The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

June Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Cattle Castle

We open by going straight to a video identified as being from the Tag Team Invitational. It shows Brick City headed to the locker room after their first-round loss. They were trashing everything, and a few people who didn’t get out of the way, while en route. Banger rips the locker room door open so hard it almost comes off the hinges. They see the Numbskulls celebrating their first-round victory. They enter the room and shut the door behind them. We hear Buddy Danger say “Tough luck on the loss, guys” followed by the sounds of much screaming and crashing.

1) Kyle and Adam tell us that what we just saw was the reason for our opening match. The match goes about as well for the Numbskulls as the locker room thrashing did, and Brick City pick up the win .

2) Electronica comes to the ring.
ELECTRONICA: Baby Girl and I have been going round and round here for about six months. In my mind, we’ve never really settled anything. I think a show called Ladies Night is the perfect place for me to finish her off. What d’ya say, Missy?

(Baby Girl walks out laughing)

BABY GIRL: Wait, hold on, you thought there was something left to settle between us? You’re joking, right? If not, then you need to lay off the raves for awhile because you are a fruitcake. The fans would never admit because they don’t like Tony, but they know I’m better. However, I’m going to accept. If I don’t, then you call me a coward and I end up accepting anyhow….yada...yada. You must be a machoshist...macoshit…
ELECTRONICA: Masochist?
BABY GIRL: You like getting your butt whipped. That person, you’re one of them. I am happy to be the woman who whips your butt…for the last time.

3) Next up is what Adam describes as a “redemption” match for Bao Zhang.
ADAM: After one week, he’s in hot water with Enyu. Now’s the time to mention that the beating Enyu put on Jolly Foo last is going to take Foo out of action for some time. Back to Zhang, Enyu told us backstage that if Zhang doesn’t win this match then he will be “shipped”, his word, “shipped” back to Japan in a box. Not exactly sure the extent of that, but I’m sure that Zhang will do everything in his power to not let his Emperor down a second time.

Bao Zhang defeats Roberto Samba and Cyber Blue in a three-way match. After the win, Enyu’s stoic face appears on the viewscreen. After a few tense seconds, he gives an almost imperceptible nod. You can see Zhang relax before heading to the back.

4) Grimcraft and the Dark Arts are in a dark room.
GRIMCRAFT: I don’t have a lot to say right now, as our actions have spoken for us. Despite a few very minor setbacks here and there, the Dark Arts have performed above and beyond the call of duty. Lord Evermore, where are you? Claymore the (Grimcraft chuckles) Brave, why have you run? In just a few short weeks, I have humiliated the Northwoods Kingdom and sent them home. Evermore says he will return, and he might, but he will be a mere shell of his former self and he wasn’t much to begin with. Zed, I now address you. You have been an enigma to me. I didn’t think your current incarnation had it in you to defeat both of my pupils. Gentlemen, worry not. Zed is more than he appears. I sensed that, which is why I tried to bring him into this cabal. He is more than even I saw. Yes, Zed, you have earned a match with me. I do have one condition, and I don’t think you’ll mind. I want us to battle in the steel, Zed. We are both monsters, men say. Fine, let’s stick these two monsters in a cage and see who walks out.

5) Mother Mercy defeats Molly Oliver in easy fashion.
MOTHER: Elle, you stole my thunder. I like you, though, so it’s cool I was going to challenge Baby Girl to a match a Ladies Night. I’m sure she would’ve accepted, if for no other reason than because Tony the Lardass ordered her to. I’m going to be in that match. We could make it a three-way, but I’ve got no beef with Elle. Let’s make it a tag. Missy, find a partner…Hell, bring your bf, I’ll kick his ass, too. Whoever. Let’s make this happen because I’m going to beat some thicc right off you, Missy,

6) The Gage Guyz are backstage being mobbed by some of the younger wrestlers. Everyone’s vying for their attention. The crowd parts, and the Hatchetmen walk up.
RAGER: Men of the Hatchet, how may we be of service today?
DOM: You can shut up talking about us.
RAGER: I’m afraid up we cannot shut.
CHARLIE: You talk weird.
TATTERS: He’s just smarter than you. Truth hurts, I know.
DOM: You’re both going to be hurtin’ if you don’t stop running your mouth. We didn’t come to OO and Ahh over your two like these punks. You’re nothing to us. Well, except dinosaurs that should’ve stayed extinct.
TATTERS: Brother, this man considers us prehistoric reptiles. Do you think he’s ever been in martial engagement with a prehistoric reptile?
DOM: What the Hell did he just say?
TATTERS: He said these dinosaurs are ready for a fight, are you?
DOM: Hold up, now.

(DOM sucker punches Tatters and Charlie goes after Rager. The wrestlers who had been talking to the Gage Guyz immediately pull the groups apart. Rod Codger runs into the room)

ROD: Dom and Tatters, if you guys go to the ring, the office said you two can have a match right now)

After a commercial break, Icepick Dominic and Tatters Gage are in the ring for a singles’ match. Their partners are at ringside. Dominic gets the win when Tatters is distracted by Charlie attacking Rager with a chair. The Hatchetmen try to beat down the Guyz, but the brothers stage a quick comeback.

7) In the main event, Jakob Hearse retains the TV title against Grand Manga.
JAKOB: I don’t ask for the mic much, and that’s not going to change. I prefer being the silent champion. However, I do want to make sure you all notice what I’ve quietly amassed during my reign. I am the most important champion in this organization. Right now, this TV title has more prestige than the world title. While you boys are playing hot potato, I am racking up win after win. One day, I will come for you. That’s the day the world title becomes relevant again.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June Week 2
Chirpy Highlights

@grimcrizzle
Zed. We have much to speak about after I trounce you. There is always room for another minion in the Dark Arts. You've seen what happens to those who oppose us-- you should consider joining us.

@thiccbabygirl
Hey lover boy-- you find me that partner yet? I promise if you find me the right dames I'll make it worth your while in the exact, certain way you like.

@bigmamamercy
Hey @electronica, I'm good teaming with you. I just want make sure we're on the same page. And Missy... that's a horrifying visual.

@bigtony450
Baby Girl, your main man always delivers, capiche? Not only do I have one partner for you-- I made two ladies a proposition they could not decline. I always make sure my best girl is taken care of. #3v2

@electronica
Oh no you don't, Fat Tony. Mercy, we're good. And as a sign of good faith, I've got a third lady in mind that will make it a certainty that we get our hands on Missy. #3v3

@destinyxpw
I finally get to speak my mind this week. I've been promised there will be no topic off limits. Let's do this. #truthwillsetyoufree

[cotguy130]

June Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Chitown Complex
1) We go straight to the action. Dre Apex defeats Mr. Europa in a rematch. Europa immediately demands a “best of three,” and Apex accepts.
2) Electronica defeats the debuting Warhawk.
ELECTRONICA: I guess most of you saw all the chirping done by Mother Mercy, Baby Girl, and me.

(Mother Mercy comes out)

MOTHER: You ready to take Missy our of the picture, Elle? My favorite part was when Tony Tub O’ Goo actually thought he’d pulled one over on us by getting her TWO partners.
ELECTRONICA: I was going to ask you if you wanted to go ahead and keep it two-on-one.
MOTHER: I thought the same thing. I really didn’t care who the bastard has hired for her. Check this out, people. Elle calls me with a partner’s name, and I was like, “you know her, too? That’s my girl.”
ELECTRONICA: B-Dubs has been looking for a way into XPW, so we decided to give it to her. There’s a game you all can play till next week…figure out who B-Dubs is. Trust me, you all are going to love her.
MOTHER: Missy, you and your mystery pals won’t like her. I can promise that. See you next week.

3) The Sky Diamonds are out.
DESTINY: Hey, folks, guess what? The office has NOW given us permission to talk about Candy Cotton, by name!
PINK: You believe that? It only took pictures going viral for them to admit what all of us have known since she and-
DESTINY: Hold it! Still can talk about her.
PINK: Her who?
DESTINY: Nice.
PINK: That was a long time, and the sad part is that it’s taken this cowardly promotion this long to allow us to talk about her. Well, we’re not. Nothing to say. She’s a coward who wears a mask even though she s been exposed.
DESTINY: She’s making videos with the stupid mask and using one of the voice-box thingies. Like it matters. Candy, lose the mask and the lame gear. We want to beat the real Candy Cotton, not whatever this sorry version of you is. We’re both going to be in the battle royal next week. That would be a really good place for you to show up and fight us.
PINK: Try and prove you’re all you’ve claimed to be. So far, we’re not impressed.
DESTINY: I guess we did talk about her after all. Oh well, we were due.

4) In a Trios match, The Underworld of Big Tony and the Hatchetmen defeated The Gage Guyz and Seraph. Dominic submitted Seraph for the win. The Gages looked good against their opponents throughout the match.
RAGER: Men of the Hatchet and Tumescent Antonio, hear my words. While he did not come out on the winning side in this contest, next week will be a different story. The cosmic gods have decreed that the Brothers Gage must wear the metal-encrusted leather. It will be two-on-two, the concept we’ve always excelled at. Not one-on-one or three-on-three, no offense to our more than capable angelic partner, but two-on-two.
SERAPH: What did he say?
TATTERS: I’ll explain later.

5) We are backstage, watching Flint Decker do some last-minute stretches before his match with Alexei Monstro. The rest of Blue Steel exhort him on. Suddenly, we hear a commotion in Japanese. The camera pans over and reveals Bao Zhang talking to two women in very traditional ninja garb. The women aren’t paying Zhang the attention he feels he deserves, and he’s irritated. He sees the camera, and charges over with his hand up to block the view.

6) In the main event, to determine the challenger at Ladies Night for Big Tony, Flint Decker defeats Alexei Monstro. Blue Steel join their leader in the ring. The Underworld stand at the entrance and the current and former XPW champions eyeball each other as we fade out.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One June Week Three
Chirpy Highlights

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO! Flint was DOPE this week y’all! Can’t wait for him to take his title back, so the rave can start up again! #worldtitle #ravethisweekend

@thiccbabygirl
Mercy, honey, you could have God herself in your corner, and you still wouldn’t have enough to beat my partners. #womentrios

@bigtony450
The gold is what it’s about. That’s why I’ll keep it. That, and a good linguine marinara.

@reviverager
The deities have ORDAINED that the Night of the Female Persons will be... EXCELLENT.

@hearse
No TV title means no meaningful belts defended at Ladies Night. I look forward to challenging the winner of the World Title, in the future. #maybebyHalloweenHellraiser

@northwoodsclaymore
It’s been a while since I’ve seen you guys. I just want to say I miss you all and will be back soon. I love you all!

@northwoodsclaymore
I’m sorry, my accont was sliced. Iwould never want such drivel associted with me.

@evermoreprotectoroftherealm
Claymore, are you drunk posting?

[cotguy130]

June Week 4
Ladies Night P4V
The Fairgrounds

The media crew, sans Cutie Pie, is present to open the show.

ROD: Cutie Pie is supposed to be with us, but she declared that a lady should get sole rights to intro the show in honor of the ladies. I reminded her that there were male wrestlers on the show, but she called me a “mansplainer” and stormed off.
ADAM: And she has every right to respond like a ch-like that. Fans, we have some news about tonight’s show. If you recall the end of Wrestling Classic last week, there was a staredown between the XPW champ, Big Tony, and his challenger, Flint Decker. After the show ended, the staredown almost got physical. The situation was reigned in, but words were exchanged. Here’s the footage, joined after the conversation had been going on awhile. We’ve jumped to the relevant part.

FLINT: The saddest part of your little gangster fantasy is that your idols are criminals that belong in prison. You modelled your wrestling career around the lowlife’s of society.
TONY: I’m not modelling nothing after the lowlifes…I am one of them. (Blue Steel found this hysterical) You know what I mean. They weren’t lowlifes. They were businessmen who didn’t follow the unjust rules. If you stayed out of their way, you were fine. They didn’t deserve prison.
FLINT: If you crossed them, they would kill you. That’s why they belong behind bars. (Bomber John whispers something to Flint) Damn good idea, John. There’s this thing called a prison cell match. Like a cage with a-
TONY: I know what a prison cell match is. That’s what you want? You got it. Big mistake, Decker. Let’s go boys. The champagne’s gonna get warm.

KYLE: That’s the story of one of today’s co-main events. Big Tony and Flint Decker will fight in a prison cell match.
For those who don’t know-hold on, I’m getting word from production that we’re cutting to-

(We cut to Cutie Pie with Baby Girl and the two female ninjas on one side, and Electronica on the other)

CUTIE PIE: Sorry boys, the real scoop’s right here with me and the ladies of Ladies Night. You all know Baby Girl, and these are her partners, Krait and Chiyome, known collectively as the Kunoichi Clan. That’s Electronica, but you know her. Now, Baby Girl,-
ELECTRONICA: If Mother and B-Dubs were here, you’d be a little nicer. They aren’t far, so watch yourself.
CUTIE PIE: No, I wouldn’t. Now, Baby Girl, I understand your partners don’t communicate verbally. How will you strategize with them?
ELECTRONICA: It doesn’t matter because it won’t help.
BABY GIRL: Shut up and go away. My partners and I are fine. We have each other’s full trust.

(Out of nowhere, the Kunoichi Clan kick Baby Girl in the back of the head with tandem leaping kicks. She falls onto Cutie Pie, crushing her. Electronica steps back and watches as the Clan assault Baby Girl with Cutie Pie taking collateral damage. After some hesitation, Electronica grabs a chair and smashes Chiyome over the back. It appears to barely phase her. She does, however, turn her attention to Electronica. Krait joins her partner in a second beatdown. Bao Zhang runs up and yells at them, and the threesome flee as Mother Mercy and “B-Dubs”, now confirmed as Brooklyn Belle, enter. They stop and tend to their partner as well as their opponent and Cutie Pie.

1) Back at ringside, Adam and Kyle say that Rod is attempting to determine exactly what just happened and why. Now, it’s time for the ladies battle royal to determine who will face Autumn Hex for the XPW Ladies title in tonight’s main event.

The Sky Diamonds, Destiny and Pink Champagne, come out together to lead-off.
DESTINY: All of the ladies are standing back there together waiting to come out, and there’s no sign of Candy, masked or unmasked. I guess she was too afraid after all.
Molly Oliver was next, followed by Warhawk. Kristy Tristan came in next, and then we met two debuting wrestlers in a row, Sweet Jane and the bizarre Keziah. Keziah actually attacked Jane as she was climbing in the ring, and threw her into the steel steps. Jane was immediately helped to the back by members of the medical staff. The ref was going to kick Keziah out of the battle royal, but Warhawk said that she would “handle it.” Next in was Lady Winter, who we hadn’t seen in several weeks. Fans were shocked by her unkempt, disheveled look. Her ring gear was dirty and torn. The only thing that seemed familiar about her was her determination.

WINTER: Don’t worry about how I look. That WAS my problem. Not anymore. Sister, I’m going to win this battle royal and take that title of your accursed waist tonight.

The refs were puzzled as no one else came out. There were two more slots in the battle royal. We were informed that Sweet Jane would not be returning. Just as the ref was about to ring the bell to begin the now 7-woman battle royal, the sound of a carnival filled the air and a modulated voice was heard.
VOICE: Sky Diamonds, you’ve run your mouths long enough. You’ve said what you’re going to do. We just DO. No more talking. The games are indeed over, and you lose.

The spotlight finds the masked mystery woman making her way through the crowd to the ring. Except, it’s obvious it’s not the same person in the black bodysuit. This woman is long and tall, and there’s a tuft of very blonde hair showing from the back of the mask. She makes her way to the ring. She walks right up to the Sky Diamonds and they immediately declare that it’s not Candy. Another voice is heard.

CANDY: You lookin’ for little ol’ me? <Candy Cotton comes through the entrance> You shouldna have called me a coward, cubic zirconiums. That was a big mistake.

The ref told Candy to get in the ring so he could start the match. She kissed him on the nose.

The bell rang and the battle royal began. Surprisingly, Candy and the mystery woman didn’t interact until Candy was almost thrown out by the Sky Diamonds. Kristy Tristan and Molly Oliver pulled the masked woman away and the Diamonds had their elimination. The masked woman eliminated Tristan and Oliver together. Warhawk and Keziah eliminated each other. Winter dumped Pink Champagne while she was taunting Candy at ringside. The mystery woman let Destiny and Winter go at it, and then helped Destiny toss Winter. After a few minutes of solid wrestling, the mystery woman eliminated Destiny to win the title shot. Rod Codger came out immediately.

ROD: Excuse me, but the office has said that you must remove the mask to claim the title shot.

(Without hesitation, she pulled off the mask to reveal Carolina Strutter. Candy Cotton rejoined her in the ring)

CANDY: Really people, it was her along. You folks need new cameras.
CAROLINA: Autumn Hex, you mean nothing to me but a target. You bring all the freaks you want to ringside ‘cause I’ve got a real freak of my own right here watching my back.

2) Rod Codger is in the ring.
ROD: Fans, we’ve had a match change due to the attack on Baby Girl by the Kunoichi Clan. Baby Girl, Electronica, and Cutie Pie have all been taken for observation at a local hospital. We assume the Clan are in the arena, but we can’t find them. In the place of that Trios match, you will see the Blue Steel team of the Neo-Knights and Cyber Blue take on the Dark Arts, Grimcraft, Doomsayer, and Diablo.

The match sees the Dark Arts defeat Blue Steel when Grimcraft submits Cyber Blue.

3) Next up is a remote interview Rod Codger conducted earlier in the week with Lord Evermore and Claymore.
ROD: Greetings from the US, your Lordship.
EVERMORE: Thank you. Greeting from the Northwoods.
ROD: Let’s cut to the chase. You and your faction, so to speak, have not had the success people predicted for you when they found out you’d signed with XPW.
CLAYMORE: We thought you a friend, Codger.
EVERMORE: Clay, he’s right. We haven’t. Why do you think we’re here and not wrestling on this show? The only reason I allowed Lady Winter to make the trip was because she saw this battle royal as a way to get back at her sister. I have no doubt that she will, or has already, won.
ROD: You’ve had two high profile losses to Grimcraft and Big Tony.
EVERMORE: You may be right to bring up our lack of success, Rod, but don’t push your luck. I don’t make excuses. I lost. Is that enough for you?
ROD: I’m only seeking information for the fans. They are disappointed that you’re not here-
EVERMORE: The fans are disappointed in Lord Evermore, are they?
ROD: Not in you-
EVERMORE: Stop blathering. I can’t disappoint the fans, now can I? Tell the fans this-
ROD: They are watching right now. Tell them yourself.
CLAYMORE: You impudent-
EVERMORE: Gladly. “Fans”, I certainly don’t want to disappoint you. You want Clay and I back? We will be back, and we will be back with the vengeance that’s had the Northwoods Kingdom’s neighbors cowering in fear for centuries. I WILL TAKE GRIMCRAFT OUT. PERIOD.

(Evermore and Claymore walk out of the room they are sitting in)

4) In the match for the XPW tag team titles, The Gage Guyz make history by ending the reign of the Hatchetmen and claiming the tag titles. Rager and Tatters jump the barrier and celebrate with the fans.

5) We cut backstage where Mother Mercy and Brooklyn Belle are storming around kicking open doors and yelling “Where’s the Clan?” at everybody. Finally, Mother kicks in the door to a women’s restroom, and the Clan is in there, with Bao Zhang. Zhang leaps into a stall and shuts the door as the four women tear into one another. As Mother and Belle take control of the situation, the Clan escape. Mother starts after them, but Belle stops her and points at the stall where Zhang can be heard ranting in Japanese. Mother kicks the stall door so hard it tears off and slams into Zhang who is sitting on the toilet. When Mother finally extricates the door, Zhang is slumped over on the toilet, completely out. The start to give him a swirly as the camera cuts away.

6) The cage has been dropped for the XPW title match between Flint Decker and Big Tony, the champion. In an exciting, brutal match, Flint Decker becomes a two-time XPW champion by defeating Big Tony. He doesn’t celebrate however, as he announces that he’s heading over to check on Elle.

7) In the final match of the night, an XPW Ladies title match between Carolina Strutter and Autumn Hex, Carolina Strutter defeats Hex to win the title. Candy Cotton is at ringside, but does not interfere. The Dark Arts do not have a presence either. Candy joins Strutter in the ring for a post-match celebration…of their own. Strutter makes it perfectly clear that, despite the fans support during the match, she and Candy have no use for them.
CAROLINA: I get off on your hate, little people. Regardless of how you respond to me and Candy, our response to you is <they each give a middle finger>

They are interrupted by Winter and Autumn Hex, who come tumbling through the curtain onto the entrance platform mid-brawl. The two sisters fight briefly on the platform, and then Hex breaks away and jumps off the platform. Winter just sits down, exhausted. Next Rod Codger walks out. He is carrying a leather bag.
ROD: This is highly unusual, but I have a special announcement. Candy and Carolina, I’m going to need you to go to the back before I continue.
CAROLINA: We’re staying right here. Those two idiot sisters already hijacked my moment once. I’ll be damned if you’re doing it again.
ROD: Al right, but no trouble.
CANDY: No promises.
ROD: If the Sky Diamonds would join me in the ring.

(Destiny and Pink Champagne are confused. Candy and Carolina are furious.)

DESTINY: What’s going on, Rod?
ROD: Destiny, Pink Champagne, allow me to present you with these. <He opens the bag and pulls out to two title belts) You are the first XPW Ladies Tag Team Champions!

(The Diamonds are ecstatic. Carolina and Candy look ready to attack. A ref steps in front)

PINK: Not that we aren’t appreciative, but doesn’t XPW usually have tournaments for new champs.
CAROLINA: This is a joke. Who did you two sleep with to get awarded those for doing absolutely nothing.
ROD: That’s it. You’re gone. Clear the ring or you vacate that title.

(Candy and Carolina begrudgingly leave)

DESTINY: The best way to shut those two up is to beat them. We will defend these belts against you two as soon as we can make the match. In the meantime, Pink, let’s go celebrate.
ROD: This is Rod Codger for XPW, saying good night!!

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One July Week One
Cyber's BoobToob Channel

CYBER: YOOOOO!!!! It's yo boy Cyber here, remember to like, comment and subscribe to the most watched wrestling and video game channel on BoobToob! We're back to playing Four Knights today, but y'all, I gotta be honest, I have some mixed emotions right now. First of all, congrats to Flint on becoming two-time XPW World Champ. Couldn't be more deserving, and I'm glad you're a friend. But, at the same time, Lexy was taken to a local medical facility for treatment...

Forget this bullcrap that XPW wants me to say. Local medical facility my ass-- those ninja chicks put her and Baby Girl in the hospital. Thank you Brooklyn Belle and Mother Mercy for having Lexy's back. Flint, Bomber John and Jackrabbit are with her right now, and they asked me to get the word out. Maybe we can get a temporary truce with Underworld or something, because those ninjas, Bao Zhang and Enyu have to pay.

You know what, I'm too worked up to play right now. Y'all, I love my subs, but I gotta deal with this right now. I'm headed to see Lexy.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One July Week One
Official XPW BoobToob

Carolina Strutter is wearing one of her father's iconic robes as she stares directly into the camera. She carries an air of self-confidence mixed with an utter lack of humility. She speaks directly into the camera as her father's famous orchestral entrance music plays.

"You may not know me, but you know my father." The video cuts to a montage of Jet Set Strutter highlights, prominently he was fighting Lazer while wearing the proverbial crimson mask, and getting in the face of Mr. Fantasy. "Like my father, I'm the best in the business, and I proved it by winning the Battle Royale and the Ladies Championship at Ladies Night. IN MY DEBUT. I'm untouchable, I'm unbeatable, and damn, I'm beautiful. And while my dad is in the conversation for the greatest of all time, by the time I'm done, there will be no debate. I will be not just the greatest Ladies Champion of all time, but I will be known as the greatest WRESTLER of all time, period.

"Feast your eyes on the present and future of wrestling." Carolina raises her arms and rotates with her robe flowing around her, and the camera switches back and forth between her and footage of her father doing the same. After the rotation ends, she and her father's footage "wooo" in unison.

[cotguy130]

July Week 1
BattleBrawl
Empire Gardens

1) We open with Blue Steel in the ring celebrating Flint’s title win. Everyone is there, although Electronica is moving slower than usual.
FLINT: I’ve asked the team to temper this celebration a bit. The reason is that we shouldn’t be having it. It’s not that I’m not happy to have won it again, but I shouldn’t have lost if the first time.
CYBER: Yo, Flint, stuff happens. Don’t sweat it.
FLINT: I know, Blue. I stood hear and made all these promises about how hard I was going to work to keep it…boom, 1,2,3…Tony’s the champ. I made a liar out of myself, and I’m not doing that again.
BOMBER: And how, pray tell, will you do that, Flint?
FLINT: Well, John, thanks for asking. I’m going to do a lot less talking. Instead of telling you all that I’m going to beat this or that guy, I’m just going to go out and do it.
JACK: But Flint, the people enjoy hearing you!!
FLINT (laughing): They will, Jack. I’m not going radio silent. I’m just going to be a little more wary about promises. That being said, I will promise this. I’m not getting caught off-guard again. I took Tony lightly, I admit it.
ELECTRONICA: There’s nothing you CAN take lightly about Tony is there?
FLINT: Elle, you know what I mean.
ELECTRONICA: Yes, boss.
FLINT: I have one more match with Tony coming up at the Cruiserweight Cup. He will not be taking this title back. All jokes aside, I know what to expect from Big Tony. This time it’s going to be boom, 1,2,3…winner and STILL XPW Champion, Flint Decker.

2) The first match of the night is new XPW Ladies Champion, Carolina Strutter, in a non-title match against Warhawk. Before the match, Strutter has something to say.
CAROLINA: Typical. The new men’s champ gets a celebration segment of his own that he hardly deserves, and I have to wrestle a nobody and steal some mic time. It’s the same BS XPW pulled when they interrupted MY moment to award the tag titles to the Sky Diamonds without making them so much as wrestling a match. I am the biggest star in women’s wrestling. XPW is lucky to have me. I am doing them a favor, not vice-versa. You don’t sign somebody, then embarrass them. Threaten to take their title if they don’t toe the company line. What you did at the end of Ladies Night was unconscionable. Here’s how this goes down. Right now, I am going to beat Nighthawk (sic) within an inch of her life. Then, as soon as they step up, Candy and I are taking the tag titles from the Sky Diamonds. You would never have treated my Father this way, and by God, you’re not doing it to me.

Carolina Strutter has little problem with Warhawk.

3) Rod Codger is up with a post-Ladies Night medical report. Cutie Pie and Baby Girl are still recovering from the attack by the Kunoichi Clan. There’s been no statement from Bao Zhang or the Emperor. Electronica is cleared for television, but not in-ring action. Now, a preview of our next match. In three weeks is our next P4V, the Cruiserweight Cup. The full line-up is still being determined, but there’s already been a lot of dissension backstage because The Dark Arts have both Doomsayer and Diablo in the tournament. On the other hand, Blue Steel is being required to pick between Jackrabbit and Cyber Blue. The fairness of the situation has come into question. Up next we will bring you a Trios elimination match featuring the aforementioned Jackrabbit and Cyber Blue teaming with Chester Blood to take on The Numbskulls and Pete Sinclair. We are bringing you this match to highlight some of the competitors who might be in the Cup tournament.

Jackrabbit, Cyber Blue, and Chester Blood defeat the Numbskulls and Sinclair, with Blue being the only survivor. During the match, Kyle and Adam remind the viewer that while some of the competitors in this match might not be what the fans identify as “cruiserweights”, the term is merely a weight class. There are as many styles in the cruiserweight class as in the heavyweight. The acrobatic, aerial type of wrestler is only aspect of this division.

4) Wally Saratoga over Roberto Samba

5) Lord Evermore is back!
EVERMORE: Last week, I spoke remotely from the Northwoods Kingdom to Mr. Rod Codger. I wasn’t in the best of moods and I took my frustration out on Rod, and you, the fans. For that I apologize. My frustration lies, as you may have gathered, from my lack of success at ridding XPW of Grimcraft and the Dark Arts. I closed last week’s interview by swearing that I would be successful, and I wish to continue with less histrionics. The image of the Dark Arts assaulting my wife, and taunting me mercilessly while doing so, is burned into my brain. The chains that bound me stopped me from doing anything for her. Has I dwelled on that image for days and days, it came to me. What I had to do. It was the chain, Grimcraft. I need to see you helpless and begging, while tied down with a rusty, metal chain. I promised to take you out, and I will…in a chain match. We will each be strapped to an end, and we can use that chain any way we like. I will use it to flay you alive, Grimcraft. After you’re begging me to stop, then I will bind you with that chain and leave you helpless…like you left me. I don’t even have to beat up any of your cabal. I will because they deserve it. You don’t care about them; you only care about yourself. You, with your unholy arrogance, being bound and unable to do anything is your worst nightmare. Ok, maybe there’s one thing that could make it worse. If it’s Lord Evermore doing the binding.

6) Komodo over Richie B.

7) Pink Champagne, with Destiny, over Candy Cotton, with Carolina Strutter. The ref told Destiny and Carolina that if they engaged one another during the match, the aggressor would be suspended. They managed to keep themselves apart during the match. Afterwards, Carolina attacked Destiny as soon as the match was over. She and Candy then double-teamed Pink. Strutter and Cotton each took a tag title belt and spit on them before throwing them to ground.
CANDY: Listen people, those tag belts are actually worth something now that they have Carolina Candy’s loogies on them.

8) Jakob Hearse retains the TV title against Dre Apex.
HEARSE: I cam out a couple of weeks ago and made a statement about my TV title being more prestigious right now than the XPW title. Did you notice that nobody came to challenge that statement? I knew Decker wouldn’t have a set big enough, but I thought Tony might step up. I think it’s because they know I’m right. All I do is win. Over and over. Somebody asked me why I didn’t just challenge the champ? There’s a very simple answer. I’m making the champ come to me…and he will.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One July Week Two
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

PONY: Welcome to the best pure wrestling podcast out there! I have a very special guest this week, a two sport star in both MMA and professional wrestling, Mr. Roberto Samba!

SAMBA: Thank you Pony, for having me.

PONY: Glad you could make it. So, tell me about your MMA career and how it prepped you for professional wrestling.

SAMBA: Well, it’s been an interesting transition. Certainly, I’m one of the best strikers out there, and the submissions translate really well. I’m also one of the best on the mat. The big issue is with the aerial stuff— you don’t have people jumping off the Octagon.

PONY: You had some degree of success in MMA.

SAMBA: Yeah, I managed to get into the top ten rankings a couple times. One unlucky strike here or there or I would have at least had a chance for the title.

PONY: That was held by McBastard in your weight class, correct?

SAMBA: Yeah. Nothing but respect for him. He’s a tough competitor.

PONY: You’ve yet to fight for a title in XPW either.

SAMBA: Well, that’s another issue. Like I said, those aerial guys are tough to deal with. And I’m not used to guys who outweigh me by 70 pounds.

PONY: Then how do you explain your recent loss to Wally Saratoga? You outweigh him, he’s had very little fighting experience outside of pro wrestling, and he’s regularly beaten by lower card talent.

SAMBA: Pony, watch yourself. A guy gets lucky one time and all of a sudden I’m no good?

PONY: Roberto, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that if you lose to a Jobber, people are going to start thinking of you—

Samba suddenly flipped over the table in front of him and threw his chair at the camera. “You think you’re funny Pony?!? You talk and talk, but I’ve never seen you in a fight!” Samba points at Pony. “You are everything that’s WRONG about wrestling today!” Samba lunged at Pony, who dodged, grabbed an arm, and rolled into an armbar. Samba shrieked in pain as security arrived.

PONY: GET THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE OUT OF HERE! HOW DARE YOU THREATEN ME ON MY OWN SHOW! GET OUT!

Security dragged Samba away, in tears, as the camera faded out.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One July Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Flint. Paisan. Luck was on your side. I was distracted by my Baby Girl being taken away. You won’t be so lucky when I get my rematch. #cruiserweightcup

@diabloxpw
¡Orale! El infierno va al Cruiserweight Cup, y Diablo va a ser el campeon. ¡BIENVENIDO AL INFIERNO!

@grimcrizzle
With two men in the Cruiserweight Cup, I’m almost guaranteed to have a new vessel for my potions.

@yoboycyber
YOOOO!! Blue Steel is going to win the Cup, whether it’s me or Jack that competes! #teamunity

@northwoodsclaymore
WE HAVE RETURNED NOTHING ELSE TO SAY JUST #GLAAD TO BE BACK

@seraphxpw
My English not good, but I want to say Heavens will open at Cruiserweight Cup. #cieloabierto

@acedogma
Claymore— as a heads up, if you hashtag something it has to all be together with no spaces. Did you mean to do that?

@glaad
Claymore, we want to thank you for your mention of the Gay and Lesbian American Alliance for Diversity. How can we help you with your questions?

@evermoreprotectoroftherealm
Dear @glaad— I believe my associate Claymore tagged you by accident. To be clear, Northwoods is accepting of any lifestyle, but he’s not interested in additional information.

[Pierre The Enormous]

Jun 1, 2020 9:55:17 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

Year One July Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Flint. Paisan. Luck was on your side. I was distracted by my Baby Girl being taken away. You won’t be so lucky when I get my rematch. #cruiserweightcup

@diabloxpw
¡Orale! El infierno va al Cruiserweight Cup, y Diablo va a ser el campeon. ¡BIENVENIDO AL INFIERNO!

@grimcrizzle
With two men in the Cruiserweight Cup, I’m almost guaranteed to have a new vessel for my potions.

@yoboycyber
YOOOO!! Blue Steel is going to win the Cup, whether it’s me or Jack that competes! #teamunity

@northwoodsclaymore
WE HAVE RETURNED NOTHING ELSE TO SAY JUST #GLAAD TO BE BACK

@seraphxpw
My English not good, but I want to say Heavens will open at Cruiserweight Cup. #cieloabierto

@acedogma
Claymore— as a heads up, if you hashtag something it has to all be together with no spaces. Did you mean to do that?

@glaad
Claymore, we want to thank you for your mention of the Gay and Lesbian American Alliance for Diversity. How can we help you with your questions?

Claymore is iconic

[Thumper Moore III]

Jun 1, 2020 9:57:23 GMT -5 Pierre The Enormous said:

Jun 1, 2020 9:55:17 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

Year One July Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@bigtony450
Flint. Paisan. Luck was on your side. I was distracted by my Baby Girl being taken away. You won’t be so lucky when I get my rematch. #cruiserweightcup

@diabloxpw
¡Orale! El infierno va al Cruiserweight Cup, y Diablo va a ser el campeon. ¡BIENVENIDO AL INFIERNO!

@grimcrizzle
With two men in the Cruiserweight Cup, I’m almost guaranteed to have a new vessel for my potions.

@yoboycyber
YOOOO!! Blue Steel is going to win the Cup, whether it’s me or Jack that competes! #teamunity

@northwoodsclaymore
WE HAVE RETURNED NOTHING ELSE TO SAY JUST #GLAAD TO BE BACK

@seraphxpw
My English not good, but I want to say Heavens will open at Cruiserweight Cup. #cieloabierto

@acedogma
Claymore— as a heads up, if you hashtag something it has to all be together with no spaces. Did you mean to do that?

@glaad
Claymore, we want to thank you for your mention of the Gay and Lesbian American Alliance for Diversity. How can we help you with your questions?

Claymore is iconic

Pierre, you’re incredibly quick. I added the Evermore tweet immediately after I posted to clarify, and you beat me to it. Good guy Evermore.

[Pierre The Enormous]

Jun 1, 2020 9:59:34 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

Jun 1, 2020 9:57:23 GMT -5 Pierre The Enormous said:

Claymore is iconic

Pierre, you’re incredibly quick. I added the Evermore tweet immediately after I posted to clarify, and you beat me to it. Good guy Evermore.

He'd be happy as long as everyone's happy

[cotguy130]

July Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Golden Plaza

CUTIE PIE: Fans, before I do my usual welcome, I just want to thank you. I know I’m not always nice to you. I haven’t earned any of the support I felt while I was recuperating. It did mean a lot. Something else that meant a lot was Electronica standing up for Baby Girl and me. We are hardly on good terms with her, and she could’ve walked. She chose not to, and I am grateful. Uh, for what’s it worth, somebody else is grateful, but that’s not for me to get into. There’s another party in that whole scenario that I’m not going to get into. I’m not a fighter and I’m not going to pretend to be one. All I will say is that there are a lot ladies on both sides of the dressing room who are damn good fighters, and they’re pissed off. My sweet little ninjas…you two are in for a world of hurt and it starts today. You are going to be begging the Emperor to ship you back to Japan before long. Now, we have a great card for you today, including the ninjas getting their asses handed to them, Zed and Grimcraft in a steel cage match, and in the main event, Seraph will defend the Cruiserweight title against an unusual challenger, Icepick Dominic of the Underworld. First, TV champion Jakob Hearse has more to say.

1) JAKOB: Flint Decker, what’s it going to take? I know, I know, you’ve got Big Tony on your mind. You do know that Tony has to win next week to get that rematch? It should be against me, but, oh what a shock, Evermore the Loser gets another chance. Hasn’t Grimcraft embarrassed him enough? <Alexei Monstro comes out> Alexei, what a surprise. I was hoping for someone holding a title, or at least close to the title picture.
ALEXEI: Jakob, I don’t say this much, but I like you.
JAKOB: And I’m impressed, why?
ALEXEI: I’d be disappointed in you if you were. That’s one of the things I like about you. One of the things I don’t is your constant comparison of your title to the XPW title. The TV title is very prestigious, don’t get me wrong. It’s a fine stepping-stone. It’s not the XPW title. I may not currently hold the XPW title, but when you make those comparisons, it doesn’t sit well with me.
JAKOB: Well then Alexei, feel free to come do something about it right now.
ALEXEI: Nice try, Jakob, but I don’t get baited. If anything, I agree with part of what you say. I shouldn’t be the one defending the XPW title. It should be the champion, Flint Decker. I’m here to encourage you, Jakob. Decker owes you. Don’t stop calling that little blue bastard out. Next week, when Tony takes on that undeserving Evermore, don’t sit back. Your time’s coming, but you can speed up the process. One day, we will be standing on opposite corners of that ring.
JAKOB: Damn, I sure as Hell hope so.

2) Dre Apex over Shadow and Richie B in a three-way match.

3) Next up is Zed’s final test, a cage match against the leader of the Dark Arts, Grimcraft. Zed has successfully defeated both of Grimcraft’s minions, Diablo and Doomsayer. Zed beats Grimcraft from cage wall to cage wall. However, Zed is not an agile climber and is successfully pulled from the sides of the cage multiple times. On a couple of occasions, Doomsayer helped his master from the outside while Diablo distracted the ref. The end came when Grimcraft was slipped something through the cage, and a few seconds later hit Zed with an old-fashioned fireball. Even beaten up, the more nimble Grimcraft had no trouble escaping the cage as Zed was unable to pursue at all. The ref immediately began trying to unlock the door, but Diablo grabbed the key. The cage then began raising. However, cameras revealed that Autumn Hex had commandeered the controls. As soon as it was raised just enough, the Dark Arts slid back into the ring and she lowered it down. Doomsayer was carrying a length of chain, and the Dark Arts lashed Zed to one of the cage walls. A beating commenced. Wrestlers tried to help, but Autumn Hex held them off for a while with a spiked baseball bat. After they got past her, Doomsayer knocked several off the cage walls as they attempted to climb in while Grimcraft and Diablo did the dirty work on Zed. Autumn Hex got on a mic.

AUTUMN: Dear bro-in-law, you sure you want to get a chain involved where Grimcraft’s concerned? You’ve felt what he can do with a length of rusty iron, and now you’re getting another look. By the way, have you taken a close look at my sister lately? You might want to get her help. I think she’s about to crack.

Kyle comments that they can’t raise the cage because of the way Zed is chained to the side, and Diablo still has the key. Finally, several wrestlers make it over the side and begin fighting the Dark Arts. Autumn Hex tries to throw the spiked bat over the cage to Doomsayer, but Dre Apex catches it. Diablo slips the key to Hex who unlocks the door. The Dark Arts fight their way to the door and out where they escape. Zed is released and lowered to the mat as a medical team enters the cage.

4) Backstage, Jackrabbit and Cyber Blue are talking.
JACK: Blue, they’re killing Zed. Let’s go.
BLUE: Chill, bro. He’s got plenty of help. We got bigger things to worry about.
JACK: Sometimes, you can be a jerk. You know that, don’t you?
BLUE: Yea, but I’m a likable jerk. Jack, you know it’s not fair, at all, that the Dark Arts get to spots in the Cruiserweight Cup. On top of that, you and I have to wrestle each other, next week, to see who gets Blue Steel’s one spot. What’s wrong with that picture?
JACK: I agree. It doesn’t seem right.
BLUE: Doesn’t seem right. It’s blatant favoritism. Haven’t you ever wondered if there isn’t something going on in the office? Place gives me a weird vibe. It’s like everybody’s walking on eggshells…scared.
JACK: Take off your tin-foil, Blue. Wrestling offices are always making weird decisions. Although, I do see your point about our office. <Chester Blood walks up> Mista Blood, thanks for the team-up last week. Good win.
CHESTER: Maybe. If this wanker <points to Blue> had done the job right, we all would’ve survived.
BLUE: Hey, now.
CHESTER: Simmer down, kid. I’m here to talk about your match next week for the tourney spot.
BLUE: Not fair, huh?
CHESTER: Doesn’t matter, ‘cause neither of you will be in it.

<Something wipes out both Blue and Jack from behind. Chester and the newcomer attack Blue Steel with objects in their hands, a baseball bat and Chester’s cane. Security finally pulls the attackers off of Blue Steel. The camera finally gets a good look at Chester’s ally)

CHESTER: Grifter, it looks like a spot just opened up. I don’t think either of those blokes will be in a position to stop you.

<The man called Grifter just smiles>

5) In a Ladies tag team match, Mother Mercy and Brooklyn Belle defeat the Kunoichi Clan. However, after the match, Chiyome and Krait attack their opponents with their martial arts weapons. Bao Zhang comes out after a few moments and calls them off the attack.

6) Candy Cotton and Carolina Strutter are in the ring.
CANDY: ‘Lina’s gonna let me talk this week since you people don’t deserve to hear her dulcet tones two weeks in a row. I gotta lot to say. Pinky, you got one on me. I don’t know how an untalented lump like you pinned these sexy shoulders for three seconds, but you pulled it off. Well, it ain’t happening again. You know what else ain’t happening? Next week when I fight your partner, Destiny, she ain’t winning. You Cubic Zirconiums are one lucky win and done. From now on, me and Lina are gonna beat both of ya’ll any time we want. Now, this part’s funny. Pinky says that since she beat me, she should get a title shot. Huh? What’s one thing got to do with another? Ok, beating me was a once-in-a-lifetime moment in your life that will never be repeated. I get that. Don’t be thinking that suddenly catapults you to championship status, right ‘Lina? <Carolina nods> Wait, why wouldn’t it? I’m like one of the best, and if you beat the best then that-
CAROLINA: Candy, you’re overthinking it, let’s go.
CANDY: Yea, you’re probably right.

7) Icepick Dominic is on his way to the ring. Rod stops him.
ROD: Dominic, may I ask you a question?
DOM: Make it snappy.
ROD: We were told the entire Underworld, including the recovered Baby Girl, would be out this week at an organized-
DOM: Watch how you phrase the next few words, Codger.
ROD: At a gathering of people who share a passion for Big Tony’s line of work.
DOM: Not bad. Yea, they’re there…I’m not. Next question.
ROD: That was it.
DOM: Next time we talk, Codger, you’ll be talkin’ to the Cruiserweight Champion.

In the main event, Icepick Dominic defeats Seraph to win the cruiserweight title. He calls Rod to the ring.
DOM: What’d I tell ya’?
ROD: We all assumed you would be attempting to regain the tag titles from the Gage Guyz. This venture into singles’ territory is unexpected.
DOM: Why? I submitted Seraph in that Trios match a few weeks ago. I figured it made me a contender.
ROD: Does this move have Tony’s backing?
DOM (long pause): Tony will be real proud o’ me. You wanna buy me a drink? Let’s go celebrate.

[Thumper Moore III]

July Year One Week Three
Wrestling Monitor Review with Ryan Hernandez

RYAN: Fellow monitors, today we have some interesting in-storyline observations, so keep in mind everything we're discussing here is kayfabe. We like to blur the line, but today we are all marks. So, to continue:

Dominic Icepick is your new cruiserweight champ, two weeks before the Cruiserweight Cup P4V. The big question here: did he do this with Big Tony's approval? Dom has been a tag team guy with Concrete Charlie, and to suddenly compete for an individual title seems like it would be a huge slap in the face to his boss.

Speaking of the Cup, it now looks like Blue Steel, probably deserving of two spots in the Cup, may have NO representative. Keith Blood and his new friend Grifter took out both Jackrabbit and Cyber Blue (YOOOO!) in a locker room attack. So, we have two Dark Arts, these two who have allied themselves, you have to think Seraph will be in being a cruiserweight champ earlier this year... who else do you think deserves to be in the Cup? Comment below!

And finally, is there a more dominant champion right now than Jakob Hearse? He's absolutely right to challenge Flint for the World Title. While the World Title has been hot potatoed around between Alexei Monstro, Decker, and Big Tony, the TV belt has been squarely around Hearse's waist since he obtained it, and no one has come close to taking it from him. He's big, strong, without remorse, and he deserves a chance to be the top guy.

This has been Ryan Hernandez, and please remember for more in-depth analysis and content, subscribe to the full Wrestling Monitor site. We have an exclusive interview with Donny Atomic that just dropped today, and a huge back catalog of great articles, interviews and classic matches, like Jet Set Strutter vs Mr. Fantasy from Beyond War Dome '95.