JWA Guts & Gory 2024 - Main Thread

[Kip Whistler]

JWA presents...

GUTS & GORY 2024

(Spooky but upbeat music plays was we get sweeping shots of the arena where we see fans dressed up as their favorite JWA stars. There's a couple's costume of Omega Satyros & The Black Cat, a Duke Mongoose being beaked by an inflatable Penguino, an elaborate makeup job on a fan who is both Artemis and Lady Diana Gallus but as a shattered mirror reflection, and multiple Red Pirate Rogers', Pierre The Enormous, etc. We settle on a shot of Mick LeRay, who is wrapped up like a Mummy, and "Savvy" Sean Beeman who is also dressed like a mummy)

LeRay: Hello wrestling fans, welcome to the spookiest night of the year - it's JWA Guts & Gory! We've got a heck of a show lined up for you tonight!

Beeman: What is this, amateur hour? Two mummies?

LeRay: I made my intentions to dress this way very clear, Sean. I guess you just weren't listening.

Beeman: Could be. I generally try not to listen to you.

LeRay: Let's get into tonight's card. Up first is the explosion of Domination, Inc. as Conor Caine takes on Omega Satyros! Caine was the leader of Domination, Inc., quite possibly the most despicable group of villains JWA has ever seen, and it turns out it was all a ruse all along, with Caine intentionally "playing" the villain to give the fans someone to rally against. This revelation didn't sit well with the rest of the group, who brutally attacked Caine, and it led to Omega Satyros & The Black Cat claiming the World Tag Team Championship by defeating Caine in a handicap match. Tonight Satyros looks for his pound of flesh, while Caine will be looking for redemption in the eyes of the fans.

Beeman: I never used to like that horned goat fellow, but he's grown on me. Especially now that Caine has turned out to be a low down rotten liar! I hope Caine gets what's coming to him tonight!

LeRay: Next up is a rather unusual match - the "San Francisco 49ers Match" between Mack Caliber and The King of Games! There will be a box on a pole in each corner of the ring, with three of the boxes containing worthless items and one containing a weapon that could turn the tide of the match. King of Games asked for this match, and has promised a big surprise for Caliber. What could it be? What could be in the boxes? We find out tonight.

Beeman: Mack picked this stipulation and let's face it, the kid's gone off the deep end since Winter Hex lost the World Heavyweight Title and left Mack behind. I'm not sure he's right in the head, and tonight should stand to prove that. Why request one of the worst stipulations in the history of wrestling? I'm telling you, that boy ain't right.

LeRay: In what should definitely live up to the Guts & Gory name, we've got a Casket Match between Slashmaster and Bayou Burl - or should I say The Fright? It was revealed that Bayou Burl was the one who was responsible for keeping Slashmaster away from JWA for the past few years, and it wasn't for the better of JWA, but rather for Burl's own satisfaction. Obviously Slashmaster isn't too happy with Burl, and tonight he'll be looking to put Burl into that airtight case and seal the lid shut. It might not be that easy of a task, seeing as The Fright is a very different competitor from what we've seen out of Burl or even his previous incarnation as the Manhattan Mauler. This one is going to be epic!

Beeman: The big spooky guy and the other, slightly smaller spooky guy, are going to have a spooky match where one of them is going to get locked in a coffin. I really don't care who wins this one, because I've got my popcorn ready and I'm looking forward to the show!

LeRay: For only the second time in JWA history we've got a Loser Leaves JWA Match, but it will also be contested under Shattered Mirror rules - Artemis vs. Lady Diana Gallus! The issues between these two run deep and it has all come to a head here tonight. A mirror will be placed in each corner of the ring and the winner will be the one who throws their opponent through the mirror first, shattering it. This one could also end up being "Guts & Gory"! Artemis and Lady Diana have decided that JWA isn't big enough for the two of them, and if that weren't enough, we're putting another hat on a hat since Queen Amana, the mentor of these two competitors, will be the special guest referee!

Beeman: How many gimmicks does this match have?

LeRay: Yes.

Beeman: Well, in that case... I'm rooting for Artemis in this one. If you ask me, she's been done dirty by Lady Diana, and she's going to get the sweetest revenge here tonight in front of her former mentor.

LeRay: Dirty Diana? Isn't that a song? Anyway, moving on to our main event - Duke Mongoose defends the World Heavyweight Championship against his former tag team partner and long-time rival Penguino! These two men set the record for the longest tag team championship reign in JWA history as The Forever Champs, and since losing those titles they've each gone on to achieve singles glory. Penguino was the first Openweight Champion in JWA history, and Duke defeated Winter Hex to claim the World title. These two have met several times in the past, and things tend to go Penguino's way. We could be making history again here tonight, with Penguino being the first competitor to be World, Tag Team, and Openweight champion, as well as handing Duke the record for the shortest World title reign!

Beeman: Or maybe we don't make history and Duke beats the ever-loving snot out of Penguino once and for all? Did you ever think of that?

LeRay: It's going to be a night to remember, that's for sure. Let's send it down to the ring to start the show!

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I lumber my way to the podium not dressed up*

Sal: Not dressing up this year Pierre?

Pierre: Nah Jax wants me to run security again... lot of unruly patrons this time of year

Sal: Fair enough and what're your plans heading into the J-1?

Pierre: Have a solid plan for each of my opponents and if all else fails throw everything at the wall and see what sticks

Sal: I see

Pierre: Anyway I gotta bounce and I'll see ya when I see ya Sal

Sal: See ya Pierre

Pierre: *I exit the podium and give hugs and headpats to anyone who asks for one*

Sal: Well with that I'm Honest Sal and that's the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

[Red Pirate Rogers]

[On the preshow]

Chet Desmond: A little treat before the main action of tonight's event, we've got the first match for the Excellence of Elocution as Thumper Moore and Red Pirate Rogers take on the Malarkey Brothers.

(Thumper and Red make their way to the ring where the Malarkeys stand waiting, both of the faces take turn trying to hold the ropes open for the other, insisting on gentlemanly deference)

Chet: I think the Malarkeys see an opportunity here! (Indeed the brothers come charging in to attack their opponents only for their Excellencies to pull down the top rope simultaneously leaving the opponents to topple out of the ring.) No! they're outfoxed! And Rogers and Thumper bow to one another.

(Thumper departs and Randall Malarkey enters the ring with Rogers giving him ample space inviting Randall to make a move, Malarkey signals for a tie up, but delivers a lowblow kick as Rogers obliges. Randall goes for some axehandles and drives Rogers to one knee, then mock bows only to get)...

Chet: Small package from Rogers! 1...no! Drop kick from Rogers! Another! Another! Randall is staggered off the ropes.
(Rogers pauses for a moment, checking on Randall...ensuring he's ok, if a bit wobbly. Then the pirate backs up a step and hits Randall with a cutlass kick that knocks him to the outside again)

Chet: So far it's all the Elocuters, here comes the tag to Thumper and we'll see what the other half of this team has in mind!

[Thumper Moore III]

DESMOND: Thumper with a double clothesline to the Malarkey brothers and they topple down like so many bowling pins. He picks up Keith— Larger Than Life! But Randall is the legal man. Thumper finds out as Randall stomps him— Thumper just looks enraged, not hurt. He whips Randall into the ropes, runs at a ninety degree angle— POUNCE! Randall bangs hard against the corner. And Rogers looks down at Malarkey and then up at Thumper— did he just say he’s glad Thumper is on his side?

Thumper tags in Red, who climbs the turnbuckle. Thumper pushes Randall into the ropes it’s Sanctus Espirit— wait, he holds him up— Cliffs of Craziness as Randall is powerbombed! My god! It’s academic at this point. An impressive win for the new tag team of Rogers and Moore, the Excellence of Elocution!