Arizona’s BigSky Country Wrestling (ABCW Fed)

[Thumper Moore III]

Jan 1991 Monday Night Live

Mr. Fantasy, Mr. Codger, and Mr. Tycoon stood before the entire locker room, with quite a few empty seats. Mr. Fantasy stood at a podium. “Gentlemen, I first want to say thank you for putting on a great show each and every week. I may not see eye to eye with each of you, but I am proud of to call each of you my employees.”

Mr Codger stepped up to the podium. “As you can see, there are plenty of spots to fill around here. But, our situation has forced us to make cuts at even the management level. You’ll notice there’s no more VIP suite. No more fancy catering. And unfortunately, no more Triumvirate. We’ve had to let Mr. Tycoon go from our staff. However, as he has been instrumental in keeping the ship upright, I want to give him the opportunity to say a few words at the end of the show tonight.” Fantasy and Codger each raised one of Tycoon’s hands, and the locker room gave him a standing ovation.

1. Ezekiel with Vegas defeated an overmatched Teeny Norman. After the match, Ezekiel stated that although he believes that David can beat Goliath, if God is on the side of Goliath, David doesn’t stand a chance. He helped Teeny to his feet and Ezekiel and Vegas both assisted Teeny to the back.

2. Orion Northstar and Dark Mauler fought to a time limit draw. Mauler seemed like he was almost mailing in his effort.

3. Nuclear Warhawk strutted to the ring waving an American flag. He was scheduled to have a match against 2-Zap, but Freedom Fighter attacked Nuke from behind. As 2-Zap’s music hit, FF grabbed a mic and screamed at Nuke. “I win match for right to carry flag! You are worse than Soviet politburo! They never keep word either! I will break you!” He then hit the Haymaker of Justice, and rolled the lifeless Nuke into the ring. The ref inexplicably rang the bell, and 2-Zap simply pinned Nuke.

After 2-Zap left, Nuke got up and rolled out of the ring. He stumbled toward the back, but saw a small child waving a miniature flag. He grabbed the flag from the toddler, who immediately started crying, and sarcastically waved the miniature flag until he went behind the curtain.

4. New Tag Champ Lazer came to the ring with his partner Dude Brohan in his corner to face a man billed as a dangerous newcomer. The music hit with a power chord, and a voice screamed “It’s time! It’s... DOCTOR... TIME!!” Out came a man with the same build as Dr. B, but his Mohawk was painted rainbow colors, and he wore a strapping mask-like apparatus. He charged to the ring and attacked Lazer before the bell, and tossed Brohan aside and out of the ring. Lazer gave the ref permission to ring the bell, and the Big Bad Doctor continued his assault. Lazer was able to create some separation when he rolled out of a corner charge and the Doctor’s shoulder crashed into the ring post. Lazer took advantage and nailed a Lazer Splash followed by the Lazer Death Drop... for a two count. Lazer was visibly shaken by his opponent’s resiliency. He went for a second Death Drop, but the Doctor showed shocking agility for a man his size and countered into a roll up pin for a two count.

The Doctor charged ahead like a bull and once again Lazer dodges, and Doc tumbled to the outside and seemed to tweak his knee. This led to a Lazerlock, and Doc finally had to submit. Lazer attempted to raise the Doctor’s hand after the match in a show of respect for the great effort, but the Doctor refused and limped to the back.

5. Codger and Fantasy we’re together in a very sparsely decorated office. Fantasy looked at Codger and said, “That was your new acquisition? That was Dr. B wearing a jock strap on his head.” Codger replied, “It beats him being retired and sitting around doing nothing. I’m just glad I was able to talk him in to staying on after we forced him into premature retirement. Giving an older guy a new direction worked for me. Maybe it will work for him too.”

The #1 contender match began in a three way dance between HFK, Masakari, and Arizona Chance. After a hard fought match with several near falls, HFK pinned Masakari after a Skye High Kick. HFK made a mocking throat slash gesture after the match that was sure to rile up Undermaster.


6. Mr. Tycoon came out to say goodbye to the fans after 7 years being a part of ABCW. He spoke from the ring, and the crowd was silent. “I have been honored and blessed to have been a part of this company for so long. I’ve had titles, fame, fortune, and now, some creative control. But the time has come for me to go sit on a beach somewhere in the South Pacific, sail my yacht, and enjoy the life I’ve created for myself.

I don’t need the power anymore. But, I would like the income. That’s why I’ve made an investment in a wrestling company I believe in. A company that I know is in great hands. A company... that isn’t run by a slimy, crooked businessman and a washed up geezer who got swindled out of half his company. My very significant investment is made in Wrestle World, where I know I’ll get a return on my investment. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

Security was immediately dispatched to the ring, but Tycoon made his way out through the crowd. He paused to cackle at the top of the arena steps before exiting ABCW and taking his money with him.

[elchicano]

Dec 12, 2018 6:04:46 GMT -5 Another 8MWR Tag Champion said:

Dec 11, 2018 23:06:49 GMT -5 Thumper Moore III said:

Wrestling Viewer, Jan 5, 1991

PHOENIX— We have just received word here at the Viewer that several of the top stars in ABCW have defected to Wrestle World. Rumors include much of the Cruiserweight division, including former champion Dragonfly, and several members of the ABCW roster who claim they were underutilized, including 11 year company vets Average Guy and Kannibal Keith.

It seems the biggest reason for this mass exodus is financial— due to massive investments in the themed restaurant ABCW Phoenix, the management team of Codger and Fantasy has been forced to be more judicious in terms of salary. Fantasy’s hope is that the profits from the restaurant will allow them to eventually sign back competitors in their prime or to secure new talent from the independent circuit.

The other big reason is an influx of cash from a rumored new owner of Wrestle World. This perfect storm has led to the biggest shakeup in modern wrestling times. Whether ABCW will be able to recover or has been dealt a fatal blow remains to be seen. This is Dan Mixer reporting.

Oof

Spectacular. One of the cool bits that made those Adam Ryland EWR games so cool back in the day were the articles telling you what your competition was up to. 80MW doesn’t have that (yet) so this is the next best thing.

I’m surprised by the exodus . Especially surprised that Dragonfly might leave. Even more so that he didn’t leave for RNR. WrestleWorld fans must be burned out on the never ending Jet Set Strutter /Flawless One feud

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Viewer Jan 12, 1991

LOS ANGELES— We have an exclusive report from insiders at Wrestle World that Miles Faraday, the CEO of Wrestle World, has resigned amid allegations of fraud, and that all of the massive paychecks that were issued to the new talent poached from ABCW and other feds have bounced. Apparently, the huge investment was made in Iraqi Dinar, and with last week’s invasion of Iraq by allied forces, the Dinar was rendered worthless. Upon this turn of events, Mr. Tycoon withdrew his substantial investment.

Average Guy and Dragonfly (who were both promised huge roles Inn wrestle World) have already contacted the management team of ABCW about re-signing in Phoenix, and have agreed to take a reduced salary, as that company waits for the ABCW Phoenix theme restaurant to become profitable.

This of course leads to a very rough market for the top wrestlers in the world, as there seems to be a very limited cash flow for the top national feds. This does potentially lead to another startup fed becoming a real possibility. We are hearing rumors of Rock ‘n’ Wrestling changing their business model and becoming a more national company than the regional, Philadelphia based organization that has been around as one of the top regional feds in the industry. This is Dan Mixer reporting.

[Thumper Moore III]

Jan 1991 Sports Entertainment

Mr. Codger and Mr. Fantasy stood in front of a more filled locker room. “Welcome back to all of you who have returned from your brief stint in Wrestle World,” began Mr. Codger. “Frankly, I can’t blame any of you for leaving in the first place. We couldn’t offer the kind of money they were offering, and you would have been foolish to not jump at the opportunity.”

“However,” interrupted Mr. Fantasy, “you’ve lost your place in the pecking order. You’ll have to start at the bottom and work your way back up to the top. You’ll have to reach for that brass ring all over again. And mark my words— tonight, there will be hell to pay, but then all is forgiven.”

Average Guy stood up, and walked up to the two co-owners. He simply shook each of their hands and said, “Time for this common man to gets back to work.” The other returning wrestlers in kind walked to the front and also shook hands with the owners.

1. Ezekiel with Vegas defeated the returning Skelescreem with Divine Intervention. He looked at the camera after the match and stated, “Jeremiah 22:27– But to the land to which they long to return, there they shall not be welcome. Loyalty and honor are as important to God as vengeance. So, my mission will be to eliminate those who were disloyal. Vegas has been here since the beginning— loyal. Honorable. Together we wil exact righteous judgment on all the traitors.”

2. Average Guy, Dragonfly, Kannibal Keith, and O’Hooligan were led out to the entrance ramp by security. Mr. Fantasy walked out after them, wearing a coal miner’s glove. There were four medieval stocks set up. Fantasy said “Get in the stocks so I can repay you all for your disloyalty. Then all is forgiven.” The four men looked at each other uneasily, then all voluntarily placed their arms and head into the stocks. Security came and locked them down.

“Now, so there’s no bracing for impact, you will all be blindfolded.” Each of the men was blindfolded. “Now, prepare for me to exact my revenge.” Quietly, Codger emerged from behind the curtain with four banana cream pies. Each owner took two pies and smashed them into the faces of the four wrestlers. Fantasy and Codger then started laughing, ordered them released, and shook hands with each wrestler with smiles on their faces.

3. A short vignette aired showing Star Boy and Rad Racer walking in a forest, toward a glowing object. They reached a glowing stone, and touched it simultaneously. The stone shined so brightly that it filled the whole screen. The new team of Power Boy and Power Racer defeated the Mullet Cousins when Power Boy landed his new finisher, Star Power.

4. Honest Al was backstage with Big Bad Doctor. “So, Big Bad Doctor, your match last week with Lazer generated a tremendous amount of buzz. It seems you’re better than ever after your short retirement.” Big Bad Doctor looked confused. “Al, I think you’re mistaken. Last week was my debut. Big Bad Doctor has never been in an ABCW ring before.”

“Well, Doc, you’ve had a tremendous run as Dr. B.” Doc again looked confused. “Al, who is Dr. B? I’m the Big Bad Doctor. And it’s time! IT’S. DOCTOR. TIME!!!”

5. Dark Mauler defeated Magnifico with the Dark Menace.

6. Undermaster w/ Exotic Rick defeated Orion Northstar in a World Title defense. Undermaster againspoke after the match about 1991 being the “Year of Darkness.”

[Thumper Moore III]

Jan 1991 Weekend Attitude

1. Teeny Norman opened the show with a mic in his hand from the ramp. “I uh, I just wanted to come see all you wonderful friends today, uh, to talk before my match about a guy who’s... who’s not very nice. He came on my show and said mean things about people different than him, and about girls too. His name is Nucyular... Nuceelur... Nuclear Warhawk! Heh-heh! That’s a tough word, right kids? He shouldn’t be waving any flags, because he’s a meanie!” Teeny made his way to the ring and his opponent, Cesar Sleeze arrived. Immediately after ringing the bell, Nuclear Warhawk showed up waving an American flag. The distraction allowed Sleeze to get a quick rollup and a ten second victory. Nuke pointed and laughed at Teeny, but was blindsided by a charging Freedom Fighter. Teeny rolled out of the ring and made his way back up the ramp... pausing only to deliver a kick to the downed Nuke on the way out.

2. Ace of Spades made his way out for a promo. “Y’all may have forgotten this— management sure did with their stupid inability to keep anybody around until the competition folded— but we’ve got a battle royal coming up where the winner gets a title shot. And that winner is gonna be the mud-puddle stompin’, beer drinkin’, butt whoopin’, and dadgum handsome Ace of Spades. Line em up and I’ll knock ‘em all down. And when I win, the only thing dark about Undermaster’s Year of Darkness will be the black ace— the Ace of Spades. And that’s the bottom dollar, cause Ace said so!”

3. The Power Heroes (Power Boy and Power Racer) defeated Def Row. Def Row has reeled off several victories in a row, and things were going well until 2-Zap landed badly and injured his ankle. Valkyrie carried 2-Zap to the back like a mother carrying a small child, leaving Notorious BB on his own, and he was no match for the Power Heroes.

4. Dude Brohan and Lazer talked up their tag title rematch with Command and Conquer, stating that the little Dudesters and little Lazers would be saying their prayers to make any of Gargoyle’s magic spells completely ineffective.

5. The Van Winkles announced that they were returning, and they intended to regain the tag titles, whether they had to go through Lazer and Brohan, Command and Conquer, Def Row, the Power Heroes, or the Smooth Criminals to do it. The Van Winkles were then attacked from behind by the aforementioned Criminals, and after a Divine Intervention to Devin and a Heartbreaker to Terry, Ezekiel claimed that the Van Winkles left when the going got tough, and were disloyal to ABCW, and therefore he would exact his vengeance on them.

6. Mr. Fantasy states that Big Bad Doctor has earned a TV Title shot after his near victory over Lazer. BBD demolished Dicky Thunderbird to win his third TV Title, finishing Dicky with the Bad News Bomb. After the match, BBD shouted about how proud he was to win his first ever title in ABCW, and that the sky was the limit for someone with his youth and talent, that had yet to reach its potential.

[Thumper Moore III]

Jan 1991 Battle Royale

Mr. Fantasy spoke to the audience at the Silver Stadium via satellite... from the now completed ABCW Phoenix. “To the fans in attendance, Welcome to Battle Royale! And to this watching live on Pay For View... Welcome to the brand new ABCW Phoenix! If you’re local, we’re showing the P4V for free here, with a $10 cover and two drink minimum! Come enjoy the Average Elbow Macaroni, the Nuclear Warhawk Wings, the Dude and Lazer Power Plate, and the Nachos Magnifico, which are bigger than he is! Come meet new ABCW TV Champ Big Bad Doctor tonight only! For now, back to the action in the Silver Stadium!”

1. Command and Conquer headed to ringside by themselves for their rematch for the Tag Titles. They seemed shocked when Dude Brohan and Lazer appeared at the entrance ramp. While they were marching out to the ring, the Jumbotron cut to backstage, where the Gargoyle was seen on a couch making out with Princess Starbright. They stopped kissing for a moment, and Starbright slapped Gargoyle across the face. She stood up and stared at the camera, shouting “Remember Dude and Lazer, you guys owe me one!” She ran out of the room screaming. The match was over as quickly as Gargoyle and Starbright’s relationship, as Dude hit the Big Bro Leg Drop just as Lazer landed the Lazer Death Drop and they pinned Commander and Iron Mask in less than a minute.

2. Femme Fatale defeated Trixie in another excellent match in their series. Femme grabbed a mic for the first time in ABCW, and said, “Fantasy. Codger. You don’t give chances to the women. Trixie and I kicked each other’s butts for 15 minutes, and gave the fans a great show. You’ve given us four Ladies Title matches in the last 16 months. That is unacceptable. You’ve got tremendous ladies like me, like Trixie, Valkyrie, Valley Girl, Starbright, and Gothica. We want a chance!”

3. The Power Heroes were alotted some mic time with Honest Al. Power Boy started by saying “We’re here because we are the beneficiaries of immense, cosmic power that goes beyond the understanding of mere mortal men! We have come not just to participate, but to dominate!” Power Racer jumped in. “Yeah!” Honest Al held the mic in front of Power Racer, until it became clear that he had said all he was going to say. Al awkwardly shifted back to himself with a “There you have it! Back to ringside!” As the camera faded out, a muffled Honest Al could be heard saying, “Of all the stupid bulls—“

4. The High Flyin Kid gave Undermaster all he could handle in an early match of the year candidate, but fell to a Grave Digger as Undermaster retained his world title.

After the match, we cut back to ABCW Phoenix where Mr. Fantasy interviewed a couple of fans before the cameras cut to Big Bad Doctor devouring a plate of burritos and enchiladas. “This El Presidente Platter makes me feel like the champion I am!” He resumed eating as if there were a time limit on his meal.

5. The participants in the Battle Royale were:
Ace of Spades, The Hunk, O’Hooligan, Average Guy, Big Rig, Chicano, Dicky Thunderbird, Dragonfly, Exotic Rick, Nuclear Warhawk, Freedom Fighter, Masakari, Reptile Ranger, Suicide, Orion Northstar, El Presidente, Dark Mauler, Roboelectro 3000, Magnifico, and Beer Can Man.

Ace and Hunk went straight after each other to start the match and eliminated each other, then brawled to the back.

O’Hooligan, Average Guy, and Dragonfly formed an unlikely trio, linked only by their simultaneous return after the Wrestle World situation. They worked together to eliminate Reptile Ranger, Suicide, and Beer Can Man. However, the Smooth Criminals ran in and eliminated O’Hooligan and Average Guy at the same time, before double teaming Dragonfly over the top. They then left, screaming about loyalty meaning something.

Dark Mauler landed a Dark Menace on Orion Northstar and sent him over. As he glared at Northstar, El Presidente knocked Mauler through the middle rope to the floor. Freedom Fighter finally got his hands on Nuclear Warhawk, who had been avoiding him, and he was also knocked through the middle ropes to the floor.

Big Rig and Chicano went on a rampage, eliminating Masakari, Roboelectro, El Presidente, Magnifico, Exotic Rick, and Dicky Thunderbird, before squaring off in a 2v1 with the only competitor remaining in the ring, Freedom Fighter. FF sustained a beating from Big Rig and Chicano, but ducked under a double clothesline attempt and backdropped both big men to the floor. He began to celebrate when Nuclear Warhawk rolled back into the ring and clobbered FF from behind, sending him over the top. Nuke asked for a mic.

“After I win myself a world title, there will be NO STOPPING me carrying my flag with pride, and being treated like the American hero I am! I know there’s a bunch of ladies here inside the Silver Stadium that want to make the Nuke explode—don’t worry, there’s plenty of me to go around. Hey-oooo!” As he continued on, Dark Mauler reentered the ring behind Nuke. Sensing a presence behind him, Nuke turned to catch a Dark Menace, and flew over the top.

Mauler picked up Nuke’s mic. He then dropped it and made a gesture to the back. Undermaster came to the ring to face his next opponent... but instead of having a stare down, they embraced.The two raised each other’s hands as Exotic Rick made his way to ringside, wearing a new black sequined robe. The announcer signed off the show saying, “It appears the Year of Darkness has begun in earnest.”

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1991 Monday Night Live

1. The tag champs, Dude and Lazer, appeared to be prepping for in ring action when Exotic Rick and Dark Mauler barged into the locker room. “Well, if it isn’t the tag champs. The no-competition, all brawn, no brains tag champs. I wanted to pass on a message from Mauler here. He’s cashing in his title match... on YOU! Expect to see us in a couple weeks.” The two left the room smugly, as if they had intimidated the champs.

Lazer turned to Dude. “Well, they’re a threat. But I was thinking... Dude, I think we should go after singles titles.” Dude was shocked. “What, you don’t want to partner with Dudeamania anymore?” Lazer clarified. “No, that’s not it. It’s just that neither of us is getting younger, and I’ve been in the world championship scene since I arrived ten years ago. I thought that would be all I wanted, but I’d like to complete the career triple crown and go after the TV Title. And you... you came here to win world titles. I think you should go after Undermaster. There’s no rule saying we can’t both be double champs.”

“So, you’re saying you’ll bow out of the world title picture and let Dude take his shot? Lazer, this is why I knew when I arrived that you’d be the best partner. Whatcha gonna do, Undermaster, when Dudeamania runs over you?!?”

2. In a match that took place inside ABCW Phoenix, the debuting Eddy Grunge defeated the debuting MC Frosty with the Evenflow. Dan Mixer wrote that the smaller crowd offered a unique feel, as it felt like an Indy match, and he felt that ABCW could be successful in this tactic if it was used sparingly.

3. Ace of Spades defeated Average Guy in a very good match. Average Guy set up for the Average Elbow, but Ace countered into a new arm submission. Guy tapped, and Ace helped him up, only to hit an Ace Crusher for good measure.

4. Beastheart, prior to their match, quickly aired grievances about Nuclear Warhawk, saying that he was a disgrace to all patriots. However, Nuke came out on top in their matchup, with Beastheart hitting the Longshank Lariat, but Nuke getting his foot on the ropes on the ensuing cover. Nuke then poked Beastheart in the eye, and rolled him up for a pinfall.

5. HFK defeated Chicano in a highly entertaining ladder match.

Mr. Fantasy visited Dude and Lazer’s locker room. “Lazer, did I hear earlier that you wanted to fight for the TV Title? Well, you already hold a singles victory over Dr. B... I mean, Big Bad Doctor. You’ve already earned the shot. Your match with him, for the title, starts now.”

6. Big Bad Doctor headed to the ring, and he had a napkin tucked into his wrestling gear from ABCW Phoenix. He was clutching his stomach, which looked a bit larger than normal. Lazer hustled down to the ring with Brohan behind him. BBD lumbered around the ring laboriously, while Lazer danced circles around him. At one point, BBD begged off so he could sit in the corner of the ring and catch his breath. Lazer kicked BBD in the stomach, and BBD rolled out of the ring in obvious distress, grabbed a trash can from underneath the announce table, and proceeded to puke an amazing amount of food, that no one person should ever consider consuming.

Shockingly, BBD looked like his old self after that, and the second half of the match was as good as anything seen in ABCW this year. BBD went for a top rope splash, and missed, and he started clutching his stomach again. Lazer quickly hit the Lazer Death Drop for the pinfall, becoming a first time TV Title holder. He and Dude celebrated to end the show with their combined three belts.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1991 Sports Entertainment

1. Ezekiel was backstage with Vegas and Ace of Spades. “Ace, I know you’re with me in understanding that loyalty is paramount in the eyes of God. And I know that’s why you signed up to be our partner in the elimination tag match tonight against Average Guy, Dragonfly, and O’Hooligan.” Ace replied, “Awww heck naw!! You might come at me quoting your psalms, or your John 3:16... but Ace 3:16 says—“ Vegas cleared his throat loudly. “Before you mock my partner, let’s just hear why you’re joining us.” Ace laughed. “I just hate all of them and wanted another chance to stomp a mud puddle in all of them.”

In the match, Ace managed to take out Average Guy for the second consecutive week via submission (the announcers indicated that his new submission move was called the Rattler Clutch) before Dragonfly took out both Smooth Criminals. Ace came back into the match, and had both Dragonfly and O’Hooligan reeling before The Hunk ran in and delivered a Hunka Dunk to Ace. This allowed Deagonfly to hit the Dragonstar Splash, and O’Hooligan finished things off with the Barroom Brawl.

2. Nuclear Warhawk faced off against Teeny Norman in a match Norman requested. Nuke dominated the action from start to finish. Nuke was so supremely confident, he grabbed a mic and cut a mid-match promo, where he insinuated that Teeny’s name was Not because of his stature, but, as Nuke put it, because of his “stature south of the equator.” Teeny attempted to roll up Nuke, but only got a one count. But since Nuke was so focused on beating up Norman, he lost track of time and the match ended up being a time limit draw. After the match, Nuke threw a temper tantrum as a smiling, beat up, and satisfied Norman limped to the back.

3. In a segment that Dan Mixer later called “the worst segment of the year so far,” Howl and Roar with Mynx tried to proclaim themselves as the number one contenders for the tag titles. Mixer wrote, “The uncomfortableness of seeing two cat-people making out while their wolf-friend looked on made this the most unique interview of the year so far, and not in a good way.”

4. Dirk Dungeon defeated Dizzy Lixx in a Cruiserweight match. Mr. Fantasy came out and said that Dungeon would face Arizona Chance to become number one contender for the Cruiserweight Title.

5. Undermaster came out with Exotic Rick and Dark Mauler, but he was the only one who spoke. “I declared at Beyond War Dome that 1991 would be the Year of Darkness. So far, we have been successful in consolidating all the power. My trusted ambassadors of darkness will be victorious in the next match to further consolidate the true power in ABCW— the gold. My ambassadors will take the Tag Titles from Dude and Lazer’s cold, dead hands. And Dude, if you survive tonight, I accept your challenge for the World Title.”

6. Dude and Lazer retained their tag titles despite interference from Undermaster. Lazer had Rick in the Lazerlock, Dude took out Mauler, then delivered a big boot to Undermaster as he was about to break up the submission behind the ref’s back. Dude and Lazer celebrated a championship victory to close out a second show, and appeared to have all the momentum in the world.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1991 Weekend Attitude

The show opened with Mr. Codger behind his desk... in a slightly more comfortable office. “Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the initial success of ABCW Phoenix, the purse strings have relaxed just a bit. And because of you, the fans, and your support, I am happy to make the following announcement.

Three weeks ago at the Battle Royale P4V, a wrestler made some statements that were, shall we say, an indictment of the way we have treated an important division— our ladies. And Femme Fatale, you were right. We have not given the same opportunities to ladies as we have to men. I want you to understand— this is not because of bias, but because of business. Traditionally, fans have paid more and gone to farther lengths to support their favorite male wrestlers, translating into more dollars for promoters like myself. What we’re going to do is to give the ladies of ABCW a chance to prove these old-fashioned preconceptions wrong.

Moving forward, two things will occur. Firstly, you have my word and the word of Mr. Fantasy that each program will contain at least one segment for the ladies to have a chance to prove their mettle. Should ratings and the bottom line show that the division is pulling its weight, more prominence will be given to the ladies.

Secondly, against my better judgement, ladies will be allowed to compete with men in intergender matches. But, if too many ladies start getting injured or match quality suffers, we will revert back to tradition. To kick off this new Era of Equality, live at ABCW Phoenix we have a ten woman battle royal to determine the number one contender for Starbright’s title starting right now!

1. All ten participants were in the ring in the middle of the restaurant— Bombshell, Chaka Crass, Femme Fatale, Trixie, Gothica, Mynx, Valley Girl, Valkyrie, and two newly signed competitors, announced as Miss Misery and Penny Dreadful. The newcomers each made an elimination (Bombshell and Valley Girl) before both were taken out by Crass. Trixie eliminated Femme Fatale via a very clever series where Trixie attempted a huracanrana, Femme blocked and attempted to power bomb Trixie to the outside, and Trixie reversed it to complete her huracanrana while holding the top rope. She attempted to skin the cat to re-enter, but was nailed by Valkyrie. Valkyrie then eliminated everyone except Gothica, looking incredibly dominant, but Val charged at Gothica, who ducked, and out of nowhere a restaurant patron got up from his table and pulled down the top rope, sending Valkyrie backwards to the floor and leaving Gothica alone in the ring victorious. Security quickly arrived and the camera panned to the diner— who was Kannibal Keith in disguise. Gothica blew him a kiss as he was escorted from the premises.

2. Teeny Norman, still hurting from the beating he received at Nuclear Warhawk’s hands last week, faced off against MC Frosty. Frosty was outmatches by Norman, but Nuke’s Music hit, which distracted Norman. Frosty hit the Vanilla Icebreaker for the three count. Nuke then walked out waving a flag, set the flag down and applauded Tenny mockingly.

3. Dude Brohan was working out when a huge set of hands pressed the weight down on his chest firmly, causing Brohan to turn red, then purple. The camera panned up, and up, and up to focus on the largest man anyone in ABCW had seen since Pierre had left two years prior. He was joined by a well built guy chomping a cigar. “Hello, Brohan. I’m Massacre, and this big guy is Brute. We just arrived, and we want the belts you and Lazer possess. So, you can give them to us now, or you can hand them over next week at the P4V. Either way, you can’t beat the Gladiators.” Brute lifted the weights— over 300lbs— with one hand and racked it. Brohan tried to catch his breath as Lazer ran in to assist his teammate.

4. HFK came to the ring and introduced his new tag partner... Big Rig. The two wrestled Howl and Roar, and the newly formed Cool Kids got the pinfall when Big Rig harassed Mynx at ringside, distracting Leo, and Wolf ate a Skye High Kick for the pinfall.

5. In O’Hooligan’s Pub, O’Hooligan, Dragonfly, and Average Guy talked strategy about watching each other’s backs with Ezekiel prowling around.

6. Lazer successfully defended his TV Title in a rematch against Big Bad Doctor. A chair was involved in this no DQ match. When struck in the head with the chair, BBD took on the mannerisms and moveset of Dr. B. A second chair shot saw him revert back to the Doctor. Lazer was confused, but finished Big Bad Doctor B with the Lazer Death Drop.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1991 Valentine’s Day Massacre

Mr. Fantasy again opened the monthly P4V from inside ABCW Phoenix. “Welcome to Valentine’s Day Massacre! We’re live at the best restaurant in the world, where for this P4V, the first 100 guests receive an autographed photo and a meet and greet with The Smooth Criminals, Ezekiel and Vegas! In their honor, we’ve got a new menu item, that Ezekiel is going to describe for you. Ezekiel?”

“Thanks Mr. Fantasy. This here is the Divine Indigestion— a burger with a fried egg, just like Vegas likes, served with Belgian style frites and a side of mayonnaise, just like they do it over there. This is one burger you don’t have to worry about being disloyal by running off and joining some other restaurant— it’s only available here at ABCW Phoenix.” He started to take a bite, and looked at Mr. Fantasy. “You didn’t poison anything this year, did you?” He winked at Fantasy slyly as he took a huge bite.

1. The action opened at the Colusseum with a grudge match between Ace of Spades and The Hunk, with the stipulation implemented by Mr. Codger being that the loser would be out of ABCW for a month so that they can both focus on other things. Knowing this would be the last chance to tear each other apart for a while elevated this match, and The Hunk eventually came out on top with a Hunka Dunk onto a chair. As Ace walked down the ramp, there seemed to be a hint of regret in Hunk’s eye as his greatest rival would be away for a while.

2. Mr. Fantasy booked a match in ABCW Phoenix. He explained that due to the controversial ending of last week’s Ladies battle royal, there would be a number one contender’s match between Gothica and Valkyrie. This time, Kannibal Keith was banned from ABCW Phoenix. Valkyrie again dominated the action, and Gothica was thrown into the ref. As the ref was down, Gothica grabbed a chair and swung it hard into Val’s back... which only made Val angry. Gothica started pleading for mercy, then tossed the chair to Valkyrie and fell on her back just as the ref came to. He saw Val holding the chair over the “knocked out” Gothica and handed Gothica a DQ victory. Valkyrie was enraged, and tried to attack Gothica, but the ref stepped in, and he got punched by Valkyrie for his trouble. Before things could escalate, Notorious BB jumped in from the crowd and pulled Val away from the ref, probably saving her a suspension.

3. The Gladiators gave a great match to Dude and Lazer, but ultimately the champs retained their titles when Dude bodyslammed Brute to a huge pop and followed with the Big Bro Leg Drop. Massacre jumped in with a pair of brass knuckles and nailed Lazer after the match, and then he started pounding on Dude’s knee. Exotic Rick and Dark Mauler then ran to the ring and targeted the knee, culminating in Brute Lansing a body splash on the knee as it was draped across the bottom rope. Dude rolled around in pain, and the Gladiators, Rick and Mauler raised their hands together, as the Gladiators seemingly joined Darkness.

4. Dragonfly had a tremendous Falls Count Anywhere match with the victorious Suicide in a match that ended up in the ring, the ringside area, the crowd, and a production truck. Suicide eventually hit a Suicide Divw from the top of the production truck onto the bed of a pickup truck for the pinfall.

5. Dirk Dungeon came down for his number one contenders match with Arizona Chance. As the match started, a fan threw a banana peel into the ring, which Dirk slipped on, falling onto the back of his head and knocking himself out. Arizona and the ref both asked for medical attention, and Arizona knelt over Dirk. A second ref was sent to the ring, and unbeknownst to Arizona, the second ref counted Dirk down for three while Arizona was kneeling over him and checking on him. Arizona was infuriated but the result was deemed final. Arizona stormed around backstage afterwards trying to find out who sent the second ref.

6. Average Guy was backstage with Honest Al. “Al, I gots to tell ya— coming back has been some difficult times. Difficult times. But I’m blessed. See, difficult times is when the soldier has to go off to the desert to fight for freedom for people he don’t know. That’s difficult times. It’s when your boss says we don’t need you no more, you got old, you been replaced by a kid in a suit. That’s difficult times. Average Guy is gonna be ok. Dragonfly and O’Hooligan, we’re all gonna be ok. But I tell you something Al— we gotta watch ourselves, or else there gonna be real difficult times for us.”

7. In a mixed tag match, Mighty Leo and Mynx defeated El Presidente and Chaka Crass. Leo and Mynx started to awkwardly make out again after the match, but they were interrupted by Michael T Wolf, who suggested they take it to their hotel room, and the audience erupted in cheers when they took him up on the offer.

8. We cut back to ABCW Phoenix, where Ezekiel and Vegas we’re answering fan questions and verbally eviscerating them with ease.

9. Mr Codger announced that due to the attack on Brohan, he would be unable to compete for the World Title. Undermaster came to the ring with Rick, Mauler, Brute and Massacre, and announced that he will hold the title forever. Mr. Codger announced that he would still defend tonight... and HFK’s music hit. The entirety of Darkness remained at ringside for the match, and they taunted and/or interferes with a game HFK, but the numbers game was too much.

Undermaster gave the sign for the Grave Digger, and out from the back Lazer sprinted to ringside with a kendo stock. He blasted all four men at ringside with repeated shots with the stick, creating the distraction HFK needed to hit a Skye High Kick out of nowhere and gain the pinfall. HFK grabbed the belt, ran to the stage, and started visibly weeping as he knelt and clutched his first ever world title. Meanwhile, the Darkness stood in the ring pitching a fit while Lazer escaped through the crowd as the show faded out.

[Thumper Moore III]

March 1991 Monday Night Live

1. The members of Darkness— Undermaster, Exotic Rick, Dark Mauler, Brute and Massacre— stood in a V formation with Undermaster at the apex in what appeared to be Mort’s Mausoleum, although Mort was nowhere to be found.(As he hadn’t been seen in almost a year, this was unsurprising.) Undermaster spoke on behalf of his comrades.

“So, it appears that the forces of the light have aligned themselves against the Darkness. The wonderful thing about Darkness is that it thrives in the absence of light. Brohan has already been eliminated. Lazer and HFK are next. All who think they will light a candle to brighten the Darkness will be snuffed out. You may win a battle along the way, but your defeat is inevitable. All who oppose us will... ROT. IN. HADES.”

2. Ezekiel (w/ Vegas) continued his reign of terror against the “defectors” with a brutal victory over Skelescreem. He hung Skelescreem in Jacob’s Ladder long enough that there was an audible pop from Skelescreem’s hip, causing him to yelp in pain and immediately submit. Ezekiel then quoted several Scriptures about loyalty and consequences.

3. The Hunk defeated Chicano via the Hunka Dunk. Moving on...

4. Nuclear Warhawk was introduced and grabbed a mic. “I hear that Teeny Weenie isn’t here tonight. And that’s good for him, because I’ve found someone who’s even smaller in stature— and height— than he is. Come on out Magnifico, and get your beating. Ladies, I’ll be done soon, and I’m in room 305 at the Hilton for some post match fireworks. Hey-ooo!” Nuke actually had a very good match and looked somewhat dominant, landing Nuke Em for the pinfall and allowing little offense from Magnifico.

A segment rolled on the Jumbotron, captioned “earlier today”. Valkyrie, with Notorious BB, came to Mr. Fantasy and Mr. Codger. “Gentlemen, if you were serious about taking the women seriously, then I want to do something unprecedented. I want to start wrestling for men’s titles.” Notorious BB vouched for her. “She’s tougher than me.”

“That’s not saying a lot,” opined Fantasy. “But, on a trial basis, let’s give it a shot. What do you think, Codger?” Codger shook his head in disbelief. “I never thought I’d see the day, but I never thought I’d see a woman who was this tough. On a trial basis, I approve.”

5. Making ABCW history, Valkyrie became the first woman to compete in a men’s division match when she squared off against Average Guy. AG and Val shook hands, and AG seemed to be showboating, taking it easy on her, until Val absolutely leveled him with a forearm. AG was shocked, and began taking the match seriously. Average Guy escaped with a win after a solid back and forth match. After the match, Average Guy jumped on the mic. “That lady there just gived me everything I could handle. She is an A+ athlete, and she goin’ places, mister!” The crowd gave Val a standing ovation in her loss, and she politely waved to the crowd.

6. Lazer managed a hard fought win over Suicide in a TV Title defense. After the match, the Darkness came to ringside. Undermaster raised his arms and the lights went out. A couple seconds later, the lights came back on, and the Darkness was gone, and so was Lazer, leaving only Suicide in the ring.

[hungarianhammer]

I like you Darkness vs Light angle. Has a ministry of darkness vibe.

[Thumper Moore III]

March 1991 Sport Entertainment

Mr. Codger was in his office. The door opened and Undermaster entered with Exotic Rick and Dark Mauler. “Here I am,” stated Undermaster. “What is so important that you summoned me?”

“Where is Lazer, you monster?!? We haven’t been able to contact him since he disappeared at the end of last week’s show with all of you guys. And where are your other two stooges?”

“Where Lazer is, is not your concern, old man. But your bylaws should be. And a TV champion must defend his belt every thirty days or be stripped of his title.”

Codger was infuriated. “So that’s your game? You’re going to kidnap a champion in order to make him forfeit his title? Well, I have news for you. Lazer is scheduled to defend his TV Title next week. He’ll defend against Dark Mauler. But, if Lazer can’t appear, or has been otherwise harmed to where he’s less than 100%, he’ll be stripped of his title... and you three, and the Gladiators, will be fired. Finally, Undermaster, since your crew injured Brohan so he couldn’t have his title match with you, YOUR title rematch is on the line against Brohan tonight, and if any of your minions interfere, they’re fired. Do I make myself clear?!?”

1. Valkyrie continued her foray into the men’s division with her first victory in a match against Zeke Mullet. Valkyrie easily handled her much larger opponent, finishing what amounted to a squash match with the Double Underhook Facebuster. After the match, Cletus Mullet attempted to get in her face, and he was gorilla pressed to the outside for his trouble. After the match, Honest Al asked her about the historical significance of the match. Valkyrie shrugged and walked away without saying a word.

2. A video was show of highlights of the latest full length version of Teeny’s playhouse. Gothica, Valley Girl, and Princess Starbright were the guests of an all girl audience. They spoke eloquently about not being afraid to do what you love even if it someone says that “it’s a boy’s job.” The girls were all enthralled with Starbright and the title.

3. A tag match ensued between the Dobermans and Def Row, with the winner facing the Gladiators next week for a shot at Dude and Lazer at March Madness. Valkyrie was absent from ringside, and it looked like Def Row was missing her. Def Row finally gained control after being thrown around by Denny and Duke, and the video screen showed Valkyrie being attacked backstage by the Mullet Cousins. BB and 2-Zap looked at each other, nodded, and abandoned the match to run backstage to help Valkyrie, leaving the Dobermans to win by countout.

4. Mr. Fantasy was live at ABCW Phoenix, as Ronnie Believer and Beer Can Man continued their storied rivalry, with Believer getting the victory via Violent Tendencies in easily their worst match of the series. In the background, Big Bad Doctor could be seen chowing down on a monstrous plate of nachos. After the match, BBD invited Believer to come join him for a meal.

5. Freedom Fighter came to the ring to address the situation in the Middle East and thank the soldiers for their swift victory. He led the crowd in a USA chant. Off stage, Nuclear Warhawk’s voice was heard chanting USA into a microphone, and he walked to the entrance ramp. Nuke jumped in and agreed with FF. “Our soldiers are the best in the world, and I want to thank them too, for making sure those towel-heads didn’t tear down the military reputation soldiers like me built! And Svetlana, why don’t you ditch the commie and be with a real man tonight. Hey-ooo!”

FF managed to keep his cool. “You bring wife into this! Coward! You are everything bad with America! Our soldiers now are everything good with America! Come to ring and we settle like men!”

From behind Nuke, Teeny Norman appeared with a steel chair and walloped Nuke across the back. Nuke crumpled like a sack of potatoes, and FF ran down before Teeny could do more damage. “Enough! This end in two week time! Mr. Codger, put me in March Madness— first round against pile of borscht here! I end this then— in ring!”

6. Undermaster came to the ring alone, as did Brohan for their match. The two went back and forth and hit their signature offense. Brohan “duded up” after Undermaster hit a Grave Digger and Brohan kicked out of the pin. Brohan hit the big boot that set up his leg drop, and Undermaster rolled outside. A pale hand came out from underneath the ring, and handed Undermaster a pair of brass knuckles. Brohan went to the ropes to grab Undermaster, got nailed by the foreign object, and was knocked out for a three count, setting up Undermaster getting a rematch with HFK for the world title at March Madness.

[Thumper Moore III]

March 1991 Weekend Attitude

The broadcast opens with someone yelling “Get a camera back there!” A steady-cam is running through the backstage area where shouting and screaming is going on. Mynx and Valkyrie are arguing heatedly. Mynx is upset at Valkyrie for wrestling men instead of bolstering the women’s division, and states that she sets back the women’s division every time she steps in the ring with a man. Val argues back that Mynx sets back the women’s division every time she makes out with her “catfriend” Leo, as she makes herself look like nothing but a “sex kitten”. Mynx slapped Valkyrie, and immediately Leo, 2-Zap, and Notorious BB jumped in and separated the women. Mr. Codger arrived and announced an immediate mixed tag match.

1. Mighty Leo and Mynx came to the ring with Leo trying to calm Mynx down. Valkyrie was with 2-Zap and BB, and she said she wanted 2-Zap for this match, so BB joined the commentary team. Valkyrie dominated Mynx, and when the men tagged in, Leo dominated 2-Zap. Leo whipped 2-Zap into the ropes, Valkyrie made the blind tag, and though Leo landed the Thunderstrike on 2-Zap, Val jumped in and quickly hit her Double Underhook Facebuster on Leo and pinned him for the win. BB jumped up into the ring, checked on 2-Zap and screamed, “I told you she’d be our insurance policy!” Val stares down Mynx as she stood over her fallen partner.

2. Vegas with Ezekiel destroyed Cletus Mullet with Zeke. Ezekiel jumped on a mic after the match, and said that he didn’t have an issue with the Mullets— although they weren’t often seen on TV, they have been loyal to ABCW from the beginning, unlike the defectors, who still need to be punished.

3. HFK started a promo from the ring, but then walked into the crowd. “Undermaster, you’ve got it all wrong, big guy. I’m no shining point of light here in ABCW. I’m in this for me, not for some greater cause. In fact, I think you’re nuts for trying to make this about anything but you and me, but whatever you need to motivate you, I guess. Just leave your buddies in the back, and fight me like the big, stupid, ugly, foul smelling monster you are.”

4. The Dobermans defeat The Gladiators to become number one contenders for the tag titles. After the match, the losing team is met on the entrance ramp by Exotic Rick and the Undermaster. Rick launches into a tirade against the Gladiators about not getting the job done, and Undermaster has to separate Brute and Rick.

5. From ABCW Phoenix, Average Guy cuts a stellar promo about how happy he is to be back in ABCW, and how Ezekiel can put his money where his mouth is and find him any day. Average Guy is flanked by a plate of Average Elbow Macaroni and a fried plate which he says is the O’Hooligan’s Pub Fish and Chips. As Average Guy closes his interview, Big Bad Doctor is seen sneaking up behind him. It looks like he may attack, but instead he steals the plate of fish and chips and sneaks away.

6. Dark Mauler heads to the ring with Exotic Rick and awaits TV Champ Lazer, who has not been seen in two weeks. When Lazer makes his entrance, his eyes look dark and sunken in, as if he hadn’t slept for some time. He groggily rolled under the bottom ropes, and had to steady himself in the corner for a moment. Mauler dominated the entire match, leaving no doubt that something was drastically wrong with Lazer. Rick and Mauler taunted Lazer, but then Rick mentioned injuring him just like they injured Brohan. Lazer “woke up”, and screamed, “YOU INJURED DUDE?!” Lazer became a house of fire, hit all of his signature offense on Mauler, and locked him in the Lazerlock. Mauler was about to tap, but Rick jumped into the ring and grabbed Mauler’s hand to prevent him from tapping out. Lazer then locked in harder, and an audible snap emanated from Mauler’s shin and the ref stopped the match. Lazer got up in Rick’s face and screamed “Look what you forced me to do!” Rick simply smiled and replied, “Guess you’re no better than us now, eh? You’ll join the Darkness whether by choice or by circumstance.” He then helped the clearly injured Mauler to the back as the show faded out.

[Thumper Moore III]

March 1991 March Madness

Mr. Fantasy appeared on the Jumbotron, from inside the arena for the first time in a long time. “Welcome to March Madness!! So many top contenders are on this show that we’re unable to contain them in just one venue! For the very first time, a title will be defended from inside ABCW Phoenix, as Dude and Lazer will face The Dobermans tonight! We’ve also got a world title match between our champ HFK and the Undermaster! But for now, let’s go to the opening match of our March Madness tournament— one that will make history!”

1. In a historic first for women in wrestling, Valkyrie became not only the first woman to compete in March Madness, but the first woman to hold a weight advantage on her opponent, Magnifico. Valkyrie showed off her strength early and often, which was countered by Mag’s incredible quickness. In the end, Mag went for the Magnificanrana, which was turned into a power bomb by Valkyrie. She followed it up with a Double Underhook Facebuster to advance to the second round.

2. Freedom Fighter came to the ring waving the American flag, and Nuclear Warhawk followed. Of course he spoke before the match. “Hey Commie, I know you’re going to have that weasel Teeny Weenie trying to interfere. But that’s what makes us real American heroes better than you Marxists— we always know how to even the odds.” Behind Nuke walked Ryan Regret. The match began, and Regret turned the tide in Nuke’s favor with a well timed spritz to the eyes of Freedom Fighter, allowing his client to hit Nuke Em for the victory. Nuke then grabbed Freedom’s flag and waved it all the way up the ramp and back to the backstage area.

3. The Hunk defeated Dicky Thunderbird in quick fashion.

4. Dragonfly faced off with Ezekiel in the final first round match. When Vegas handed a roll of quarters to Ezekiel late in the match, Average Guy and O’Hooligan ran in from the back and started pummeling Vegas, which distracted Ezekiel enough for Dragonfly to roll up the street preacher for a victory.

5. From ABCW Phoenix, Lazer came to the ring by himself. He announced that since Brohan was still recovering from his injuries, he would have to defend their tag belts alone. The Dobermans were announced, and Denny grabbed a mic. “Lazer, we came here for a fair fight, not a handicap match. Find yourself a partner.” Just then a loud crash followed by screaming came from a dining table. Apparently, while they were speaking, Big Bad Doctor has been tripped by a waiter as he was sitting down for his meal, and he was bleeding slightly from a new head wound. Medical staff went to check on him, and he resisted, saying, “I pity the idiot who thinks I ain’t ok. Now where the heck am I?” Lazer came to check on his frenemy. BBD asked what Lazer was doing here, and Lazer explained that he had a match against two men. “Well, these old bones might be past their prime, but Dr. B will help you out this once.”

Against medical advice, Dr. Big Bad Doctor walked to ringside to team with Lazer. It was indeed the Dr. B of old, as he nailed Duke with a Clubber as Lazer hit a Lazer Death Drop on Denny for the pinfall. As Dr. B left the ring, he stumbled over a loose cable and banged his head on the railing surrounding the ring. After a couple seconds, he got up and asked if his table was ready, because “IT’S TIME! IT’S DOCTOR’S TIME TO EAT!”

6. Nuclear Warhawk returned to the ring for his second round match. When Valkyrie walked out, Nuke’s jaw dropped to the floor. He gawked at her the entire way to the ring, and even after she entered. Nuke grabbed a mic and said, “Oh. My. God. Look at this fine specimen. Baby, you’re everything Nuke needs, everything Nuke wants, and little Nuke will give you everything you could ever ask for. What do you say I take it easy on you now so we can be rough later?” Valkyrie slapped the taste out of Nuke’s mouth and the match began.

Nuke definitely was the aggressor, using his embarrassment as fuel for his actions. He hit Valkyrie with Nuke Em, and counted two, but pulled her up by the hair. He grabbed a mic again. “Nobody treats me that way. Now you’re gonna feel the pain physically that you just made me feel emotionally.” He walked over to Val, mic still in his hand, put her on her knees, and did a suggestive hip swivel inches from her face. In the biggest pop of the night, Val raised her arm to hit a low blow, causing Nuke to emit a high pitched squeal into the mic. Val stood up, and kicked Nuke in the groin again. She then hit a Double Underhook Facebuster to advance to the finals. Nuke needed assistance to the back.

7. In the best match of the tournament, The Hunk defeated Dragonfly. Dragonfly had Hunk down and went to the top rope for the Dragonstar Splash, but Ezekiel pushed him off the rope while Vegas distracted the ref. One Hunka Dunk later and it was over. Average Guy and O’Hooligan arrived late to run off the Smooth Criminals.

8. The Undermaster arrived to the ring with Exotic Rick and the Gladiators. HFK arrived to the ring by himself. That proved to be a huge mistake, as constant distractions from Rick and Massacre allowed Brute to get several cheap shots in, leading to a Grave Digger and Undermaster becoming a repeat champion.

9. In the tournament finals, The Hunk came to the ring first. “Finally, The Hunk HAS RETURNED... to March Madness. It was a foregone conclusion that the most electrifying guy in wrestling would be here. But what wasn’t a certainty was his opponent. Valkyrie, The Hunk gives you high praise. You’re the toughest woman on the planet. But The Hunk says this: You’ve has a nice run, but it ends here. IF YOU SMEEEEEELL, what The Hunk is smellin’!”

Valkyrie came to the ring still feeling the effects of her match with Nuclear Warhawk, and it showed. Hunk was able to make quick work of her, ending with a Hunka Dunk for an anticlimactic March Madness victory.