JWA SG 03/2024 - JWA World Tag Team Championship Match

[Kip Whistler]

JWA World Tag Team Championship Match - One Fall - 60 Minute Time Limit
Duke Mongoose & Penguino (c) vs. Red Pirate Rogers & The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM

[Duke Mongoose]

("Stay Vicious" by The Gaslight Anthem plays and Johnny Kobra leads Duke Mongoose and Penguino through the curtain and to the ring. Penguino walks with complete focus, while Duke waves and poses for the fans who do their best not to throw their popcorn and drinks at him)

LeRay: Here they come, the "Forever Champs" as Duke calls them, and with good reason. Duke and Penguino are the longest reigning tag team champions in JWA history, surpassing the team they beat for the gold, Big Waves.

Beeman: Like I said on the kickoff, it's going to take some kind of miracle for the goofy pirate and the big galoot to dethrone Duke & Penguino!

(In the ring, Duke stands on the second turnbuckle facing the crowd, and Penguino scales up Duke's back and stands atop Duke's shoulders. Both do a double bicep pose, to a mixed reaction from the fans)

Beeman: Look! Big Daddy Duke is starting to rub off on the little guy! You know what they say: "Like father, like son".

LeRay: Penguino is NOT Duke's- OH, nevermind! That cannon blast can only mean one thing!

Beeman: We're under attack!

LeRay: Would you stop! Here come the challengers!

Beeman: That's even worse!

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

Cannons blast and music hits as the arena goes dark. Two
Spotlights shine on opposite ends of the scaffolding some 10 feet above the stage. On one side is Red Pirate Rogers and at the other is the Greatest Professional Wrestler of DOOM. Each man has a dagger in his teeth and holds a lanyard in his hand. They give a big Pirates of DOOM thumbs up and an “Ahoy!” to one another.

LeRay: Uh oh.

Both men grab their respective ropes with both hands. Rogers swings gracefully forward and down to the front of the stage and gives a grand Pirate bow! DOOM, at no point moves forward at all but rather grabs his rope and plummets directly down, gut first and splatters onto the stage, his Jolly Roger cape fluttering in his wake. The crowd gasps. Hearing this, Rogers gasps as well before turning around to see his blubbery mate out cold several feet behind him.

[Duke Mongoose]

(Duke and Penguino spring into action, swarming Rogers who was distracted by DOOM's situation. The two rain down blows onto Rogers and then throw him into the ring)

LeRay: Referee Rothburn Sallie calls for the bell and we're underway with Duke and Rogers in the ring.

Beeman: Like I said, these guys will need a MIRACLE to win tonight.

LeRay: Duke sends Rogers across the ring and nails him coming back off the ropes with a big back body drop! Did you see the height? Incredible! Rogers is struggling back to his feet, and he's met by Mongoose with The Running Neckbreaker Drop! Duke goes for the cover, but Rogers emphatically kicks out at one!

Beeman: Has DOOM moved yet? This may end up being a handicap match, which I'm sure Duke won't be complaining about since he's got another match coming up later on.

LeRay: Duke tags in Penguino, then hoists him up into what looks like a power slam position. Rogers is pulling himself up to his feet in the corner - OH MY! Duke just tossed Penguino into Red's midsection like a lawn dart!

Beeman: He beaked him! Rogers is done for!

LeRay: Penguino makes a cover, but Rogers again emphatically kicks out!

Beeman: Stay on him! Hurry up before DOOM wakes up!

[Penguino]

Penguino quickly takes advantage of Rogers being prone on the floor and begins to stomp on him. The Pirate is then sent into the corner and begins being flipper chopped.

LeRay “Now Rogers in trouble and these chops are noticeably damaging his chest.”

Beeman “He’s setting up for the part damaged by his finisher.”

LeRay “That is just incorrect both of their finishers target the head. Now Rogers is able to duck under a chop and is now sending rights between the eyes to Penguino.

Rogers takes ‘guino out of the corner and hits him with a snap suplex sending him onto his back.

[Red Pirate Rogers]

LeRay: And Red Pirate Rogers is a house of fire following up on Penguino, he gets the birdman to his feet and delivers a few chops of his own...

Beeman: Get in there Duke, Bird Boy's wobbly!

LeRay: Oh a Cutlass Kick! And down goes Penguino!! Rogers looks around, he's headed to the top rope...

(Rogers runs to a neutral corner and climbs, signaling to fans that it's time for the Cliffs of Craziness, but before he can do anything Duke charges from the champion's corner and knocks the Pirate from his perch crashing down onto the barricade)

Beeman: YES!! WHAT TEAMWORK!!

LeRay: Oh, come on!! Rothburn Sallie is giving Duke a talking to, and rightly so, those should be grounds for disqualification.

Beeman: Great strategy, LeRay! He should get disqualified!!

LeRay: ...of course fans, the title doesn't change hands on a disqualification so it's only natural that my partner in commentary thinks it's a good idea...but that may be moot as Rogers is in considerable pain by our commentary desk, will DOOM make it down, or will the challengers get counted out?

Beeman: Great strategy again! It works on so. Many. LEVELS!!

[Duke Mongoose]

Rothburn Sallie: Five! Six! Seven!

(Rogers is beginning to climb back into the ring. Penguino tags Duke, who drops off the apron and lays in a clubbing blow between Rogers' shoulder blades before tossing him back into the ring)

LeRay: Penguino decides not to chance it and lets Duke put more of a hurting on the Red Pirate.

Beeman: A count out victory would have been fine, but that barnacle-brain just doesn't know when to stay down!

LeRay: Back in the ring Duke lays in a series of Mongolian Chops, keeping Rogers seated on the mat and in incredible pain from the looks of it.

Beeman: If only his tag team partner wasn't a complete buffoon who knocked himself out.

LeRay: Mongoose now applies the Ionian Nerve Grip! Penguino and Johnny Kobra are ecstatic! Will Rogers capitulate?

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

A roar is heard from the stage. DOOM explodes up, shoving off several medical staffers and staggers, trying to establish his whereabouts. He stops and switch’s his eye patch from left to right. Everyone in the ring freezes in their tracks to see what is happening.

Beeman: You’ve got to be kidding me.

LeRay: It looks like the cavalry is on its way!

DOOM begins a charge down the ramp. His cape flaps behind him, slapping fans and spilling drinks all the way down. About eleven steps from the ring he trips and his rotund body rolls the rest of the way down and he crashes into the ring steps. Motionless.

Beeman: Well. That was weird.


Rogers hangs his head and sighs. Everyone in the ring goes back to business as usual.

[Duke Mongoose]

(Rogers pounds his heel against the mat to start the fans rallying behind him. Slowly he works back to his feet in defiance of the nerve grip. Duke seems shocked at this development. Rogers lands a series of elbows to the midsection of Mongoose, loosening the grip. Red looks to run to the ropes, but Duke grabs him by the back of his mask and pulls him back into a sleeper hold)

Beeman: And that, LeRay, is why I never wore a mask in the ring.

LeRay: That's why? Sure. I'm not sure what Red was planning regardless, because as we can all see his partner is still relatively useless, albeit closer to the ring.

Beeman: Oh what is Rogers doing now?

(Rogers once again lands a few blows to the midsection of Mongoose, seemingly a weakness, and he backs Duke against the ropes)

LeRay: Rogers shoots Duke across the ring and catches him in the center with a sleeper of his own! This crowd is going ballistic!

Beeman: No! No! Fight, Duke! Penguino! DO SOMETHING!

[Red Pirate Rogers]

The Mongoose, does indeed fight back, swinging elbows behind him which Rogers dodges once, twice, but is caught when Duke surprises him swinging both.

Beeman: That's what it means to be a FOREVER CHAMPION baby!

LeRay: Rogers grip is loosening, but he's still trying to subdue Mongoose, wait a second he...[SLAM] OH! Kamtchatka Crunch! Rogers positions himself perfectly to turn the sleeper into that Russian Leg sweep and Duke is down again.

Beeman: I've always said that move should be illegal!

LeRay: I can literally NEVER remember you saying anything about it until this moment.

Beeman: Next you'll be telling me you don't remember agreeing to let me use your credit card whenever I needed to.

LeRay: Wait...What?!?

[While LeRay considers months of bank statements, Rogers moves to his opponent's side and applies the Figurehead submission hold, leaning back to lift up Duke and continue to pressure the midsection]

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

Mongoose is in a lot of trouble here, but Johnny Kobra is on the apron, which draws Rothburn away from the action and allow Penguino to slide beak first into Red’s calves, taking down the Crimson Corsair once again.

Beeman: Way to be Penguino! They don’t call them the Forever Champs for nothing.

LeRay: I’m pretty sure only they call themselves that.

As Rogers stumbles, Duke stands up and lifts Penguino over his head and throws him like a missile into the Pirate’s face. Rogers bounces off the ropes and drops. Duke covers him as Sallie slides in for the count. 1, 2, and Rothburn Sallie is yanked by his legs out of the ring, sailing four feet before hitting the floor. A roaring DOOM stands at ringside, now guzzling a slurpee. He slowly climbs into the apron. Duke grabs his groggy companion and lifts Penguino once again, now launching him into DOOM, but Penguino bounces off his blubbery gut and also flies over the ropes and out of the ring. DOOM looks down and rubs his belly as it it hurts, then grabs Mongoose and clobbers him with several blows and lifts him slightly, then drops him hard with a belly to belly suplex of DOOM!

DOOM switches his eye patch once more and checks on his floored partner. Johnny Kobra, seeing no ref, comes in and calls him out. He throws several roundhouse kicks thy never get above DOOM’s chest. A stiff palm strike bounces off DOOM before he throws Johnny into the corner and crushed him with an avalanche of DOOM!

Beeman: What. Is. Happening?

[Duke Mongoose]

LeRay: In all of this chaos, Rogers and Duke have been laid out in the center of the ring. Rothburn Sallie turns his attention back to the ring and is starting a 10 count on the fallen competitors.

Beeman: I'm not sure if it's good news or bad news, but it appears DOOM has found his way to his team's corner and is looking to get the tag.

LeRay: It's good news for Rogers if he can make the tag and get a break, and it's bad news for Duke and Penguino if the fresh man gets into the match.

Beeman: "Fresh" is a relative term. If I can smell him from here, he ain't fresh.

LeRay: Would you stop!

(Sallie continues his count as Rogers and Duke start to make their way to their feet. Rogers, seeing DOOM in the corner, begins to make his way for the desperately needed tag. Duke starts toward his own corner, but Penguino points at Rogers and DOOM and Duke decides to try to intercept the tag. Unfortunately, Duke is a hair too late and Rogers makes the tag to DOOM. The crowd erupts)

LeRay: DOOM is now the legal man and it's not looking good for Big Daddy Duke.

Beeman: GET OUT OF THERE!

(Duke tries to punch DOOM, but DOOM catches his fist, throws it down, and belly bumps Duke knocking him down. DOOM hits another as Duke gets to his feet. DOOM lands a third which brings Penguino into the ring. Penguino gets belly bumped for his trouble as well)

LeRay: The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM is a relative house of fire!

Beeman: Duke and Penguino are bouncing off him like a ball off a wall!

LeRay: The champs decide to charge in unison at DOOM but again they are bounced back by his sizeable girth!

Beeman: This guy ain't human!

LeRay: Neither is Penguino.

Beeman: Touche.

(DOOM, after thoroughly thrashing the champions, is now covered in sweat and taking heaving breaths. Thankfully, Rogers has had enough time to recover and makes the tag)

LeRay: Here comes a refreshed Red Pirate Rogers with both of the champions reeling!

[Penguino]

LeRay “Rogers comes in hot with a clothesline to both of the champions and Penguino is rolling out of the ring leaving his legal partner with Rogers.”

Beeman “No Penguino you coward get back in there.”

LeRay “Oh no look at doom on the apron, he’s looking directly at Penguino, he runs and jumps off looking for a splash but he is a full yard shy of the humanoid Penguin and laying himself out.”

Penguino looks at DOOM for a moment, shrugs, and gets back on the apron where we find Duke in the champs corner being set up for a drop kick by Red.

LeRay “Red looking for something big here but now Johnny Kobra is interrupting the match and stopping red by distracting him, what’s his problem.”

Beeman “His problem is he’s too smart because now Penguino has the perfect opportunity to blind tag himself in without Rogers knowing.”

LeRay “Now Penguino gets off of the apron and slides in behind the Pirate who is now charging Duke for the drop kick and he nails him with it. But now from behind a schoolboy or school Penguin roll up 1. No Rogers with an early kick out but he rolls onto his knees and ‘Guino with a super kick, no pump fake to make Roger’s cover up and now when he opens his arms to peak he gets a beak to the eyes.”

Beeman “An ingenious setup that must’ve been Dukes plan.”

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

Red Pirate Rogers covers his eyes and backs off, down on his knees but a vicious side of Penguino has emerged and he does not relent. Duke is is excited he comes through the ropes and begins stomping on Rogers as well. Rothburn Sallie protests only to have DOOM join the fray as he attempts clotheslines to both foes before hunching into tripod position to catch his breath, not realizing they easily ducks his attack. Duke once again grabs Penguino and throws him at DOOM’s face, but DOOM happens to stand tall at that moment and the penguin ricochets off his gut and slams flippers first into Mongoose, dropping him.

As Duke rolls out of the ring, DOOM hoists Penguino up, steps to the second rope in the corner and gives a vertical superplex. Unnoticed by many, Rogers has scaled the opposite rope and soars from the top to deliver the Cliffs of Craziness. A PIRATE PLEX has been delivered and Red covers Penguino for the 1-2-3!!! AND NNNEW JWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF DOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!