately. Here’s my advice, humanoids. Don’t grow to attached to any wrestler. Your little soul won’t be crushed when I crush and break that wrestler. I will be XPW champion again very soon. It’s inevitable…I am inevitable.

6) It’s time for the main event. Big Tony versus Lord Evermore to determine who will face Flint Decker for the XPW title in 1 week at the P4V. Evermore comes out alone. The entire Underworld is with Tony.
EVERMORE: Large Anthony, do you really feel the need to bring out your entire retinue? Claymore is absent tonight. My wife is still recovering. Why don’t we make this a true battle between men. Mano a’ Mano as the old saying goes.

It takes Tony a second to realize that Evermore was addressing him. Actually, Baby Girl has to tell him. The Underworld huddle, and then Tony does send them to the back. Big Tony looks better than ever, and Evermore’s ups-and-downs continue as Tony defeats Evermore to win the match and the title shot. However, Tony does receive help by the appearance of Grimcraft. This distracts the ref and allows Tony to get a cheap pinfall. As Grimcraft revels in his rival’s loss, Zed comes out and stands right behind him. Grimcraft turns and runs right into Zed’s massive chest. Zed gives Grimcraft a simple two-handed shove that sends him flying off the platform. The camera looks over the edge to see Grimcraft crumpled on the ground several feet below.

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week Three
Chirpy Highlights

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
It appears we have an unlikely ally in @zedxpw. Thank you, large man of few words.

@grimcrizzle
Another day, another victory over the Kingdom. Zed’s minor nuisance will be dealt with.

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO!! Decker vs Fat, Ugly, Bad Smellin Tony at the P4V! Bomber and Jack in the Tag Tourney! It’s gonna be a rave all night! #bluesteel

@bigtony450
Me and the XPW championship is a better pairing than veal parmigiana and a robust chianti. Tasty.

@sambamma
Me and Seraph will tear it up— just you watch. #TTI

@elangelseraph
Diablo— ¡bienvenido al cielo! No tiene nunca, y el torneo es mio. #TTI

@thiccbabygirl
Looking forward to being on the arm of the champ! My Tony is finally getting the shot he deserves!

@acedogma
Hey Bomber John— it’s time we win a few matches and take home that trophy! It’ll look great next to my plaque from BoobToob for 1M followers.

[Thumper Moore III]

May Year One Week Three
Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: Welcome to the most watched pure wrestling podcast in the world. We’re gonna get right to it today, with big news coming out of XPW. It appears that our “masked mystery woman” has been unmasked. We’ve gotten some cell phone video from a couple of the folks in the front row, and it CLEARLY shows Candy Cotton underneath the mask.To discuss this, we have former ABCW star and current governor of the island of Guam, the one, the only, Nuclear Warhawk, also known as Governor Mark Smith.

NUKE: I know you’re pleased to have me.

RYAN: So what’s going on here, Nuke? Why is this playing out like it is?

NUKE: I think this is almost certainly a case of Candy and Destiny have repressed sexual attraction for each other. I mean, the way they were passionately grappling, the lesbian tension was off the charts. I’m surprised they didn’t start getting it on in the middle of the ring. Hey-oooo!!!

RYAN: That is one of the most awful things I’ve ever heard. What would possibly cause you to say something so blatantly sexist and perverted?

NUKE: Wait, we’re not doing this interview in character?

RYAN: This is a shoot program.

NUKE: Oh, jeeze. I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed. Yeah, of course that’s not the case. In all seriousness, this has all the markings of someone going into business for themselves. The problem is, is it Candy or Destiny? My money is on Candy with Destiny responding. And don’t forget, Strutter’s daughter, Carolina, is at the center of this.

RYAN: That’s the insight we were looking for. We brought you in because of your involvement in the incident where Chicano legit knocked you out. What role do you think Carolina plays in this?

NUKE: Yeah, that wasn’t my best day. Anyway, having known that family for 30 years now, they’re most comfortable when they have the ear of the person pulling the strings. My guess is she’s biding her time, and she’ll make her presence felt soon enough.

RYAN: That’s Governor Mark Smith, the former Nuclear Warhawk, with his unique insight into this developing story. Governor, thank you.

[cotguy130]

May Week 4
Tag Team Invitational
San Juan Stadium

The entire media team is together at ringside to welcome us to what XPW hopes will become an annual event. They acknowledge that the TTI idea was homage to the original tournament created by Mr. Fantasy for WoW on the 80s and 90s. They show footage of some of the great teams whose names are engraved on the trophy. The trophy being used in XPW is the original TTI trophy from the WoW era. It is sitting on a dais next to the announce table. Kyle and Adam take their places, and Rod throws it to the ring announcer.

1) The first match in the new era of the Tag Team Invitational sees The Numbskulls defeat The Wheelmen.

During the match, Adam points out that “Emperor” Haruki Enyu and Bao Zhang are seated in a luxury box with XPW’s championship committee.

2) The Wild Things come to the ring for the next match. Then, the arena goes dark, and stays dark for longer than normal. Suddenly, a laser-light show accompanied by some metal riffs straight from the 90s fills the air. The kids are confused, but their parents aren’t. The GAGE GUYZ ARE BACK!! The pop is deafening, and lasts a while. They take a really long time to finally make it to the ring so the match can begin. Both brothers are wearing huge smiles. The announcers stay quiet and let the moment speak for itself. When the match finally gets underway, the fans see that the intervening years haven’t harmed the boys charisma and athleticism. Kyle tells us that the Guyz will be interviewed this week and that interview will air next week on BattleBrawl. Adam says he has a lot of questions, and Kyle jokes about being jealous of his partner for getting the assignment. The brothers don’t let the audience down either, as they go on to defeat Komodo and the Kongo Kid.

3) In the third match of the first round, The Neo-Knights defeat Seraph and Roberto Samba. The makeshift team is just no match for the veterans of the tag division.

4) In the final match of the first round, Doomsayer and Diablo defeated Brick City. There was talk that Diablo might not be able to go after what happened with Lord Evermore last week, However, he showed no ill effects.

5) The Dark Arts members remained at ringside until Autumn Hex and Mother Mercy had both made their entrance. Doomsayer spoke briefly with Hex, then he and Diablo left ringside. Mother appeared supremely confident, and it may have cost her. Autumn Hex went on to defeat Mother Mercy to win the XPW Ladies championship. She took the belt and quickly left ringside.

6) In the second round of the Tag Team Invitational, the Gage Guyz defeated The Numbskulls. However, when the Numbskulls made their entrance, Buddy was limping and Scuzz had a black eye. Their physical state was not indicative of what had happened during their first match. The Guyz picked up a very easy win. Cutie Pie came to the announce table and reported that there may have been an incident between the Numbskulls and Brick City after the latter team’s loss. However, details were sketchy.

7) In the other semi-final, the Dark Arts of Doomsayer and Diablo defeat the Neo-Knights. New Ladies’ champion Autumn Hex is at ringside with team. During the match, she attacks Electronica. This distracts Bomber John who is not in the corner when Jackrabbit needs a tag. Diablo goes on to pin Jack and eliminate the Knights.

8) In the non-tournament main event, Big Tony shocks the world by ending Flint Decker’s reign after only one month and winning the XPW title. Baby Girl and the Hatchetmen join him with some glasses and a bottle of bubbly.
BIG TONY: Decker, all that talk about that hard climb to the top and the even harder time of staying there was a joke. For me, the climb was easy….a piece of cannoli. Keeping it is going to be even easier. I’m Teflon. Nobody can touch me.
DOMINIC: I just want to congratulate the Boss and his lady. There’s going to be a party tonight...and none of youse are invited. Made men only.
CHARLIE: Listen up, one more thing. Me and Dom, we’re pulling for the Gage Guys. We don’t mind beating up the spookies, but facing a couple of legends…I mean beating a couple of legends like the Gagers would be a pretty big deal.
DOMINC: You think, Chuck? I think we night get in trouble for abuse of the elderly. These two gotta be, what? 80 years old?

The Guyz music and show hits again, and the Underworld casually leave the ring. Tony and crew are on the platform, off to the side, when the brothers comes out. Eye contact is made briefly.

9) The Gage Guyz defeat Doomsayer and Diablo to win the Tag Team Invitational. The media team, Adam, Kyle, Rod, and Cutie Pie, present them with the trophy. As the celebration continues in the ring, the Hatchetmen come out onto the platform and stare the legends down.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June, Post TTI
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

PONY: Welcome to the most watched wrestling podcast in the world! I’m Pony Umbrella and with me today I am honored to have two absolute legends. Who have had one of the most unique career arcs in wrestling history. They recently debuted in XPW as a complete shock— Tatters and Rager, the Gage Guyz!

TATTERS: Pleased to be here, Pony.

RAGER: Yaaaaaassss, this ees... ENCHANTING.

PONY: First of all, that was one of the biggest pops I’ve ever heard. What has helped you stay connected to your audience for all these years?

TATTERS: I think being real. You know, with me, what you see is what you get. I am a risk taker, I love the next high, and my character really is me turned up to 11.

RAGER: The spirits of the nether realm deem it to be IMPACTFUL that we have the audiencial conneection. It’s is POWERFUL, yaaaasss.

PONY: Your return was huge news. How were you able to keep such a big secret from the internet wrestling community?

RAGER: The MARKS may not have known, but it was known throughout the eleven heavens, and the realm of the spirits knew.

TATTERS: We signed in secret, and us being in town for the event wasn’t even on people’s radars because there were a few indie shows in the area. We did imply that we might do a run-in with our old pal Quan’s indie fed to throw off the stalkers.

PONY: Well played. So, what are your XPW plans? Or was this a one and done?

RAGER: The Men of the Hatchet have something which we desire— we are on a QUEST for TITLES, and nothing will satiate that thirst but adding to our COLLECTION, yaaaasss.

TATTERS: What he said. I think.

PONY: Thank you Gage Guyz, that’s all the time we have. This is Pony Umbrella, happy that for once something horrible didn’t happen to me on my own program. Bye!

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June Post-TTI
XPW Official BoobToob Channel

Big Tony, Baby Girl, Concrete Charlie and Icepick Dominic are seated at a fine dining establishment. Baby Girl has only a salad in from of her, while Tony has two steaks, a family size bowl of pasta, veal parmigiana, chicken cacciatore, three loaded baked potatoes, and four cannolis. The Hatchetmen have nothing in front of them. The world and tag team titles are hanging on the wall in the background.

TONY: As you can see, we’ve got two of the three biggest prizes in XPW hanging on our wall. We mounted them because they’re not going anywhere. I told you mooks when we got here that we were taking over, and I always deliver. Hatchetmen, you have anything to say?

Dominic just stares ahead menacingly.

CHARLIE: You know us, boss. We love the money, the fame, and dishing out pain.

TONY: And Baby Girl, you’ll get your belt back soon enough, when the time is right. In the mean time, mangia! You mooks didn’t think all this was for me, did you? Maitre D, more chianti!

The Underworld begin passing the plates family style, as the camera pans back to reveal there is a huge Godfather style party going on in the restaurant, with a giant banner behind Tony stating “Congratulations Champ!”

[cotguy130]

June Week 1
BattleBrawl
Canada Centre

1) CUTIE PIE: Good evening fans, I’m Cutie Pie. I’m also A cutie pie, but that’s obvious, isn’t it. XPW has given me the honor of kicking off the show that begins the month dedicated to the ladies. In three weeks, XPW will present Ladies Night, a P4V event headlined by the Ladies champion, currently Autumn Hex, defending against the winner of a battle royal held at the beginning of the show. Oh yea, almost forgot, the guys will be there as well. They can’t stand one night where they aren’t the center of attention. If the show’s called Ladies Night, why not make it about the ladies? When I brought this up in the office, I got some garbled reply about “roster depth in the ladies division.” Well, boys, what’s say we up that roster depth by next year, m’kay? Make Ladies Night all about the ladies. What a concept. I’m being joined by four pillars of the ladies division, Electronica, Mother Mercy, where’s Baby Girl? It appears that the champion, Autumn Hex is choosing to stand well away from the rest of us. Where’s Baby Girl? She’s scheduled to be here.
AUTUMN HEX: I am standing over here because I don’t stand near rabble. After the office strongly suggested that I show up, Grimcraft encouraged me to do so. He also encouraged me to do this. <Hex makes an obscene finger gesture>. As a member of the Dark Arts, I am above your “strong suggestions”. You two listen up, and tell Big Baby or whatever her names is the same thing. I don’t care about you. I am your champion, and you are my inferiors. That is the way it was, is, and forever shall be. Sis, if you ever see this, it applies to you tenfold. You already know that, don’t you? <Autumn Hex walks off>
MOTHER MERCY: I’m going to kill her. That’s it. She’s dead.
ELECTRONICA: She needs to be knocked off her pedestal. I think one of us can handle that.
CUTIE PIE: Where’s Baby Girl?
MOTHER MERCY: Why don’t you shut up about Missy and go look for her if it’s so damn important. She’s probably still celebrating with that pig of a boyfriend of hers.
ELECTRONICA: I can’t believe he beat Decker.
CUTIE PIE: You are NOT cutting away from me to go to Codger. Don’t you-

(We cut away to Rod Codger standing outside a room. It’s noisy inside)

ROD: Sorry CP, but I found Baby Girl. In fact, I found all the Underworld, plus what I assume are some special guests. This is a large ballroom adjacent to the arena. Big Tony’s celebration party has moved to here.

(Rod slowly opens the door and peers in with the camera over his shoulder. We catch a quick glimpse of a lavish party. Immediately, everything stops and about half the guys in the room reach inside their coats. Tony throws a hand up)

TONY: Don’t waste Rod, boys, he’s harmless. He’s also uninvited. Leave now, kid, and you leave with all your fingers.

(Rod and the camera quickly pull out of the room)

2) In the first match, we see the debut of Bao Zhang as he takes on Jolly Foo. Zhang threatens Foo in Japanese, and Foo looks terrified. However, to the shock of all, when the match ends, Foo gets the win. Neither man can believe it. Zhang is mortified. Foo doesn’t know what to do. Suddenly, Emperor Enyu’s music hits. He makes his way to the ring as Foo stares at him like one would stare at a god. Without a glance at Zhang, Enyu hits Foo with an open-hand slap that knocks him down. He follows that up with a vicious assault. Zhang remains prostrate in the corner. Enyu throws Foo around like a rag doll, and the crowd starts to jeer the Emperor. He sneers back and continues the assault. Finally, the ring announcer says that he’s been informed that if Enyu doesn’t cease, his contract will be torn up. Enyu stops, but Foo is a mess. He whispers something to Zhang who gets on his hands and knees. Enyu walk back up the aisle, now ignoring the crowd, as Zhang follows behind walking like a dog.

3) In the next match, Kong Kid’s woes continue as loses to Sherman Turk. Komodo comes out and, despite wearing a mask and not speaking, expresses all sorts of frustration and disappointment at his partner.

4) Next up is the return of Pink Champagne, withy Destiny as ringside. She gets an easy win over Kristy Tristan.
PINK: Candy Cotton, I’m back. Yea, I said your name. Pictures don’t like. Despite your best efforts to put me away, twice, you’ve failed. Now, take that stupid mask off and fight D and I straight up. That so hard for you? Do you think you’re intimidating us, or getting in our heads? It doesn’t matter because you’re failing at that, too. We are going to shut down your XPW career before it gets started.

5) Komodo defeats Shadow in the next match-up. He brings Kongo Kid to ringside and demands he sit and study the match.
KOMODO: I am quite possibly the smartest wrestler in XPW for reasons that are well-established. Kid, I had to study hard to be able to make that claim. You could never be me in the classroom, but you might approach my greatness in the ring, a little, if you study me and what I do. Right now, your famous father can’t help you. Only I can.

6) Next up is pre-taped sit down interview with the Gage Guyz.
ADAM: I’ve spent a lot of years around this business, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a response like you guys got last week. How did it feel?
TATTERS: It was definitely the biggest pop either of us has ever received. Agree, Rage?
RAGER: Yaaaasss! A pop of cosmic magnitude. It seared through my skull into my brain. I felt it in my neurons. It was though the gods of the Seven Heavens screamed our name all at once.
TATTERS: I didn’t think we were doing that here.
RAGER: I’m not doing, dear sibling, I am being.
ROD: So tell us, how did this happen? It’s been pretty well-known that you two never reconciled after the split in WoW years ago. There was talk of some issues with-
RAGER: The historical record of our lives is fraught with half-truths and outright fabrications. The future is before us, the past is behind us. The present is here now-
TATTERS: They get it. However, there are some kernels of truth in the, uh, historical record. As Rage said, though, it is in my past. I’m not that man anymore, and I’d like to leave that man in the past.
ROD: Fair enough.
RAGER: One day, Rod of Family Codger, by the way, did you know I was a confidant of your father? A fine man and a credit to humanity.
ROD: Thank you.
RAGER: It was a normal day at the compound. The Queen and the Princes and I were enjoying the afternoon repast when the telephonic communication device sounded. I was in the middle of a fine plate of green beans if I recall correctly. The message was from a man representing a new institution for the promotion of the Sport of Kings, XPW. He asked me if I would be interested in a comeback with his sanctioning body. I thought about it for about .00003 nanoseconds and told him I would. I then asked if he would like something even better. I asked if he would like both Gage Guyz. I believe the man passed out, for there was a lengthy silence. He then uttered the word, “serious?”
TATTERS: Rage, they only have so long for these interviews.
RAGER: I understand. Please bring it to a proper emotional climax.
TATTERS: Uh, well. Rage called me and told me about XPW and here we are.
RAGER: That lacked the level of emotion that are reunion deserved.
TATTERS: Sorry, bro. Fans, we are excited to be back. When we found out we were debuting at the tournament, I told Rage that we had to win.
RAGER: If I may close…Men of the Hatchet from the World Under, mark these words. Those belts, signifying that you are the best team in XPW, were destined to be worn by us. The gods have ordained it, and it will come to pass. Roderick Codger, you have our gratitude.

7) In the main event, Seraph successfully defends the cruiserweight title against Doomsayer.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June Week One
Ace Dogma's BoobToob Channel

ACE (JACKRABBIT): Welcome to the second most watched wrestling and video game channel on the internet, Ace's Rave! Joining me as always, my partner in crime, my compadre, my comrade, Bomber John!

JOHN: Sup.

ACE: We're just firing up some old school games today. In fact, today we'll be playing R'n'R Revolution from 1998. John, tell em how excited you are about this game.

JOHN: I'm very excited.

ACE: So, let's see who we can go as on the character select screen... Lazer, he was great, especially after he ditched the neon.

JOHN: I liked the neon.

ACE: Ohhhhhh, they got the Whole New Era! I'm taking Blockbuster Brohan, baby!

JOHN: Then I got Chicano. That dude had macho comin out his pores.

ACE: It was really a different era back then.

JOHN: THAT's RIGHT! YOU WANT YOUR WORKRATE TODAY, BUT BACK THEN, IT WAS TWO BEEFY MEN, SMACKIN BEEF! FORGET CHICANO, I'M PLAYING AS SAMSON! IF WE GO 3V3, I WANT THREE SAMSON'S ON MY TEAM! SAAAAAAM-SOOOOOON, SAAAAAAM-SOOOOOON...

ACE: Johnny... that's passionate.

JOHN: I can be passionate at times.

ACE: You know, WNE kind of reminds me of this new group I keep hearing about on the indies, The Uprising. They have the two incredibly athletic guys, Pendragon and Donny Atomic.

JOHN: Donny Wrestling, baby.

ACE: And that big beefy dude. The one from Scotland.

JOHN: Gavin Sterling. He is a big beefy dude. I could smack beef with him.

ACE: Dude, they have basically taken over the indies. Great move sets, great personality, I can't say enough about how over they are.

JOHN: Ohhh, you forgot about the game. There it is! Samson with the spear! 1, 2, 3! SAAAAAAM-SOOOOOON...

ACE: That's it for today's show! See you next time!

JOHN: SAAAAAM-SOOOOON! SAAAAAAM-SOOOOOON!

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June Week One
Official XPW BoobToob Channel

An amusement park. Carnival games, a ferris wheel in the background. A masked woman walks from behind a tent. She walks up to a food vendor, and makes a purchase. When she turns to face the camera, in her right hand is a candy apple, and in her left, blue and purple cotton candy. She speaks, but through a voice modulator.

"Ladies of XPW, you will soon find out who is behind this mask. It's going to be a sweet, sweet day when I can finally show my face, but all the sugar in the world won't cover the bitterness you will feel. Once I finish off Destiny and her bff Pinky, the rest of the women's division will be in the palm of my hand. See ya soon!"

She lifts up the mask to take a bite of the apple, and the camera fades to black.

[Pierre The Enormous]

May 19, 2020 7:48:21 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

Year One June Week One
Official XPW BoobToob Channel

An amusement park. Carnival games, a ferris wheel in the background. A masked woman walks from behind a tent. She walks up to a food vendor, and makes a purchase. When she turns to face the camera, in her right hand is a candy apple, and in her left, blue and purple cotton candy. She speaks, but through a voice modulator.

"Ladies of XPW, you will soon find out who is behind this mask. It's going to be a sweet, sweet day when I can finally show my face, but all the sugar in the world won't cover the bitterness you will feel. Once I finish off Destiny and her bff Pinky, the rest of the women's division will be in the palm of my hand. See ya soon!"

She lifts up the mask to take a bite of the apple, and the camera fades to black.

Sugar aww honey honey