The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

October Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Canada Centre


• Claymore over Pendragon. Donny Atomic’s distraction aids Claymore’s efforts. After the pin, Pendragon gets up quickly and goes after his former partner. They brawl their way to the backstage area before the break.

• We come back, and Pendragon and Atomic are being held apart by GQ and Massive Gaines.
GQ: Save it for the rubber match, guys.
MASSIVE: If you two had fought this hard while you were still Tier One, you’d still be champs.

<GQ and Massive send Atomic and Pendragon off in different directions. As they watch to make sure the brawling doesn’t start up again, they are jumped from behind by Slashmaster and Void. They are quickly overwhelmed by the assault and are laid out.

• Morbid and Dre Apex over Brick City.
DRE: You guys whine about being relevant in the tag division, and how you’re used, then you wet your trunks when it comes time to man up. By the way, you got mad because we didn’t get mad when you jumped us, like, a long time ago. It was sort of in a big brawl, and we really didn’t realize you were targeting us. We figured you just got caught up in the moment.
MORBID: What my partner is trying to say is…thank you for making paybacks easy on us.

• Seraph is walking around looking for his partner, Diablo. H2H are involved in a tag match later on tonight with major implications. We hear a commotion, and a crowd is gathered around Diablo who had been taken out by an attack. Everyone assumes Slashmaster and Void were responsible.

• Candy Cotton over Rhiannon

• Pete Sinclair, Sherman Turk, and Wally Saratoga are standing outside a door with expectant looks on their faces. Scuzzbucket walks by.
SCUZZ: What are you guys looking so excited about?
WALLY: Amber’s in there.
SHERMAN: The two-time former cruiserweight champ is about to show these boys how a man gets a woman.
SCUZZ: That’s my cue to keep moving right on by. I gotta call Buddy.
PETE: You don’t want to see Amber?
SCUZZ: You guys are so desperate. Ask Timmy how his experience with Amber went. He still can’t pee standing up. See ya’. <Starts to leave, then stops> Oh, yea, her boyfriend is in town looking for a contract.

<Turk, Sinclair, and Saratoga look at each other with worry>

WALLY: We should probably go.
SHERMAN: Yea, I can give up fellas hook-up lessons another time.
PETE: Not me, I’m staying right here. <Turk and Saratoga leave. The door opens behind Pete, and a short but very bulky guy steps out> Dude, Amber’s boyfriend is around. You guy some big brass ones being in there alone with her.

CHUGGER: Name’s Chugger, pal. <Forces a handshake, and Pete winces from the grip> Big brass what?
PETE: Um-
CHUGGER: I know what you mean. I’m just yanking your chain. <Holds up two ornate brass candlesticks> I do have two big brass ones and Amber loves ‘em. That’s why she’s my little sugar blossom.
PETE: Oh, you’re-? Sorry dude, I was expecting somebody-uh,
CHUGGER: No worries. I get that a lot. If we’re cool?

PETE: Yea, sure.

<Pete takes two steps>

CHUGGER: On second thought, you guys are really getting’ on sugar blossom’s nerves, and I can’t have that.

<Chugger crushes Sinclair with a body block that leaves a Sinclair-shaped print in the opposite wall. He goes back in the room and shuts the door. Timmy Tough walks up and looks down at the crumpled Sinclair. He just stand there and shakes his head>

• Brooklyn Belle over Eliza Brat

• Alexei Monstro is out.
ALEXEI: This is a different XPW than when I left. I liked the old one better, when I was in charge. I let Grimcraft and Tony think they mattered, but it was all me. Now that I’m back, I admit that I’ve some trouble getting back into the right mindset, and it’s cost me. I know what I have to do, and I’ve already got plans in motion. You see, people attribute my early domination to the fact that I was in charge. Nothing is further from the truth. I succeed because I’m the best. Win or very rarely lose…I’m still the best. Sterling and Quade were right place at the right time, but there will be no more “right times” for my opponent. Watch and learn how the best handles his business. I’ll be back on top of the mountain in no time.

• The next match is a tag match for to determine who will challenge the Mindbenders at Halloween Hellraiser. Kyle calls it the “last chance challenge”. Neither of the two participating teams, The Wheelmen nor H2H, have had a lot of success in the tag division. They are being given a last chance to be relevant in the division. The losing team of these two will likely be fired or split up. However, there is the issue of Seraph’s partner, Diablo, who will not be able to wrestle after being attacked. We are told that Izzy Thrash will be taking Diablo’s place. Adam says the Wheelmen’s fortunes just went up.

However, Seraph and Izzy Thrash defeat the Wheelmen. Alexei Monstro comes to the ring where the Wheelmen remain.
ALEXEI: You two are failures. Do you see that? <The Wheelmen don’t reply> You’d be fools not to see it. Do you want that to change? <They nod> I said, do you want that to change?
WHEELMEN: Sir, yes, sir!!
ALEXEI: There are two ways to save this team. The easy way or the hard way. You guys are getting the hard way. Keep your mouths shut and follow me.

• In a rematch for the XPW Ladies title, Keziah retain against former champion, Missy Thicc.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@massgaines
Void, I haven’t had a problem with you till now. We fight face to face, we cool. You jump me from behind, we are gonna have problems.

@justclaymore
So, I won a match. Like hockey great Wayne Zitsky said, you win every match you don’t take.

@chuggerman
HOO YEAH! The Chuggerman is here! I bring the whole hog to the party! HOO YEAH!

@dreapex
Again, Morbid and I prove superior to our competition. We want our tag titles back!

@diabloxpw
Buena lucha de mi amigo Seraph. El Àngel de los Cielos es un hombre muy fuerte.

@profwhen
Though I am enamored by our triumph, I must make mention that I disapprove of our opponents choices post-combat.

@amonstro
Professor, do you disapprove of my methods, or the superior results they will have on the Wheelmen? Are you threatened?

[cotguy130]

October Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Cattle Center.

• The Forsaken over Shadow.

• Grimcraft appears on video. He is merely a shell of his former self.
GRIMCRAFT: I can almost hear you now, laughing and sniggering at me. I do hear it when I’m out. You think you’re quiet. Of course, some of you don’t care. You openly mock and point at me. You say I’ve lost my power, my control, my matches, and my allies. <Suddenly screaming> LIES I SAY!! ALL LIES!!! My power grows every day. I will win again. Allies are a burden. Slashmaster is lost without me. He just doesn’t know it yet. Doomsayer’s win was a fraud. Remember this, all of you. He who laughs last laughs best. I have yet to begin laughing, but when I do you will ALL BE HUMILIATED!! SO SAYS GRIMCRAFT!!

<He begins laughing hysterically. Quickly, the laughter turns into a fit of coughing and Grimcraft turns pale. We hear the cameraman’s voice)

Cameraman #1: He’s doing it again.
Cameraman #2:This is like the fifth take. We’re done. They can edit this mess in post.
Cameraman #1: Bet they don’t.
Cameraman #2: You’re probably right. Those guys hate Grimmy.

• In a non-title match, The Mindbenders defeat Richie B and Yugen. As soon as Yugen is pinned, Richie throws up his arms in disgust and leaves.

• We are told about a closed-door meeting held this week involving Gavin Sterling, Pendragon, and Donny Atomic. Nothing is known about the focus of the meeting, but reports say that it got heated between Pendragon and Atomic. Sterling had to keep them apart, or they would’ve jumped over the table at each other. Sterling finally left. Rod Codger had set-up outside the room. When he asked Sterling what was going on..
GAVIN: Two idiots playing pattycake. Trust me, there was nothing to see there.

• Tempest over Molly Oliver. She continued to assault Oliver after the bell. Oliver’s usual partner, Kristy Tristan came to help, but Tempest got the better of her as well. Rhiannon came out, and Tempest fled.

• Brooklyn Belle approached Tempest backstage.
BROOKLYN: Tempest, from one sista’ to another, if you ever need back-up when Rhiannon or Thompson
gets up in your business, call me. I got ya’ six.
TEMPEST: You got my what? Is that some kinda prison lingo from your ex-con boyfriend? If you haven’t
noticed, my boyfriend is my back-up, and he’s a multi-time XPW champ. Out best friend is one of the best wrestlers in the world. They are very important people here in XPW. You and your people are very unimportant. Why did you think you could even talk to me? Step back, child, step back.

• Brick City and Mack Caliber defeat the Wheelmen and Thumper Moore III. Moore takes the pin. Monstro watches from ringside. After the bell, he enters the ring and approaches Moore. He signals the Wheelmen who attack Moore from behind. Monstro applies the Russian Interference to close out the attack.

• The Candy Shop is open, and the guest is Zeta Quade.

CANDY: You are Zeta Quade?
ZETA: Why wouldn’t I be?
CANDY: I had a little confusion with Domingo. Err, Xeno last time. Nobody knows what’s going on with the Argonauts. I thought maybe there was a forgetfulness disease going around.
ZETA: Good point. It is confusing. Flint and I have our eye on the brothers tag team, but we like the Harmonys, not these refugees from a Greek tragedy.
CANDY: Since you are you…what’s going on with Zeta Quade?
ZETA: I know where this is leading, Candy, so let’s jump right to the point.
CANDY: O-kay…
ZETA: You’re wondering why I haven’t won any titles, or even had a title match.
CANDY: I am…. I mean, I am?
ZETA: I am young, I am in the most prestigious group in XPW along with Flint Decker and Tempest, and I am XPW for life. When the book is written on my career, it will drip with gold. Right now, I am just content to beat people left and right and show my dominance that way.
CANDY: That’s a very chill outlook.
ZETA: I am a chill guy…until it suits me not to be. Ask Enyu how “chill” I am.
CANDY: Speaking of Enyu, your matches with the Emperor haven’t had the impact as when the two of you met in Japan. If the city of Tokyo had a roof, you two would’ve blown it off more than once.
ZETA: That’s on Enyu. I’ve given my 1000% every time. He phones it in unless he has home-field advantage.
CANDY: Quite an accusation.
ZETA: Oh, well. It’s up to the so-called “Emperor” to prove me wrong, but he can’t.
CANDY: Thank you, Zeta, for your time.

• In the main event, Slashmaster defeats Flint Decker. After pinning Decker….
SLASHMASTER: Gavin Sterling, everything you’ve accomplished up to this point means nothing. I just did what it took you several chances to do, and I did with little to no effort. You haven’t been challenged yet. Next week, when the bell rings to begin our match, only then will you face true competition. You aren’t ready for the level of competition that I bring, and you will be defeated.

[Thumper Moore III]

XPW’s Official BoobToob Channel

A black screen with a fog effect appears. Scottish drums beat in the background, and bagpipes start playing Amazing Grace. A gravelly voice starts speaking over the sounds, but it’s not Gavin Sterling’s.

“Your little uprising will come to an end soon, Gavin. Do you hear that sound, off in the distance?”

A funeral bell tolls softly. The camera slowly comes into focus, and we are in a cemetery. The camera’s view starts slowly zooming in on a far off group of people. It is raining, and the soft sounds of raindrops hitting the ground give an eerie calm that betrays something more sinister.

“In one weeks, one short week Gavin, all things will end for you. Your uprising, your title reign, your career. Maybe even...”

As the voice of the Slashmaster trails off, the camera focuses in on the group of people. They are all holding black umbrellas, surrounding a casket being lowered into an open grave with a strange red glow underneath it.

“Consider yourself lucky, Sterling. Not many men get to know the time of their own demise. Make preparations. Tell people that you love them. Because in two weeks, you will... Rot. In. Hades.”

The camera focuses on the gravestone, which reads “Gavin M Sterling. Died Halloween Hellraiser, Year Two, of Unnatural Causes.” The music changes from the bagpipes to a pipe organ, as the video fades out.

[cotguy130]

October Week 4
Halloween Hellraiser
Prince Charlie Hall

• As the media team welcomes the fans in voice over, we overlook the parking garage where several wrestlers are exiting their cars and heading to their entrance. We see Bayonet get out and are told that he will be defending the cruiserweight title tonight against Morbid. He goes into the trunk for his gear, and suddenly the trunk lid slams on his head and neck. We see Cyber Red standing over him.
RED: If you’re not defending that title against me, then nobody gets a shot.

Bayonet’s upper body is slumped in the trunk, and Cyber Red gives the lid another slam onto his torso. He takes off as other wrestlers arrive to help.

• In a “Death Match”, Void once again wins the TV title from Massive Gaines. As Void makes his way up the aisle with the title, he is attacked and run off by GQ.

• Tempest and Tarah Thompson fight to a double-disqualification.

• Emperor Enyu defeats Zeta Quade. Post-match…
ENYU: Quade, the only thing you should be feeling right now, besides extreme pain, is shame. You told
Candy Cotton that I only made serious efforts when I wrestle in my native Japan. That means that I only have to put in a, as you Americans say, half-assed effort to beat you. Your accusations are hardly the truth. I put in 100% of the effort needed to beat my opponent every time. You, Zeta Quade, don’t require a lot of effort.

• In an XPW tag title match, The Mindbenders retain against Seraph and Izzy Thrash. During the match, we are told that Bayonet will be unable to defend the title tonight.

• While the Mindbenders are in the ring, Alexei Monstro walks out flanked by the Wheelmen
MONSTRO: Professor, Mystic, meet the next XPW tag team champions.
WHEN: Alexei, forgive my incredulity, but we have beaten the Wheelmen a number of times. Most teams have beaten them a number of times.
MYSTIC: Be wary, Professor. Monstro has a plan.
MONSTRO: Listen to your partner. He is a wiser man than you. When Alexei Monstro gets involved, the rules change. The two men flanking me are not Clutch and Hotwire. Those names are so stupid, I almost gagged saying them. Collectively, they no longer form the equally insipidly named, Wheelmen. Right now, their names are unimportant. When I am done with them…when they have completed Alexei Monstro’s hard way, they will be as different as they are now as the dark is from the light. At that time, they will become the greatest threat to the XPW tag team division in the short history of the company. You will see them again, be rest assured.

• In the main event, Gavin Sterling defeats Slashmaster to retain the XPW title. It is Slashmaster’s first time being pinned since his return. The Void runs out and it appears as if he’s going to attack Sterling. Slashmaster holds up his hand and Void backs off. They makes their way up the aisle, and the Void continues on backstage. Slashmaster turns to the ring and watches Sterling. He responds likewise. Finally, Gavin smiles slightly and nods his head. Slashmaster returns a barely noticeable head nod of his own, and leaves the arena floor.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@grimcrizzle
Slash, you needed me to beat Sterling. You cast me aside and failed. Your pride is your downfall!

@yoboycyber
YOOOO! Thanks for keeping my title warm, Bayonet. Bruh, just hand it over now and save yourself a beatdown.

@massgaines
Y’all, I’m gonna be real— if this doesn’t lead to a triple threat between me, GQ, and Void in a barbed wire cage with swords and crap, I’m disappointed.

@gregquebec
Hey @massgaines— sign me up.

@sevenstarzeta
Enyu, that was most definitely not a half-assed effort. That was whole-assed. You’re the only guy in the universe who can go toe to toe with me as an equal.

@profwhen
Indubitably, Alexei has a plan. But we of the loquacious tongue and gargantuan cerebral processing plan for these contingencies. All is well.

@3rdgenthompson
Tempest, I will put this plainly. When we meet again, I will end you.

[cotguy130]

November Week 1
Battlebrawl
Cattle Castle

• We open backstage with the media team and they are joined by Alexei Monstro and the “Wheelmen”.
ROD: Wrestling fans, in three weeks, XPW will present its second Survival of the Fittest. Last year’s event centered around a match in which the very future of the company was at stake.
ALEXEI: And the team that would’ve carried this company to a glorious future lost because of silly idealism.
ROD: Yes, you, Grimcraft, and Big Tony would’ve made great bosses.
ALEXEI: Watch your tongue. Grimcraft and Tony would’ve been out of the picture very quickly, I can assure you.
ROD: Not reassuring.
CP: Rod, don’t push him.
ROD: Moving on…this year’s event will have big stakes, but of a different nature.
CP: Starting tonight and running the next two weeks, 8 men’s teams and 4 ladies’ teams are going to be part of a tournament of all SotF-style elimination matches. The Survival event itself will be the semi-finals, and the final match will be held in December.
ROD: The winning team gains the following. One member of the winning team gets a title shot at the title of his or choice. The other two members will get a tag team title shot. How they divide things up is their call. The reason Alexei and the Wheel-<Alexei clears throat and shakes head no> and his…colleagues?....are here is to announce, and handicap, the teams.
ALEXEI: The first match will start shortly as Cellblock G will take on Massive Gaines, GQ, and Pendragon. I expect the ex-convicts to take that one. They will be a threat to anyone but us. Also, tonight, Decker and Quade, how I loathe them, will be joined by Gridiron to face Slashmaster, Void, and, of all people, Nevermore. Why Gridiron would agree to join Decker is beyond me. I understand fully why a punching bag like Nevermore would choose who he did as allies. Slashmaster traded one dead weight in Grimcraft for another.
CP: That alliance won’t last long.
ALEXEI: Next week, Morbid, Dre Apex, and Reviver will take on The Numbskulls and Claymore. The eventual winners, myself and these two, will be defeating H2H and Bayonet. In two weeks, the ladies will take over as Carolina Strutter, Tarah Thompson, and Candy Cotton will face The Aesthetics and Amber Hardbody, and Rhiannon, Sweet Jane, and Warbird will fight The Sky Diamonds and Mother Mercy.
ROD: Wonder how that last trio came to be? The Diamonds aren’t on good terms with Mother’s friend, Missy Thicc.
ALEXEI: The entire ladies’ part of this is a waste of time.
CP: Excuse me? Those ladies work just as hard as any of you men.
ALEXEI: Run to catering and bring me a bowl of borscht, little girl.

<CP storms off as Alexei and the “Wheelmen” laugh>

ROD: Let’s please go to the ring…now.

• Cellblock G are out first
MACK: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I know that will come as a surprise to my partners. I’ve been talking a lot about my place on the card, and how the office uses me. The more I think about it, they may be right. What have I accomplished? The only thing I’ve done is grow soft since I got outta the joint.
HUSTLER: Mack, stop it, bro’. You ain’t soft. The office is a bunch of old men who like screwing with guys like us. They can never be us, so they break us down their way.
MACK: You really believe that? Or are you and Banger just making excuses for your own failures?
BANGER: What the-?
MACK: I’m just spittin’ truths, guys.
BANGER: How can we fail when we haven’t had the chance to prove ourselves. We are 3-time tag champs.
MACK: And you lost it 3 times almost immediately. People were making memes about you two.
You want to prove yourself to me and everybody else? Win this match. You guys are back on the tag team contenders list in 2 months. Right now, you don’t deserve to be anywhere on that list.
HUSTLER: Banger, you see what our boy is doing here, don’t you?
BANGER: Yea, you’re making this junk up to piss us off, so we kick these boys asses.
MACK (deadpan): Yea, that’s what I’m doing all right.

Massive Gaines, GQ, and Pendragon go on to win the match. Pendragon is eliminated for the winners.
After the match…

MACK: Wow, that was really impressive, you two.
BANGER: Hus, I don’t think he’s messing with us anymore.
MACK: I never was. I meant every word I said. None of us can get the job done.
BROOKLYN: Mack, love, before you say something you’re gonna regret, let’s let this cool down.
HUSTLER: Good idea, “love”.
BROOKLYN: Be careful, H. All of you, just go, now.

• Emperor Enyu is out
ENYU: I was a bit shocked when Zeta Quade followed me to America. He knew that wherever we faced off that I would come out on top. I am genuinely surprised that he was willing to face humiliation in front of his own. You are all too gracious towards him and his failures. If he were Japanese, he would’ve been dishonored many times over. I guess that’s why you Americans amuse the rest of the world like you do. The really sad part is that he didn’t even try very hard in front of the hometown crowd. In Japan, he was a true gaijin warrior. I will admit that he was able to beat all of my countrymen but the very best…me. I guess when he knows defeat is inevitable, there’s no use putting out much effort. In Japan, they write songs about Zeta vs. The Emperor. Here, the match is forgotten as soon as its over. I did my best, America. This is on your man.

• Next up is the second SotF qualifier.
NEVERMORE: You’re all asking the same question. What’s HE doing with Slashmaster and Void. What we’re doing is winning. This alliance isn’t just for the duration of the tournament like our opponent’s. I mean, do you really think Gridiron is going to let those two jerk him around? Slashmaster, Void, and I are just getting started.

Flint Decker, Zeta Quade, and Gridiron defeat Slashmaster, Void, and Nevermore. Gridiron drags Slashmaster out of the ring almost immediately at the bell. They fight away from the ring, up the aisle, and through the curtain. The rest of the match is Decker and Quade versus Void and Nevermore. Nevermore is eliminated quickly. Void eliminates Decker before being eliminated by Quade. The ref rules the missing Gridiron and Slashmaster eliminated, much to the anger of Nevermore.

• Scuzzbucket over Timmy Tough.

• Cyber Red over Izzy Thrash

• Krait, of the Kunoichi Clan, over Carolina Strutter in an upset. She is joined by her partner, Chiyome. Krait motions for a mic for the first time.
KRAIT: Enyu. My emperor. I won. Strutter is one of the best in the world, and I beat her. You put Chiyome and Bao Zhang down all the time. Zhang is fine to put down, as he is, how Americans say, asshole. The Kunoichi Clan is tired of your abuse. If you try to make us go back to Japan…we will not go!!

• Backstage, we pass Chugger and Amber Hardbody “making out”. The camera moves on quickly, but we hear a commotion and the camera swings back. Sherman Turk has grabbed Amber and pulled her away while Pete Sinclair has walloped Chugger with sock with something heavy weighing down one end. Chugger goes down. Amber throws Turk off and goes after Sinclair. He turns and swings at her with the weapon, but Chugger blocks it with his face, likely breaking his nose. Sinclair sees Turk take off, and follows, dropping the loaded sock. Amber calls for medical attention.

• Cruiserweight Champion Bayonet and Morbid wrestle to a 30-minute time-limit draw for the cruiserweight title.

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@chuggerman
HOOO NO! Chugger is not a fan! You little guys are gonna get chugged right down! HOOO YEAH!

@enyu
The Kunoichi clan winning... intriguing. Perhaps they might now be the incompetent miscreants I thought them to be.

@gregquebec
This TV title thing... we’re stuck in the twilight zone. It’s me, it’s Gaines, it’s Void, it’s Gaines, it’s Void, it’s me... time for a definitive winner.

@smilefordominic
Teehee! Some say the world will end in fire, some in ice. I’d like to watch the world burn. Wouldn’t you? Teeheehee!!

@yoboycyber
YOOOO!! Izzy Thrash? More like Iz He Trash, mirite? Easy dub, boys, east dub!

@profwhen
Cyber, the Bard pointed out in Henry V part II that praising a vanquished for farmers greater renown than denigrating him. Take his advice, mayhap?

[Thumper Moore III]

Talk Is Nevermore

NEVERMORE: Welcome back to the podcast. On this episode I have a guest with me who has been up and down the road with me many times, and his character has evolved almost as many times as mine has. He’s winning a lot more than I am these days, though. One of my favorite guys on the planet, he’s currently wrestling as Morbid— please welcome Tatters Gage.

TATTERS: What’s up, N. Good to see you again.

NEVERMORE: I’ve got to say, before we start, how’s your brother?

TATTERS: He’s good. Well, getting better anyway. You’ll see him again soon enough.

NEVERMORE: That’s great. Rager, nothing but good healing vibes your way. Now, Tatters, the injury to your brother has got you in kind of a career renaissance. You’ve been a tag title holder with Dre Apex, and a Cruiserweight title holder under this Morbid character.

TATTERS: More like a title warmer! I didn’t keep either very long!

NEVERMORE: At least you’re winning matches, unlike some people in this room.

TATTERS: Yeah, that guy behind camera 2 doesn’t look like he could pin a house cat.

NEVERMORE: So what’s next for the elder Gage?

TATTERS: Honestly, I’m going to do this as long as I can. If Slashmaster can still challenge for titles, maybe I can too.

NEVERMORE: Not thinking of hanging them up?

TATTERS: Not as long as there’s life in these legs and breath in these lungs.

[cotguy130]

November Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Chitown Complex

As the show opens, we hear a report that The Numbskulls and Claymore have been attacked on their way in the arena. They are scheduled to take on Dre Apex, Morbid, and Reviver in a SotF Tournament match tonight.


• We open with Nevermore and Void in the ring.
NEVERMORE: I could tell you so-called fans of XPW found no small joy in the elimination of my team last week. I admit that Gridiron’s strategy was brilliant, and that’s never a word I thought I would use in the context of that man. What you all need to understand is that last week was just the beginning. It was not a one-off like so many of the trios in this tournament. Slashmaster and Void need no one to lead them. They are more than capable. Whereas the pitiable Grimcraft felt like he controlled Slashmaster, well after he obviously didn’t, I am just another cog in the machine that we are creating. Each cog has a different strength, and the final product will be awe-inspiring. Don’t look at last week’s loss as a failure or set back in any way. It was our first undertaking. The machine was just gearing up. Lest I forget, we haven’t completing building the machine. This endeavor began before Slashmaster dumped Grimcraft. That event was inevitable. He was just waiting till it became necessary. Like us or not, we don’t care. We are coming together, and we are inevitable.

• Dre Apex, Morbid, and Reviver enter.
DRE: We aren’t really sure what’s going to happen tonight. Our opponents aren’t able to go due to being attacked. We’ve already been questioned and obviously know nothing about the attacks.
MORBID: I’m disappointed that our match might be rescheduled. My brother and I have never teamed as these characters. I was looking forward to a different style of match while still working with my ‘bro.

<Rod Codger comes out and says that the situation is still being discussed>

REVIVER: They can stop their discussion.
DRE: Huh?
REVIVER: You see, ‘bro, the reason we never teamed as these characters was because you look like an idiot. I suggested Morbid for the tournament to make you look like a fool. I can’t believe you bought my idea and then stuck with it. I guess your pal Dre liked it, didn’t he.?
DRE: It’s a cool look.
REVIVER: Yea, to a class of fourth-grade boys.
MORBID: Rage, what are you doing?
REVIVER: It’s Reviver, ‘bro.
MORBID: You’re not making sense.
DRE: He’s making fine sense, and he’s about to get his ass kicked.
REVIVER: By you? Stand down, kiddie, or get hurt. One more thing, I lied. I know who took out The Numbskulls and Claymore. I arranged it.
MORBID: The Gage Guyz don’t work that-
REVIVER: THE GAGE GUYZ ARE DEAD,. BRO. YOU KILLED THEM!! I didn’t have those losers taken out for us, I did it for the Militia. <2 masked men make their way to the ring> This is Hijack and Intruder, my Militia. They are my partners, and they beat up those guys. We’re the team. You’ve got one minute to find a partner, or the three of us take you out like we did the other punks.

Morbid holds Dre back and they discuss. Reviver yells out “30 seconds”. The ring announcer and ref converse. Finally, just after Reviver yells “10 seconds”, Kongo Kid runs out and hi-fives Dre and Morbid. The ring announcer says the match is on. Reviver’s Militia defeat their opponents to advance. Morbid has no will too fight, while Dre is out-of-control. Hijack is eliminated from the Militia team by Apex.
• Mack Caliber and Massive Gaines fought to a double-disqualification.

• Alexei Monstro and the “Wheelmen” are out for the next SotF match.
ALEXEI: I am amused at the amount of consternation my decree about my colleagues names has caused among the wrestling media. Yes, I forbade use of the Wheelmen, Clutch, and Hotwire. They are stupid names, and indicative of their failed past. Some have used these names anyhow. I really don’t care that much. Your obsession with labels is sad, and my men have evolved past all that silliness. This is Brick Winchester, and this is Trip Lambo. They have chosen a name indicative of their evolution and training under my hand. They are The Hard Way. I hope you will cease your incessant complaining.

Alexei Monstro and The Hard Way defeat H2H and Bayonet. To the shock of all, Monstro is the first person eliminated. It took all three members of the opposing team covering him to get the pin, which is legal under SotF rules. Brick was also eliminated.

• Autumn Hex and Winter Hex defeat Mother Mercy and Missy Thicc

• The Candy Shop is open, and Buddy Danger is supposed to be the guest.
CANDY: After what happened earlier, I don’t expect-

<A limping, bandaged Danger appears on the set>

BUDDY: Give me a damn mic. No questions, Candy. I’m talking. First off, Slapstick tries to kill me, and tonight Reviver and his thugs cost us a good opportunity. Scuzz is still being treated back there. I’m not sure how I’m standing, but I gotta say this. Slapstick, Scuzz thinks I’m crazy, but I want you one-on-one. I want to spit in that stupid Joker rip-off face and smear that greasepaint till it blinds you. I want to take one of those toys you love so much and beat your head in to the tune of Pop Goes The Weasel. I’ll be singing Pop Goes Slappy’s Skull!! I know you think this weird new affectation you’ve got going on freaks people out, and you’re right. It makes me laugh. I’m not scared of clowns, and I’m sure not scare of you.

<Throws down mic and limps off>

• The Argonauts over GQ and Pendragon in a match to determine who challenges the Mindbenders next week.

• Donny Atomic over Richie B

• Xeno is out.
XENO: I have not been a member of the XPW roster very long. I have been a member of the Protectors of the Universe for quite a while, and I am a multi-time universe saver. We Protectorts are never ones to brag, well, maybe Jet the Opossum runs his mouth more than he should, but as a rule we keep our victories close to the vest. If you all knew how many extinction-level events we have saved Earth from, your minds would shut down with fear. You would be reduced to masses of quivering jelly, like the Flormites of Trathon 7. They were one of the invasions we stopped, by the way. They are surprisingly resilient for masses of quivering jelly. Not to mention the scourge of the Milky Way, the Klingulorgs. Well, I did mention them, too late, sorry. Don’t think about them. They invade through your fearful thoughts. Really shouldn’t have brought them up, that only gives them power. I will quickly change the subject and say that I, Xeno, on the basis of the fact that you still exist, deserve a title shot. This being called The Void reminds of the Great Star Pirate, Amalak Rihhas. Rihhas was a nasty piece of work and I get the same feeling of revulsion when I look at the Void. It is my duty as Guardian to relieve The Void of his prize possession, the TV title. I have set forth a challenge….Alien-Up and accept it.

• Gridiron comes out for his TV title challenge against the Void. Flint Decker and Zeta Quade address him from the entrance.
FLINT: Grid, why are you getting a title shot? The tournament isn’t over. My man Quade here hasn’t had so much as a title match the whole time he’s been here.
GRIDIRON: Decker, this has nothing to do with the tournament. This is my business. Stay out of it.
FLINT: Right now, your business is our business. We’re still a team.
ZETA: Flint, we still have matches to win with this guy.
FLINT: I know. I didn’t like his match strategy, or the fact he didn’t discuss with us.
GRIDIRON: I sac’d myself to take out Slash. If I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have stood a chance. I made the smart play; you just can’t admit it.
ZETA: It worked, Flint.
FLINT: Have a good match, Grid. Hope you win the title.

The Void retained the TV title against Gridiron.

Xeno came out and stared down the Void from the entrance after the match.

[Thumper Moore III]

OOC: I was legit laughing through the Xeno promo. Great work! Anyway, back to the fed:

Chirpy Highlights

@bigdaddymack
Couldn’t hang, so you use a weapon. I get it. You’d fit in well in prison, Gaines. But we’d be in competing crews.

@biggrid
now I fokus on servivel of the fitest. gridiron is unstopabull with dekre and zaytuh kwad.

@revivergage
My FAMILY is better off without that CLOWN Morbid. My MILITIA is better off with Hijack and Intruder. We are EXQUISITE.

@dreapex
This ain’t over, Rager, Reviver, whatever you are. Morbid and I are coming to knock some sense back into you.

@alexeimonstro
Sometimes sacrifices have to be made to ensure triumph. See you at SotF.

@domingoxeno
These Argonauts are a sight to behold! They would make fine additions to the Protectors!

@massgaines
Glad to hear I’d do well in prison... but I like my freedom just fine, thanks.

[Thumper Moore III]

The John Corvette Experience

JOHN CORVETTE: So, these idiots in XPW want to promote Domingo, this hulking behemoth of a man who is a license to print money, and have him spout of useless s&@? as if he’s his movie character? I thought XPW had smarter people on board than that. For f&@$’s sake, man, be the ass-kicking hero you can be, not a fake-ass superhero you fantasize about!

He’s off here spouting off crap about these fake aliens who’s ass he kicked in the movies, General Squidward from Planet Crapyourpants and President Lazerface of the Galactic Peckerhead Federation— you look like a damn fool. Quit with the face paint, the Hollywood bulls&@% and the pretend frickin ferret with a machine gun, and be a badass and print money! He’s murdering the business!

[cotguy130]

November Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Empire Gardens

• Chugger kisses Amber Hardbody as she prepares for her Ladies SotF qualifier. Sherman Turk and Pete Sinclair are nearby.
SHERMAN: What is that fine piece of…damn! See in him.
CHUGGER: I can hear you, Turk.
PETE: Good. Can you hear this? Scuzzbucket thought it would be funny if she were a chubby chaser. Who would’ve thought that fool could ever be so right.
SHERMAN: Did you say “chubby”? She likes them downright fat. I guess she can’t handle a real man with a body like mine.
PETE: I guess she’s into abs. Lots of round, soft ones.
CHUGGER: Would you fellas like to join me in the ring and continue this discussion…except with fists?
PETE: There’s two of us, biggun.
CHUGGER: Do you see me worried?
PETE: I’m game. Sherm, you wanna teach fat boy a lesson?
SHERM: See you in the ring.

Chugger throws Sinclair and Turk around like small boys. They abandon tags and start double-teaming. He shrugs them off…until Turk pulls something out of his trunks and cold-cocks Chugger, knocking him out for an easy pin.

• In the first Ladies SotF qualifier, Carolina Strutter, Tarah Thompson, and Candy Cotton defeat The Aesthetics and Amber Hardbody.

• Gavin Sterling is out.
GAVIN: Tonight is going to be interesting for me. I find out who my challenger is next weeks at Survival of the Fittest, and either way, it’s going to make for a strange match. One of the two is Doomsayer. I haven’t had much to do with him so far, but he’s an odd guy. He did help run Grimcraft out of here, so there’s that. I guess that’s worth a shot at a title shot. The other guy, who I expect to be facing next week, is a figure from my past. He’s been around a long time, and his name is SilverGod. I can tell by your reaction you are familiar. He was already a big name when I started, and he liked to bully the newbies. H was nothing like his father. I made the mistake of introducing myself one day, and I was on his list. Apparently, you don’t approach him, he approaches you should he find you worthy. He never finds anybody worthy. SilverGod, listen. I’m pulling for you to win this match because I want to wrestle you. I know you will be the tougher opponent, and that’s fine. As you can see, I don’t get bullied anymore. I didn’t become one either, because I respect people. I see the good in people, and there’s no good in you. When we wrestle, I’m going to torque my holds just a little harder, and put a little more behind my punches as payback for the way you treated me and anyone else who you didn’t find worthy. I know you think you deserve a title shot based on your legacy, and someone in the office agrees. You get one match, Silver, and then I run you back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

• In the second Ladies SotF match, The Sky Diamonds and Mother Mercy defeat Rhiannon, Sweet Jane, and Warbird.

• Emperor Enyu defeats Claymore.

• Slapstick is out
SLAPSTICK: Buddy-Boy…Scuzzy-Boy….hear me when I say…if I intended to kill you then you wouldn’t be able to stand there and complain about me trying to kill you. Besides, there’s no proof I ever actually took another human’s life. Any evidence to the contrary is purely circumstantial, I assure you. I’m not above a wounding, even a little light maiming on occasion. Physical wounds heal, it’s the mental and emotional ones that stick around, and that’s where I’ve wounded you Buddy. Listen to Scuzz and let sleeping dogs lie. Take what happened, learn from it, and move on. The only thing you’ll gain from getting in my face is more and deeper scarring.

• Jakob Hearse over The Forsaken and Chester Blood. Mack Caliber walks out after the match.
MACK: Wow, a three-way match and I wasn’t in it. Somebody must have forgotten about me.

• SilverGod comes our first. Gavin Sterling walks out.
GAVIN: SilverGod, welcome to XPW. You’ll find the situation different than the last time we were together. I really hope you win this match.
SILVERGOD: Why don’t you just demand they give me the title match? I’ve barely heard of this Doomsayer. He’s hardly relevant.
GAVIN: You get an automatic title shot? You’re hardly…worthy. You can earn it like everybody else.
SILVERGOD: My legendary status is my worthiness, Sterling.

<Doomsayer interrupts>

DOOMSAYER: You both amuse me. Here stands little Doomsayer in the presence of gods! The old god and the young god chomping at the bit to clash, forgetting I’m even here. Both of you, here this. SilverGod, I am about to defeat you. Gavin Sterling, I will take the title at Survival of the Fittest. I have spoken, and the time for talking is over. Sterling, you may go now.

Doomsayer shocks the XPW by defeating the legendary SilverGod and claiming a title shot.
DOOMSAYER: Sterling, are you sweating a little? Good. Fear me.

Doomsayer starts to leave.
SILVERGOD: Doomsayer.
DOOMSAYER: What?

SilverGod is on his knees.
SILVERGOD: You’ve done what I considered impossible. Show me how.
DOOMSAYER: Rise and follow, SilverGod.

• In the XPW tag team title match, The Mindbenders retain versus the Argonauts.
After the match, Mystic addresses the Argonauts.
MYSTIC: Argonauts, I would speak with you.
MITHRAS: Now’s not really a good time. You did just beat us and all that.
MYSTIC: It’s for your own good. I sense your minds are clouded.
SOLIS: Is this about us and those Harmony Brothers? We’re tired of arguing that point. Look at that Xeno guy. People said the same thing about him.
WHEN: What are you talking about, Mystic?
MYSTIC: They are the Argonauts, yet they are also the Harmony Brothers. There is a duality.
WHEN: Some kind of Dark Art?
MYSTIC: No, there is nothing supernatural about this. It’s power, but an earthly one.
MITHRAS: Come on, Solis. Let’s let this party magician talk his hoodoo.
MYSTIC: I can help you.
SOLIS: We don’t need help. I’m with Max.
MITHRAS: Who?
SOLIS: Uh, with you…Mithras.
MITHRAS: Who is Max?

[Thumper Moore III]

Chirpy Highlights

@doomsayerxpw
I don’t do predictions, I do spoilers. And I am spoiling DOOOOOOM for you, Sterling!

@profwhen
There was progress made with the Argonauts particularly pernicious situation. Mayhaps more concussive force would further dislodge the mental incapacity?

@chuggerman
HOOO BOY, does Sherman Turk want to get beat up. I’ll see to it that you boys get chugged tea good! HOOO YEAH!

@sevenstarzeta
When there are three survivors from my team, that means Flint and I are headed right back to the top!

@biggrid
@sevenstarzeta u forget sumone and thats gridiron u dumy

@keziah
THERE WILL BE BLOOD SOON AND IT WILL NOT BE MINE. OR MAYBE IT WILL— I DON’T CARE. GIVE ME A CHALLENGER!!

@hearse
Relegated to three man matches? I will soon take my place at the top again. You can count on it.

[cotguy130]

November Week 4
Survival of the Fittest
Olympus Colosseum

• In the first SotF Semi-final, Alexei Monstro and The Hard Way defeat GQ, Massive Gaines, and Pendragon. Once again, Monstro is eliminated.

Kyle and Adam conjecture on how far this team can go with Monstro consistently being a “weak link”.

• Rod Codger catches up to Amber Hardbody and Chugger backstage.
ROD: Amber, are the rumors true that you are about to file a sexual harassment suit against several specific members of the male roster.
AMBER: No, Rod. Some of the ladies brought it up, but I don’t need a lawyer to do what I’ve been trained to do all my life.
CHUGGER: Well, you’ll have to, ‘cause I can’t the job done.
AMBER: Chug, Turk hit you with a loaded fist. It would’ve knocked out anybody. You were rag-dolling those jerks before they cheated. You’ll get your shot. I want mine.

• In an XPW Ladies Championship three-way match, Keziah retains against Missy Thicc and Brooklyn Belle. Missy is definitely not her usual focused self.

• In the second SotF tournament match, Flint Decker, Zeta Quade, and Gridiron defeat Reviver and his Militia, Hijack and Intruder. After the match, Quade comes back out to celebrate with Decker. Gridiron is basically ignored.
GRIDIRON: Who are you again? Oh yea, the guy who got eliminated. Unlike me, who didn’t.
FLINT: Grid, be careful. You’re only hear because of us.
GRIDIRON: You got that backward, Decker. You wouldn’t have gotten past Slashmaster without me. Have somebody from the office let me know when the final match is. I don’t want to hear from you two till we’re in the ring about to win this thing. By the way, I’m glad the tag titles are already on your mind, because, when we win, the XPW title shot is mine. Period.

• The next match is Slapstick versus Buddy Danger. It’s not much of a match, and Slapstick wins in dominating fashion. Danger is bleeding from the forehead and mouth, and requires medical assistance at ringside.

• We’re backstage with Cellblock G.
BANGER: What now, Mack? We’ve been doing a lot of talking lately.
MACK: We ain’t winning, boys. What else are we going to do?
HUSTLER: The office is-
MACK: Quit blaming the office. They’re doing what they think is right.
BROOKLYN: When did my boyfriend suddenly become concerned with what’s right?
MACK: When he realized that our lack of success, or at least mine, was probably due to the fact that I was glorifying the wrong things in my career.
BROOKLYN: Did you find Jesus and not tell us?
MACK: Well, not exactly that, but I have been thinking a lot about right and wrong. You all know I was in the military before I got in trouble and locked up.
HUSTLER: So.
MACK: That was the last time I was truly happy.
BROOKLYN: Woah, so deep.
MACK: Trust me, Brook, you will be better off with the new me.
BROOKLYN: We will see.
BANGER: Where are we in this new plan of yours?
MACK: You’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I like you guys. Cellblock G doesn’t work for me anymore. We’re out.
BROOKLYN: Does “we” mean “me”?
MACK: Sure.
BROOKLYN: I gotta think it over, Mack. I like what we got here.
MACK: I’m out. I think we will all be better for it. See ya’ around, brothers,

• In the Ladies SotF match, Carolina Strutter, Tarah Thompson, and Candy Cotton defeat The Sky Diamonds and Mother Mercy.
CANDY: Tarah, I hope you win the title from that weirdo Keziah. ‘Lina and I are a lock to beat the Hex Sisters for the tag title. You will have our back?
TARAH: Candy, we need to talk.
CAROLINA: Not here, let’s finish this back there.
CANDY: What’s going on? Talk now.
CAROLINA: Ok. We are going to let you have the match against Keziah. Tarah and I will go after the tag titles.
CANDY: What about Carolina Candy?
TARAH: It’s still a…thing-
CANDY: You stay out of this.
CAROLINA: She can’t. She’s part of it. Candy, we’re giving you a title shot.
CANDY: I want a title shot with you.
TARAH: Ok. Candy, grow up.
CAROLINA: Tarah, be nice.
TARAH: I won’t. We’re giving her a gift that any woman in XPW would kill to get, and she’s pouting.
CAROLINA: She’s got a point, Candy. Anyhow, the decision’s made. Take the title shot or don’t. Tarah and I are a team now.

• The biggest shock of the night was saved for the main event. With the help of SilverGod and The Forsaken, Doomsayer defeats Gavin Sterling to win the XPW title. As soon as the final count hit the mat and the bell rang, SilverGod and The Forsaken attacked Sterling. Doomsayer directed traffic with his new belt over one shoulder. GQ came out with chairs to make the save.