Territory Days: Niz's HFWF

[Niz]

Superstar Saturday
March 1985, Week 1, **, $1,880

The show opens with an extreme closeup on HFWF Television Champion … Lazer. He’s staring intently into a backstage mirror, applying his signature neon face paint in preparation for his title defense against The Piranha later tonight.

As the camera zooms out, we see another wrestler in war paint standing just over Lazer’s shoulder watching on. It’s the enigma, Magnus Muscle.

Lazer: “I hear you’re opening the show tonight.”

Magnus Muscle: “I think you mean … stealing the show, right pal?”

Lazer: “I’d like to see you try.”

The two eccentric superstars share an embrace as Magnus makes his way to the Gorilla position. This is it. No more waiting.

Lazer turns towards the camera and grabs onto it, pulling it closer.

Lazer: “Hey Piranha … you better start swimming! Because tonight, this Lazer is POINTED … AT … YOU!”

Lazer cups his mouth and lets out a loud howl as the HWFW logo takes over the screen. High Flyin’ Wrestling Federation action starts … NOW!


Soul Daddy pinned Magnus Muscle with the Soul Glow in 9:03.
Rating: **

On what planet are these two “openers?” The HFWF roster is just that impressive. Magnus Muscle was a human cannonball at the start, delivering explosive suplexes and powerslams in succession … but later when Magnus attempted a duck-down move, he was greeted with a scissor kick to the back of the head.

The camera trails Magnus Muscle into the backstage area where Lazer gives him a pat on the back. It’s apparent that Magnus isn’t taking his loss well.

Just then, Flex Deltoid walks right between the two, brushing them aside as he bounces his massive pecs and smiles on his way to the entrance curtain.


Flex Deltoid made Zombie Punk submit to the Weight Rack in 1:13.
Rating: **

There’re mismatches, and then there’s this. Someone better check Zombie Punk’s pulse, because he’s got to be dead. Or undead. Or something like that.

We see a promotional video for the upcoming March Madness P4V, showing superstars such as Reptile Ranger, Great Ginzu, Valedictorian, and HFWF World Champion Hammerhead.


Skullgore pinned Zen with the Crossbone Body Block in 7:46.
Rating: **

Two top draws in the High Flyin’ division (and natural enemies) Zen and Skullgore came to blows in HFWF’s own action RPG. Zen popped every elixir in his backpack, but it wasn’t enough, as the Countess applied a fatal debuff to aid Skullgore to victory.


Grand Manga pinned Massacre with the Shooting Star Press in 4:56.
Rating: **

There might not be a more impressive wrestler on the HFWF roster than Grand Manga, who makes even the most-amazing moves look routine. And then … there’re The Gladiators. It might as well have been billed a handicap match, as Manga dealt with just as much Brute as he did Massacre. But in the end, the tag team champs got their wires crossed, and Manga delivered a picturesque Shooting Star Press to get the 1-2-3.

Following the match, Brute retrieved the tag team titles from ringside and gave one to Massacre, reminding him the loss to Manga was irrelevant. Massacre lights up a cigar as the two take their good old time getting to the back, dodging the occasional crowd-thrown debris in the process.


Lazer made The Piranha submit to the Lazerlock in 11:07.
Rating: **
(Lazer retained the HFWF Television Title.)

Great Ginzu joined the commentary booth and wasted no time insulting Lazer. “It won't be long before I rule over this federation, and when I do, my first law will be … no more face-painted freaks!” Ginzu got particularly excited when The Piranha caught Lazer in the Outlaw Choke, but it was short-lived, as Lazer hulked up, splashed Piranha in the corner, and locked him in the Lazerlock. Ginzu could he heard muttering, “%$#^ing mutant moron,” as he slammed down his headset.

After the match, Lazer made his way up the ramp slapping hands and hugging fans, while Ginzu was seen in the background, standing over the fallen Piranha in disappointment and staring down his arch-nemesis Lazer.


NOTES: With their victories tonight, Soul Daddy, Flex Deltoid, Skullgore, and Grand Manga each qualified for the upcoming 8-man tournament at March Madness.

[Niz]

Sunday Night Slam
March 1985, Week 2, ***, $2,450

Bug Buster pinned Goblinknight with the Extermination in 4:17.
Rating: **

When there’s something strange in the HFWF (and Goblinknight certainly qualifies as strange) … who you gonna call? Bug Buster! He opened the show by making short work of this week’s vile opponent, but one has to assume a loathsome ghoul like Goblinknight won’t stay down long.


Backstage Brawl
Rating: ***

Following the match, we cut to the backstage area where Lazer and Magnus Muscle are watching Bug Buster celebrate on a monitor.

Suddenly, Great Ginzu shows up and delivers a chair shot to Lazer’s back, while The Piranha tackles Magnus Muscle to the ground and locks him in the Outlaw Choke. Lazer gets up on one knee and tries to swing at Ginzu, but Ginzu delivers the Foot to the Face and knocks Lazer out cold.

Ginzu and The Piranha leave the scene, pleased with their despicable actions. Moments later, Flex Deltoid shows up and begins to survey the carnage as we cut back to ringside.


Grand Manga and Warhawk defeated The Gladiators (Brute and Massacre) when Warhawk pinned Brute with the First Blood in 12:48.
Rating: **

Last week, Grand Manga upstaged Massacre in singles action, despite Brute pulling out all the stops to help his tag team partner. This week, The Gladiators came up short once again, as High Flyin’ Champion Warhawk scored an upset pin over the near 400-pound Brute. It wasn’t all roses, though, as The Gladiators delivered a wicked post-match beatdown, which saw Grand Manga eat a Decapitator and Warhawk sent crashing through a table with Brute Force.


The Reptile House w/ Valedictorian
Rating: *****

Valedictorian has had his mind on one thing in recent weeks, and that’s putting an end to Hammerhead’s long and dishonorable reign as HWFW World Champion. He’ll get his chance to do just that in two weeks at March Madness. “Get ready, Hammerhead, because your time is up! I’m gonna send you down that long, lonesome highway. And I’ll be right here … at the top of the class … and NEW World Heavyweight Champion … OOOOOOHHH YEAHHHHH!”

The Reptile Ranger wishes Valedictorian well, as he throws his sack over his shoulder and heads down to the ring for action.


Reptile Ranger defeated The Annihilator by countout in 8:42.
Rating: ****

Reptile Ranger unleashed his entire arsenal on the much bigger and stronger Annihilator, including a Down Under DDT outside the ring onto exposed concrete, but the Battle Unit kept coming back for more. That is, until Ranger untied his bag and let loose a giant boa constrictor. Sensing danger in his neural-net processor, The Annihilator exited the ring and took a countout to avoid coldblooded contact.


Hammerhead pinned Zap with the Russian Sickle in 3:39.
Rating: **
(Hammerhead retained the HFWF World Title.)

Prior to the match, Mother Russia grabbed the mic and said she handpicked Hammerhead’s opponent tonight. Someone she believes is more talented and more deserving of a World Title shot than Valedictorian. You can imagine the crowd’s reaction when Zap’s music hit.

Even though he was expected to be a pushover, Zap was momentarily impressive, staggering Hammerhead with some high-flying attacks … until the pissed off champion decided to end things abruptly with the Russian Sickle.

After the match, Hammerhead picked Zap off the mat and locked his arms behind him, allowing Mother Russia to slap him around a bit. This prompted Valedictorian to sprint to the ring and make the save. Hammerhead and Mother Russia hopped the guardrail and hightailed it through the crowd as Valedictorian stood on the middle turnbuckle pointing at his wrist, signaling to Hammerhead that his time is running out.


NOTES: Due to the indecisive ending to Reptile Ranger’s match with The Annihilator, both men have been entered into the 8-man tournament at March Madness and will face each other in the first round.

[Niz]

Weekend Wrasslin
March 1985, Week 3, ***, $2,500

Warhawk defeated Brute by disqualification in 5:14.
Rating: *

It was a red-hot open to the show, as Warhawk was looking to serve up some revenge on Brute. Last week, Brute slammed Warhawk through the announce table in a post tag-match tantrum. This week, it was one-on-one action, with their respective allies, Massacre and Grand Manga, regulated to the locker room. Warhawk ran circles around Brute and was poised to hit First Blood, but in desperation, Brute reached into his tights and pulled out some brass knuckles … which he coldcocked Warhawk with to signal a DQ. With the “victory,” the hobbled Hawk was awarded a spot in the upcoming March Madness Tournament.


Soul Daddy pinned Bug Buster with the Soul Glow in 4:08.
Rating: **

In a pre-recorded segment, Bug Buster described Soul Daddy as nothing more than a pest … “Pest problem? No problem! Call the Bug Buster!” Four minutes later, he was lying on the mat looking up at the lights. “I’m no pest … I’m yo’ Sooouullll Daaadddy! Can you dig it?!”


Mic: Wrestler Challenge w/ Great Ginzu and Flex Deltoid
Rating: ****

Great Ginzu isn’t asking permission … he’s taking what he wants. And he wants the eighth and final entry in the upcoming March Madness Tournament. He said he won’t be participating in any matches to “earn his spot” … because he’s already the most feared man in the federation. Just then, Flex Deltoid came to the ring and greeted Ginzu with a staggering most-muscular pose. He then ripped the mic from Ginzu and congratulated him … on having to deal with Flex Deltoid in the first round!


Dramatic Promo w/ Reptile Ranger
Rating: ****

God only knows where Reptile Ranger was when he shot this vignette, but it was dark and downright unsettling. With a snake slithering around his neck, Ranger looked into the camera and said, “When a man has enough power, he can speak softly and everyone will listen. Annihilator … I know you can hear me. I know I have your attention. And this Sunday … I end you. Because when I’m done with you, it won’t be electric currents coursing through your veins … it’ll be venom!”


He-Beast The Barbarian and Drool defeated Skullgore and Zombie Punk when He-Beast pinned Skullgore with the Animal Slam in 10:23.
Rating: ***

He-Beast and Skullgore are mortal enemies, and Drool and Zombie Punk had nothing better going on … which led to this unusual (yet satisfying) tag team match. He-Beast and Drool worked quite well together, as Drool occupied Zombie Punk with an Atomic Wedgie, while He-Beast hit the Animal Slam on Skullgore for the 1-2-3.

As Skullgore and Zombie Punk sulked up the ramp in defeat, He-Beast remained in the ring with his sister Aurora … who was scheduled for action in the main event.


Aurora pinned Mother Russia with the Ultimate Powerslam in 8:18.
Rating: **

Both He-Beast and HFWF World Champion Hammerhead were at ringside supporting their women. Late in the match, Hammerhead jumped on the ring apron to distract Aurora, but Aurora dropkicked Mother Russia into him and then hit her with the Ultimate Powerslam to score the win!

He-Beast slid into the ring to celebrate with Aurora, but an angered and embarrassed Hammerhead wasn’t having it. He attacked He-Beast and leveled him with the Russian Sickle! Aurora tried tending to her brother, but Mother Russia caught her with the Soviet Slam! The show came to an end with Hammerhead giving a menacing grin into the camera … no doubt intended to rattle challenger Valedictorian heading into the P4V.


NOTES: Warhawk and Great Ginzu were awarded the last two spots in the upcoming 8-man tournament at March Madness.

[Niz]

March Madness (Part 1)
March 1985, Week 4, **, $11,099

Soul Daddy pinned Warhawk with the Soul Glow in 7:11.
Rating: **

Soul Daddy certainly isn't the biggest name in the March Madness Tournament, but he is the prettiest. With a clean win over reigning High Flyin' Champion Warhawk, Soul Daddy opens the show with a message to the rest of the field ... "Can you dig it?!"


Grand Manga pinned Skullgore with the Shooting Star Press in 9:42.
Rating: ***

There's no such thing as winning clean in a Skullgore match. This time, it was The Countess who decided to get dirty when she secretly unraveled the turnbuckle padding. But her maniacal plan backfired, as the all-knowing Manga slingshotted Skullgore skull-first into the exposed corner and then claimed victory with a jaw-dropping Shooting Star Press.


Flex Deltoid made Great Ginzu submit to the Weight Rack in 13:05.
Rating: ****

For weeks we've wondered where Flex Deltoid's allegiance lies in the battle between Lazer and Great Ginzu, but watching this match ... it seems very unlikely that Flex and Ginzu are in cahoots. In a show-stealing showdown, Flex and Ginzu gave each other everything they had. At the end, Flex steamrolled Ginzu with a running forearm so hard it made his helmet spin around, and then hung him out to dry with the Weight Rack.

As soon as the bell rang, Ginzu's lackey The Piranha blindsided an exhausted Flex Deltoid and locked him in the Outlaw Choke. Then Ginzu regained consciousness and leveled Flex with the Foot to the Face. You have to wonder what shape Flex will be in later tonight.


Reptile Ranger pinned The Annihilator with the Down Under DDT in 6:31.
Rating: **

From the get-go, The Annihilator had his head on a swivel ... worried Reptile Ranger's snake might get loose from its sack in the corner of the ring. And then it happened. The giant boa constrictor squirmed its way onto the ring apron, sending both The Annihilator and the referee into a laughable tizzy. During the confusion, Reptile Ranger spun Annihilator around and planted him with a Down Under DDT, as the official made a lightning-fast three count and hightailed it to the back.


The Gladiators defeated Lazer and Magnus Muscle when Brute pinned Lazer with the Brute Force in 14:29.
Rating: ***
(The Gladiators retained the HFWF Tag Team Titles.)

Lazer and Magnus Muscle were a well-oiled machine in the early goings ... until Brute tagged in. The 400-pound battering ram had Lazer in his sites (no pun intended) and used ground-and-pound tactics to severely weaken the HFWF Television Champion. Minutes later, Lazer stumbled his way to the corner to make the hot tag, when this happened...

Instead of tagging in, Magnus Muscle grabbed Lazer around the back of the neck and hurled him over the ropes to the outside! Magnus then picked up a ringside chair and smashed it over Lazer's head ... busting him wide open! Magnus laughs and taunts the crowd as the "Boos!" rain down on him. He then reaches back and delivers another chair shot to Lazer's skull! Finally, he drops the chair and slides Lazer back into the ring.

Without missing a beat, Brute obliterates Lazer with Brute Force and covers him. The referee is hesitant to count, until Massacre grabs him around the collar and threatens him, leading to the sickening 1 ... 2 ... 3!

Brute and Massacre snatch their HFWF Tag Team Titles and leave towards the back as Magnus Muscle starts motioning to the locker room. You've gotta be kidding me! Here comes Great Ginzu and The Piranha! The newly-minted trio begin pummeling Lazer with kicks to the head and ribcage. But wait ... the crowd suddenly explodes in cheers as Flex Deltoid sprints to the ring to make the save!

Flex goes at the group with all he's got, but the numbers game catches up to him. For the second time tonight, Flex is laid out by Great Ginzu with a Foot to the Face! With Lazer and Flex lying motionless on the ring apron, Ginzu, Piranha, and Magnus lock hands and raise them in the air as they get showered in "Boos!" and debris.


NOTES: More March Madness P4V still to come, as we conclude the 8-man March Madness Tournament and see Hammerhead defend his HFWF World Title against Valedictorian.

[Niz]

March Madness (Part 2)
March 1985, Week 4, **, $11,099

Soul Daddy pinned Grand Manga with the Soul Glow in 6:52.
Rating: *

Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised by the streaking Soul Daddy anymore. This guy is legit. The ending saw Grand Manga miss a high-risk springboard 450 and then catch a Soul Glow as soon as he stumbled to his feet. Manga was noticeably disappointed by the outcome, but nodded his head and pointed at Soul Daddy in respect.


Reptile Ranger pinned Flex Deltoid with the Down Under DDT in 2:03.
Rating: **

Most men wouldn't have been able to stand after the beating Flex Deltoid endured tonight. But Flex Deltoid isn't most men. In a heroic scene, Flex limped down to the ring to compete in his semifinal match with Reptile Ranger. The crowd gave Flex a standing ovation, and even Reptile Ranger commended him with a slow clap. But just like that ... the feel good moment was over. Reptile Ranger kicked Flex in the stomach and planted him with a vicious Down Under DDT to claim the easy 1-2-3.


Valedictorian pinned Hammerhead with the Savage Elbow in 18:22.
Rating: ***
(Valedictorian won the HFWF World Title.)

This is what the High Flyin' Wrestling Federation is all about. Valedictorian and Hammerhead put it all on the line in a world-class match that could have easily went either way. At one point, Valedictorian looked done ... as he climbed to the top turnbuckle to measure up his Savage Elbow, but was pushed off by Mother Russia, allowing Hammerhead to level him with a massive uppercut on the way down. Somehow, Valedictorian kicked out at two!

Late in the match, Valedictorian delivered a high knee to Hammerhead's back causing him to stagger into the turnbuckle and then impaled him with a piledriver. Finally, Valedictorian took to the skies and connected on a well-placed Savage Elbow to the ribs to put away Hammerhead and secure the HFWF's ultimate prize!


Soul Daddy pinned Reptile Ranger with the Soul Glow in 10:10.
Rating: ***
(Soul Daddy won the March Madness Tournament.)

WHAT THE $%&@!

Give Soul Daddy all the credit in the world. He went toe-to-toe with Reptile Ranger and held his own. But we'll never know what could have been, thanks to an ill-timed power outage in the arena.

Reptile Ranger had Soul Daddy's head locked in place and was signaling for the Down Under DDT, when the lights went out causing the arena to go pitch black. When the lights went back on ... Soul Daddy's arm was draped over an unconscious Reptile Ranger, prompting the referee to count the pinfall and award Soul Daddy the match! Soul Daddy stammered to his feet in shock as he was announced the winner of the March Madness Tournament!

Just then, Dark Invader made his way onto the entrance ramp with a microphone in hand.

Dark Invader: "Come boy, it's time to come home."

A reluctant Soul Daddy exited the ring and met up with Dark Invader on the ramp. In a father-son-like moment, the proud Dark Invader put his arm around Soul Daddy's neck and led him backstage, as the crowd (and a groggy Reptile Ranger) looked on in utter disbelief.

[Niz]

Superstar Saturday
April 1985, Week 1, ***, $2,585

Shocking Debut w/ Dark Invader
Rating: *****

The show opened with HFWF's odd-couple, Dark Invader and Soul Daddy, standing in the ring soaking up a wild ovation from the ruckus crowd. Dark Invader raised the microphone to his mask and began to speak...

Dark Invader: "Only when worlds collide, can we begin to understand what's truly possible. And so here we are, no longer worlds apart. The Dark Invader. The Soul Daddy. Standing here in an HFWF ring for one reason ... and one reason only. To corrupt the will of those who oppose us!"

Soul Daddy pats Dark Invader on the chest and nods his head in agreement.

Dark Invader: "So everyone in the back, I pray that you're ready. For those who shoot lasers and those who flex. For those who think they're savages..."

Soul Daddy: "...and those who love their snakes."

Dark Invader: "Prepare to be devoured ... by the DARK SOULS!"

Just then we hear "HIT THE BRICKS!" and some hip-hop music as Zap makes his way to the ring for our opening match.


Soul Daddy pinned Zap with the Soul Glow in 8:17.
Rating: ****

The most electric b-boy around has been a thorn in Soul Daddy's side over the years, including tonight, as his lightning-quick skillset pushed Soul Daddy to the brink. At one point, Zap challenged Soul Daddy to a mid-match breakdancing competition, which Soul Daddy appeared to accept. But while Zap was windmilling around the ring, Soul Daddy blasted him with a cheap Soul Glow to steal the win.

In celebration, Soul Daddy started to shimmy and shake over Zap, but Dark Invader gave him the "cut it out" signal and the two bickered a bit as they exited backstage.


Warhawk pinned Zombie Punk with the First Blood in 2:36.
Rating: *

The HFWF's High Flyin' Champion was locked and loaded in this one, as he drew First Blood (or whatever it is that oozes from Zombie Punk) in mere minutes.


Skullgore pinned Drool with the Crossbone Body Block in 6:22.
Rating: **

Let's be honest, Drool isn't all there in the head. But tonight he was in absolute La La Land when the mysterious (and seductive) Elfette made her way to ringside and locked eyes with the lovable loser. Predictably, the savvy Skullgore capitalized on the distraction and scored the victory. But the love-drunk Drool didn't seem to care as he watched Elfette walk to the back.


Grand Manga pinned Hammerhead with the Shooting Star Press in 12:01.
Rating: ***

A match-up like this could headline any P4V ... but who wants to wait until then? Surely not these two thoroughbreds, who are both reeling a bit after suffering high-profile defeats at March Madness. A big win tonight could put either man right back in the driver's seat. Ultimately, Hammerhead's unrivaled anger and aggression worked against him, allowing the cool-headed Manga to deliver the knockout blow.


Lazer made Magnus Muscle submit to the Lazerlock in 7:58.
Rating: **
(Lazer retained the HFWF Television Title.)

Two words: absolute chaos!

Lazer was looking to serve up some revenge on the turncoat Magnus Muscle, but that wasn't going to be easy with Mag's new buddies Great Ginzu and The Piranha at ringside. Late in the match, Lazer rushed in to deliver his signature splash in the corner ... but Magnus pulled the referee in front of him to soften the blow! With the referee knocked out cold, Great Ginzu and Piranha joined Magnus in the ring and surrounded their prey.

But before they could take a bite out of Lazer, the (believed-to-be injured) Flex Deltoid stormed the ring with a steel chair! Flex is cleaning house! Steel chair to Piranha!! ... and another one to Ginzu!! Magnus Muscle is down on his knees begging off, but Flex shows no remorse! A big swing to the back and Magnus Muscle is down on the mat squirming in pain. Flex drops the chair and shakes up the referee to bring him back to his senses. And just like that, Lazer locks Magnus in the Lazerlock! Magnus is tapping out in agony as Lazer squats down on Magnus' lower back a little deeper for good measure.

The show ends with Lazer and Flex doing celebratory poses on opposite turnbuckles as the crowd explodes in cheers.

[Niz]

Sunday Night Slam
April 1985, Week 2, ***, $1,725

Dramatic Promo w/ Zen
Rating: ****

We haven't seen or heard much from Zen in recent weeks, and apparently that's a problem.

Zen: "Every week, I sit in the back waiting to hear my music. Waiting to hear my name called. And every week ... I'm overshadowed by lesser men. When am I going to get my chance to plunder these dungeons? To loot these treasures? To save the princess and become a legend?!"

The crowd isn't quite sure what Zen's talking about, but they like it.

Zen: "What's the problem? Do I need to start wearing a hat like some Indiana Jones wannabe? Or maybe I need an eyepatch? Maybe I need to catch some scurvy? Is that it? Well, guess what? That's not going to happen! Because I'm Zen. And I'm an adventurer, too! And I've got more swag than anyone ... in any promotion ... in the world!"

Zen drops the mic as the crowd applauds Zen's swaggy new persona (and obvious shots at rival promotion SWAG's top stars).


Goblinknight pinned Dungeon Crawler with the Slime Time in 10:29.
Rating: *****

And then we get a gift from the 8MWR Gods. Just as Zen gets done telling us he's tired of being overshadowed, fellow RPGers Dungeon Crawler and Goblinknight put on a &$%^ing mat classic. Feeding off the buzz surrounding Zen's promo, Dungeon Crawler had the fans eating out of the palm of his hand ... until Goblinknight silenced the arena with Slime Time to win a stunning 5-star showdown.


The Reptile House w/ Soul Daddy
Rating: ***

Reptile Ranger took the stage and challenged Soul Daddy to come out and be a guest on his show ... alone. Surprisingly, Soul Daddy obliged. Reptile Ranger congratulated Soul Daddy on his tainted win at March Madness, and promised him that he won't be so lucky next time. Soul Daddy said there won't be a next time, because he is moving onto bigger and better things.

Just then, we see Dark Invader sneaking up on Reptile Ranger in the background ... but Reptile Ranger senses it! In one swoop, Ranger grabs his snake sack and pulls out a cobra! He wrangles it around the neck and aims it towards Dark Invader, who loses his balance and stumbles off the stage. Soul Daddy considers attacking Reptile Ranger, but Ranger swings the snake in his direction and Soul Daddy stop-drop-and-rolls his way to safety.

The Dark Souls regroup and make their escape through the crowd as Reptile Ranger stands tall, holding his cobra above his head like a title belt.


The Gladiators defeated He-Beast The Barbarian and Drool when Massacre pinned Drool with the Decapitator in 8:30.
Rating: **

He-Beast and Drool looked good beating Skullgore and Zombie Punk a couple weeks back, and earned themselves this non-title match with the Gladiators. Towards the end, Drool had Massacre riving in pain with the Atomic Wedgie, but just like last week, a timely distraction from Elfette cost Drool his concentration ... and the win.

Following the match, He-Beast wasn't happy and tried to talk some sense into his goo-goo-eyed partner. And then He-Beast's sister Aurora chased Elfette down and dragged her up the aisle and into the ring by her hair. Aurora grabbed a microphone and demanded that Elfette tell everyone what it is she's trying to do. Elfette said she'd be happy to explain herself ... under one condition. Aurora beats her in a posedown.


Posedown w/ Aurora and Elfette
Rating: ****

Not one to be upstaged, especially when her impressive physique is in question, Aurora agreed to a posedown with Elfette. But as soon as Elfette heard the fans giving Aurora's double-bicep a much louder pop ... she snapped. Elfette tackled Aurora to the mat and began violently swinging away, until Drool and He-Beast jumped in to pull them apart. Drool dragged Elfette out of the ring, tossed her up over his shoulder, and carried her away kicking and screaming ... while He-Beast and Aurora remained in the ring with more questions than answers.


Valedictorian defeated Grand Manga by disqualification in 13:47.
Rating: ***
(Valedictorian retained the HFWF World Title.)

Two guys with all the talent in the world. Two guys that the crowd absolutely loves. Two guys fighting for the most prestigious title in all of wrestling.

Too good to be true.

Hammerhead simply wasn't having it. In a jealous, egotistical rage, Hammerhead waited until both men were exhausted and then hit the ring ... planting Valedictorian with a Russian Sickle (which caused the DQ), and then blasting Grand Manga with one to boot. With both men down and out, Hammerhead demanded the ringside attendant hand him the HFWF World Title. The uncaged beast walked over to both men, spit on them, and then held Valedictorian's title above his head and soaked up the resounding "Boos!" as the show came to a close.

[TeenyNorman]

Two post in one day? Is this heaven?

[Niz]

May 10, 2019 12:51:56 GMT -5 TeenyNorman said:

Two post in one day? Is this heaven?

Haha! Thanks for the support!

And yes, this is heaven.

[Niz]

Weekend Wrasslin
April 1985, Week 3, **, $1,757

Zen pinned Goblinknight with the Triple Force in 4:16.
Rating: **

Zen put his money where his mouth is tonight, taking down the man that Dungeon Crawler couldn't last week. Sick of playing second fiddle to the HFWF elite, Zen has a long way to go before he's main-eventing P4V's. But a decisive win over Goblinknight is a start in the right direction.


Late Night Talk Show w/ The Gladiators
Rating: ****

HFWF Tag Team Champions, Brute and Massacre, got booked for an appearance on the Tonight Show and didn't disappoint. Massacre carried the segment and was shockingly charming, while Brute nodded and grunted on occasion.

But things took a turn for the worst, when Ray Weno asked the Gladiators why they didn't have an opponent for next week's Champ Clash ... "You guys aren't scared, are ya?" Massacre took the lit cigar he had been puffing on and put it out on Weno's stack of notecards. Brute then grabbed the late night host around the neck and dangled him in the air, until security pried them apart.

Then Massacre looked into the camera and issued an open challenge. "Scared? You think the Gladiators are scared? The only thing we're scared of is what we're gonna do to our opponents next Sunday. We don't care who comes down to the ring to challenge us at Champ Clash, because we're walking in ... and walking out ... with the tag team belts around our waists!"


Elfette made Aurora submit to the Enchanted Sleeper in 5:19.
Rating: *

Following last week's impromptu posedown (which ended in a catfight), Elfette and Aurora were given the opportunity to resolve their differences. But this match only further complicated things. A solid back-and-forth affair was derailed too early, when Drool jumped into the ring and put his body in front Elfette to shield her from taking damage. Aurora was pissed and began bickering with the referee, which allowed Elfette to sneak out from behind Drool and lock Aurora in the Enchanted Sleeper. Elfette jumped into Drool's arms after the match to celebrate, while He-Beast The Barbarian tended to his fallen sister.


Wrestler Challenge w/ Warhawk and Grand Manga
Rating: **

Warhawk hit the ring and made his intentions clear - he wants to defend his High Flyin' Title against the best of the best at Champ Clash. And that means he wants Grand Manga one-on-one. Grand Manga walked through the curtain and onto the entrance ramp, where he pointed at Warhawk and nodded his head ... signaling, "It's On!" Warhawk grinned, gripped his title in his arms, and used it as a makeshift gatling gun, pretending to spray bullets in Manga's direction while selling the recoil.


Valedictorian and Reptile Ranger defeated Hammerhead and The Annihilator when Valedictorian pinned The Annihilator with the Savage Elbow in 12:47.
Rating: **

Talk about a star-studded main event! And talk about two highly-unlikely pairings! World Champion Valedictorian and Reptile Ranger have extremely combustible personalities, but they had no problem working together against their respective rivals. We haven't seen The Annihilator around since Reptile Ranger (and his snake) took him down at March Madness. And Hammerhead has been boo-hooing ever since dropping the World Title, which includes bum-rushing last week's dream match between Valedictorian and Grand Manga.

Tonight the heels got what was coming to them. The conclusion was amazing, as Reptile Ranger hit a double Down Under DDT on both Hammerhead and The Annihilator, and like poetry in motion, Valedictorian soared off the top turnbuckle with a Savage Elbow onto Annihilator and covered the legal man.

Following the match, Reptile Ranger and Valedictorian stood in center ring and shook hands, showing mutual respect ... and sending the crowd home very happy.

[Niz]

Champ Clash (Part 1)
April 1985, Week 4, **, $10,255

Lazer made Great Ginzu submit to the Lazerlock in 17:34.
Rating: ***
(Lazer retained the HFWF Television Title.)

Two bitter rivals locked in a cage ... there's no better way to start a show. Lazer and Great Ginzu wowed the sellout crowd with high-risk maneuvers and brutal spots that put the steel cage to good use. At one point, Ginzu avoided Lazer's splash in the corner, causing Lazer to eat a mouthful of steel! With Lazer seeing stars, Ginzu planted him with a Foot to the Face ... but only got a two count!

Lazer continued to withstand Ginzu's martial-arts inspired attacks, which included enzijuris, dragon suplexes, and repeated elbow strikes, causing Ginzu to become enraged. Looking like he could use some help, Ginzu's lackeys Piranha and Magnus Muscle made their way down to the ring and were greeted by deafening boos.

The Piranha pulled some brass knuckles out of his tights and tried to hand them to Ginzu through the cage, but before they could make the exchange, Flex Deltoid emerged from the crowd in street clothes and leveled The Piranha with his signature running forearm! Flex then picked up the fallen brass knuckles, strapped them on, and knocked out Magnus Muscle with a wicked right hand!

Meanwhile, in the ring, Lazer has gained the upper-hand on Ginzu. Flex motions Lazer over to the cage walls and hands him the brass knuckles! Lazer puts them on and swings so hard at Ginzu's head it dents his helmet! Ginzu is out cold! Lazer stands over him, grabs his legs, and flips him over ... LAZERLOCK! Ginzu is completely unconscious, so the referee calls for the bell!


The Reptile House w/ Zen
Rating: **

Reptile Ranger promised to make his presence felt tonight - despite not being included in any championship matches. So, he came out to the ring and hosted his Reptile House segment with special guest ... Zen.

Reptile Ranger told Zen that he better think long and hard about making anymore comments about wrestlers in rival promotions ... seeing as how he hasn't done jack$%^& here in the HFWF. Zen told Reptile Ranger that unlike him, he's much more than just a talk show host. He is an "Adventurer" who is very close to looting some rare treasure. Reptile Ranger grabbed his snake sack and began to untie the strings. "Maybe there's some treasure in here for you?" On cue, Zen hightailed it backstage as Reptile Ranger looked on in embarrassment for the poor kid.


The Dark Souls defeated The Gladiators when Dark Invader pinned Brute with the Star Destroyer in 8:19.
Rating: **
(The Dark Souls won the HFWF Tag Team Titles).

Brute and Massacre put out an open challenge on the Ray Weno show last week ... and tonight, as the arena went pitch black, with smoke pouring out of the entrance curtain and purple lasers illuminating the aisle way ... they immediately knew they had made a grave mistake.

Give the Gladiators credit. They stood tall and fought like men. But Dark Invader and Soul Daddy are clearly not mere mortals. Late in the match, Soul Daddy kept Massacre busy with a suicide dive to the outside, while Dark Invader shocked everyone in attendance (including Soul Daddy) by hoisting up the 400-pound Brute and sending him crashing down with a Star Destroyer.

Brought together seemingly overnight, Dark Invader and Soul Daddy looked absolutely dominant in their tag team debut. The Dark Souls walked out with the HFWF Tag Team Titles draped over their shoulders, and Soul Daddy could be heard shouting, "It's like taking candy from a baby!" while Dark Invader gave a deep, menacing laugh.


NOTES: More Champ Clash P4V still to come, as Warhawk and Grand Manga square off for the High Flyin' Title, Aurora and Elfette fight for the honor of first-ever Ladies Champion, and Valedictorian defends the World Title in a rematch with Hammerhead.

[Deleted]

Love this man. First time seeing it and you write very well and vividly.

Keep it up!

[Slashmaster]

May 10, 2019 13:16:29 GMT -5 Niz said:

May 10, 2019 12:51:56 GMT -5 TeenyNorman said:

Two post in one day? Is this heaven?

Haha! Thanks for the support!

And yes, this is heaven.

In a figurative sense of course. It should be clear at this point that Niz is still very much alive and not, as stated here, in heaven.