JWA Glory Episode 157 - Arizona Chance vs. Chief Buffalo

[Kip Whistler]

Greetings, grapple fans!

This week's main event is part one of a two part series set up during last week's Glory that will determine the main event for the JWA World Heavyweight Championship coming up at our Guts & Gory PPV on October 31st! Tonight, The Franchise of JWA Arizona Chance will face off with an old rival in Chief Buffalo, with the winner advancing to Guts & Gory as challenger. Will Arizona prove once again that no one chases the gold like Arizona Chance? Or will Big Bad Buff have the stuff to reach the main event of Guts & Gory?

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

This match comes about as a result of our champion, "Relentless" Conor Caine saying that he wants to defend the title against a man he respects and looked up to as a youngster, that being Chance. Newcomer Omega Satyros came to the ring and staked his claim for a title shot, being that he holds a victory over Arizona. I had to intervene and tonight and next week's matches were set up. This week we'll determine the challenger, next week, the champion.

That's right, next week, right here on Glory, Conor Caine will defend the JWA World Heavyweight Championship against Omega Satyros! It's hard to argue that if Caine believes Chance deserves a title shot, then the man who defeated Chance should be first in line. If Caine wants to defend the title against Arizona at Guts & Gory, then he'll have to show how bad he wants it by defeating the relatively unknown Satyros. While Caine has been turning back the challenges of "Lord" Taylor Thorin & Tommy End, we've seen little of Omega Satyros in comparison. Caine showed that he is willing to put in the tape study to prepare for a challenge, but what will he do when there is almost no footage to speak of? On paper Arizona Chance vs. Conor Caine for the World Title sounds great, but after tonight and next week we could be looking at a VERY different main event at Guts & Gory.

Duke Mongoose & Penguino managed to retain the World Tag Team Titles in a special six-man mayhem match last week, teaming with Johnny Kobra to defeat Pierrre The Enormous, Chesterton Shredsbury & Troglo. We've seen hints that things aren't necessarily great among Big Waves, and last week's loss might have been the final straw. Meanwhile, the champions appear to finally be on the same page, working together as a team. Who will step up to be their next challengers?

After weeks of seeing neither hide nor hair of "Lord" Taylor Thorin, we found out this past weekend that the dissension between himself and Tembleberry was all a clever ruse to lure Red Pirate Rogers and his Colorful Crew into a trap! His Lordship has seemingly recruited The Punter & Vegas Viggins into his entourage. All of this violence and chaos as a result of Rogers and company's little prank they pulled in Thorin's locker room. I'm sure that his Lordship's sneak attack on Mania isn't the last we're going to be hearing or seeing between these two.

We know that Daisy Turner will be defending the JWA Women's World Championship against Sakura Watanabe, but we do not yet know the date or the stipulation that they agreed upon. Hopefully they'll shed some light on that during tonight's broadcast.

Tommy End announced last week that he will be stepping away from JWA to pursue some outside opportunities following his loss to Conor Caine. End has declared that he will be returning for the J-1 Pinnacle Tournament coming up in November, with the intention of winning. He's a dangerous man, and I would feel pretty confident putting my money on Tommy End to win the J-1 this year.

Let's start the show. Get out there and work your gimmick!

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

After Kip leaves, Caine’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, wearing street clothes with the JWA Title over his shoulder. After saluting the audience in the ring he grabs a mic.

CAINE: Arizona, we both have something we want to achieve: for me it’s the bucket list item of defending my title against the GOAT, and you want to prove to the world that nobody chases the gold like Arizona Chance. They’ve put hurdles in our way, but I know you can come out on top here tonight, and that I’ll be seeing you at Super Glory. Which brings me to my… “hurdle.”

Caine fixes the belt on his shoulder and addresses the audience…

CAINE: Here’s some advice on how to spot a liar: If two men have told you conflicting stories, and afterwards the first man has remained silent while the second can’t stop repeating his yarn? It’s pretty simple: the guy telling the truth said his piece once and left it at that because the truth speaks for itself.

Omega Satyros, you’re running around in the back, spewing the same deluded bullcrap to your buddies that you tried to sell these people out here last week, getting those jabronis to pat your back and soothe your ego, telling you that you actually do deserve your title shot… Meanwhile, I’ve not said another word. I stood right here, told you to your face that you’re not fit to hold the title and didn’t move an inch. What’d you do? You stammered through a pretty shoddy retelling of my career, trying to save face, then dropped the mic and hightailed it to the warm embrace of your yes-men.

I was still standing right here, in my ring, and you walked away. That made me sick to my stomach. That you can come out here and try to convince everybody that you’re a Champion, and then pull some weak crap like that?! I’m sorry to burst your bubble Omega, but you’re no Champion. Yeah, you’ve had a couple of wins against two of the best in the JWA, but being a champion is about more than winning. The Champion is the face of the company; they embody the values of the business and represent virtues like strength, courage, and honour. So far I haven’t seen any of that from you! So if you think I’m gonna be the guy to drop the belt to a spineless pissant, to put the future of this business on your scrawny shoulders, you’re dreaming!

I will say this: I caught your promo on Mania, and - no doubt - you’ve changed your tune, but you’ve failed to change my mind. You think next week is your big opportunity, your chance to take the top spot in the JWA, but that’s a fallacy: stepping into the ring with me is the biggest risk you’ve ever taken, because I’m going to beat you all over this studio and expose you for the fraud you are. And that’s the truth.

Get ready, or get gone.

Caine’s music hits, and he heads through the curtain to the back.

[Duke Mongoose]

Honest Sal: Please welcome my guest at this time, one half of the JWA World Tag Team Champions, Duke Mongoose!

(The fans boo as Duke struts his way to the podium with the title belt around his waist, colorful feathered boas cascading across his shoulders, and a t-shirt that reads "Who's gonna beat us?")

Sal: Duke, you successfully retained those titles last week alongside Penguino and Johnny Kobra. Congratulations.

Duke: SALLY BOY! You talk like a man who didn't think we could do it.

Sal: To be honest, I didn't think you could.

Duke: Hey, at least you're honest. I can respect that.

Sal: I see you've brought back the "Who's gonna beat us?" shirt.

Duke: It's back because once again it's relevant. Big Daddy Duke and the Bird Man of Alcatraz are standing tall at the top of the tag team ranks here in JWA, with no challengers in sight. We've beaten the former and "greatest" champions more times than I can count. So I ask you, Sal... who's gonna beat us?

Sal: I've heard some rumblings in the back about a pairing of Pierre and Troglo, or perhaps Omega Satyros might find a tag partner...

Duke: Well have someone call me when they get their acts together, huh? Right now you're looking at the forever champion! I dare anybody to step up and try to prove Big Daddy Duke and Penguino wrong!

Sal: Speaking of Penguino, where is your tag team partner?

Duke: Call your grandmother, Sal! This interview is over!

(Duke hurriedly struts away from the podium to a chorus of boos)

Sal: Well, alright then. Mick, Sean, back to you!

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I lumber my way to the podium with Troglo on my back and Huggy Bear on his*

Sal: Got yourself a tower over here

Pierre: Yep

Sal: So Duke....

Pierre: He can go shove it....

Troglo: *grunts and nods*

Sal: Are you two thinking of going after the titles....

Pierre: We haven't decided yet

Troglo: Big friend need break....

Pierre: Exactly Troglo

Sal: Well I'm looking forward to whatever's in store

Pierre: Same here

Sal: I'm Honest Sal and that's the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

[Omega Satyros]

A few moments pass after Caine leaves the ring empty for those in the arena as the show is on commercial at home. Before LeRay has a chance to welcome the audience back, Omega is storming down to the ring, grabbing the mic from Beeman's station on the announce table, inaudible expletives heard as Omega enters the ring.

Omega: Conor. Let me tell you something. Last week on Glory, I had two options on how to end that segment. I could've taken the rout someone like "Lord" Taylor Thorin or Tommy End would've, and bashed you upside the head with that mic, or I could've done what I did, and let my words say everything, rather than resorting to a cheep shot. The reason I did what I did was because I had a ton of respect for you as a person and a competitor, a courtesy you're quick to dismiss. 

You think I'm a liar, a fraud? Gods, you sound like Beeman. Every step of my journey in JWA so far, I've proved how real I am, and how dangerous I am in this ring.

You think I'm not ready to get that title, you think I'm too brash, immature, unready. Not unlike how many described you when you got your opportunity. You're underestimating me just like everyone else I've gone against. I proved them wrong each and every time. So let me make one thing clear. The truth is I know I'm ready, and I know that next week, when the final bell sounds, you're going to be looking up at the lights while I'll be standing in the ring with my title, my arm raised in victory.

Omega tossed the mic back to the announce table before storming back to the back. 

[The Mean Queen Jessie Aldean]

buffalo enters to neneh's buffalo cherry and looks as angry and disrespectful as ever. he makes his usual entrance, tears posters out of people's hands, feints a punch to make kids flinch and hocks a big loogie. when he reaches the ring he grabs the microphone...

"everybody shut yer yaps...I gotta do the talk before the match, so y'all know what's what and where's the beef and...**buuuuuuuurrrrrppppp*...that's enough of that...c'mon down here hairy-zona!"

[Daisy Turner]

Sal: I'm here with the JWA Women's World Champion Daisy Turner alongside Sakura Watanabe. Now Daisy, you won the bet. What will the stipulation be?

Daisy: Well Sal, both you and I know that Sakura and I are two of the toughest chicks to ever step in that ring. That's why we couldn't have just a basic match. It needs some flare. That's why I'm proposing on October 10/11th, Daisy Turner vs Sakura Watanabe for the JWA Women's World Championship in... a Tables Match!

Sal: A tables match? Daisy, y'know these type of matches are reserved for rivalries who hate each other. If you are both best friends why put each other through all this pain

Daisy: It's simple. While yes we are best friend we both have 1 common goal. To become the JWA Women's World Champion, and we both will pull all the stops to achieve this goal.

Sakura: 誤解しないでください。あなたは私の親友です。しかし、私はあなたをテーブルに通します。チャンピオンになるためには何が必要でも。

Daisy: Same can be said here.

Sal: Well if this match comes true. The JWA fans will be in delight. 2 Championship matches in a row?! What a time to be a JWA fan.

Daisy: I say #bookitkip

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

We cut backstage, where a camera follows Caine as he makes his way through the corridors and into a dressing room with a TV in the corner showing footage of Chief Buffalo in the ring, jawjacking and snorting at the fans. Beside the television stands Caine's former trainer, Hito Kizuato. Caine's gaze is fixed on the tv.

CAINE: Arizona hasn't entered yet?
HITO: Not yet.
CAINE: Good. Come on A.Z., you've got this...
HITO: Chief Buffalo is not to be underestimated, Conor. He's as big and strong as Pierre, but his disposition is the opposite of a friendly giant. He's declared his desire to take your title twice now. Arizona will have to be at his best tonight, and you should still prepare for the worst.
CAINE: I know, Kizuato. My only solace, if things don't go they way I need them to tonight, is that Arizona will do enough damage to Buff in this match that I'll be able to finish the job at Guts & Gory.
HITO: What if things don't go the way you need them to next week?
CAINE: Don't worry about that. I have Omega in hand.
HITO: You do?
CAINE: He's plenty pissed off, ain't he? I have him on the back foot going into the title match: angry, defensive, impulsive...
HITO: I see...

Kizuato doesn't continue his thought but eyes Conor warily as Caine watches tv. Caine's body language is tense, his stare burning a hole in the tv set. Sensing his trainer's gaze, Caine looks up and soften a little.

CAINE: I want to thank you for coming here for this, Kiz. It means a lot.
HITO: I know what you're going through, Conor. I'm glad I can be here for you.

Conor pats Kizuato on the shoulder and Kiz returns the gesture. The two go back to the tv, waiting for Chance to make his entrance.

["Lord" Taylor Thorin]

Mozart's "Overture from the Marriage of Figaro" begins to play and the arena goes dark only for a spotlight shining on the entrance ramp.  Out walks The Punter, Nic Blunt and Vegas Viggins, all dressed in finary you can only associate with the East India Trading Company.  Shortly after follows Tembleberry, who leads out "Lord" Taylor Thorin.  Somehow, the look of disdain he usually carries is even more obvious today.

The group saunter to the ring.  Blunt, Viggins and Punter take up positions around the ring on the outside, meanwhile Tembleberry scurries over to grab a microphone before climbing up to the ring apron to hold the ropes for Thorin who steps into the ring.  Tembleberry wipes down the microphone before passing it to Thorin.  The crowd are letting it known that Thorin and his cronies are not welcome here.

Thorin pauses to let the crowd noise die down a bit before raising the microphone.

THORIN: "This sort of greeting is to be expected from scum like we have in the arena tonight.  Nevertheless..."

The crowd turn up their booing.

"...I SAID NEVERTHELESS, I am here, and for one singular reason.  I have been tasked to eliminate a scourge that has been plaguing the JWA for far too long, that being the pirate threat of Red Rogers, and those ne'er-do-wells he associates himself with.

Mr Rogers, you were so quick to assume the honorable Tembleberry had been left all alone!  This mans family have served the house of Thorin for generations.  Did you really think he would be discarded so freely and easily?

And now I have been sent the assitance of the three officers you see around the ring, with just the one purpose, eliminate Rogers.

You've had free reign to do what you like around here for far too long Mr Rogers, and it's upset some very powerful people.  So consider this a challenge if you will.  5v5.  You and your crew against the fine men you see around and in the ring today.

We'll be waiting on your answer...just don't take too long.  Last week was just an introduction to what awaits you."

[Thumper Moore III]

The arena lights go dark as Hysteria by Muse begins to play. As the guitar kicks in, a single spotlight silhouettes Arizona, and as the full band kicks in, the arena lights come back on. Arizona slaps the hands of some fans, and even takes time to console a child who was crying because Chief Buffalo tore his sign in half, and he autographs the torn sign. He rolls into the ring just before the chorus hits and waves his arm in the air as the screen shows the altered chorus, and many of the fans sing along:

“I want it now, I want it noooow,
Give me your heart and your soul gold
I’m not breaking down, I’m breaking oooooooout,
Last Chance to lose gain controooooool!”

BEEMAN: I hate singing.

LERAY: Welcome to the main event folks, as Arizona Chance and Chief Buffalo renew their rivalry here on Glory. These two have met several times in the past, but rarely with bigger stakes: the winner earns a title opportunity against either champion Conor Caine or next week’s challenger Omega Satyros.

BEEMAN: Mick, this story writes itself. Chief Buffalo has to overcome his nemesis and then one of the two biggest dillweeds in JWA to become the rightful champion.

LERAY: The title opportunity hangs in the balance, but these two are no strangers. Chief Buffalo entered JWA as a mystery opponent for Arizona at a Pay Per View show, and after losing, he became obsessed with defeating Arizona for several months. Wait, here comes the Chief—

CHIEF BUFFALO: Gimme that mike, Mick, like, lick, trike, trick. I’m not obsessed with Arizona, Montana, Colorado, avocado, or any other state. He’s a roadblock, a speed bump, he’ll take some big bumps, some lumps, and he’ll jump right out of my way. In fact, you’re in my way.

LERAY: Chief— CHIEF! I’m just commentating! Let me go!

BEEMAN: I’m outta here.

LERAY: Aaaugh! Oh, oh thank God. Chance hits Buffalo and now his attention is on his opponent and not me! The two trade shots outside the ring and there’s the bell! We’re underway!

[Omega Satyros]

Halfway through the main event, Omega and Diablo enter the designated "watch the match here to have a segment about it" room, seeing Hito and Conor.

Diablo: Hito Kizuato, an honor to meet a legend of a trainer.

Hito leads Diablo off to the side, leaving Omega and Conor alone. Omega catches on that Conor seems unsure about the trajectory of the match.

Omega: Conor, there you are. You really should be more worried about me and making sure you're ready for everything I will bring.

Conor's focus shifts to Omega, and he seems immediately pissed.

Omega: No one would know better than me what position these two are in going into this matchup, considering I'm the most recent person to face both of them in a major singles match. There's no doubt in my mind that after I beat you for that title, it's going to be Arizona going against me at Guts and Gory. 

Shame you couldn't have taken Red Pirate Rogers down during last year's J1 Pinnacle, could've gotten your dream match there in the finals. Maybe you can go against Chief Buffalo at Guts and Gory as a consolation, nice preview match for this year's Pinnacle.

---

Diablo: I swear, he's going to get some teeth knocked in if he doesn't stop

Hito: Perhaps. You've trained him well, taking a man who had no direction after he realized his entire life had been shifted away from him after what surely to him felt like a night or two of sleep.

Diablo: I remember what it's like being down on your luck and not knowing where to turn next. You've trained a real champion, I'm just worried how Omega will take it if he falls short.

Hito: Be proud of what he's taken to do. Whether he stands tall or falls short, he'll need someone to keep him guided on the right path.

Diablo: Thanks.

They both turn their attention to their trainees, proud of what they've been able to do.

Diablo: They're going to beat the living hell out of each other.

Hito: Few would know that better than you.

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Back and forth with forearms and punches, Chance and Buffalo are in danger of being counted out to start the match! Chance with a big forearm, and he rolls in at 8… and right back out!

BEEMAN: Chance is smarter than this, or should be. He knows a brawl favors the big guy.

LERAY: But Chance is winning this initial exchange. He pounds Buffalo with clubbing forearms and lays him across our table— let’s back away, Sean— Chance rolls Buffalo on top of the table— what’s he doing?

BEEMAN: He’s got a chair and he’s set it up next to our desk. Is he going to do commentary?

LERAY: Chance backs away, now runs toward the chair— OH MY GOD! He used the chair to step up and he’s got a Legion of Boom Drop across the prone Chief Buffalo on the announce table! Shades of Dragonfly’s old rival Suicide vaulting off the chair. I’m shocked the table held!

RANDOM FAN OFF CAMERA: I AM THE TABLE!

LERAY: Chance rolls Buffalo into the ring and climbs to the second rope— Chief is bent over, is Chance thinking Sedona Sunrise? He leaps— OH MY, Buffalo catches Chance and hits a nasty belly to belly suplex, all of his weight crashing down on Chance!

BEEMAN: Chance is a smear on the mat now.

LERAY: The Chief is in control!

[The Mean Queen Jessie Aldean]

buffalo laughs chaotically and picks up arizona for another belly to belly. then another. and a third.

he starts rubbing his chest hair and down to his bulbous belly while gyrating...then goes to run off the ropes and lands a huge belly splash. he goes for a cover and pushes back at 2.5 with a smile on his face as he picks up arizona and tosses him into the corner...

leray says 'if he lands one big buffalo charge here, it may be all over for arizona'

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Buffalo charges into the corner, and Arizona dodges out of the way.

BEEMAN: The ring must’ve moved two inches from the impact.

LERAY: Arizona gets a surge of adrenaline. Buffalo walks out of the corner, right into a Lost Ark Lariat!

BEEMAN: But Buffalo isn’t down.

LERAY: A second— and now a third Lost Ark Lariat only wobble the big guy. Arizona charges again, Buffalo ducks under the clothesline, Arizona rebounds and connects with a spear! But he appears to have speared a brick wall, as Buffalo’s belly jiggles with laughter and Arizona lies prone on the canvas. Buffalo attempts an elbow drop, and Chance rolls aside. Both men back to their feet…

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Before the main event, the crowd is chatting eagerly, sipping on big-gulps and eating meat-flavoured animal byproducts. The arena dims, a chant rises and falls. Like the ebbing of an ocean, excitement rises to a fever pitch. Is someone returning? Is it someone good? Is it a fan favourite?



No, it's just Brad.

It's not just Brad though, the baddest wrestler of them all, one-time Jammy-Award-Winner for Match of the Year 2022, one-half of the Bad Luck Bros, no, he is joined by his partner in crime, the greasiest boy this side of a hot ten in Memphis, the Jammy-Award-Winner for Most Hated 2022, that's right, it's also Sephy Wephy Kobaney Waney.

As Brad walks out of Gorilla, though, his arms wide, the Jammy gripped in one hand with a hot mic in the other, Seph just stands behind him, slumped against the railing, on his phone. The crowd react as only a JWA crowd will.

Brad: Alright partners! It's me, yeah, Bad Luck Bradley, yeah, back in black, wack in the sack, yeah, returning from my time in the Compound, yeah, cleanin' it, preenin' it, yeah, shampoo and dungaroos, let me tell you.

He pauses for a moment, awash in the absolute torrent of abuse that he is completely oblivious to.

Brad: Listen up, yeah, I gots to tell you that I've not been sitting out there, helping the brainwashed masses get reeducated, no, but yes, I've also been watching intently at the action taking place here, yeah, watching, hatching, banging and clanging, yeah. Liftin' hay bales and bay hails, let me tell you something what right now. Bad Lucky Bradley don't rest on his laurels, no, they look uncomfortable, yeah, heavy is the head that wears the crown and spiked are the leaves that adorn the brow, yeah. Me and Sephy been out there, yeah, gettin' masks back, backin' fast tracks, mackin' last hacks, yeah. Insane's hold is still deep within these critters, it takes a while, yeah. The Compound - that's the Compound, Alpharius Omegron, not the Apocalypse or whatever you said - is being deconstructed, deducted, dismantled and disenchanted, yeah.

The crowd pop to a wrestler's name, mispronounced as only Brad can.

Brad: But I've kept my eye on you suckers, yeah. I been watching my man Conorandcaine, would still be a boy without me, yeah. Timmy Ends, too, that big guy, can't remember his name as well. There's Penguino, pure evil in spiked-mouth form, and my rival for the affections of all, Juicy Mongoosey - I'll never forget about that hot ten you owe me you scoundrel. We got some new starts too - Frost Witch, Flower Spins and Other Person. We got Roger the Pirate still kicking ass and those two limeys, the surfer and the royal.

A cheer for each confused name.

Brad: And... of course, my man Big Buff and the Franchise himself, co-holder of the Match of the Year 2022, Amazonia Change.

A riotous applause for the main event favourites. Brad pauses for dramatic effect and then continues to misjudge pauses for some time.

Brad: I'm not going to take much of your time, just to say... And allow me to be serious for a minute... My work is hard. I have mouths to feed. It ain't free building shelter and winter is coming, amigos. I'm not looking for a handout, I'm just looking for a chance. An Amazonia Chance. I'm not looking for a role in the movie, though I do got the looks, I'm not looking for a belt, but no one better than me to have it on my waist... I'm just looking forward... to the top spot of the J1 Tournament!

The crowd cheer, mostly at the mention of the tournament.

Brad: I won't keep you back. Enjoy the main event, I'll see you all very soon!

As he turns, Seph is still engrossed in his telephone. It is a Nokia and he appears to be playing Snake. Brad has to say his name a few times. Seph's eyes roll so hard as he exits, her pert near dislocates a cornea.