Arizona’s BigSky Country Wrestling (ABCW Fed)

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Monday Night Live
Albuquerque, NM

Nuclear Warhawk came to the ring with Dirk Dungeon and Ryan Regret. “I’d like to congratulate the ladies of ABCW for putting on a tremendous Ladies Night P4V,” began Nuke. “Of course, in my hotel room, every night is ladies night. Hey-ooo!!”

Mr. Codger and Mr. Fantasy appeared on the Jumbotron from their office. “Sorry to interrupt your little party guys, but we have some announcements to make,” began Fantasy. “First, we’re going to properly determine a #1 contender for the world title. Six men will have an elimination tag match to open the show— one team is Ace of Spades, Undermaster, and Dude Brohan. The other team is HFK, The Hunk, and Big Bad Doctor. If one man survives, he’s the #1 contender. If two survive, they’ll fight in two weeks for the title match. And if Ace is the sole survivor, he picks his opponent.”

“Now, as for you two,” interrupted Codger. “Dirk, I like that you’re facing down your fears. You can continue to do that tonight against the returning Kanninal Keith.” The crowd roared and started chanting, “Keith is gonna eat you.” “And Nuke, you’ve been dodging top contenders. There’s a guy who was in the Cruiserweight Title picture until he stopped to film a movie, but he’s back now.”

To a swelling orchestral score, Arizona Chance made his way to the stage. “You miss me? Nuke, you and I have a title match tonight. And now that I’m focused on wrestling again, you’ll find out that nobody hunts for gold better than Arizona Chance.”

1. In the huge 6 man tag match, Hunk, HFK, and BBD all isolated Ace and then a Skye High Kick followed by a Hunka Dunk put him down while Brohan and Undermaster simply watched. Average Guy talked up how smart that was on commentary— “Now they’s gonna know one of the remainin’ five guys is gonna be in the title match and not some nobody.” Dude and Undermaster worked surprisingly well together, and managed to eliminate BBD and HFK with the Grave Digger and Big Bro Leg Drop, respectively. The Hunk fought valiantly, but was ultimately brought down by both finishers. Immediately after the match, The Darkness swarmed the ring and beat up Brohan, and Lazer attempted to make the save unsuccessfully. They all took turns hitting their finishers on the babyfaces.

2. Ezekiel won a quick match against Lifeguard Chip. Ezekiel began to quote Scripture again, but again an ominous voice said, “Be sure your sins will find you out.” This time, the voice continued, “December lies will not be tolerated in the heat of summer.” Ezekiel looked confused and slightly disturbed as he made his way to the back.

3. Flawless One came to the ring demanding the best competition available. Out walked the debuting... JET SET STRUTTER. Once his iconic music from the movie 3001 hit, the fans went ballistic. Strutter proved he’s still got it, as he managed to lock in the Six Figure Leg Lock after a tremendous match, and let out a big “Whooooo!” Strutter bowed to the crowd before heading out, leaving Flawless One bewildered in the ring.

4. Dirk Dungeon came to the ring with Nuke and Regret, and got the butt-kicking of a lifetime from the animalistic Kannibal Keith. As he went for the Face Ripper, the lights went out. A flash of light appeared in the ring, and a cloaked figure with a fedora could be seen with Keith. The lights came back on, and Keith was holding his eyes. Dirk took advantage and rolled him up for a three count and got out of dodge.

5. Flex Deltoid defeated Dragonfly for a chance at Mighty Leo’s TV Title next week.

6. Arizona Chance made his way to the ring to challenge for the Cruiserweight Title. Nuke came out with Dirk and Regret. Everything was going Chance’s way when Kannibal Keith came out from the back, still hunting down Dirk. Dirk got attacked again, and the cloaked man sprinted from the back. He took out a laser-like device and flashed Keith in the eyes with it, allowing him to escape again. While this all happened, everyone was distracted, and Nuke was handed a chair by Regret. He tossed the chair to Arizona and then fell flat on his back as the ref turned around. The ref saw Zona with a chair and Nuke on his back and disqualified Chance, who argued with the ref while the Boomstix of Regret escaped with the title.

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Viewer
August 9, 1991

We have two bits of news coming out of Phoenix today.

The first has to do with the numbers on their recent takeover of Pacific Northwest Wrestling. The shows put on were high quality, and featured performers that were new to ABCW but familiar in the region. This translated into big numbers at the box office and TV, with the Phoenix brand raking in large amounts of cash. This is what allowed the signing of Jet Set Strutter, who will be making some sort of announcement on Weekend Attitude.

The second bit of info is related to the Lazer v Flex Deltoid feud. First of all, before the readers complain, it is commonplace that a real life event be used for an angle— for example Jet Set’s late 1970’s bus accident, or the auto accident that eventually ended the career of Magnet P. E. It hasn’t even been badly done to this point, and Flex’s motivation has been on point. But, what the real issue is here is that ABCW didn’t consider the implications of not having Lazer immediately respond. His merch sales have dropped 70%, and he is reportedly unhappy with being painted in a light that is less than flattering. Look for this to get resolved sooner rather than later due to the unintended consequences of the angle.

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Weekend Attitude (opening segment)
Las Vegas, NV

The usually raucous Vegas crowd was subdued as Lazer entered the ring to an unusually mixed reaction. “Fans, little Lazers, I have some explaining to do.” Lazer pointed to the video screen as the surveillance footage from Jan 1, 1981 was shown again. It paused as Lazer ran from the scene. “There are many things I regret from that night, and I’d like Flex to come out so I can tell him to his face.” Flex Deltoid obliged and stood on the entrance ramp. “Flex,” Lazer began, “I’m sorry that I left you in that wreck. But I want to show you something else.” He pointed to the video screen again.

It was the same surveillance footage, but 15 minutes later. Police and firefighters had arrived, and you could see Lazer run into the shot with an elderly man carrying a satchel with a cross on it. Lazer dropped to his knees, head in his hands. The man comforted Lazer as the two watched the scene. “See, Flex, we both made a mistake that night. You lied to me about how much you had to drink when you agreed to drive that night. We could have a called a cab. We could have walked home and picked up your car in the morning. But told me you only had one.

“When you started driving all over the road, I knew we were in trouble and that you had had too much. So when you wrapped your car around that telephone pole, I didn’t know how bad you were hurt. So I ran and got Dr. Morris, the fed physician. I figured he could patch you up and maybe you’d sober up before the cops came. I wasn’t counting on anyone calling the cops. Flex, I was trying to protect you, not abandon you.

“Then, I called the hospital, but they told me they wouldn’t take visitors in ICU. Then it was family only. I tried to lie and tell them I was your brother, but you know how bad a liar I am. When you got home, I tried to call, but no one picked up. I visited, but no one answered. And when the call came from ABCW, yeah, I jumped on it because I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. Flex, I’m sorry for how it all turned out, and I ask for your forgiveness.”

Flex stared at Lazer, and his face contorted from rage, to sadness, to sympathy, and finally a tear trickled down his cheek. He walked to the ring, and he and Lazer embraced.

Then, as the two were about to walk away, Flex blasted Lazer with his surgically repaired forearm, opening up Lazer. He hoisted Lazer into the Weight Rack and held him there until Dude Brohan headed to ringside and ended the hold. But damage had been done, and the bloodied and battered Lazer still had to defend his Tag Titles with Dude Brohan later that night against the Cool Kids...

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Sports Entertainment
Las Vegas, NV

1. Lifeguard Chip and the returning Piranha wrestled to a double DQ. It was like these two didn’t realize how much they hated each other until the match progressed, and they resorted to increasing levels of violence. Piranha bit Chip enough to draw blood, then Chip smashed Piranha with his life preserver. After additional weapons were introduced, the ref waved off the match, and the two brawled all the way up the ramp.

2. Jet Set Strutter emerged to grand fanfare with a mic in hand. “WHOOOO!!! The King of Cool that makes the ladies drool, the chopper flyin’, Cadillac drivin’ sonofagun is here! You might wonder why ol’ Jet is here— well, a wild friend of mine told me there was a party to be had here, WHOOO! But there is something I need to address, and that is: Ezekiel. So, come on out and walk that aisle, Zeke!”

Ezekiel came out with Vegas with a big smile on his face. Both Smooth Criminals were a bit star struck and asked to shake his hand. “There’ll be time for pleasantries later. Listen, Zeke, and you too Vegas— you’ve trimmed up nice, by the way— there’s a message a buddy of mine wanted to have me driver to you. And that message is: be sure, your sins will find you out. WHOOOO!” With that, JSS dropped Vegas with a kick to the groin and Ezekiel with a DDT, and then strutted to the back.

3. The mysterious cloaked man in a fedora came to ringside and grabbed a microphone. “My name is irrelevant to these proceedings, so you may call me Detective X. I am in pursuit of a known criminal named Kannibal Keith. If you see him, please let one of the ushers know. They all have my contact information.” Just then, Keith jumped out of the crowd and started viciously attacking Detective X. Security was called to ringside, and X was unable to do more than hobble out of the ring, clearly injured.

4. Undermaster was in a graveyard when Gothica approached. “It seems the ritual was a success, my love,” said Gothica. “I now have physical strength equal to that of your dark apprentice.” Undermaster smiled as he took Gothica by the hand. “Show me,” he said. Gothica then took Undermaster by the throat with one hand and lifted him off the ground. Undermaster smiled as he was being strangled. She let go and he took a huge gasp of air. After a couple of seconds, he grabbed her in a passionate embrace. It looked like they were about to kiss when Dark Mauler arrived. He made a gesture for them to come with him. “It’s time, my love,” said Undermaster as they walked away.

5. Backstage, Dude Brohan was tending to Lazer. “You know something brother, I’ll see if we can get a delay defending our titles. Let me go talk to Codger—“

“Dude, I’ll be fine,” said Lazer from underneath a bandaged forehead. “Flex isn’t going to stop until I stop him, and he’ll just keep ambushing us until we have to forfeit the belts if we don’t wrestle hurt. Let’s do this.” Lazer got up but he was obviously in pain as they came to the ring for their Tag Title match against the Cool Kids.

Average Guy on commentary described the “excrucimating pain” Lazer must have been feeling as he tried to work through his injuries. Brohan did the lion’s share of the wrestling, trying to protect his partner, but got isolated by HFK and Big Rig. He finally duded up, and made the hot tag to Lazer, who walked right into a Skye High Kick to lose the Tag Titles. Average Guy then lamented about how awful it would be if Lazer lost his title the same night the guy who injured him won his first, as Flex Deltoid faced off with Mighty Leo for the TV title next.

6. Indeed, Average Guy’s prediction came true, as Flex submitted Leo via the Weight Rack for the TV Title. Flex screamed at the camera, Lazer, your belt is gone and now I’ve got mine— come get it next week if you want. My belt versus your career!”

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Weekend Attitude
El Paso, TX

From the old, dingy El Paso City College Gymatorium, ABCW played to their smallest crowd in months as part of an eastward expansion. El Paso was traditionally the territory of Franz Van Winkle, but Average Guy informed the TV audience that Franz agreed to the intrusion since his boys Devin and Terry were given a match against the Daredevils to determine the number one contender for the ABCW Tag Titles. Average Guy then asked the boys in the truck to roll a clip showing why Dude and Lazer would not be challenging the Cool Kids with a rematch. The camera showed a gym with Dude and Lazer working out together.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, brother?” Brohan asked this as he was spotting Lazer on an incline press.

Lazer tacked the weight and sat up. “We both knew that eventually this time would come, Dude. We’ve had a hell of a run, but now is the time I have personal business to take care of and you can go chase that World Title. You’ve got a match against Undermaster to determine the number one contender, and I’m accepting Flex’s challenge.”

“Your career versus his title? Well, brother, we’ll celebrate tonight when you’re the new TV champ and I’m the number one contender. Whatcha gonna do, Undermaster and Flex, when Dude and Lazer annihilate you?!?”

1. Ezekiel made short work of Skeleskreem, hitting Divine Intervention. Zeke again heard the ominous voice over the PA, “Be sure, your sins will find you out.” Ezekiel shouted into the camera, “Isaiah 54:17– No weapon formed against me shall prosper, and every tongue that rises against me in judgment shall be refuted!”

2. Dude Brohan came one step closer to fulfilling what he felt was his destiny as he overcame interference from Gothica to defeat Undermaster. Gothica tried to strike Dude during a ref bump, but Dude dodged and Gothica knocked Undermaster out with a single punch. Dude the hit the Big Bro Leg Drop for the pinfall win. Gothica then awakened Undermaster by straddling his supine body, and slapping him in the face. Undermaster awakened, and a huge evil grin formed on his face. Average Guy commented, “They’s a strange couple, but at least they into each otha.”

3. World Champ Ace of Spades and Arizona Chance appeared on a local TV show in the Phoenix area, the Dwayne and Barf show. Highlights were shown between matches. After Dwayne and Barf told each other to “Rock on,” Ace cut a promo about not caring about who won between Undermaster and Dude, and that he would “stomp a mud puddle in either of ‘em.” Arizona talked up the latest movie he filmed, and described it as “Arizona Chance meets weird religious people in space, and helps them defeat a great evil.” He then teased a member of the cast of the new movie making an appearance sometime in the coming weeks.

4. The Daredevils defeated the Van Winkles in a spectacular ladder match for the right to face the Cool Kids at Summer Smash next week.

5. Mr. Codger came to ringside with a briefcase. “Fans, inside this case is the contract for the Cruiserweight Title match at Summer Smash. The contender has already signed it. Nuclear Warhawk, please come to the ring and sign this.”

Nuke came out with Ryan Regret and Dirk Dungeon. “Just tell me who my worthy opponent is. Who is it? Teeny Norman? The Schmuck? Maybe Jobber Joe?” He walked to the ring. “You know what, it doesn’t matter who you put against me. No one is as big in this division as me, and no one has a chance.” He then signed without looking. “So, Codger, who is it? Tennis Pro? Skeleskreem?”

Codger smiled. “I could tell you... but I’d prefer SHE told you face to face.” Valkyrie came to the ramp. “You— and that thing you call Little Nuke— won’t be able to get up for a month when I’m done with you.” The hilarity of Nuke’s fit pitching was off the charts.

6. Lazer managed to defeat Flex Deltoid for the TV Title, keeping his career in the process. Lazer ducked the Flex Forearm and countered it into the Lazer Death Drop, followed up with the Lazerlock. He released the hold as soon as the bell rang and checked to make sure Flex was ok. Dude ran down to the ring to celebrate, but Lazer declined to celebrate, shook his hand, and walked to the back clutching his belt and shaking his head.

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Summer Smash (part one)
Salt Lake City, Utah

Average Guy opened the show with the following statement to the P4V audience as fireworks went off:

“We’s LAAAHVE, straight from the campus of Bradham Young Univahsity, with Summah Smash! We gets to see history in the makin’ if Valkyrie becomes the first ever female champ by beatin’ that no-good Nucular Warhawk! Dude Brohan challenges for the World Title held by Ace of Spades! The Daredevils take on the Cool Kids for the tag straps! Lazer is challenged by the Great Ginzu! And we gots a Ladies Title match between Mynx and Gothica! Hold on to your hats, folks, cause we’s gonna get started right now!”

1. Valkyrie entered as the clear fan favorite with VTC by her side, and Nuclear Warhawk came to ringside with Ryan Regret and Dirk Dungeon. Nuke talked as he walked to the ring. “Val, you’ve bitten off more than you can chew tonight. I’m not just gonna beat you. I’m gonna put you back in your place. When you’re done you’ll be back to cooking pancakes at VTC’s place, at least until you realize what a real man looks like, and then you’ll be cooking— and more—at mine. Hey-ooo!!”

In terms of match quality, there wasn’t much, but it gave the fans exactly what they wanted, as Val soundly thrashed Nuke from pillar to post. Regret and Dirk tried to get involved and jumped up on the apron, but they were nearly killed by VTC as he power bombed Dirk to the floor and Regret jumped off and ran away before he could be harmed. VTC set up for the Double Underhook Facebuster on Dirk on the outside at the same time Val lined it up on Nuke on the inside. They hit the move at the same time, and Val scores the pinfall victory to become Cruiserweight Champ.

2. In a match that again exceeded expectations, Piranha defeated Lifeguard Chip via the Outlaw Choke. Piranha attempted to bite Chip again after the match, but Bombshell threw herself on top of Chip and pleaded with Piranha, who indeed walked away.

3. Honest Al was backstage with what he said was a “huge return” to ABCW. Up to the podium walked Chicano. “Hey, yo,” he said, and the crowd went nuts. “I told you guys I was done being a loser. So, I went back to Miami. I toughened up. I ran with my old crew. We had some laughs, beat some people up, and it felt good to get back to my roots. I came back here to prove— I ain’t the loser that left here. I’m back to being... the bad guy.”

4. Lazer managed to defeat his old rival Great Ginzu in the match of the night. No interference from Flex marred the action. Lazer again seemed somewhat subdued after the match, eschewing his normal enthusiastic celebration for simply walking away.

5. Flawless One defeated Big Bad Doctor in a random filler match. Neither competitor seemed excited about being in the ring, and both were roundly booed.

6. In a ridiculous ladder match, the Cool Kids retain the Tag Titles over the Daredevils. The finish came when HFK Skye High Kicked Suicide off the apron to the outside and through a ladder, followed by Dragonfly tossing a chair to HFK and kicking him with the Van Dragonator. He then climbed the ladder, but instead of grabbing the belts, he attempted the Dragonstar Splash onto HFK. However, Big Rig recovered and caught him in midair, and smoothly turning it into Road Kill. He then climbed the ladder and retrieved the belts.

Still to come...
A Dramatic Promo from a seasoned vet of the ring and silver screen
Mynx defends the Ladies title against Gothica
Can Dude Brohan return to glory at this late stage of his career and defeat Ace for the World Title?

[Thumper Moore III]

August 1991 Summer Smash (part 2)

7. From ABCW Phoenix we got to see Arizona Chance... looking like he hadn’t cut his hair in a bit. And wearing a short jacket instead of his usual attire... and the signature whip was gone, and in its place a plastic gun-looking thing. He asked for a microphone and began to speak over the jumbo screen.

“ABCW fans, you’ve known me for a long time. Last year, when Mr. Fantasy tried to poison me, he said it was because “my gimmick was stale,” and that I needed to reinvent myself. Well, you’ve seen me for the past decade or so just being Arizona Chance: Adventurer, Archaeologist, Wrestler. But there’s more to me than that. I’m also a space cowboy, and my new movie will be coming out in a couple months will show that. So, I’ve brought some friends with me from our new movie— “Space Wars, Episode 10: A False Hope”— and one of them is familiar to you. Please welcome the returning Orion Northstar!”

Orion entered from a staging area and waved to the restaurant. Arizona continued, “I’ve also got two new folks to introduce to you. First, my co-star, Sergeant Shipley. And finally, my little buddy, Hairy!” Sergeant Shipley walked out first to mild applause, and then gasps were heard as the 7’+ Hairy arrived. The four clasped hands and bowed like they had just finished a stage production and sat down to eat. Arizona continued, “In honor of the addition of my friends to the ABCW roster, please enjoy the new 12 Parsec Pizza Bites on the house for everyone here at ABCW Phoenix. So, while nobody hunts for gold like Arizona Chance, you can bet your assets that nobody shoots for the belt like Chance Solar!”

8. Back in the stadium, Mynx squared off with Gothica for the Ladies Title with Mighty Leo and Undermaster at ringside, respectively. Gothica simply overmatched Mynx in power, which shocked the crowd. She threw Mynx around like a rag doll, hitting Biel throws and pressing Mynx above her head multiple times. Leo was almost ready to throw in the towel for Mynx when Gothica suddenly dropped Mynx and fell to the ground as if overcome by some sort of weakness. Undermaster looked around, saw something (or someone) and charged into the crowd. Mynx took the opportunity to roll up Gothica to retain her title.

9. Ace of Spades retained the World Title in a surprisingly good match over Dude Brohan. Brohan wasn’t as nimble as he used to be, but the two sold like crazy for each other’s moves. After Dude duded up, he missed the Big Bro Leg Drop and Ace took advantage with an Ace Crusher to win clean.

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Viewer
August 31, 1991

Codger and Fantasy’s ABCW Partners With Van Winkle’s TCW

PHOENIX— Wrestling Viewer’s Dan Mixer has just learned that the one-off ABCW Show in El Paso is likely not just a one-off, but part of an ongoing partnership between Phoenix-based ABCW and San Antonio based Texas Championship Wrestling, with the eventual goal being the merger of the two companies. Internal sources say that the merger— or, more accurately, the buyout of TCW by ABCW— will likely happen by years end.

With ABCW already taking over Pacific Northwest earlier this year, and now expanding into Texas, it’s looking as if the territory system in place for decades is getting a major revamp. Aside from ABCW, Wrestle World in New York, and Rock n Rasslin in the mid-Atlantic, not many promotions are making money. We’ve also heard grumblings about talent not being paid in Georgia Pro, and about Midwest Wrestling Alliance cancelling shows days before the scheduled event. As Bob Dylan said, the times are a changin.

[Thumper Moore III]

Out of universe update:

Sorry for the three week absence. High school football season for the kid is just a huge drain on the whole family, and work got real busy. No energy or time for this until today.

Back to this world:

Sep 1991, Monday Night Live
Lubbock, TX

The show opened to a panoramic view of a hot crowd in the 1500 seat Lubbock High Cafegymatorium, giving the show a very small town feel despite the high stakes. Average Guy put over the show on commentary: “Tonight, we gots some huge matches! Undahmastah wants to squash him a lightning bug when he faces HFK! Flawless One wants some revenge on Jet Set Struttah! And Rick the Exotic Acolyte wants to take the TV Title offa new champ Lazer! But first, we gonna start with some six man tag action between the Rebellion and Front Street!”

1. The Rebellion won easily over Front Street. Chance Solar looked great in his re-debut, as did Orion Northstar. However, the star of the match was the facial reactions of Front Street when Hairy was tagged in. Avery, Romeo, and Frosty each tagged each other in comically to avoid the monster, but eventually Hairy grabbed Avery and Romeo and smashed their heads together, causing them to fall off the apron, and Frosty got nailed with the Sasquash for the victory. Sgt Shipley joined the team in the post-match celebration.

2. Teeny Norman and The Schmuck were booked out of nowhere. With no build and no TV time recently, they put on a very good match, with each selling the other’s weak offense as devastating, and Teeny eventually getting the win with the Magical Bicycle Kick.

3. Undermaster came to the ring with Gothica at his side. HFK came without Big Rig. This would prove to be his undoing— after a tremendous encounter (can these two NOT have a great match?), Gothica distracted HFK as he set up for a Skye High Kick, allowing Undermaster to hit the Grave Digger for the pinfall. After the match, Gothica jumped up to the apron and handed Undermaster a vial and what looked to be a ceremonial dagger. Undermaster grabbed HFK’s hand and ran the dagger down the palm, causing HFK to scream in pain. Undermaster then got a few drops of blood in the vial and rolled out of the ring as Big Rig made the save. Undermaster and Gothica smiled as they made their way back, and medical staff attended to HFK’s hand.

4. Dirk Dungeon came to the ring with Ryan Regret for his match with Killer Klown... but there was no Nuclear Warhawk. Valkyrie and VTC came down for commentary and explained that Nuke was probably still licking his wounds after his Cruiserweight Championship loss. Regret came over to commentary and yelled that this match was to toughen up Dirk and help him overcome his fears.

Dirk and Klown went back and forth, with Dirk showing less and less fear as the match went on. Dirk rallied at the end of the match, and landed a Boom Kick for the win. Afterwards, a man in a hoodie jumped out of the crowd, jumped into the ring, got in Dirk’s face, threw back the hood and revealed a clown mask, scaring Dirk to almost the point of tears. The man removed the mask, revealing Nuke, who laughed uproariously. Regret then said, “Dirk needs more therapy,” before the three left together.

5. Flawless One got his win back over Jet Set Strutter in an extremely well fought match. Flawless got on the mic after the match and said that this proved he was back to his old self and he deserved to be in the hunt for gold.

6. In the main event, Exotic Rick fell to the Lazerlock. While in the submission hold, Rick seemed to look to the back as if he was expecting help, but none came. Dude Brohan came out to celebrate with Lazer again, and the two embraced. Flex Deltoid appeared from behind the curtain... and nodded and gave a golf clap. The commentary team openly wondered if Flex had truly put his animosity aside or if he was playing mind games with Lazer.

[Thumper Moore III]

Sep 1991, Sports Entertainment
Austin, TX

In a much larger arena, pyro went off as Average Guy gave the show’s rundown. “We’s laaaahve agin for Sports Entuhtainment! Some new-fangled computer rankings done come out and we gonna bring out the top contendahs to talk about em. We got Nuculah Warhawk in action against a mystery opponent. We got Big Bad Doctah at ABCW Phoenix for a special announcement. And we got the Ladies Title on the line tonight! But first, we’s gonna get started with a tag match to determine the numbah one contenders, cuz the computer had em in a tie!”

1. The Daredevils faced off against the Scoundrels to determine the number one contender for the tag titles held by the Cool Kids. The ref lost control of the match early, as Chance paired off with Dragonfly while Suicide mostly got battered around by Hairy. The ref tried to throw the match out, but very quickly Mr. Codger came down to ringside with a mic and restarted the match as a tornado tag. “We can’t have a big match like this end in a no contest,” he remarked. The four men continued brawling, until Hairy picked up Suicide and threw him into the third row. Chance nailed Dragonfly with an elevated variant of the Last Crusade which Average Guy called “Chance Shot First”, and Hairy nailed the Sasquash for the pinfall.

2. Dude and Lazer were working out. “Glad we can still train together. We definitely push each other to be the best,” said Lazer after racking the weight. “Yeah, brother, that’s something we both agree on. But, something I don’t agree with is these computer rankings for the number one contender for the world title,” replied Dude. He held up a paper. “It says here I’m still the number one contender even though I lost to Ace.”

“You deserve another chance, Dude,” replied Lazer. “You were so close. But what I don’t agree with is that I’m listed as the number two contender. I got a phone call from Fantasy yesterday that said I’d be facing the number one contender for a shot at the title next week.” “Well, this just got interesting then,” replied Dude. “May the better man win next week.” The two shook hands and resumed their workout.

3. In six man tag action, Mass Destruction fell to the Smooth Criminals when Ezekiel hit Divine Intervention on Crash. After the match, Chicano grabbed a mic. “Hey yo, I liked teaming with you guys. But I have a message for you: Be sure your sins will find you out.” Chicano then hit the Straight Edge on Ezekiel and Vegas was tossed from the ring.

4. Nuke was out with Ryan Regret for his match against a mystery opponent. He had a mic in hand. “So, who do you have for me this week? Some skinny punk? Being the biggest Cruiserweight, I need to beat up another miniature star. What speck of dust do you have for me to put in a full body cast, then take his girl to his hospital room and make him watch while we make out? Hey-ooo!”

Mr. Codger appeared. “Nuke, we reviewed some tape and saw you cheat the weigh-in a few weeks ago. You never should have been a Cruiserweight. Regret, if something like that happens again, you’re not allowed at one of our shows for a year. So, Nuke, you’re now a full-time heavyweight. Here’s your heavyweight opponent for tonight.” Out came the debuting Mad Arab, who is decidedly NOT a Cruiserweight, and was one of the staples of the Texas territory. He waddled to the ring, and Nuke could only stand there flabbergasted. The match began, which consisted mainly of Nuke running around the ring avoiding any contact with the Arab. Arab ended up chasing Nuke up the ramp wielding a fork, which led to a double count out.

5. Big Bad Doctor was live from ABCW Phoenix. “Hey guys, come on down and enjoy some of my favorites here. The Dragonstar Sushi is the best inland sushi you’ll ever find, and they’ve finally gotten me a signature dish— the Big Bad Burger— two half-pound patties with cheese, a fried egg, mayo, bacon, and a pretzel bun. Somebody call the Doctor!” Just then, BBD’s head was smashed into the giant burger by Flawless One, knocking him out. “Hey, management,” began Flawless. “I’m the best wrestler on the planet. I was THE GUY in Seattle. And now I’m a dad gum afterthought here. Where’s my meal here? Where’s my title shot? I’ll beat up everybody on the roster if I have to— because you can’t ignore someone as flawless as me.”

6. The Ladies Title was won by Sgt Shipley in a terrific, clean win over Mynx. The Rebellion all came out to celebrate with her, with Orion making hand gestures toward the back, which seemed to cause the video board to play “Celebrate” by Kool and the Gang, and then gestured upward and the lights changed to a dance hall feel. The episode closed with Chance motioning to the back, prompting about 15 lower and Midcard babyfaces to join the impromptu dance party.

[Thumper Moore III]

Sep 1991 Weekend Attitude
Fort Worth, TX

The show opens with a voice over that sounds like the baritone of Honest Al. “With the Back to School P4V next week, best friends must face off (a visual shows Lazer and Dude holding tag gold). Legends will add to their legacy (visual is Arizona Chance, then Chance Solar with the Rebellion). Champions will be crowned (a montage of Ace of Spades, the Cool Kids, and Valkyrie). Welcome to Weekend Attitude!”

1. In the number one contenders match, Brohan and Lazer come out to each other’s music and shake hands in a sign of mutual respect. However, as they get ready to start, Mr. Fantasy emerges and says, “I’m sorry you two were under the impression that this was a one on one match. But the top THREE contenders are facing off in a triangle match to determine who will face Ace next week.” Undermaster made his way down the ring entrance with Gothica at his side. The match began, and after lots of punches, kicks, and each participant getting in their signature offense, Brohan was knocked from the ring and Lazer was nailed with the Grave Digger. Rather than cover, Undermaster grabbed the same dagger he had used on HFK two weeks prior and sliced Lazer’s hand. As Lazer screamed in pain, Gothica handed him a vial and Undermaster collected a few drops of Lazer’s blood. As he handed the vial to Gothica, Brohan came back in, hit Undermaster with a big boot and Big Bro Leg Drop for the win.

2. Ezekiel defeated Curt Grunge. Again, the same voice came over the PA: “Be sure your sins will find you out... at Back to School!”

3. Ace of Spades was backstage with Honest Al and congratulated Brohan on his win. “Of course, if I had a friend in the match, I’d have stopped him from getting sliced open to begin with. Of course, that’s why I generally don’t have friends, they’re too much hassle. Can’t trust anybody. But at Back to School, it don’t matter if you’ve got Lazer, or any of your other friends with you. I’m gonna stomp a mud puddle in you, and that’s the bottom dollar, ‘cause Ace said so.”

4. Chance Solar was flanked by the members of the Rebellion in in a pre-recorded vignette. “It’s just about time for the Scoundrels to join Sgt. Shipley here as champions. Next week, we will face the Cool Kids. I promise Orion and Shipley will be backstage, and that it’ll be a fair fight... but we will shoot first. And Hairy— their arms have to stay attached. But by the next Monday Night Live, three of us will have belts around our waists... because nobody shoots for the titles like the Rebellion.”

5. In the weekly filler match, Boomstix with Ryan Regret defeat Destruction.

6. Gothica defeats long time rival Succubus in a Casket Match to earn the right to challenge Sgt Shipley for the Ladies Title. Undermaster picks up Gothica and embraces her as the lights go out, and when they come back on, the ring is empty to close out the show.

[Thumper Moore III]

Sep 1991 Back to School P4V
The GeoDome, Houston, TX

The September P4V opened with pyro and went straight to a match.

1. In an incredible match, The Daredevils beat the Gage Guyz in one of the craziest ladder matches yet to be seen. No less than four ladders were smashed, and the finish came when Dragonfly hit the Dragonstar Splash on Rager from the top of a ladder outside the ring onto a second ladder set up between the apron and the barricade, immediately followed by the Suicide Dive from a ladder outside the ring onto Tatters inside the ring for the pinfall. After the match, all four battered and bruised participants received a standing ovation.

2. Backstage, Ezekiel was with Vegas and Honest Al. “Alright, voice from above. I’m here. Where are you? You said my sins will come back to haunt me here and now. So come on!” After an awkward silence, Vegas said, “I told you it would be nothing. Let’s get out of here.” The Smooth Criminals started to walk away, when out of nowhere, to the shock of the ABCW faithful, Jessie Wild returned after a nine month absence and nailed Vegas from behind with brass knuckles, punched Ezekiel in the stomach and gave him a DDT onto the interview podium. Al screamed for security, and reminded fans that Jessie lost the match back at Beyond War Dome that banned him from ABCW. Jessie kicked Ezekiel a few times before escaping just before security arrived.

3. Sgt. Shipley defended her Ladies Title against Gothica. Orion Northstar accompanied Shipley, while Undermaster seconded Gothica. The match was very even, but when Shipley started to take control, Undermaster raised his hands and the lights went out. Suddenly, a glow appeared from Northstar’s hands, and the lights came back on. For the next couple of minutes, the lights dimmed and brightened intermittently, seemingly a struggle between Orion and Undermaster, and Shipley eventually used the distraction to deliver the Power Loader to retain the title. Undermaster rushed into the ring, picked up Gothica, the lights went out, and when the lights came back on, the ring only held Shipley and Orion. They shrugged their shoulders and celebrated.

4. A clip was shown of a decidedly low budget talk show that looked as if it was filmed in a high-school dropout’s basement. In the clip, Nuclear Warhawk and Dirk Dungeon talked up going after the tag titles. Nuke started to talk about other things they would tag-team, but Dirk stopped him from going far down that path.

5. In the tag title match, The Scoundrels defeated the Cool Kids. HFK’s hand was still bandaged from Undermaster’s dagger, and it played into the finish. HFK attempted to climb the ropes with Chance down in the ring, but he winced as he tried to grab the ropes to help him climb. Average Guy pointed out on commentary that this gave Chance time to recover, and he rolled out of the way of the diving attack, tagged Hairy, and Hairy flattened HFK with the Sasquash for the title win.

6. Backstage, Dark Mauler and Exotic Rick confronted Undermaster. Rick spoke first. “Boss, you’ve been spending way too much time trying to make Gothica stronger. Your first attempt fizzled at just the wrong time. This latest quest of yours for a more permanent solution is a fool’s errand. You think collecting the blood is going to give her the power you seek for her? Well what about us?! We’ve been here since you proclaimed that this would be the year of Darkness, and since she’s been here, you haven’t won a damn thing!”

Undermaster simply smiled. “Rick, my acolyte, you’ve trusted me this far, but now you doubt? Everything is going according to plan. I have the blood of the light.” He held up the vial containing Lazer’s blood. “I will now have the blood of the darkness.” He produced another vial, and used the ceremonial dagger on Dark Mauler’s hand. He didn’t even wince as a few drops of his blood flowed into the vial. “And when combined with the blood of mixed light and darkness—“ he produced the vial containing HFK’s blood— “the resulting concoction will produce strength unrivaled. Not just for Gothica— but for you as well.” Rick and Mauler seemed satisfied as the segment faded to black.

7. In the world title match, Ace of Spades fell to Dude Brohan as Brohan warned his first ABCW World Title. Ace was dominant until the music of the Hunk hit (as his suspension was finally over), and As Ace turned to “face the music”, Brohan rolled up Ace for the victory. Ace went ballistic and started to beat up Brohan, but Lazer made the save with a bandaged hand. Flex Detoid soon joined the fun, and Ace and Flex squared off against Dude and Lazer... when Flex picked up Ace and catapulted him over the top to the concrete floor. Flex walked over and shook Lazer’s hand, and they hugged it out and celebrated with Brohan to close the show.

[Ace of Spades]

Ace got screwed.

[MystMotone101]

Ace got screwed, and he got beat up by the babyfaces. Ace fans around the world are sad people.

[Thumper Moore III]

October 1991 Monday Night Live
San Antonio, TX

1. After the show opening, new champ Dude Brohan’s music hit with an unusually mixed reaction and he came to the ring. “Well you know somethin’ Spurs fans!” A lukewarm applause greeted both a catchphrase and a hometown sports team reference, so Dude knew he was in trouble. “Now, I know some of you are upset with the way last night panned out, and trust me, I’d rather have beaten Ace without any help. But the fact of the matter is that I got the job done and took advantage of the opportunity I earned.” One could imagine crickets chirping as he delivered the line.

Ace’s music then hit and the crowd went nuts, chanting “Ace got screwed” and “Ace is gonna kill you” at Brohan, who looked appalled that the fans had somewhat turned on him. “Brohan,” began Ace, “I believe you.” The fans quieted a bit. “The bottom dollar is that you may have wanted to beat me clean, but you can’t. You proved that last month. Heck, you couldn’t beat Undermaster clean without your buddy being involved. And how is ol’ Lazer anyway? Still got his hand bleeding like a stuck pig? I know Hunk wasn’t working with you, because he’s a rotten piece of trash but he’s not stupid like Lazer! You’re the worst friend in the business, and you’d stab a guy in the back for one day with the title— and that’s all you’re gonna get, cause I’m taking it back tonight.”

Ace started walking to the ring, and was blindsided by the Hunk, who hit a forearm to the back of Ace’s head and then a Hunka Dunk on the entrance ramp. Dude rushed out of the ring to check on Ace and yelled for a stretcher, which Ace refused as he walked out under his own power.

2. Vegas came out with Ezekiel for a match against Lifeguard Chip with Bombshell. Vegas ended up hitting the Heartbreaker for the win, but as that happened, Bombshell ran around the ring and blasted Ezekiel with her lifeguard buoy, and screamed, “Your sins will find you out— Jessie says this ain’t over!”

3. Chicano earned a hard fought victory over Jet Set Strutter. Average Guy on commentary noted that this match took place because the new-fangled computer rankings said they were the number 2 and 3 contenders for Lazer’s TV Title. The winner would be the next challenger against the winner of Lazer vs Flawless One later this show.

4. Nuclear Warhawk came out with Dirk Dungeon and Ryan Regret with a mic in hand. “I’ve decided that Dirk has sufficiently overcome his fears to be worthy enough to be my tag team partner full time. So, I’m not going to waste my time with flyweight pansies anymore— we’re going to be your next tag team champs! And after we win, that won’t be the only thing we’ll tag team! Hey-ooo!” Dirk grabbed the mic. “Nuke, I don’t know what you mean by that. Can you explain?” Just then the Gage Guyz music hit and Tatters accompanied Rager for his match against Nuke. The match went back and forth until VTC and Valkyrie beat up Dirk and Regret at ringside, distracting Nuke and allowing Rager to hit Killing in the Name for the win. VTC yelled at Nuke, “We will never be through with you, you pervert!”

5. Hairy defeated Big Rig in a hoss battle. It wasn’t good. Moving on...

6. In the TV title match, Lazer and Flawless One had a tremendous match. Notably, Brohan was absent from ringside, but Flex Deltoid accompanied Lazer. Flawless One landed the Flawless-Plex too close to the ropes, and Lazer managed to get a free hand to the ropes. Flawless screamed that Flex must have placed his hand there, and went ballistic. He grabbed a chair and Flex tried to wrestle the chair from Flawless. In the struggle the chair dropped, and Flawless planted Flex with a DDT onto the chair outside the ring. He then brought the chair in and smashed Lazer with it, causing the DQ. Flawless then took Lazer’s hand, still bandaged from Undermaster’s dagger, and smashed it with the chair. As Lazer screamed in pain, Brohan finally came to make the save.