Territory Days: The Rasslin’ Review

[Thumper Moore III]

Here is the magazine where we will post articles and reviews from our shared universe. First article coming.

[Thumper Moore III]

A Flawless Champ

March 1985
by Sue Plex

The Rasslin’ Review was fortunate enough to have a sit down with SWAG Heavyweight Champ Flawless One. With his victory over Terry Van Winkle at Valentine’s Massacre and his follow up win over brother Damon on Superstar Saturday, Flawless has established himself as not only a fighting champ, but also public enemy number one for the Van Winkle Family and the state of Texas.

RR: Flawless One, it’s great to see you.

FO: Wish I could say the same.

RR: Flawless, can you give some background on why you and the Van Winkles get along so poorly?

FO: Well, first and foremost it comes down to jealousy. Old man Fritz groomed all of his kids to become the best, but none of them are... flawless. Fritz also had a beef with my old man, Harry “The Lumberjack” Benning, and I guess he’s one to hold grudges for a stupid amount of time, and to pass those grudges on to his kids.

RR: So it doesn’t have anything to do with the tactics you used a couple months ago to defeat Terry Van Winkle for his world title at Beyond War Dome?

FO: I use the tactics that give me the best chance of winning at any given time. I saw an opportunity and I took it. Anyone in this business would have done the same, because in this business if you’re not on top, your career is fleeting.

RR: Talk to us about the hiring of Ryan Regret.

FO: Even the most flawless person, like myself, can’t be expected to fight two, three, or four guys at once. Even though the Van Winkles haven’t interjected themselves into a match yet, they could. That’s what Ryan is there to prevent. And if he gives me a tactical advantage from time to time, so be it.

RR: Anything else you want to add?

FO: Not to you, you imbeciles.

[Thumper Moore III]

March 1985 Week 3

CCW FOLDS!

by Kay Fabe

In a shocking development, Classic Championship Wrestling has folded before running a single show. About 30 wrestlers, many established names, and around 6000 fans showed up for the first show, but the promoter was nowhere to be found. Apparently he took the ticket sales from the event and disappeared to some remote, Caribbean island.

“I’m shocked and appalled,” said wrestling fan Mark Markson. “I was looking forward to this. I brought my sister and wife, and my son and nephew, and the three of us were going to see our favorite wrestlers.” Mr. Markson was interrupted by a small child who called him “Uncle Dad,” and not available for further comment.

It remains to be seen whether an investor will be able to save the fed or there will suddenly be a large group of free agents. Rasslin’ Review will keep you up to date.

[Niz]

HFWF - March 1985
"Flexin' on Emilia"

The scene opens in an immaculate weight room … bright lights, floor-to-ceiling mirrors, meticulously organized weight racks. This isn’t your average Joe’s gym, this is where the biggest and best in the business train.

HFWF reporter Emilia Grimes makes her way through the maze of equipment to find Flex Deltoid finishing up a set on the squat rack.

Emilia: “Flex! There you are…”

Flex: “Where else would I be, sweet cheeks? You think I just woke up one morning looking like a Greek God? Chiseled from granite from head to toe?”

Emilia: “Umm, well, no. Of course not, Flex. I didn’t mean anything…”

Flex: “Relax, honey. I’m only playing with you. Now what do you want exactly? As you can see, I’m doing something here.”

Emilia: “Well, you’ve been hard to read in recent weeks. And people want to know where you stand? We’ve seen you brush past Lazer and Magnus Muscle backstage, seemingly displeased with their recent alliance. And we’ve also seen Great Ginzu and The Piranha viciously attack Lazer and Magnus, only for you to show up to the rescue … moments too late.”

Flex: “What are you trying to say, Emilia?”

Emilia: “Are you here to help Lazer and Magnus? Or is it possible you are secretly working with Ginzu and Piranha?”

Flex: “For starters … Flex Deltoid doesn’t work for anyone! Look at me! Do I look like someone who takes orders?”

Emilia: “Absolutely not.”

Flex: “Listen, Lazer and Magnus Muscle are big boys. They can handle themselves. And right now, they have a target on their back … Great Ginzu and The Piranha are out for their blood. And to be honest, I don’t see how I fit into any of this. What do you want me to say? That I’m a good guy? That I’m a bad guy? All I know, is that I'm a guy you don't want to mess with!”

Emilia: "Fair enough, Flex. And good luck on Sunday when you go one-on-one with Great Ginzu in the first round of the March Madness Tournament!"

Flex: "Maybe you'll get the answers you're looking for then."

Flex ducks under the squat rack and gets back to work as the scene ends with more questions than answers.

[Niz]

HFWF - March 1985
March Madness Final Card Announced

8-Man March Madness Tournament

<> Warhawk
<> Soul Daddy

<> Grand Manga
<> Skullgore

<> Flex Deltoid
<> Great Ginzu

<> Reptile Ranger
<> The Annihilator

Tag Team Title Match
The Gladiators (c) vs. Lazer and Magnus Muscle

World Title Match
Hammerhead (c) vs. Valedictorian

[Thumper Moore III]

SHOTS FIRED

By Sue Plex

On a recent edition of their Sunday afternoon show, HFWF wrestler Zen seemed to break with the time honored wrestling tradition of not mentioning your competition when he made a thinly veiled attack on the tag team of Red Pirate Rogers and Arizona Chance, the Adventurers. Zen, to the delight of the smarks in the crowd, implied that maybe he should be like them and be “an Indiana Jones wannabe” or “catch scurvy”.

We reached out to Mr. Codger, the owner of SWAG, for comment. He replied, “It’s always a compliment when another Fed talks about you or your guys. It means they feel threatened, or maybe a bit intimidated. It means your guys are more over than theirs. It’s also free publicity, as I’m sure some folks watching that show were reminded that Chance and Rogers were on the other channel and switched over.

Besides that, Chance is a legit parody movie superstar, with Temple of Boom being a box office smash last year, and The Last Blockade being in post-production. Rogers just landed the lead role in “The Prince’s Bride”, and he’ll be as big a name as Chance in no time. It’s a great time to be in SWAG, and when you’re on top, the target is on you.”

Both Chance and Rogers replied, “No comment.”

It remains to be seen if SWAG will continue to ignore the references, or if HFWF backs off their rhetoric. Probably the best thing for the business in general would be a war, as both sides would stand to make more money, but SWAG does not seem interested at this point in firing back. Rasslin’ Review will keep you informed as this story develops.

[Niz]

HFWF - April 1985
Champ Clash Preview Sees Reptile Ranger Slither Onto Set

High Flyin' Wrestling Federation anchorwoman Emilia Grimes is on set giving us the run down on Sunday's Champ Clash card...

Grimes: "Each and every title will be on the line this Sunday, including the Television Title, as champion Lazer defends against the menacing Great Ginzu in a cage! That's right, Ginzu's lackeys Magnus Muscle and The Piranha, as well as Lazer's brother in arms Flex Deltoid, should be kept at bay by the imposing steel structure!"

Grimes: "The HFWF Tag Team Titles are also up for grabs, as The Gladiators, Brute and Massacre, have issued an open challenge to everyone on the roster. Will anyone dare take them up on their offer? We'll find out on Sunday!"

Grimes: "Two of the top high-flyers in the world are set to do battle, when HFWF High Flyin' Champion Warhawk hits the ring to tangle with the always-inspiring Grand Manga! You don't want to miss this one, folks!"

Grimes: "For the first time ever, the HFWF will crown a brand new Ladies Champion, and who better to take their shots at it then the genetically-blessed Aurora and her nemesis Elfette! History will be made this Sunday at Champ Clash!"

Grimes: "And in our main event ... World Champion Valedictorian has granted Hammerhead his rematch. It's the Savage and the Russian ... one more time ... live on Pay-4-View! Call your local cable company and tell them you want High Flyin' Wrestling on your TV this Sunday night!"


Just then, Reptile Ranger walks onto the set with his snake sack over his shoulder, as Emilia lets out a scream. 

Reptile Ranger: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down my lovely. We won't hurt you, I promise."

Against her better judgement, Emilia stays put at the anchor desk while Reptile Ranger eerily paces around.

Reptile Ranger: "I'm sorry to interrupt your broadcast, but there seems to be a problem. I was watching you, very closely might I add, and I didn't see your lips say my name ... not even a mutter. Are you telling me that I'm not championship material? Is that what you're saying, Emilia?"

Grimes: "I, I ... I'm so sorry. I'm just, I'm just reading the cards they gave me. Honest."

Reptile Ranger: "Ha ha ha, it's okay. You were just reading the cards. Well, let me make something clear. I don't need to be "in the cards" to be a major player here. I don't need to be deemed "championship material" to strike fear into every man, woman, and child on God's green Earth. And this Sunday, I will show you and everyone in the back that fear is more than just a four-letter word. You see, Emilia ... fear is very real ... and this Sunday, it goes skin deep!"

[Thumper Moore III]

CCW FALLOUT

By Kay Fabe

Here at Rasslin’ Review, we have found that one of the four largest promotions in the country, CCW, has officially folded and all of their employees are now available as free agents. Expect several superstars, including Jet Set Strutter, Average Guy, The Dobermans, Exotic Rick, the Executers, and Dicky Thunderbird, to be making their way to your town soon!

We understand that negotiations are already underway for several of these big names to go to HFWF, SWAG, or WSoW, which we are told should resume running shows in short order.