JWA Glory Episode 178 - Mad Dash Tag Lottery Finals

[Kip Whistler]

Greetings, grapple fans!

Tonight we find out who will advance to challenge Duke Mongoose & Penguino for the JWA World Tag Team Championship next week at Super Glory when "The Pirates OF DOOM" take on Omega Satyros & Bad Luck Bradley! Two weeks ago we saw surprising cohesion between Rogers and DOOM, although their victory is just as much due to the fact that Mack Caliber and Arizona Chance seemed more intent on injuring each other than working together. Will Rogers and DOOM be able to capture that same magic this week? Last week we saw Omega Satyros & Bad Luck Bradley defeat the reunited, and seemingly on the same page for at least the night, Big Waves. The gravity of that achievement should not be lost on anyone. Following the match and an incident involving Bradley's grandmother and her friend, it seems that Brad might have his attention focused away from the task at hand tonight. Can Satyros reign in the bad luck wrestler and ensure that lightning strikes twice for their duo?

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

The winners of tonight's match will challenge the longest reigning World Tag Team Champions in JWA history, that being Duke & Penguino. Last week Duke was still feeling the effects of their championship milestone celebration, but we hope to hear from both he and Penguino during tonight's show to get their thoughts on who they'll be facing next week at Super Glory.

Speaking of next week at Super Glory, JWA World Heavyweight Champion Arizona Chance is heading into a 5 way match against Mack Caliber, Duke Mongoose, Omega Satyros, and Chad Shredsbury. Arizona and Mack had a verbal jousting session last week at our commentary desk during the main event. Chad Shredsbury is no longer in the tag team running after last week's loss, so we expect to hear from the wave rider during the broadcast. As of right now, the only person in the main event of Super Glory pulling double duty will be Duke Mongoose, but that could change should Omega and Bradley win. I get the feeling I'm going to get an earful from "Big Daddy Duke" if the Pirates OF DOOM pick up the victory. I'll never hear the end of it!

Also at Super Glory next week will be the JWA Women's World Championship match between our champion "The Mean Queen" Jessie Aldean and "The Huntress" Artemis. Jessie seems confident in her chances of victory, but then again confidence has never been lacking from Miss Jessie. Artemis seems poised and ready with her Hunters by her side to take the title. We expect to hear from these two here tonight one last time in advance of their championship bout.

I alluded to it earlier, but have Pierre The Enormous and Chad Shredsbury mended fences? Or was it just a case of former partners putting their differences aside in pursuit of a common goal? Perhaps the big man himself will enlighten us.

We still haven't gotten any more information relating to the bizarre series of "Shovel Man" vignettes that have been airing during JWA programming. Who could it be? Is tonight the night we find out?

What ARE Winter Hex's intentions relating to Mack Caliber?

What's next for the trailblazer of the JWA women's division, Daisy Turner?

Let's get this show underway! Get out there and work your gimmick!

[Chad Shredsbury]

Early in the show Honest Sal appears on the stage.

Sal. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s great to be here for Glory in the JWA Studios as usual. We are in for one heck of a show tonight, but joining me at this time is surely one of the most controversial figures in JWA today. Chad Shredsbury.

Chad comes to the stage, open Hawaiian shirt and tight jeans with designer sunglasses.

Sal. Chad, thanks for coming out tonight. There are a lot of questions, as always.

Chad. I’m sure there are, Sal.

Sal. I’ve got to start with the obvious, of course, Bad Luck Bradley had some harsh words for you understandably so as you had wiped out his grandmother and her friend Martha in your tag team match. The world needs to know the intention behind that dive.

Chad. Sal, I am well aware of what people think of me these days, brah. And to that I say, whatever. But in all honesty, I didn’t mean to blast the old dames. I was tryin to totally cap up on an opportunity to wipe out Brad and Brona in one shot. And honestly, the move looked sick. I truly apologize to the Granny Patrol. I had no intention at all of harming them.

Sal. That sounds believable enough and I, for one, hope it’s true. And what of the handshake at the end of the match with your long time ally Pierre? Is there hope for some kind of future for Big Waves?

Chad. Big Waves’ future is in the hands of the big man, Sal. It always has been. I’ve never had any trouble with Big Bro. The company he keeps can be disgraceful, I don’t care for some of his chums. But as the world saw, we didn’t look too rusty last week. And I suppose it’s for the best that we lost. While disappointing, it frees me up to focus fully on the JWA Title. That’s what we’re all about right now, dude.

Sal. Well, with 4 other men in the match you will have your work cut out for you there, Chad.

Chad. Indeed, Sal. But I’m gonna do what I do. I’m gonna pop up and ride the wave off into the sunset. And something tells me that in spite of the crowd in the ring, I’m heading for the Gold Coast this time around.

[Red Pirate Rogers]

The lights dim and the announcement echoes around the arena as Wink sets up the match:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for the Mad Dash Tag Lottery Finals. The winners of this bout will go on to face the "Forever Champions", Duke Mongoose, and Penguino, at Super Glory.

"Entering first, and coming down the aisle (There's a cannon blast but then "Accordion" by MF DOOM plays), weighing in at a combined 648 Pounds. The Greatest Wrestler of Doom and Red Pirate Rogers...the Pirates of DOOOOOOOOOM"

LeRay: Arguably the least likely pairing I can think of in the entire tag lottery. One of the winningest wrestlers in the JWA's history and a man who is literally afraid of cheese.

Beeman: Hey, mad cows might make mad cheese. I think Doom's got a point, shame he doesn't use it to stab Rogers in the back.

LeRay: Rogers has run into a few betrayals in his time here, including the recent assault by his former Pirate King running mate Mack Caliber.

Beeman: Serves him right! When we look back on the sure to be legendary career of Mack Caliber, Red won't even be a footnote, he'll be a smudge on the page!

(The Pirates make their way into the ring and Rogers demonstrates bouncing off the ropes and encouraging Doom to do the same, (the ropes sag down dramatically under Doom's weight) After the wobble, Rogers takes Doom to their corner and awaits the arrival of their opponents.

[Omega Satyros]

"Satyr" by Andromeda begins playing as Omega makes his way out. He's flanked by Black Cat and Diablo. Omega begins making his way down to the ring, ready to win.

LeRay: And Legado Del Infierno members Omega Satyros and Bad Luck Bradley are looking to secure their spot in next week's tag title match.


Beeman: Wake me up when either of these teams does something worth my attention.


LeRay: Don't be like that Sean, this is sure to be a great matchup. 

“Bad Romance (Bliix mix)" by Lady Gaga takes over for "Satyr". Bad Luck Bradley is all business as he rushes down to the ring. His righteous fury against Chad is still burning.

Beeman: Well, haven't seen that look on Brad's face in a long time.

[Artemis]

Midway through the show, Artemis gets in the ring, mic in her hand. She's surrounded by her Hunters.

Artemis: Miss Jessie Aldean. You have some misplaced nerve trying to claim I don't deserve my title shot, when I had you dead to rights twice in that #1 contenders match before Destiny. Once when Buffalo dragged the ref out of the ring, and the other before Winter decided she wanted to sacrifice either of our shots at winning for a pop-up attack that flopped worse than her Wizard of Oz rip-off.

Crowd: HUH?!
 
Artemis: But you'd know all about being a rip-off wouldn't you. First brought into the JWA world to be a two-bit Miss Victoria, only to go turncoat to Chief Buffalo. Then you hitched your wagon to Winter Hex, only to get blown away in the wreck that sent Winter spiraling into Old Hollywood, but not before giving you a beating at Guts and Gory.

Crowd: HUH?!

Artemis: And now that you cozied back up to Chief Buffalo after he's given up on his in-ring career, he didn't look far for new inspiration. Only difference is the true Queen of Mean came from the Lap of Luxury, while your Down-Home Southern Charmless self would look more at home with the Mullet Cousins.

Crowd: HUH?!

Artemis: Say "HUH?!" if you have the IQ of the Mullet Cousins.

Crowd: HUH?!

Artemis: Of course. I bet this brainless crowd is all too eager to see someone like them continue to make a mockery of the JWA title. But I'm not alone this time. You can't get Chief Buffalo to steal the win this time. My Hunters will guarantee that. The Goddess of JWA will reign supreme.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Brad steps in first and DOOM cracks his neck, striding to the Bad Luck Wrestler, who suddenly regrets this decision. What follows is a series of reversals. Brad strikes DOOM, who blocks and shoves Brad. An Irish whip is returned with a snap and a dropkick hits nothing but air. Both men are careful: one because of his opponents' size and strength, the other because the man they are against is unpredictable. Both men square off in the ring and step back to their corner. Red tags in. Omega does not.

Brad, a massive Rogers mark, can barely hold in his joy. His face briefly flashes to a wide smile until he forces on a scowl. Still, his eyes betray his true feelings. He is delighted to be here.

Brief shot of Martha and Brad's Grandma, backstage. They stand beside a TV showing the match, both at that strange angle where they don't seem to be making eye contact with the TV. Still, Brad's Grandma looks concerned. Martha has slipped off to the snack table and is slowly wrapping sandwiches in napkins and slipping them into her purse.

Rogers wastes no time in delivering a series of strikes, pushing brad against the ropes. He hits an Irish whip and Brad takes an elbow to the mouth. Lifting Brad up, he whips him into the corner with DOOM, who delivers a forearm to the back of Brad's head. Another Irish whip throws Brad into his own corner, where he is wrapped around the turnbuckle, ending up sitting atop it. Before Omega can tag in, Rogers has bolted to the corner, knocking Omega to the ground.

Using Brad's height on the turnbuckle, Rogers lifts Brad up into a super backdrop, but Omega is in, burning his tag and cracking Rogers with a smashing boot to the back! The pirate stumbles and as the referee counts for Omega to leave the ring, the Greek God and Bad Luck Wrestler lift Rogers up for a double snap suplex.

Beeman: The speed!

However, DOOM has burned his own tag and caught Rogers in his arms! As Brad and Omega scramble, DOOM and Rogers quickly confer. Rogers offers a solemn nod and DOOM gently lifts him into a gorilla press, tossing him at Brad and Omega!

LeRay: Using your partner as a weapon? Unheard of!

Their plan has succeeded! Omega is smashed on the face and DOOM leaves the ring as Rogers, now atop Brad, gets the pin for one, two...

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

The referee raises their hand for the third count, when the lights in the studio cut out.

LeRay: What the heck is this?!

There’s a murmur from the crowd. Then the sound of heavy boots and scraping metal floods the room, getting louder and louder.

LeRay: It’s the “Shovel Man!” Is he here?
Beeman: Who is he?!

The sound cuts out suddenly, as the Jerkatron lights up: 3/12/24 The fans erupt in cheers

LeRay: That’s next week!
Beeman: Super Glory!
LeRay: “Shovel Man” is going to reveal himself next week on Super Glory!

The lights come back on to find Red and the ref on their knees, looking at the Jerkatron in bemusement; Brad is still prone, but stirring.

LeRay: A stay of execution for Bradley? There’s no way of telling if that was a three count or a kickout but, regardless, this match continues!

["The Reminiscer" Winter Hex]

~Winter Hex Productions~

Winter: Yes, yes it is true I am back on your TV screens. I have saved this broadcast from having to shove fake actors down their oesophagus. You can thank me later Mr. Kipling. Now onto business. I had to take some time off because I have a severe lethal fluew. Yes, yes it is true. It was very... Sickening (crickets) But I am back into business. While I don't appreciate Artemis lying by calling my feature films "Rip-offs" I'll let it slide as I would expect that from a group of petty girls fighting for a mere midcard championship. Now I had to postpone my Mania match but that doesn't mean it was cancelled no no no. I will be at JWA Mania and I will be competing in Intergender action and I will be winning said intergender action. Now, the moment I win I shall expect a round of applause from all the boys in the back. Now if I don't get that treatment I shall have you know there will be chaos ensuing around the JWA. Now to finish this off. Allow me to show you this amazing... Erm, what was it called? Ani-animation? Yeah! That's right, animations. Enjoy


~Fin~

[Red Pirate Rogers]

With Bradley stirring, Rogers knows he can't hope for another pin fall and instead will have to work to wear down his opponent. Sighing he picks Brad up only to get a shot in the gut.

LeRay: Oooh, Rogers surprised by Brad there, of course back in the J-1, Brad was responsible for bringing out a side of Rogers we rarely see.

Beeman: Yeah, the cool side.

LeRay: I disagree, Rogers is as cool and collected as they come most of the time, but when Brad laid his hands on Rogers crew at ringside, the Crimson Corsair was more agitated than we've ever seen him!

(Brad seems to remember this too. After a couple strong blows to Rogers he runs over and surprises Doom with a noggin knocker to the turnbuckle. Rogers straightens up to see Brad holding Doom by the mask and play slapping his face, seeing if this gets a reaction out of Rogers)

Beeman: Nothing?!? Come on, Brad's after your boy Rogers, do something!

LeRay: I think Rogers understands that in a tag match you sign up for action when you least expect it. Besides, Doom can take care of himself.

On cue, Doom gives Brad a headbut to send him reeling, and Rogers runs in with a drop kick to send Brad over the top rope.

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

With Brad prone outside the ring, Rogers checks on his partner and DOOM is excited, tagging himself in. Rogers reluctantly takes instruction from DOOM, who steps into the ring, almost tripping on his cape, and instructs Rogers to the apron. Both men fade each other and hold the top rope between them.

Beeman: What exactly is happening here? Are they having a discussion or a wrestling match?

LeRay: DOOM seems to have a plan, Sean. And Red doesn’t seem terribly confident in said plan.

This is true, as DOOM continuously gestures for Red to yank the rope and slingshot DOOM over the top onto Bradley, who now sits on the arena floor, looking up at his opponents, also wondering what exactly they are trying to accomplish. Rogers finally gives in and jerks the top rope for all he is worth, and the rope snaps and tremors but DOOM goes nowhere. DOOM stomps his feet like a child having a tantrum, but Omega charges behind him and blasts DOOM into Rogers, who crashes to the floor on top of Bradley. DOOM, meanwhile, ends up face first in the turnbuckle. After all this, finally, a previously distracts Jack LeBiggun begins his count.

[Duke Mongoose]

Toni Cruise: I'm backstage here at the JWA Studios with one half of the "Forever Champs", Duke Mongoose. Good to see you back to your old self again after last week.

Duke Mongoose: Big Daddy Duke is glad to be back, Toni Spumoni! Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I want to thank Johnny Kobra and my boy Penguino again for taking care of me last week and seeing to it that I recovered.

Toni: Next week is Super Glory where you'll be one of five men involved in the JWA World Heavyweight Championship match, as well as having to defend your tag title alongside Penguino against the winners of tonight's main event. What are your thoughts ahead of the big event?

Duke: Kip put Big Daddy Duke in an unenviable position. Either I compete in both matches or I have forfeit one. Big Daddy Duke has been around long enough to know that you don't turn down opportunities at the World Title because you never know when you'll get another. So if I don't want to fight twice I'd have to abandon my boy Penguino and the World Tag Team Titles. How could I bring myself to do that? I love that little guy like a son. So there's a part of me rooting for Goat Boy and Brad Luck to win so that at least one other person in the 5 way match will also be pulling double duty at Super Glory. That being said, I'd much rather be defending these belts against the clown shoes team of Rogers and DOOM. It's a real conundrum, ya dig?

Toni: Well, I'll leave you to your preparations. Best of luck next week.

Duke: Luck is for losers, Toni. Go call your grandmother, because this interview is over!

(Duke begins to flex and shuffle out of the shot)

Toni: Mick and Sean, back to you!

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Rogers is up and bleary, but Omega has charged to one side of the ring, propelling himself off the ropes. DOOM is on all fours and with a lurch, Omega fires off the ropes, stepping on the back of DOOM and launching himself at Rogers, who collapses into the barricade, scattering chairs and the popcorn of onlookers. DOOM is out, helping Rogers up but Omega has already rolled Brad into the ring.

Chaos has descended on this match.

[Omega Satyros]

Omega charges at DOOM, dropping him with a Satyr Kick.

LeRay: Omega's playing the game, DOOM is still his team's legal man, and Omega's betting on DOOM not being able to make it to his feet and in the ring by 10.

Beeman: He can try and pretend to be worth a damn all he wants, I gave him a chance in the J-1 during his match with Brad, I'm not making that mistake again.

Rogers is trying to help his tag partner up, and shoves Omega to the side. Omega closes the gap as Rogers helps DOOM to his feet. During this time Brad has gotten back on his feet, and looks to have taken a lesson in high-flying from Diablo, who proudly watches on with Black Cat as Brad soars off the top rope into the other three men in the matchup. Brad helps Omega to his feet as the ref restarts his 10 count.

LeRay: Impressive offense out of Brad there.

Beeman: I'm falling asleep in this chair with all these goodie-two shoes trouncing about.

[Pierre The Enormous]

*Before the main I arrive at the podium*

Sal: Greetings Pierre

Pierre: Hello Sal

Sal: So about last week...

Pierre: The handshake that broke Chirpy

Sal: I just wanted to get what was going through your mind

Pierre: Chad better not give me a low blow when I turn my back and the fans won't like this

*the fans cheer as if agreeing with me*

Pierre: See?

Sal: Yeah

Pierre: Anyway that's pretty much the gist of it

Sal: Anything on the future of Big Waves

Pierre: We'll see where it goes...

Sal: Thank you Pierre

Pierre: You're welcome Sal

Sal: I'm Honest Sal and that's the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

[Bad Luck Bradley]

The men outside stumble to their feet as the ref counts. He reaches five and turns to Brad and Omega, telling the legal man to stay. They bicker, both claiming to be tagged in. The crowd are counting on even though the ref isn't. They get to nine and DOOM and Rogers are inside, all four men standing, the ref between them.

Pointing and shouting, threatening and roaring.

Finally, the ref tells both teams to play rock paper scissors. They do. Omega and Rogers are deemed legal. The match continues.