The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

July Week 3
Friday Fight Season
The Ballroom

Kyle and Adam offer the usual greetings and welcomes.
KYLE: There’s a lot going on tonight here in The Ballroom. Jakob Hearse has insisted on defending his title again, and will face Komodo. Will the hottest run in XPW continue, or will Komodo end things?
ADAM: Grimcraft wants to talk about Lord Evermore’s challenge to chain match, and, speaking of Evermore, he faces Big Tony tonight to see who challenges Flint Decker next week at the Cruiserweight Cup. Tony’s been talking like this match was a guarantee since losing to Decker, and he only found out last week that he will have to earn the title shot. The rest of the Underworld are not here tonight, partly due to Tony’s anger at Icepick Dominic for winning the Cruiserweight title last week. This could be Evermore’s best shot as Tony is without his usual backup.
KYLE: We have three other exciting matches. Let’s go the ring.

(Before they can cut away. Hustler of Brick City and an unknown man run up)

HUSTLER: I just want to say that my brother, Banger, is sick tonight. I mean really sick. Nothing keeps that man out of the ring. He want to beat the Hell out of the Numbskulls again, and so do I. He’s going to get his chance. Tonight, me and Mack, this here’s Mack, we met in lock-up…Mack’s the only guy I would let take my brother’s place. Me and Mack are going to beat the Hell out of the Numbskulls and win us a title shot at the Gage Guyz, tonight.

KYLE: You heard it fans. Now, let’s go to the ring.

1) First up is a Ladies match. Warhawk is in the ring as Keziah makes her way down the aisle. There eyes are locked. From behind, Keziah is attacked by Sweet Jane, whom Keziah had attacked at the Ladies Night battle royal. Warhawk watched as Jane got her revenge. The ref finally broke up the pre-match brawl. Jane grabbed him by the collar.
JANE: This is now a 3-way match. You cool, ‘Hawk? (Warhawk smiled and nodded) Keziah, you don’t matter. Ref, ring the bell. I’m not leaving.

The ref did ring the bell and the match was on. Warhawk and Jane worked over Keziah. It was almost a handicap match. Keziah hit a cheap shot on Jane and laid her out, but couldn’t follow up. A frustrated Warhawk actually hesitated before covering Jane for the pin. Jane was not happy, and Warhawk apologized. Keziah attacked Jane again, and knocked her into Warhawk, taking both ladies out.

2) In a match to determine the Gage Guyz challengers at Cruiserweight Cup, Hustler and Mack Caliber defeat The Numbskulls. The ‘Skulls seem irritated that Hustler and Caliber are participating in the match, and try to complain that Caliber shouldn’t be allowed to substitute. At one point, Scuzz is overheard saying “I thought we took care-“ before Buddy shushes him.

3) Next is the interview with the Dark Arts.
GRIMCRAFT: I’ve decided that Lord Evermore has become a bore. There is only one aspect of his existence of interest to me and my Dark Arts, and we are well on our way to making that a reality. As for his Lordship, I will be terminating our adversarial relationship with extreme prejudice. You really want to engage me in another match where you put a weapon in my hands? Yes, I accept your challenge for the chain match, and I accept it with utter glee. I repeat what Autumn Hex said last week. You’ve felt firsthand what I can do with a chain. You’ve now seen another example of what I can do with a chain as you viewed my decimation of Zed last week. Two examples aren’t enough to send you running? Let’s make the match, Evermore. Speaking of matches, I will enjoy watching Tony drive the penultimate nail in your coffin on this very night. Perhaps you should spend less time fretting over your win/loss record, and pay more attention to your domestic situation.
AUTUMN HEX: Hey, sis…call me.

4) Destiny, with Pink Champagne, defeats Candy Cotton, with Carolina Strutter. Candy throws a temper tantrum.
DESTINY: Candy, grow up. Carolina, you are looking at the first two contenders for that title. Pink beat Candy first, so she gets first shot. I doubt I will ever get my shot since she will beat you. I’m good with that.
CAROLINA: No way. I’m going to ask the office to make you two wrestle each other to see who goes first. You both beat my, uh, “partner”, so it’s only fair to do it that way. Besides, neither win was THAT impressive.
CANDY: ‘Lina, I’m right here.
CAROLINA: Don’t worry about it, Candy.
PINK: Wow, Candy, she’s a real pal. You can’t see she’s using you? If that works for you, then whatevs. And your plan to “cause trouble with our friendship by making us wrestle” is old and tired, and dead. I will fight my friend when I’m giving her a shot at my XPW Ladies title. It’s a done deal.
DESTINY: Speaking of title shots, you two are about to lose your shot at these. You might want to talk about that, but Candy, don’t let the little princess talk down to you. You aren’t beneath her at all.
CANDY: Really?
DESTINY: You’re both already so low there’s just nowhere to go.

5) In the match to determine Flint Decker’s challenger at Cruiserweight Cup, Big Tony defeats Lord Evermore. As stated, Tony is alone and wins clean with no help. Claymore comes out to meet Evermore, but is pushed aside as his Lordship slowly plods his way to the back.

6) In the main event, Jakob Hearse defeats Komodo to retain the TV title. The announcers remind us that Hearse asked to defend his title, and was under no obligation.
KYLE: Hearse said that he “wanted to show the paper champion, Flint Decker, how a real champion operates.”

[Thumper Moore III]

July Year One Week Three
The Craft of Wrestling with Pony Umbrella

PONY: Welcome to the best pure wrestling podcast on the planet! I'm Pony Umbrella, and this week, my guests are the men challenging for the tag team titles at Ladies Night, Hustler and Mack Caliber!

HUSTLER: What's up Pony!

MACK: Pleased to meet you, real deal Pony. Glad you're not a phony jabroni.

PONY: First of all, I understand Banger is still under the weather.

HUSTLER: No, that's not what we said. You heard under the weather, I said he's in leathers.

MACK: The hospital put him on lockdown when he assaulted a doctor. It's all good, cause he got the nurse's number.

PONY: So that's what happened. Anyway, tell me a little bit about how you guys met.

HUSTLER: That's a hell of a story. We were in lockup...

MACK: In Cellblock G. Thug life.

HUSTLER: When Banger and I got into it a bit with some Hells Angels. Nasty dudes, not nice people. All of a sudden, this big dude walks right up to 'em and says...

MACK: Who do you think you are, Charles Bronson? Well, step up then, Mr. Microscopic Johnson!

HUSTLER: And those dudes backed down quicker than an Allen Iverson crossover, ese! We been tight ever since.

PONY: Wow. That's some story. So, Mack, you're a pretty tough dude then.

MACK: Pony, you're a pretty tough dude yourself. You took down a legit MMA guy in 3 seconds flat. Nice work.

PONY: Anyone can get lucky once.

MACK: Except anyone who faces us. We're taking those titles from the Gage Guyz, and nobody in hell, heaven, seventh heaven, 7-11, or anyplace else Rager thinks he's from is gonna stop us. Thug life.

HUSTLER: Thug life, baby!

PONY: This is Pony Umbrella signing off, amazed that the guys who have actually been to prison didn't wreck my set again. Bye!

[Thumper Moore III]

July Year One Week 3
Chirpy Highlights

@northwoodsclaymore
Your Lordship, I was happy to comfort you backstage after your unfortunate loss, but you shooed me away after I applied the jock itch powder you requested. I don't understand.

@bigtony450
Like Old Blue Eyes, I'll do it my way. And right now, my way is on my own. Flint, I'm twice the man you'll ever be. Leave your blue buddies in the locker room.

@grimcrizzle
I am rarely amused, but @northwoodsclaymore, you have made my day.

@destinyxpw
I get a shot at Carolina. The Pink gets a shot. Or was it the other way around? Either way, we both should be women's champion.

@evilkez
KEZIAH KNOWS WHERE YOU BOTH LIVE JANE AND WARHAWK. I WILL MAIM YOU BOTH. FEAR ME.

@hearse
Wonderful. Fat man and flash in the pan for the fake world title. It's time for a real man to wear that belt and give it the honor I've given the TV Title.

@officialxpw
Keziah, please take down your chirp. There will be no threats outside of the wrestling arena in this company.

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
Good God, Claymore. Are you truly that technologically impaired? There's a DM button for a reason. Use it!

[Pierre The Enormous]

Jun 8, 2020 21:14:19 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

July Year One Week 3
Chirpy Highlights

@northwoodsclaymore
Your Lordship, I was happy to comfort you backstage after your unfortunate loss, but you shooed me away after I applied the jock itch powder you requested. I don't understand.

@bigtony450
Like Old Blue Eyes, I'll do it my way. And right now, my way is on my own. Flint, I'm twice the man you'll ever be. Leave your blue buddies in the locker room.

@grimcrizzle
I am rarely amused, but @northwoodsclaymore, you have made my day.

@destinyxpw
I get a shot at Carolina. The Pink gets a shot. Or was it the other way around? Either way, we both should be women's champion.

@evilkez
KEZIAH KNOWS WHERE YOU BOTH LIVE JANE AND WARHAWK. I WILL MAIM YOU BOTH. FEAR ME.

@hearse
Wonderful. Fat man and flash in the pan for the fake world title. It's time for a real man to wear that belt and give it the honor I've given the TV Title.

@officialxpw
Keziah, please take down your chirp. There will be no threats outside of the wrestling arena in this company.

@lordevermoredefenderoftherealm
Good God, Claymore. Are you truly that technologically impaired? There's a DM button for a reason. Use it!

Poor Claymore

[cotguy130]

July Week 4
Cruiserweight Cup
Prince Charlie Hall

After a brief welcome, and the announcement that Cyber Blue would indeed be representing Blue Steel in the tournament, we go to our first match.

1) Buddy Danger defeats Seraph in the first match of the opening round. He does so without Scuzzbucket’s help.

2) In the second match of the first round, Chester Blood defeats Diablo.

3) In match #3, Grifter defeats the Kongo Kid. Chester Blood comes out to congratulate Grifter.

4) In the final first-round match, Cyber Blue defeats Doomsayer. The announcers fill us in on more info about Cyber’s inclusion in the tournament. He has not been medically released for in-ring action, so he voluntarily signed a “hold harmless” agreement that indemnifies XPW against responsibility if Cyber aggravates an injury. It was clear that Doomsayer took Cyber too lightly on account of the injuries.

5) In an XPW tag title bout, The Gage Guyz retain against Hustler and Mack Caliber.

6) In the first semi-final, Chester Blood defeats Buddy Danger.

7) In the other semi, Grifter defeat Cyber Blue as the latter’s injuries catch up to him. Chester comes out again, and he and Grifter stare each other down before laughing and embracing.

CHESTER: Me and Grif aren’t your ordinary cruiserweights, and later on, you are going to see a match that’s very unlike ordinary cruiserweights. May the best man, win, Grif.

<The two shake hands and exit>

8) In the XPW title match, Flint Decker retains against Big Tony.

9) Chester was correct about the tournament final being very atypical for cruiserweights. It was more like a hardcore match. The two men shook hands, beat the heck out or one another, and then shook hands again after Chester picked up the pinfall. Rod Codger brought out the trophy.

CHESTER: No offense, Rog, but I was hoping the real powers that be would hand me this.

ROD: Chester, you know people who work in the office don’t appear on TV if they’re not media. What do you mean by real powers?

GRIFTER: Be careful, Chester. You may already have a bullseye on your back. Don’t say too much.

ROD: What are you two talking about?

GRIFTER: Keep playing dumb, Codger, it suits you.

CHESTER: I don’t think he’s playing. Let’s go.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week Zero
WhichCulture’s BoobToob Channel

BRIAN LIMEY: I’m Brian with WhichCulture, and XPW has some weird rules. Here’s five weird rules that XPW has on the books that make no sense.

1. Talent can be shown on camera PRIOR to them being under contract. This has happened at least twice in the past, with Candy Cotton and Carolina Strutter. This seems to be an unnecessary risk for the company, but it also generates buzz from the IWC, so It appears to be a calculated risk in their policy. So, even though they’re not under contract yet according to sources, expect to see the guys from The Uprising on camera soon.

2. You can only hold one belt at a time. This is a very antiquated rule that for some reason XPW seems to hold on to. I’d love to see them break this rule, because the hottest talent they have right now, Jakob Hearse, is stuck in the mid card! He’s the TV champ, he wants to challenge for the world title, but he’s booked so strongly, losing to anyone in the Midcard will kill his momentum. Let him be Two Belts Hearse, for goodness sake! This is probably also why Icepick Dominic challenged for— and won— the Cruiserweight strap immediately after the Hatchetmen lost to the Gage Guyz.

3. No inter gender matches. C’mon guys, it’s 2020. AOE has already had Sheba convincingly challenge for their top title, and ladies like Mother Mercy and Baby Girl could challenge for the TV Title, especially if you take it off Hearse due to him wanting the world title and him not being able to hold two belts.

4. Don’t mention who’s making the matches. The “authority figure” has been a trope since the very beginning of time, and yet, we’re seven months in and we’ve only heard veiled references to “the powers that be” or “XPW management”. Who are these guys? Why is it that anyone who mentions anything, like announcer Ryan Marist, gets suspended? Why is it that Grifter and Chester Blood, two legit tough guys, seemed so scared to mention who is actually running the place? It’s just strange.

5. And finally... the tight control on Chirpy accounts. Every chirp— every blessed one— is in character and about wrestling. The guys who had well known accounts before joining XPW— Jackrabbit/Ace Dogma, Cyber Blue— have been allowed to continue promoting their social media, but even Cyber, who was entirely a gaming channel, has posted more than 50% about XPW. Word is, their policy is that all chirps are run through XPW’s social media team, which is headed by— get this— Arizona Chance! Of all people! Anyway, it’ll be interesting to see how this draconian policy will play out.

That’s our list— please remember to like, comment, and subscribe. I’m Brian with WhichCulture... see you next time.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week Zero
Flint Decker’s Digifoto

A picture of Decker at the end of the Cruiserweight Cup P4V, standing on the second ropes in the corner of the ring, with the XPW Title held over his head. Big Tony is lying in the ring staring at the lights. Blue fireworks are exploding in the background. Next to it is a black and white photo of Average Guy holding the old RnR World Title. The following caption accompanies the photos:

My music begins with a quote: “Wrestling has more than one legendary lineage.” Amazingly for a two time champion, this was my first successful title defense. My father, the son of an electrician, Average Guy, had 126 successful world title defenses. I have quite a ways to go to leave my own legacy.

But I’m not Average Guy. Neither is my brother, who cut his own path, just as I am cutting mine. The shadow cast by my father is a place of comfort, not a burden. I can be secure in the legacy he left, and the legacy I will leave.

[cotguy130]

August Week 1
BattleBrawl
Boston Arena

Cutie Pie and Rod Codger are together to open the show.
ROD: CP, it’s good to be working with you again.
CUTIE: For you, of course it is. I make you better. You barely held on while I was gone.
ROD: Ok, this is more like the old CP we had come to know and-
CUTIE: Adore, you can say it.
ROD: I won’t say it, because I was thinking of something a lot less nice. I was expecting the gracious, nice Cutie Pie we saw a few weeks back. The one who thanked Electronica for helping her, and the fans for-
CUTIE: What have the fans, or Electronica, done for me lately? My comments were in a moment of weakness. Electronica, Mother Mercy, and Brooklyn Belle will regret sticking their nose in the Kunoichi’s business.
ROD: Well-Moving on...I would like to address some odd statements made to me by Chester Blood and Grifter as I was presenting the trophy to Chester for winning the Cruiserweight Cup.
CUTIE: Rod, Chester and Grifter are whack jobs. I would prefer you not address any statements those two made. I don’t care and any fan that cares is a loser. Got it? Fans, Emperor Enyu makes his in-ring debut in tonight’s main event as part of a three-way match that also includes Claymore the Brave and Komodo. Also, what could be the final battle between Grimcraft and Lord Evermore will happen tonight as the two rivals meet in a brutal chain match. First up, Mr. Europa will make short work of Dre Apex. Let’s go to the ring.

1) In the rubber match of their series, Dre Apex defeats Mr. Europa.

2) The entire Underworld are out. Icepick Dominic is not wearing his cruiserweight title.
TONY: People been talkin’ ‘bout the Underworld like we’re in some kind of trouble. Nothing could be further from the truth. So, Decker won the title back. He was the better man for one stinkin’ night. When the history of XPW is written, Big Tony’s name is gonna be on that list of champions a whole lotta times. Speaking of champions, Dom, get over here. Let’s hear it for the new XPW Cruiserweight champ! How ‘bout that? Dom here’s lucky he’s not floating face down in the East River. Nobody goes behind Tony’s back like that. I almost admire his chutzpah. Charlie and Baby Girl talked me outta throwing Dom of a bridge with pockets full of lead. Did you thank them, Dom?
DOMINIC: Yes, Big Tony.
TONY: Why don’t you thank them again?
CHARLIE: It’s cool, Big Tony.
BABY GIRL: I’m fine, sweetie, Dom-
TONY: I didn’t ask how you two were feeling about it. Dom…
DOMINIC: Thanks, Charlie…BG. You guys saved my life.
TONY: Literally. If you hadn’t been by my side for so long…. You owe me big, Dom. By the way, where’s the cruiserweight belt?
DOMINIC: As part of our deal, I can’t wear it while engaged in Underworld business.
TONY: That’s right. Icepick Dominic, my faithful friend and companion, and Icepick Dominic the cruiserweight champion are, in my eyes, two different people. Those two Icepick’s come together when what happens?
DOMINIC: If I lose the belt, I’m out of the Underworld.
TONY: That’s right. You let me down once when you lost the tag titles. I don’t give three strikes, especially when I didn’t authorize your action. Finally, the Hatchet Men are still very important to me, so you will be going after those belts, too. Got it? Charlie, if you think Dom’s not pulling his weight on the team, you let me know. You lied to me, Dom. Never, ever again.
BABY GIRL: Can I say something real quick? Electronica, I know we don’t get along, but thank-
TONY (roaring): I SAID NO! <Baby Girl visibly flinches> That blue-haired bitch stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. I talked to Enyu. The Kunoichi Clan got excited. That’s all. You’re fine.
BABY GIRL: You’re taking their side! OMG, Tony, they-
TONY: Calm down now, ok. You’re hysterical, and it’s not very ladylike.
BABY GIRL: Did Enyu even apologize for them?
TONY: Men like me and the Emperor don’t apologize. That’s in the past and done. DROP IT. Capiche? All of you, just go. You’re pissing me off.

3) Jakob Hearse walks out.
HEARSE: How’s about that? You can’t hold two titles in XPW. Wow. Anything to protect their champion.

<Decker comes out>

DECKER: Jakob, I don’t make the rules. Hell, I’m not sure I agree either, but it is what it is. Here’s the thing, I’m not XPW’s guy. Every time I have to go to the office, I get this sick feeling. I’m not just fighting my opponents, I’m fighting bureaucrats.
HEARSE: Aw, poor Flint. Have you ever read Don Quixote? I doubt you have. It’s about a crazy man fighting monsters that aren’t there.
DECKER: Hearse, I know you want a shot at this, but it’s out of my hands. Brother don’t feel bad. You’ve been dominating with that TV title. You may never lose it.
HEARSE: I don’t need compliments from you. I know what I can do, and I know that I will beat you when the time comes. It WILL come.

4) Brooklyn Belle over Molly Oliver. After the match, the Kunoichi Clan attacked Belle. The camera cut backstage, and Bao Zhang was impeding Mother Mercy’s progress to the ring. Electronica flew by in a blur and charged the ring. This distraction allowed Mother to knock him aside and join the fray. The Clan fled as Zhang called them away from the ring.

5) In a chain match, Grimcraft defeats Lord Evermore. The finish came when Evermore passed out from being choked by the chain. Immediately, the Dark Arts joined him. They threw Evermore over the top rope with the chain still around his throat. They pulled back on the other end, hanging him. Claymore ran out to help. He grabbed Evermore and lifted him off the ground, trying to take the pressure of his throat. Autumn Hex jumped on Claymore’s back and scratched at his eyes, forcing him to abandon his attempt to help. Winter came out and tried the same thing but couldn’t lift him. Finally, at Grimcraft’s order, Doomsayer and Diablo let go of their end of the chain. Evermore collapsed and landed on his wife. Hex joined the team in the ring as they celebrated their achievements.

6) Seraph defeats Cyber Blue.
BLUE: I’m not one to make excuses, but my mind wasn’t on that match. Seraph, no offense, but if I focus, you can’t touch me. Chester, Grifter, me and Jack are looking for you. Blood, that trophy’s mine if I’m healthy. I would’ve beaten Jack and repped Blue Steel, and I would’ve won that cup. I’m going to take that trophy, snap it in two, and shove a piece up your’s and Grifter’s ass!

7) In a singles match, Krait, of the Kunoichi Klan, defeats Electronica. This match was made backstage after the earlier altercation. Chiyome was not allowed at ringside but showed up as soon as the match was over. Mother and Brooklyn were ready, though, and Elle was spared a beatdown.

8) In a three-way match, Emperor Enyu defeats Claymore the Brave and Komodo. During the match, Lord Evermore, looking as he did after his match, walked to ringside and took Claymore’s sword. This distracted Claymore, and Komodo almost pinned him. Evermore looked disappointed that Claymore had kicked out. As he walked off with the sword, Evermore called Claymore a loser and a coward, and said he wasn’t worthy to set foot in the Northwoods Kingdom again Claymore did return to the match, and Enyu pinned him for win.
ENYU (In English): You blind Americans.
ZHANG: Emperor, please do not lower yourself to their ugly language.
ENYU: I’m fine, Zhang. I don’t have much to say. Oh, don’t interrupt me again. As I was saying, XPW is a house of cards, and it’s on the verge of collapsing while still so young. It’s a shame really. As the old American cliché’ goes….there IS NO honor among thieves.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@lordevermoreprotectoroftherealm
First my sister-in-law. Then my wife. Now me. Grimcraft, you may think you’ve won, but you’ve unleashed your worst nightmare.

@northwoodsclaymore
How do I change my name on here? Apparently I’m no longer Northwoods anything. 😂😂😂

@bigtony450
Dominic, did I see you going through Charlie’s stuff at the arena? Are you looking for something or planting something? Either way, you thought I would t know?

@yoboycyber
YOOOO! I got a title shot next week! Nothing looks better with gold than Blue!

@acedogma
Cyber, you realize your shot is against Jakob Hearse, right? He’s gonna kill you dead. So very, very dead.

@griftandmalice
Chester, what do you say I beat up a legend this week?

@keziahxpw
I’M GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT JANE. YOU’LL ONLY BE A SWEET MEMORY.

@grimcrizzle
Claymore, those emojis mean that you’re laughing so hard that you’re crying. Is that what you meant? Because that’s what I’m doing at you.

@enyu
私は劣等者を統治するためにここにいます。For stupid Americans: I am here to rule over my inferiors.

[cotguy130]

August Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Canada Centre

1) We open with Emperor Enyu and Bao Zhang in the ring.
ENYU: I’ve been asked by XPW to elaborate on my comments from last week. Apparently, they echo comments made by other XPW talent. Likewise, I’ve been asked by XPW to NOT say anything further. Confused? Welcome to XPW. The latter request, the one to keep things quiet, has come with thinly veiled threats. My presence speaks volumes about how concerned I am about those threats. That being said, I’m not really going to do much elaborating. Mainly, because I really don’t care what’s going on. I’m as far above those involved as they are to a green rookie. A statement which just outraged some very self-important people. Here’s what I will say. The organization known as XPW has been corrupted from within. It’s not my place to say who’s involved, but the truth will be revealed. Even now, there are forces working to expunge the corruption like a virus. I have no idea if they will succeed or not, but if they don’t, XPW won’t be worth watching in just a few short months. So the Emperor decrees it.

2) Grifter over Grand Manga.

3) Autumn Hex is out for a match with her sister, Winter. Lady Winter looks very “rough around the edges”, and hardly conveys her former sense of royalty.
AUTUMN: Sis, we don’t have to do this match. Let’s go somewhere and just talk. Forget Grimcraft and all the Dark Arts stuff, ok? Has Evermore been mistreating you? You look awful to be quite honest.
WINTER: Your honesty is noted. My husband’s not man enough to mistreat me. You’re my problem. I can, and will, beat you. I don’t know what kind of hoodoo Grimcraft put on me, but I’ve always been better than you, and I am now. I prove it tonight. No more talking.

The sisters put on a good match, but Autumn is too much. After the match, Winter crawls to the corner where she curls up in a ball and starts sobbing. Autumn starts to leave, but then returns to her sister. After a whispered conversation, Autumn helps her up. Winter is heard to thank her. A few more whispered words, and Winter nods her head “yes”. Autumn, in an unusual show of tenderness, helps her sister up the aisle.

4) We are backstage watching the Numbskulls. They are looking at pictures on a phone and laughing. They get to one picture…
DANGER: I can’t believe we gave Banger that sandwich. Dude, that was cold even for us.
SCUZZ: I can’t believe he ate it. It didn’t even smell right. It was probably better than the prison slop he’s used to.
DANGER: You know he’s going to hear about this and know why he got sick and missed that match.
SCUZZ (shrugging): I’m not worried about those guys.
DANGER: They kicked our asses twice.
SCUZZ: No, they only kicked our asses once. The second time was Hustler and their prison buddy, Mack something.
DANGER: Who’s counting?

A voice from behind states, “I am now”. The camera swings around, and Mack Caliber is behind them.

MACK: I’m Mack Something, and you two are dead men. When Banger finds out you poisoned him…
SCUZZ: It wasn’t poison, per se. It was just a little…. tainted. We just wanted to give him a tummy ache.
MACK: The Florez’ are going to give you tummy aches, and back, arm, leg, and skull aches when I let them know.

Mack turns to leave. The Numbskulls look at each other. Scuzz cracks Mack over the head with the cellphone, and the Numbskulls attack. Mack throws them off like children.
MACK: I really can’t believe you did that.

Mack grabs Buddy. Before he can hit him, Scuzz drops a gym bag full of clothes over his head. Caliber drops Danger and the two men run for their lives.

5) Brick City over the Neo-Knights.

6) We cut to Grimcraft in a cemetery. There are 3 objects on the ground covered in burlap sacks.
GRIMCRAFT: I’m here in my favorite place to revel in my recent accomplishments. I’ve given the Dark Arts the night off except for Autumn, who exceeded expectations tonight. It’s safe to say, my plans are complete. My Dark Arts are going to be shocked when they see where their future lies. It will be glorious. Meanwhile, I’m sure you’re curious about these. If you’re smart, you know exactly what they are. <He lifts the first bag revealing a tombstone with “ZED” on it> Yes, it’s a tombstone. Little cliched maybe, but it’s a fun way to memorialize my accomplishments. Poor Zed…what an idiot. Fell right into my trap, and now he’s in traction somewhere, his career over. <He lifts second bag and it’s a tombstone marked “Northwoods Kingdom”> I’m really proud of this one. I started to write Evermore, but then I realized that I’ve desecrated an entire nation. I’ve exposed their beloved sovereign as a fraud. I’ve heard a rumor that a faction there wants me to come take over. Sorry, I don’t think that small. Evermore is in disgrace, Claymore is emotionally crushed beyond help, and Lady Winter is…well, you’ll see. <The final bag’s tombstone reveals “?”> You don’t need to know who this is for yet. It’s going to be quite exciting for some people, I can assure you of that. Now back to the matches with you. I’ve got more celebrating to do.

7) Keziah over Sweet Jane. After the pin, Keziah takes a chair and traps Jane’s knee with it. She hits a high impact move on the chair, and Jane’s knee is violently wrenched. Keziah slips away as her victim cries out in pain.

8) Jakob Hearse retains the TV title over Cyber Blue.
HEARSE: My next title defense will be at Summersmash. XPW had given me the night off, but I insisted on defending. That’s the kind of champ that I am. I’ve even picked a very special opponent. To be honest, I may be in over my head. I can’t say with 100% certainty that I can take this guy. It will be a battle for the ages, and I will be training for my match with this…juggernaut…for the next two weeks…hard. It will take that level of commitment to give me a fighting chance. You folks who don’t like me will want to see me pushed to the limit. See you at Summersmash.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week Two
Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: Welcome to the Wrestling Monitor Review. We're talking about XPW tonight, and joining me is one of the all-time greats, and rumored to be part of XPW's social media department, the one, the only, Arizona Chance!

ZONA: Ryan, it's an honor for you to have me on your show, and I'm happy to be here.

RYAN: So, Zona, first of all, for the record, what is your role with XPW?

ZONA: My official title is "lead social media consultant", but really, I'm just a guy backstage who tells stories about the good ole days and the current talent uses me as a resource for bouncing ideas off of. My focus has been on helping homegrown talent like Dre Apex, Jakob Hearse, and Claymore get over, but without it being at the expense of established stars like Flint Decker and Alexei Monstro.

RYAN: Tell me about your involvement with the "homegrown talent", as you've put it.

ZONA: Well, with the three guys I mentioned-- Apex needs no help at all. His sheer athleticism and smoothness in the ring makes up for any shortcomings he may have on the mic. Claymore is a bit more character driven, and it was my idea for him to create this technologically inept persona on Chirpy. But he took off with it, and man, he's probably the most popular undercard guy we have. And Hearse? He's the total package. He sometimes has questions about how we say things in English, but he's incredibly business savvy and has been on a tremendous run. Like me, he brought prestige and honor to the midcard belt and he's ready to take the next step.

RYAN: Hearse is actually a hell of a story. He's the hottest act in wrestling right now. Care to drop a hint about his mystery opponent at Summersmash?

ZONA: Let's just say... he's never come up against a wall like this to overcome. I think it will be a truly unique match.

RYAN: One more question, as we're short on time: Any chance of a comeback?

ZONA: <stifling a chuckle> Ryan, I started in this business around 40 years ago. I know when to hang em up, and unlike so many who hang on so long, I'm very comfortable staying behind the curtain and letting the younger guys have their moments. I mean, if someone offered me seven figures for a one shot show in some oil magnate's backyard, that would be tough to turn down, but I think I would. You can't put a price on legacy.

RYAN: Thank you for joining us. Arizona Chance, a true legend in the business. Next time on the Monitor: when will the Uprising make their appearance in XPW? See you then.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week Two
Cyber's BoobToob Channel

CYBER: YOOOOOOOO! Welcome to the most watched gaming and wrestling channel on the internet! Before we get into a session of Four Knights, something happened on Friday Fight Season involving me. My buddy Ace told everybody I was gonna get killed by Jakob Hearse. But at the end of the day, you know what? I MAIN EVENTED A SHOW! GIVE IT UP FO YO BOY CYBER!!! YOOOOOOO!!!!

JACKRABBIT: So I wasn't wrong.

CYBER: Oh yeah, joining me is Ace Dogma, aka Jackrabbit, and his Neo Knights tag partner, Bomber John.

JOHN: Sup.

CYBER: So, we gonna play some trios here or what?

JACK: Trios? Nah, the Knights are a tag team. We've tried the trios thing before.

JOHN: Didn't work out.

JACK: We've been a part of a three man group back in the day. We had a partner back then you may know of.

JOHN: Famous dude.

JACK: But I can't mention his name because he's wrestling for a different fed right now. So, let's just call him... Gridliar.

JOHN: Didn't tell the truth.

CYBER: What the hell are you guys talking about?

JACK: Go check out what we were doing three years ago. It was a bad time.

JOHN: Very bad.

CYBER: Yooo, quit yammering and start playing. We all need to get some wins back after this week or Flint is gonna cut us loose.

JOHN: Nope.

JACK: We need some wins, but not because of Flint. It's because we suck right now. We went up against the Hatchetmen.

JOHN: Lost.

JACK: Gage Guyz.

JOHN: Lost.

JACK: Brick City.

JOHN Lost again.

JACK: We went from being inaugural tag champs to has-beens in about six months.

CYBER: No better way to get back on track than owning some noobs. BOOM! HEADSHOT!

[cotguy130]

August Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Cattle Castle

During the opener, we are reminded that we are one week from SummerSmash. Tonight, we find whether Flint Decker’s challenger for SummerSmash will be Dre Apex or Grimcraft. In addition, tonight’s main event will be Icepick Dominic’s first defense of the Cruiserweight title. His challenger will be Chester Blood, and Dom has the additional pressure of knowing that if he loses the title, he is out of the Underworld.

1) Bao Zhang over Roberto Samba.

2) Baby Girl over Warbird.
BABY GIRL (post-match): I’m going to pay for this later, but it’s got to be said. I should’ve done it a long time ago. There are some ladies I have to thank- <Concrete Charlie runs to ringside and grabs her. She slaps him> Don’t touch me!!
CHARLIE: Tony said to that if I let you finish that thought, then I was in worse trouble than Dom.
BABY GIRL: You think I care what happens to you, you weasel?

(Big Tony interrupts)

TONY (shouting): Well, I care, dammit. Baby Girl, not. another. word. You know what I will do if you disappoint me. Those broads did not help you, for the last time, they stuck their noses where they don’t belong. Case closed, now get back here…NOW.
BABY GIRL: You know, Tony, maybe I’m starting to care a lot less about you and what you think you can do to me.
CHARLIE: Girl, be careful.
BABY GIRL: The name’s Missy, Chuckles. Now-
TONY: I don’t know why I put up with you, BABY GIRL. Listen close…you may not care what I can do to you, although you very assuredly should. I think that Uncle Verne would care what I can do. Don’t you?

(Tony and Charlie both got smug grins on their faces. BG gave Charlie a look that made him back up)

BABY GIRL: Fine, you win.

<She heads out of the ring with Charlie behind>

BIG TONY: I always win. You know where I’ll be. I expect you there VERY shortly.

(Tony leaves)

3) Cutie Pie is with The Neo-Knights
CP: So, I drew the short straw and have to waste time interviewing Bimbo John and the Jerkrabbit, collectively known as the Neo-Knights. I’m only going to ask this once, so listen good…and no dancing. It’s obvious to anyone who knows anything about this business that your move to join Blue Steel was an abject failure. You were ok-ish before, now you just suck. I’m supposed to act like I care about your answer, so here’s my resting “would you hurry up” face.
JOHN: Did you just call me “Bimbo”? You, of all people, should be wary of using the word “bimbo”.
JACK: It could be misconstrued as you being self-residential.
CP: I think you mean self-referential.
JACK: See John, she agrees with me.
CP: Stop it!! People, including me, think the move to Blue Steel was a bad idea and didn’t work.
JOHN/JACK (Hooting like owls): Work? Work? Work? (keep going like this for a few seconds)
CP: I’m out (leaves in a huff)
JACK: Well, that worked.
JOHN: See what you did there. Did it work? I like work, and I’m good at work. Jack’s good at work. You work good, don’t you, Jack?
JACK: People say that I’m a good worker. I’m the same worker I was when I was named Jackson, and you’re the same worker you were when you were names Massive.
JOHN: I wasn’t named Massive, I was Massive. I still am, I just don’t call as much attention to it. Did the Blue Steel thing work? It’s a…work…in progress. We’ve got to deal with the whole group dynamic thing, which has been fun, but it’s another layer to deal with.
JACK: Onions have layers, Shrek.
JOHN: Not doing Shrek, rabbit.
JACK: Darn it. Maybe our win/loss isn’t as good as it was, but I feel like we’ve gained so much more from the experience. It’s a trade-off. Pie was just trying to get us to say bad things about our teammates, and I will never speak ill of Elle or Flint.
JOHN: Or Blue.
JACK: Yea, Blue. How could I forget? Speaking of Pie, remember when she was nice? What happened?
JOHN: It was for, like, a day. Maybe. Let’s go interview her and asked her what happened.

(The Knights run off yelling “Pie? Where are you, Pie?”)

4) We see catering backstage, with several wrestlers milling about. Two guys in trenchcoats, fedoras, and sunglasses are trying to get to food. One of the bumps into Roberto Samba.
TRENCHCOAT 1: Sorry, sir. Excuse me.
SAMBA (doing a double take): Buddy?
TRENCHCOAT 1/BUDDY: Shhhhh.
TRENCHCOAT 2/SCUZZ: Robby, keep it down, we’re hungry, but we don’t want Caliber to see us.
SAMBA: I hate that guy. Did you hear him making fun of me! Just because I got taken down by a podcaster.
SCUZZ: He does suck. We gotta go.

<The Numbskulls turn and run into Brick City. Hustler and Banger calmly remove the hats and glasses, drop them on the floor, and smash them. They turn to run, but Brick City grab the back collars of their coats. They slip out of the coats and run offscreen. A second later, Mack Caliber walks on with both Numbskulls in a headlock>

MACK: You fellas hungry, huh? Banger, you remember when these boys brought you a sandwich?
BANGER: Made me puke.
HUSTLER: I had to clean it up.

(Hustler and Banger grab Buddy and Scuzz, respectively)

BANGER: We got a whole table of sandwiches for you. They’re tastier than you two deserve, but I think you need to eat up.
HUSTLER: If anyone wants a sammidge, grab it now.

(A couple of folks grab some food off the table and nod at Brick City. They throw the Numbskulls into the sandwich table, wiping out the table and everything on it. Brick City grab condiments off a second table and pour them over the Numbskulls. While everyone is watching this, we see Caliber and Samba having a heated discussion about something. Security fills the room and pulls Brick City away_

5) In the next match, Grimcraft defeats Dre Apex to win the title shot at SummerSmash. He wins the match alone, but Doomsayer and Diablo come join him afterwards. Autumn Hex comes out very shortly thereafter, and she’s cajoling someone on the other side of the curtain. After a few seconds, she looks at Grimcraft in the ring and shakes her head.
GRIMCRAFT: No worries, Autumn. I was hoping to introduce you people to the newest member of the Dark Arts. Newest and final, I should add. The circle is now complete, and my plan can come to fruition. Perhaps my new friend will be ready later. I’m sure her new reality is a bit jarring, but she will learn to love it.

6) In the main event, Icepick Dominic loses to Chester Blood by countout when Grifter hit him with the baseball bat when the ref’s distracted. He does retain the title.
DOM (his words punctuated by this slightly crazed giggling laugh): Still champ, Tony. I lost the match because of that damn Grifter, but your deal was when I lost the title, Tony. I’m still your problem. (Concrete Charlie comes out and says something to Dominic. Dominic laughs almost uncontrollably)
So, Tony’s not happy that I found a loophole. (Charlie tries to “shush” him) I’ll be fine, Chuckles. Regardless of what happens, The Icepick will be just fine.

[Thumper Moore III]

August Year One Week Three
Carolina Strutter’s Digifoto Story

An image is posted of Carolina posing with the Women’s Title around her waist and her father’s robe draped on her shoulders. Next to that is an image of Jet Set Strutter posing with his world title around his waist, wearing the same robe. The following caption accompanies the images:

Hey Flint— a couple weeks ago you posted your dad and yourself wearing world titles. I thought it was a trip down nostalgia lane, so I decided to do the same thing. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

So, congratulations for getting one thing right since you’ve been here. You see, I may have a title defense at Summersmash, just like you. I also have an opponent I should beat handily, just like you (no offense, Grim, but you’re not a second generation champ like me and Flint). The difference is that while you say that you and that freak brother of yours are out telling everybody how much your dad meant to you, I’m out there every week PROVING that I am the superior wrestler in my family. My dad was the best— not your dad— and when I’m done, they’ll talk about how much better I was than him.

So, when your opponent gives you more than you can handle, and you go backstage crying about how you used to be world champ, and if you win it one more time you’ll have as many title reigns as your dear old dad— I’ll be cementing my legacy as the greatest ONE time champion ever, because I’m never losing this belt. WOOOOOO!!!!!

[Thumper Moore III]

August Week Three Year One
Chirpy Highlights

@missythicc
Good job Dominic in keeping that Cruiserweight Title! You officially held your belt one defense longer than Tony!

@dreapex
Next time. Day late, dollar short. Shots at the world title don’t come often... But my time is coming.

@hearse
The epic struggle between me and my hand picked opponent will leave you all breathless! #summersmash

@grimcrizzle
Now that my family is complete and Evermore is ruined, winning the World Title will be the cherry on top.

@bigtony450
Dom, Baby Girl, get back in line. You know who’s in charge, and it ain’t you two. Capiche?

@acedogma
I don’t think that @grimcrizzle or @beststrutter are taking @flintdecker seriously. That’s a huge mistake.

@yoboycyber
YOOOOO!! It’s gonna be another blue light rave after Summersmash! Everybody’s invited!

@evermoreprotectoroftherealm
I will not be defeated by Grimcraft. Never. Never. Never. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!