JWA Glory Episode 153 - Omega Satyros vs. Arizona Chance

[Kip Whistler]

Greetings, grapple fans!

We've got one heck of a main event in store for you tonight! JWA newcomer and rising star Omega Satyros returns to the ring after being sidelined with injury by our own "Savvy" Sean Beeman and The Beeman Family, and he'll be taking on the returning Franchise of JWA Arizona Chance! Arizona has made it clear that he intends to create a new legacy upon his return rather than resting on his past successes. Will Arizona be able to make Satyros the first step toward the top? Will Satyros score what could be considered an upset and the biggest win in his short JWA career? Will we see involvement from the aforementioned Beeman Family? What role, if any, will Satyros' mentor El Diablo play in the match? We won't have to wait long to find out!

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

Last week we had a thrilling contest that saw Chesterton Shredsbury pick up a major win over one half of the World Tag Team Champions, Penguino. As a result of that victory, I have decided to give Big Waves, that being Pierre The Enormous and Chesterton Shredsbury, another opportunity at the tag team gold. Therefore, Big Waves will challenge Duke Mongoose & Penguino for the JWA World Tag Team Championship at Super Glory coming up on September 12/13! We won't have to wait long for another preview of that bout, however, as next week we'll have a very special match in our main event. The legendary caveman himself, Troglo, will be coming out of retirement to lock horns with Duke Mongoose. He may complain about it, but it was Duke's big mouth that got him into this situation. Unfortunately for Duke, I doubt he'll be able to talk his way out of this one.

Also announced last week for Super Glory is a match for the JWA Women's World Championship, as Daisy Turner will challenge Winter Hex. This match comes about after Daisy and Red Pirate Rogers defeated Winter and Chief Buffalo in mixed tag team action. We know what Daisy and Winter's future holds, but what's next on the horizon for the Pirate Prince? And what on Earth is Chief Buffalo going to do with the money he was paid by Winter and Miss Jessie, short-changed though he was?

And of course the main event for the upcoming Super Glory will see "Relentless" Conor Caine defending the JWA World Heavyweight Championship against Tommy End. We've seen over the past few weeks that Caine is studying footage and preparing for this match as best as he can, trying to prevent End from becoming a two-time World Heavyweight Champion. On the opposite side End has vowed that he will do whatever it takes to win that title, and I for one believe he means what he says. We hope to hear from both champion and challenger during tonight's broadcast.

Conspicuous by his absence as of late is "Lord" Taylor Thorin. I haven't even seen his assistant Tembleberry anywhere. Quite peculiar.

Let's get this show started. Get out there and work your gimmick!

[Pierre The Enormous]

*Troglo walks on his knuckles to the podium*

Sal: Well well well

Troglo: *tilts his head to the side like a puppy*

Sal: Duke poked ya and now you're fighting back

Troglo: Goose man make friends fight.... Troglo hate when friends fight.....

Sal: He didn't do himself any favors by challenging you

Teoglo: *shakes his head* TROGLO MAKE GOOSE MAN FEEL PAIN LIKE NO PAIN BEFORE!!!!!!!!! *he thumps his chest and roars*

Sal: Well I won't keep ya long you're probably heading to Killie's after this

Troglo: *nods*

Sal: See you next week Troglo

Troglo: Bye tiny friend!

Sal: You heard it here first and as always I'm Honest Sal and that's the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

*Troglo gives fans head pats and the occasional noogie before he leaves*

[Omega Satyros]

LeRay: Ladies and Gentlemen, we're at out main event for the evening, what should undoubtedly be a brutal affair between the returning Omega Satyros and the returning Arizona Chance. And my announce partner have been specified that if any of his goons get involved, then Omega will seek they all get a pink slip.

Beeman: We ain't getting involved. I may not care for Arizona, but it'll be fun watching him beat the snot outta this goat-faced punk

Andromeda began playing as Omega, clad in a white mask rather than his usual green, he made his way to the ring alongside Diablo. They share a moment in the ring before Diablo heads to the back.

[Dark Mauler]

Honest Sal: Folks, I’m here tonight with Tommy End, who has an upcoming match with Conor Caine for the JWA Championship at the upcoming Super Glory. Tommy, Conor accused you of not being focused on him. What are your thoughts on that statement?
Tommy End: Conor should know me well enough to know just how goddamn stupid what he said was. I don’t know if he’s trying to get in my head, or if he genuinely thinks what he says is true, but if it’s the first option? Congrats to him, because it worked. In fact, it worked too damn well. I called Conor out with the intention to get my title back, but now I have a second motive. To beat the hell out of him. Conor, you might have that title right now, you might be the face of the company, but when you meet the workhorse of the company, the guy with the most matches in JWA history, the heart and soul of the company? That face won’t be on Pay Per View posters anymore when I damage it beyond recognition. Do everyone you love a favor. Tell them to turn the TV off once our match starts. They aren’t going to like what they see. Forget shortening title reigns, I’m going to be shortening careers out there.
*Sal looks like he’s going to ask another question, but Tommy walks off before he has the chance.*
Honest Sal: Well, I guess that’s all we’ll be getting from Tommy End tonight. Mick and Sean, back to you.

[Daisy Turner]

Barracuda plays and out comes Daisy Turner. She enters the ring nd grabs a mic

Daisy: I did it. I finally did it. I will be on a Super Glory! And at Super Glory I will take down the wicked witch of JWA that being, Winter Hex. I promise you amazing fans that the JWA Women's World Championship will go back to me and back to someone who provides dignity and hard effort to JWA.

Secret plays and Winter Hex comes out on the stage

Winter: Honey. I would love to see you try. But unfortunately I will retain once again, because there is a major difference between you and I an-

Daisy: Perfect statement Winter. There are major difference between you and I and lets go over the major one. Who cares more about JWA and that JWA Women's World Championship. Let's see. When do you show up to work? That's right 30 minutes before the show, whereas I show I WWAAYY before you, on a side note, you only show up when you have to show up, whereas I come into work everyday even when I'm not booked, I show up, help set this amazing ring that got you a career in JWA and I wait until the show ends to then dismantle the ring. I have passion for this company whereas you just show up with disgrace to that JWA Women's World Championship. 

Winter: Y'know being the Women's World Championship gives me a lot of power and money, and yes I did underpay Buffalo but he deserves that. Whereas here I will fully pay these people for what they are about to do.

Daisy is confused. All of a sudden she is held down by the Beeman Family.

Winter: Excellent job boys, that might give you a pay rise. Now I understand there is a certain someone here.

She starts walking to ringside as she is talking

Winter: That's right you boyfriend Joel together for 3 years. Flew all the way from (poor accent) AuSTraLia to be here. Little do you know (She stands in front of Joel) that your little boy toy here is a fraud. You see the night I took this title from you I took a little trip to Australia to enjoy the beach, that's where I met Joel. And the next day I was waking up in your bed (evil laugh).

Daisy looks pissed

Winter: What? Don't believe me? Here, I'll give you proof.

She kisses Joel to which they both then make out in front of a held down Daisy to which she screams and cries.

Winter: There's your proof. I'll see you at Super Glory, well, if your sane enough.

Joel jumps the barricade and exits the stage alongside Winter then the Beeman Family let go. Daisy is just alone in the ring tears running down her eyes. The Imperial Carnival plays and Sakura descends from the roof to the ring to comfort Daisy and they exit together.

[Thumper Moore III]

The arena goes dark as the opening bars of Hysteria by Muse play. A single spotlight silhouettes Arizona Chance as he holds aloft his fedora. As the lights come on, the crowd can see his vest is unbuttoned, highlighting what are now the second-best set of abs in JWA. Arizona slaps the hands of the fans as he heads to the ring.

LERAY: Arizona is in the shape of his life. Sean, this matchup is very intriguing. We haven’t seen Chance in a while, but he’s a proven champion and his playbook is pretty much set in stone, whereas Omega Satyros is a fresh face who has been impressive, while still fairly unknown.

BEEMAN: That’s correct, but why the hell do you need a color commentator if you’re going to do it all yourself?

LERAY: Sean, I apologize. You’re insight into this match?

BEEMAN: Chance is a wily veteran. He’s beaten everybody here, but that’s what makes him dangerous tonight— he has never faced Satyros, and that makes him hungry. Meanwhile, Horny-come-lately over here is masquerading as a goat, and he’s about to get his comeuppance against, arguably, the real goat.

LERAY: I bet you’ve been waiting all week to make that pun. There’s the bell, and we’re underway!

[Omega Satyros]

The bell rings, and Omega locks up with Arizona. The JWA veteran get control early, getting Omega in a headlock before throwing him into the ropes.

LeRay: I will remind you Beeman, that the only "masquerade" Omega is committing is the lucha style mask he wears in honor of his trainer Diablo.

Beeman: Shut it Mick, I'm trying to pay attention to the match at hand, and Arizona's got the early lead over here. This might be a quick one yet.

Omega comes off the ropes, ducking under a clothesline from Arizona before hitting the veteran with a crossbody. He tries to lock Arizona in the Pagan Ways as homage to his trainer, but Arizona manages to get a leg kicked up onto the ropes. Ref Tasha West begins the 5 count, with Omega breaking the hold at 4.

LeRay: Even if he wasn't going to win with the move, Omega held on to that submission for a while trying to wear down his opponent.

Beeman: It's going to take a lot more than that to wear down a near legend like Arizona.

LeRay: You know, for someone who said he didn't care for Arizona, you sure are singing his praises here.

Beeman: Yeah, what of it? I have reason to respect what Arizona does in the ring.

Arizona gets to his feet as Omega looks to hit a springboard ddt, but Arizona catches him and begins laying into him with chops, backing him into a corner. Omega begins to slump in the corner, tilting his head back as he does so, causing his horn to incidentally snag the top turnbuckle pad and drag the pad off, exposing the metal bolt underneath.

[Duke Mongoose]

(Toni Cruise is somewhere backstage standing next to a strongly fortified door flanked by two large security guards)

Toni: Fans, I've been informed that Duke Mongoose has locked himself in this bunker of sorts this week. I'm hoping to get a few words from him in advance of his match with Troglo next week. Excuse me, gentlemen...

(The guards separate and Toni knocks on the door. A comical amount of locks get unlocked and the door opens just a crack)

Duke: Who's there?

Toni: It's Toni Cruise, hoping to get some words-

Duke: Toni Spumoni! I don't have time for this! Don't you know there's a ravenous caveman on the loose in the JWA Studio?!?!

Toni: I assume you're talking about your opponent for next week, Troglo?

Duke: Sometimes I swear that Whistler has a vendetta against me or something. First he takes my offhand remark about a retired wrestler seriously and he puts me in the ring with him! Then he decides that since my boy Penguino came up short last week that he's going to give Big Waves another shot at our tag team titles! And this week he expects me to be present for interviews at the same time as that wild Neanderthal? Is he trying to get me killed?

Toni: It sound like he just wants you to do your job.

Duke: Big Daddy Duke doesn't do jobs!

Toni: What?

Duke: What?

Toni: Well, since you won't come out of this fortress you've created, do you have any words for Troglo before next week?

Duke: Uhh... yeah... Troglo, I've heard that Buffalo wings are really good RARE. Try some Buffalo chicken sushi while you're at it. I think it'll be right up your alley!

Toni: Are you trying to give Troglo dysentery? Raw chicken is no joke.

Duke: Call your grandmother, Toni! This interview is over!

(Duke "slams" the door, which was only open a tiny crack to begin with)

Toni: Alright, there you have it. Fans, let's get back to the action.

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Arizona whips Satyros into the ropes— Lost Ark Lariat! That’s vintage Chance! Speaking of his greatest hits, he picks up Satyros and signals for the Crystal Skull Crusher! He takes him by the horns and smashes— no, he stops. He sees the turnbuckle is exposed, and walks him to an adjacent corner— Satyros with an elbow to Chance’s gut and he frees himself.

BEEMAN: Chance should’ve ended this one by using the exposed turnbuckle. No DQ since it’s part of the ring. He turned down an easy victory over Goat Boy.

LERAY: Satyros lands several strong strikes to Chance and backs him into a corner. He shooshes the crowd— a huge chop staggers the former champ. He shooshes the crowd again— Chance ducks, grabs the horns again— Crystal Skull Crusher! Eight, nine, ten skull bashes into the corner!

BEEMAN: If he did that across the ring he’d be picking up a pinfall and sending his opponent to the hospital for a blood transfusion and concussion workup, and we could all go home early and celebrate.

LERAY: Chance to the second rope— he may be looking for the Sedona Sunrise…

[Omega Satyros]

LeRay: Omega pushes Arizona off the ropes. The young gun here looking to get back into this matchup. He whips Arizona into the bare turnbuckle, seemingly unaware it was revealed. Arizona's bleeding as he heads chest first into the metal.

Beeman: What a respectful fighter. Arizona international avoided using the bolt, and Goat-boy can't do the same.

LeRay: Well clearly Omega doesn't want to win this way as he picks up Arizona, and immediately gets another Lost Ark Lariat for his troubles.

Beeman: Arizona's got no inhibitions with using the bolt now. That white mask getting ruined as Omega's busted open with another set of the Crystal Skull Crushers to the exposed metal.

LeRay: Omega fall to the mat, mask marred in crimson as Arizona goes for the pin. 1. 2. And Omega manages to kick out. Arizona sets Omega up for the Sedona Sunrise again, and Omega manages to force a leg out, Arizona's face meeting the steel bolt now as he staggers and meets hoof as Omega nails the Satyr Kick.

Beeman: And that won't be enough as Arizona kicks out. Omega may have the stamina and face of a beast of burden, but that's nothing compared to the experience Arizona bring to the ring.

[The Mean Queen Jessie Aldean]

after interrupting daisy, winter hex and joel are walking in the back when buffalo jumps out of the shadows and scares joel to hide behind the champ.

"hey...ice wench...i saw your little surprise out there...gotta say, ya know how to mess someone up real good...but breaking a little girl's heart ain't the same as breaking yer contract with a dangerous beast like me..."

winter hex doesn't blink and miss jessie comes out "oh, buffy, maybe we could compensate you...another way", she reaches out for him, but he stops her

"don't touch the merchandise lady...i ain't one of your trashy youtube boobtube tiptops. i'm too hot to handle, too legit to quit, too good for you, and too dangerous to be ignored. so here's how its gonna go. yer gonna give me the rest of the money, or i'm gonna take it...outta yer sorry hides...starting with lover boy back there." he wiggles his fingers at joel.

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Satyros picks Arizona up off the mat. He lines up Chance… Omega with a second Satyr Kick followed by—

BEEMAN: THE DISRESPECT!

LERAY: LAST CRUSADE BY OMEGA SATYROS TO ARIZONA CHANCE!! He covers— ARIZONA KICKS OUT AT ONE!

BEEMAN: Uh oh, Goat Face. You did not want to do that.

LERAY: Chance is on his feet quickly. A third Satyr Kick, and Chance simply absorbs it. Chance is as angry as I’ve ever seen him. He takes the blood from his chest and streaks it across his face— he’s gone berserk with rage!

BEEMAN: You’d better put those hooves to good use and get out of here!

LERAY: Chance recklessly attacks the walking anachronism and Satyros is driven across the ring. A huge chop lands, and Satyros is down. Chance picks him up, drags him to the middle of the ring— Modified Michinoku Driver! Chance to the top rope— Legion of Boom Drop! Chance picks up Satyros, kicks him in the gut, ascends to the second rope— Sedona Sunrise! It’s Arizona’s greatest hits and the fans are going nuts as Chance screams in pure anger! Chance signals for the Last Crusade, and he waits for Omega to get back to his feet…

[Omega Satyros]

LeRay: Any of those moves could've possibly taken Omega out. But Arizona's not going to let Omega get away with that Last Crusade without a taste of one of his own. Omega staggers to his feet, breath haggard after that brutal onslaught. 

Beeman: And Arizona hits the Last Crusade! That's all she wrote! 1. 2. 

LeRay: And at the last possible second Omega gets a hoof on the bottom rope. Arizona is furious with Tasha West and the fact that didn't end the match. Omega pulls himself to his feet as Arizona refocused on the satyr. He rushes Omega, who catches the legend before planting him with the Devil's Kiss. 

Beeman: How the hell is this freak still moving.

LeRay: Omega staggers to the corner, dragging himself up the ropes before giving tribute to Pan and leaping off, landing the Satyr Sault. He goes for the pin. 1. 2. And Arizona kicks out.


Beeman: Stupid goat, at this point nothing may be enough to keep Arizona down.

[Red Pirate Rogers]

(Before the Main Event)

Camera shows a close up on a dressing room with the sign "Lord Taylor Thorin", suddenly we see the profile of Red Pirate Rogers, turning and watching as the Magenta Mate, Vinny Bambino, opens the lock and opens the door slowly. Nickel Navigator, Peter Dombrowski, follows inside and shines a lantern into the darkness.

"Keep a weather eye, Mr. Dombrowski."
"Aye, aye, sir!"
Vinny is rifling through Thorin's locker pulling out some fancy watches and baubles...
"Where are the goods, Mr. Bambino?
"Everywhere, cap'n"
"No, no, no...the misbegotten goods...ahhhh....there it is..."

Rogers grabs a replica of Thorin's old Tag Team Championship belt and quickly produces a bright Red Sticker to slap on top of it. Vinny looks on, his hands full of loot. 

"Shouldn't we take it, Captain?"
"No, no...this will let him know that we have him marked...and no amount of squirrelling away will keep him from getting his just desserts. Come, let's shove off! All clear Mr. Dombrowski?"
"Aye sir, and the Botswain and Coxswain are waiting in the loading dock."
"Then let's be off!" (Rogers and Dombrowski exit, Bambino comes after before Rogers shouts back "and Vinny, leave the trinkets! We're scoundrels, not thieves!" Vinny grudgingly drops things on the table, and we see the replica belt now with a big smiling sticker of Rogers face and the text:

"All Ill Gotten Gains Will Be Reclaimed as Property of the Red Pirate Rogers"

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

The camera snakes its way through the backstage gym, empty but for the sound of clanking metal. We round a corner to see Conor Caine straining through reps of a heavy looking bench press. He re-racks the bar and sits up on the bench, addressing the camera.

CAINE: Tommy, you give yourself too much credit. I don’t have an ulterior motive when I talk: all I do is speak the truth. So if anything I’ve said has pissed you off, I suggest you stand in front of a mirror and take a good hard look at the guy who’s really yankin’ your chain… if you have the guts to, of course.

The fans in the studio can be heard cheering far away in the background.

CAINE: You stand out there and rattle off your accolades like they’re worth a damn: “workhorse of the company…” “most matches…” “heart and soul…” But the fact is, when you stack them all up they don’t amount to anything but a waste of breath. Breath you’re sorely gonna need if you plan to do half of what you promised the fans out there that you’re gonna do to me. But they’re not impressed Tommy, because they know the same thing I know, the thing I’m gonna show you in our title match, and that’s that you can hold every accolade on the shelf but you’re only as good as your last victory. And when we finally conclude our business at Super Glory, you’ll see that all your talk has earned you is the right to come up short.

Caine lays down on the bench and lifts the bar, going back to pushing out reps as the camera fades…