The 130Chance XPW

[cotguy130]

August Week 4
SummerSmash
Silver Stadium

We are met by the full media team, Kyle, Adam, Rod, and Cutie Pie to open the show.
ROD: Before we move on, there is a line-up change that we should inform you of.
CP: Brooklyn Belle was scheduled to team with Mother Mercy against the Kunoichi Clan. Brooklyn has chickened out-
KYLE: Correction fans, Brooklyn Belle was injured by the clan a few weeks back and thought she would be cleared by tonight. However, she did not pass the physical. Tonight, Electronica will team with Mother Mercy to take on the Kunoichi Clan.
CP: Real respect there, Marist. You interrupt your wife like that? That’s right…you’re single. Wonder why.
KYLE: Don’t make this anything other than what it is. You were giving incorrect and biased information. I won’t allow you to treat our fans that way.
CP: Belle’s not injured, stop making excuses.
ADAM: How are you still employed here?
CP: I do what I’m told.

1) In an XPW Ladies’ title match, Carolina Strutter, with Candy Cotton, retains against Pink Champagne, with Destiny. Post-match…
PINK- Ok, partner, she got the best of me today. You go do what I couldn’t and win that title.
CAROLINA: I will get the best of you anytime we meet, and the same goes for her. Please, bring your best. It won’t be enough.
CANDY: If it weren’t for that stupid “no two belt” rule, we would be winning the tag belts from you guys.
DESTINY: If it were up to me, I’d say let’s go, but the office says “no”.
CAROLINA: Much to your relief. Candy, why don’t you get another partner and relieve these two ladies of those lovely belts.
CANDY: Naw, that’s ok, pal. Thanks for offering, but I will wait for you.
CAROLINA: Wait for me to what?
DESTINY: Candy, you shoulda stayed quiet.
CANDY: You know, I will wait till you are able to team with me and win the belts, that’s all
CAROLINA: For that to happen, I would have to lose this belt. You’re waiting on me to lose this belt? Candy, I may never lose this. Some friend you are.
PINK: C’mon D, I think Candy’s about to cry. I don’t want to see that.

(Sky Diamonds leave)

CANDY: That’s not what I meant…can we go now?

(Strutter struts off, leaving Cotton trailing behind)

2) In the next match, Chester Blood defeats Jackrabbit clean.

3) While the announcers are setting up the next match, Emperor Enyu interrupts.
ENYU: I understand that what I’m about to say will anguish many of you to the point of mental breakdown, but it is a fact I cannot ignore in the interest of my health. Due to the instructions of my royal physician, I will be unable to compete today against Alexei Monstro. The details are none of your concern. My faithful servant, Bao Zhang, will fill in for me, and will most assuredly acquit himself quite well.

4) Jakob Hearse comes out for his title defense.
HEARSE: I know the champion usually enters second, but this is a very important match for me. My opponent deserves all the respect usually bestowed upon a reigning champion. I do hope and pray that I can come out of this still holding this precious title.

(Arizona Chance walks out, and the crowd goes wild)

CHANCE: Sorry, folks, I’m retired. Although I may reconsider now that I’ve found out what Mr. Hearse here has pulled off.
HEARSE: I might have to rethink my plan if it means getting to bury an old man like you.
CHANCE: Jakob, you disappoint. I thought you were above this. Fans, the individual that Jakob had us believe would be here tonight on a one-match contract to challenge for the TV title is wrestling overseas right now. He was never in the loop on this. We trusted Jakob, and it bit us on the…well, you know.
HEARSE: Tell them the rest, Chance.
CHANCE: The individual that Hearse has been working with all along is none other than…Wally Saratoga.

(Wally comes out)

WALLY: Mr. Chance, sir, I didn’t know what he was doing. I was NOT a part of any plan.
HEARSE: Wally’s telling the truth. I believe that Wally’s been overlooked, and I wanted to give him a shot at some gold. I knew XPW wouldn’t give him a shot, so I rigged the system in his favor. I’m just being a great guy.
CHANCE: No offense, Wally, but you are hardly a contender. Jakob, what you’re doing is giving yourself an easy payday. No offense, Wally.
WALLY: Huh, none…taken? Sir.
CHANCE: That being said, I’m going to be pulling for you, Wally. Beat this Son of a…Gun and take that title. The office isn’t going to rob you of this opportunity. Jakob, we will be in touch next week. We’re going to have a long talk.
HEARSE: Good call, Chance. You haven’t seen anything yet.

The match begins. Hearse and Saratoga lock-up collar and elbow. Suddenly, Hearse lets out a shout of pain(?) and taps out with a free hand.

HEARSE: Damn Wally, you’re just too strong. Oh, well. Congrats champ. <Hearse retrieves the belt and puts it around the very confused Saratoga’s waist> Ring the bell, champ. We’ve got a new TV champion!!

Hearse walks off. After a confusing few seconds, the bell does ring, and the ref raises Saratoga’s hand as the ring announcer makes it official.

5) Alexei Monstro defeats Bao Zhang.

6) In an XPW tag title match, Brick City take advantage of a miscue between the Gages to get the pinfall and win the tag title. Tatters offers Hustler and Banger a handshake, and they accept. Rager does not participate in the post-match acknowledgements.

7) We are told that something’s going on in the parking lot. We cut to that scene. XPW personnel and security are standing around a very-expensive looking Winnebago. Mounted on one side is a well-designed sign reading “UPRISING”. It sits there for a few moments, and the head of security knocks on the door. A man pops out of the driver’s seat.
DRIVER: Can I help you gentlemen?
ROD (who has made his way out there): Actually, can we help you? We’re in the middle of a pro wrestling event in this stadium. We are aware of a group of wrestlers called The Uprising. Are you affiliated with this group? Are they present in this vehicle? If so, they need to leave this property immediately.
DRIVER: There’s nobody in there. I’m picking up 4 guys in about an hour or so. Paid me good money to be here with sweet ride and that sign on it. I don’t ask questions.
RANDOM XPW OFFICIAL: That means they’re already here.

With that realization, the whole XPW crew headed back to the Silver Stadium with shouts of “find them”)

8) The Kunoichi Clan defeat Electronica and Mother Mercy. Bao Zhang comes out and yells something at the ninjas in Japanese. They attack their opponents again. Brooklyn Belle charges out and jumps on Zhang’s back. He finally throws her over by her hair. The Clan run to help their teammate. They are working over Belle when Mother and Electronica jump in. Mother and Zhang square off, but the Japanese contingent retreat before they make contact. During the brawling, something happened that barely made it on camera. A blink and you missed it moment. Baby Girl stepped out from behind the curtain but was immediately pulled back by the Hatchetmen.

9) In the main event, Flint Decker retains against Grimcraft. Grimcraft insisted that the Dark Arts be at ringside, so Blue Steel came out. On orders from the office, the ref sent everyone away. Despite his recent successful run, Grimcraft looked overmatched by the match. It still ended up being a solid *** affair. After the pin, Grimcraft returned to the back and Decker celebrated. Jakob Hearse’s music hit, and he makes his way to the ring.
HEARSE: Flint, take a look. I don’t have a title anymore, so there’s nothing to stop me from taking that one.
FLINT: I wondered what you were up to with that trash you pulled with Saratoga.
HEARSE: Trash? It was a master plan.

The lights go out. A deep voice over the PA says, “IT’S TIME FOR AN UPRISING!!!!” The lights come back on, and Hearse and Decker are surrounded by 4 men. They look at each other and nod. They go back to back as the quartet attack. Decker and Hearse are quickly taken out. Cyber Blue and the Neo-Knights hit the ring and are quickly dispatched. One of them grabs a mic.
GAVIN STERLING: We were sent here as agents of change…to cause chaos. Break down the old order. This <motioning around> is just the beginning.

The lights go out. When they come on, the Uprising are gone.

[Thumper Moore III]

Year One Post Summersmash
Wrestling with Wremorse

RYAN REGRET: Hey everybody, Ryan Regret here with another P4V Review. Today is the day after Summersmash, and boy, do we have some things to discuss. Without further ado, here’s what happened.

To open we have Carolina Strutter who comes out with Candy Cotton against Pink Champagne who comes out with Destiny. Strutter is fairly dominant in this match, hitting a great big boot, and even taking to the air with a huge Moonsault. Pink gets her stuff in but it’s too little too late, as she has to take to the Eight Figure Leg Lock. After the match, we have bickering between the teams. I give this one three stars. Strutter is a generational talent and Pink hung with her pretty well.

In a match with no build we next have Chester Blood against Jackrabbit. This was an enjoyable match of two contrasting styles, with Blood sticking to mat based wrestling and the former Jackson Good hitting high impact and high flying moves. In the end, Blood proved too much and got the win. This one gets 2 1/2 stars. A good match, hurt by the lack of build, but these guys are both great workers and made the most of it.

Next, Jakob Hearse comes out and asks for his mystery opponent and OH MY GOD ITS ARIZONA CHANCE. What a huge pop. Unfortunately, the legend says his day is past, and he’s just here to explain that Hearse screwed over the office and that now we get... perennial jobber Wally Saratoga. In a move reminiscent of Blockbuster Brohan and Big Rig, Wally slaps on a collar and elbow tie up.. and wins when Hearse taps out. What the f$&@ was this? What just happened? Wally Sara-frickin-toga is your new TV champ. I give this one minus one star, but at least it sets up an angle later.

In an injury substitution, Emperor Enyu sits out his match with Alexei Monstro and instead sends out Bao Zhang, who is about to get his ass kicked by a woman as we will soon see, as the sacrificial lamb. Not much here, just a couple of power moves from Monstro, Russian Interference, 1-2-3. This gets 1 star, and I’m starting to get some just before shutting down ABCW vibes, and that’s not a good thing.

Fortunately, the Gage Guyz and Brick City put on a tag team wrestling clinic next. The highlight of the match was a high spot when Tatters jumped off a ladder inside the ring through the unfortunate Banger, who was laid out on a table outside the ring. A huge bump by both men. This took both of them out, and Hustler nailed Rager with a DDT onto a chair for the win. After the match, Tatters shook the hands of both members of Brick City, while Rager shook his brother for the show of sportsmanship. Four and a half stars, these guys tore the house down.

Outside the arena, uh-oh, the Uprising are here— and they’re already in the arena!

Next up is a match scheduled between the team Mother Mercy and Brooklyn Belle against the Kunoichi Clan, Krait and Chiyome. However, Belle is not medically cleared and a replacement is made (where have we seen that before?). Out comes Electronica, who has formed a bit of a kinship with Mercy and Belle against the Clan. The good girls are a house of fire early, but in the end the evil Bao Zhang distracts Mercy, which allows Krait to roll up Electronica for the tainted victory. After the match, well look who it is! Brooklyn Belle is apparently miraculously healed and she jumps on Bao, and the good girls stand tall. I’m gonna give this one two stars; adequate match but a weird finish.

Finally, we get to our main event, Grimcraft vs Flint Decker for the World Title. Dark Arts and Blue Steel are at ringside, they predictably brawl, but in the end, Decker stands tall. Dark Arts leaves, it looks like a rave is about to break out... but then Hearse’s music hits. He intentionally lost the TV Title to challenge for the World Title.

I’m gonna stop right here— it’s a stupid rule that you can’t hold two belts in XPW. But, at least they’re using the rule to further storylines. Back to the review.

Hearse challenges Decker, and all of a sudden the lights go out, and when they come back on, in the ring are Donny Atomic, Pendragon, GQ, Gavin Sterling, and Tarah Thompson, the Uprising. They beat the hell out of Flint and Jakob, then beat up the rest of Blue Steel. Then the lights go out... and they’re gone. I give the match between Flint and Grimcraft three stars, but what a freaking finish.

Overall, Summersmash gets a grade of B-. Two matches had injury substitutions, which is two too many for my liking. I hate to see dickery with the titles, but at least Hearse had a good reason. On the plus side, Carolina is a soon to be legend, the tag title match was incredible, and the Uprising have made a tremendous debut.

I’m Ryan Regret— see you next time!

[cotguy130]

September Week 1
BattleBrawl
Chitown Complex

The familiar sounds of the BattleBrawl theme fade directly into some familiar EDM, and we see the Club Electronica set is ready. There is no Electronica, however. Adam and Kyle go into their standard show greeting, but you can tell they are winging it. Finally, an angry-looking Electronica stomps out.

1) ELECTRONICA: Cut the music. <It doesn’t end> Cut it or I leave, and I don’t care what you do to me. <The music very slowly fades> Production, I know whoever pulled that crap was doing it under orders, so I’m not blaming you. Since I can’t punch whoever ordered you to do that, don’t let me see you tonight ‘cause I ain’t feeling none of this. (With obvious fake cheerfulness) Fans, welcome to another episode of Club Electronica…blah, blah, blah…my guest tonight is the biggest sack of crap in XPW. I strongly encourage you to boo the Hell out of him. <In a monotone> Jakob Hearse, yea, and the crowd goes mild.

<Hearse enters the set with a huge, smug grin on his face>

HEARSE: Elle-
ELECTRONICA: Electronica to you.
HEARSE: What’s wrong, Elle-ctronica. You can call me Jakob.
ELECTRONICA: Saying your name makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
HEARSE: You know, Electronica, I’m really the wrong guest to be out here. The man you should be talking to is the new XPW TV champion, Wally Saratoga.
ELECTRONICA: Wally’s a good guy. I know he will be happy with the pay bump he’s going to get for however long he holds the title, but I really don’t expect him to hold it very long. Hearse, this is about you and what you did.
HEARSE: And what did I do?
ELECTRONICA: You’re lucky Flint’s not out here or he would knock that smug smile off your face. Don’t interrupt, I’m not done. In this business, titles are sacred things. There are men and women in wrestling who will go their entire career and may get a title shot or two. I’m talking years, here. You wore the XPW TV title. Many consider that the second most prestigious belt in wrestling, and you controlled it. You gave it away because you didn’t think it was good enough for you. Hearse, you weren’t good enough for that belt.
HEARSE: Get mad at the office. They have the stupid rule about nobody holding two belts. I’m not allowed to have ambition.
ELECTRONICA: That’s because each belt is supposed to be considered a goal in and of itself. Ambition’s fine but finish the job you started. I’m tired of talking to you, but I have two messages. One, before you get your shot at Flint, you’ve got to beat another opponent in two weeks. You see, the loss to an unranked Saratoga cost you some points in the rankings. You’ve got to make them up.
HEARSE: Fine, who do I beat?
ELECTRONICA: Two, if you get the title shot and lose to Flint, which you will, suck on this. You can’t compete for, contend for, or have anything to do with any title in XPW for six months. Titles aren’t your toys, Jakey. Oh, almost forgot. The guy you have to get past in two weeks…is Alexei Monstro. Now hit my music!!

2) Mack Caliber defeats Scuzzbucket w/ Buddy Danger. Danger tries to attack him after the match. Mack beats him up as well. Roberto Samba looks like he’s about to jump on Caliber but gets caught and runs off.

3) Grimcraft and the Dark Arts are in a candlelit room, sitting in ornate high-backed chairs. One is empty.
Grimcraft: My newest disciple is ready. Autumn Hex, please bring her in. <Autumn steps into the darkness and emerges with her sister. Winter’s hair and clothes are all black. She takes the empty seat.>
I doubt you’re shocked to see Lady Winter, now Winter Hex. My decimation of her family drove her into a death spiral that lead her right back to me. I destroyed everything around her so I could save her from herself.
AUTUMN: Tell them Sister.
WINTER (sounding unsure): Master Grimcraft is, uh, teaching me the path…no, not path, way! The way of the Dark Arts. I am excited about being under his tutelage, and even more important, I guess, being reunited with my dearest sister.
DOOMSAYER: She sounds hesitant-
AUTUMN HEX: Hush, love. She’s fine. She’s just…overwhelmed…by what’s she’s seen in her short time with us.
WINTER: Definitely. That’s got to be it. Overwhelmed?
GRIMCRAFT: No worries, my dear. All will be revealed in due time. The circle is complete. Each point on the pentagram is occupied by a twisted soul. Even these, my closest confidantes, have no idea the wonders that approach. Mastery cometh!!

4) The Neo-Knights finally get in the win column by defeating the Wheelmen.

5) Wally Saratoga comes out for a match against Sherman Turk. Wally tells the ring announcer that he wants his “good friend” to have a title shot, so he’s making this a TV title match. Before anyone can respond, Turk attacks Saratoga. Wally makes the comeback and gets the pinfall win. After the match, he’s informed that he doesn’t get to make title matches on the fly.
RING ANNOUNCER: You did learn that maybe Sherman isn’t as good of a friend as you thought.

6) In a Last Man Standing match, Grifter defeats Cyber Blue. Post-match, he is joined by his ally, Chester Blood. Blue is unable to answer the 10-count after a shot from Grifter’s bat.
CHESTER: Grif, I think this business with these Blue Steel boys is done. We’ve done all we can to them.
GRIFTER: I agree. Good luck against The Icepick today. Should be a helluva match.
CHESTER: Yea, he’s a decent guy and a decent wrestler, but I can take him.

<The sound of crazed, giggling laughter fills the arena>

7) Richie B. over The Enhancer. B acts like he won the XPW title.
RICHIE: I’m back, baby!! It’s time to live up to my last name. WOOOO!!

8) The Kunoichi Clan defeat Mother Mercy and Brooklyn Belle. Bao Zhang is at ringside, and he and Mother square off at one point on the floor. Electronica shows up and slaps him across the face. She lures him away from ringside. The Clan still prove too much in the end.

9) Icepick Dominic retains the Cruiserweight title against Chester Blood. Dom is his usual, cool self, aside from the fits of laughter. Concrete Charlie comes out to congratulate him, but decides not to get to close after all.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@hearse
Alexei, I look forward to a match between the two most dominant wrestlers in the world. I know that with you I will at least have a challenge before my inevitable victory.

@massgaines
Jakob— don’t you be treatin my Lexy like that. You’ll have 290 pounds of angry big man up in yo grill if you try that again.

@yoboycyber
Y’all, I ain’t gonna lie. I’m in pain, yo.

@smilefordominic
Teeheehee, better luck next time Chester. Maybe next time you can do a comedy routine. Wait, I think that’s what your match with me was! Heehee!!

@bigtony450
Dom, this is the last warning. You go on Chirpy again without my permission, and you’ll be looking up at the water’s surface with concrete shoes.

@lordevermoreprotectoroftherealm
Never. Never. Never. Never. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER AGAIN.

@officialxpw
We wish Wally Saratoga a long and prosperous reign with the TV Title. May he carry the belt well until a worthy challenger comes along.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week One
XPW Official BoobToob Channel

A stone, circular room. There is a star shaped table with five points and five chairs in the center. Already seated are Diablo, Doomsayer, and Autumn Hex. Through a stone portal walks Winter Hex, accompanied by Grimcraft.

GRIMCRAFT: Winter Hex, take your seat at the Pentagram.

WINTER: Which one is mine?

GRIM: The one I don’t sit in. Now that we’ve all taken our proper places, it is now time for the ritual to begin.

DIABLO: ¿Que ritual? No sabia de un ritual.

GRIM: The one that I’ve brought you all here for. You got an email about it.

AUTUMN: Get your act together, amigo. <she hisses at Diablo>

GRIM: Enough. Silence is required to start the rit—

DOOMSAYER: THIS RITUAL SPELLS DOOOOOM FOR XPW! THUS SAYETH THE DOOMSAYER!

GRIM: Are you finished? Good. Now then, Winter Hex, are you prepared for your role? Is everyone prepared?

WINTER: Grimcraft, I’m not sure at what point to add the egg to the flour.

GRIM: Did you look up the ritual I asked you to? There’s no egg or flour.

WINTER: Ritual? I’m so sorry, master Grimcraft. I misread that as recipe, not ritual. <Diablo and Autumn Hex snicker>

GRIM: Do you both think this is funny? It is important that we get every aspect right or it might have the reverse effect. The ritual is cancelled for today. We will convene again after everyone is more prepared. And if not, there will be... severe consequences.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week One
XPW Official BoobToob Channel

A gravelly Scottish voice is head on a dark screen with just a light mist effect.

“It starts with a spark.”

A quick shot of The Uprising decimating Blue Steel and Jakob Hearse before jumping quickly to the dark screen. Celtic drums start in the background.

“But when that spark catches, it becomes a flame. And that flame becomes a conflagration!”

A montage of Gavin Sterling, GQ, Donny Atomic, and Pendragon hitting their finishers on the men they beat down.

“And that conflagration is what will burn down this entire company.”

The Celtic drums stop, and we’re back to the dark screen.

“And from the ashes, we will rise. The Uprising is upon you!”

[cotguy130]

September Week 2
Friday Fight Season
Empire Garden

Rod Codger and Cutie Pie welcome us to the latest episode of Friday Fight Season. After the usual pleasantries…
CP (in an unenthusiastic voice): Remember fans, in 2 weeks, XPW will bring you the Gentlemen’s Classic. Now, let’s go to the ring.
ROD: Hold on. That’s it? The company that pays your salary is putting on a major P4V, and that’s the best you can do in terms of promotion?
CP: I did as I was-
ROD: Fans, the Gentlemen’s Classic will be a one-night tournament with an emphasis on- <hears something in earpiece> Yes, sir. No sir, I remember what happened to Kyle. It’s an XPW P4V-yes, I’m aware you know that. <Back to fans> Let’s go to the ring.
CP: Should’ve listened to me.

1) Emperor Enyu and Bao Zhang over The Wild Things.

2) Chiyome, with Krait, over Pink Champagne, with Destiny.

3) The Gage Guyz over The Hatchetmen. Dom didn’t “giggle” like he has in a lot of his recent appearances, but he was very aloof towards his partner. He tried to steal the pin from his partner, and this miscue resulted in Charlie being pinned. Charlie had words with his partner after the match. Then, Dom gave the “crazed giggle” and walked off. Big Tony was waiting at the top of the ramp. Dom tried to walk past him, but Tony grabbed his arm. Dom jerked away and Tony gave a brief look of pure shock. Charlie made his way up the ramp and pulled Dom to the back as Tony looked on.

4) Flint Decker comes out and calls out Jakob Hearse.
FLINT: Jakob, you finally got the title shot you so badly want. Wait, no you don’t. Even after all the crap you pulled, you still have to beat Alexei. You gave up a treasured piece of hardware for a chance to have Alexei beat your ass. The best part is that after I beat you, and I will, you can’t even think about chasing any hardware till next year. You really showed XPW, didn’t you?
HEARSE: Laugh it up, Decker. Yes, I showed XPW. I showed them that I do what I want when I want. They have to deal with it, and so will Alexei and so will you. I won’t be chasing belts next year because I will have yours. I will wear it till it bores me, like the TV title did. If I’m ever in a position to want the TV title again, after my little exile is over, <Snaps fingers> I will take it back just like that. By the way, Wally is yet to thank me. How rude.
FLINT: Is that speech from the “wrestling bad guys’ book of speeches”? I hope you do beat Alexei, just so I can be the one to shut your mouth. I did notice you haven’t said much about your match with Alexei. You’re worried, aren’t you?
HEARSE: The opposite. You’re the goal, Decker. Monstro’s just a tiny little bump in the path.

5) Mr. Europa defeats Grand Manga. Kyle comments that these two men will participate in the Gentlemen’s Classic. Adam tells him to be careful, but Kyle says that it’s “OK to say that”. Adam responds like he knows what Kyle’s insinuating. Then, with a rather stilted delivery…
ADAM: One thing that I find interesting about this upcoming tournament is the supposed emphasis on wrestlers who have a more technical, mat-based style. XPW doesn’t really have enough guys of that style to hold a tournament like that. Take Grand Manga for example. He’s a high-flier who got to old and big to fly high. (You can hear Kyle gasp) He’s hardly a mat-based wrestler. This tournament should be...interesting if nothing else.
KYLE: Strong opinions there partner.
ADAM: Well, that’s the way that, uh, I, feel.

6) Kyle and Adam continue their less-than-enthusiastic preview of the Gentlemen’s Classic. Their words did not sound like their own. All of a sudden, a video starts playing on the main screen. It is a crudely shot piece of footage from inside an office building. We hear Adam whisper “that’s the XPW office”. The subjects, Grimcraft and Alexei Monstro are seated around a table, and a third man is present but is behind the door. There’s no way to see who without risking being heard.
MONSTRO: Your team is in shamble (speaking to the unknown party).
GRIMCRAFT: Lucky for you that mine can pick up the slack.
MONSTRO: Grimcraft, you’ve got all you need. When is this ritual going down? Remember, you better let us know before it does. I don’t like surprises.
GRIMCRAFT: Alexei, calm yourself. My ritual will only increase our powerbase tenfold. That is, unless our esteemed colleague here ruins it with his lack of discipline.

<The third man slams something down on the table so hard that this enormous piece of wood jumps off the ground. Grimcraft jumps back and nearly falls out of his chair. Alexei laughs.>

MONSTRO: Grimcraft, I have more faith in this man than I do in you. He and I were the first. You’d be wise to-

(The video cuts off and we go to commercial. When we return, there is no mention of what we saw.)

7) In a three-way match, Jackrabbit defeats Grifter and Diablo. Grifter goes after Jack with his bat in a post-match attack. Cyber Blue comes out to help, but Grifter swats him away easily. Bomber John makes the save.
8) Next up is Cyber Blue versus Seraph. This is a rematch from awhile ago that Blue lost. He blamed it on being focused elsewhere and said he could beat Seraph easily if he weren’t distracted. He comes up short again as Seraph picks up another win. Blue complains about the incident from the prior match where he, in his own words, had to “take out” Grifter to keep Jack from being beaten up.

9) For the first time since their appearance at Summersmash, the Uprising appear on XPW TV.
ROD: Gentlemen, the obvious question is “why are you here?”
STERLING: Like I said at Summersmash, we are here to cause Mayhem.
PENDRAGON: Upset the establishment. Create Anarchy.
EQ: I’m going to really piss people off by winning titles, in fact, if you guys will excuse me, I have business to attend to.

(EQ leaves)

DONNY: All our goals are different, Rod.
PENDRAGON: Donny, stay on mission.
ROD: So, you are here for a reason, a mission, as you’ve said. All these words you keep throwing around, mayhem, chaos, etc. Can you be more specific. You took out Flint Decker and Jakob Hearse at Summersmash.
DONNY: And the Neo-Knights and Cyber Blue.
ROD: Right, what’s strange is that I haven’t heard these groups crying for your heads.
STERLING: I guess they know what’s good for them. Rod, don’t worry so much about the “Why?” The Uprising is in XPW and everybody has a target. You’ll notice that we use our bus as our locker room. We don’t want anyone thinking we ally with them.
DONNY: We’re our own thing. Check this out, Rod…there’s more of us.
ROD: Who?
PENDRAGON: From Why? to Who?...Rod, the best advice that we can give anybody is to shut up, sit back, and enjoy our show. Let the mission play out.

10) In his first defense, Wally Saratoga defends the TV title against Big Tony. Tony is so confident that he sends The Hatchetmen and Baby Girl to the back to “ice the champagne”. Tony dominates Wally and it looks like the title’s his. EQ from the Uprising appears and distracts Tony. Wally is able to slip in and steal a pin. The Hatchetmen come out and are cut off by Pendragon and Donny Atomic. Icepick leaves Charlie to be double-teamed as he very casually checks on an obviously uninjured Tony. Tony yells at him to help his partner, but Dom continues. The Uprising finally leave.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week Two
WhichCulture Wrestling’s BoobToob Channel

BRIAN LIMEY: In XPW, there are several mystery people running around right now, and no one seems to know just who they are. Did somebody say who? <slaps chest repeatedly> I’ll tell you who! I’m Brian Limey, and this is Three Mystery People Who Aren’t Really Mysteries in XPW. Remember to like, comment, and subscribe!

Number One: A vignette appeared this week between Grimcraft, Alexei Monstro, and an unnamed third guy. They seem to be waiting on Grimcraft to run some supernatural heebie jeebies to take control. Here’s what we know about this third guy: Alexei says his organization is in shambles, and that he’s been there from the beginning. Now, that leaves a couple of guys who it could be. It could be Massive Gaines, who is sick of being Bomber John and playing second fiddle to Flint Decker. They’ve been on a losing streak and he could be a breakout star. But my money is on Icepick Dominic. The Underworld does seem to be breaking apart, and if Big Tony turns on Dom, who appears to be having some sort of psychotic breakdown, he needs to have backup... and what great backup Alexei and Grimcraft would be.

Number Two: On the same show, the Uprising claimed that there were more of them. But who could that be? Who could be that anti-establishment, that much in favor of chaos for chaos’s sake... <gasp!> Chester Blood and Grifter! These two guys are violent, anarchistic... and look like they wouldn’t mind changing on a bus, as long as they got to bust some heads afterwards.

Number Three: The lingering question: without an on-screen authority figure, who is actually in charge? This has been a mystery for some time now. Who exactly is speaking into the headsets of Rod Codger, Ryan Marist, and Cutie Pie? There’s only one person that seems to know, and that’s Arizona Chance, and he’s been tight-lipped about the subject. Here at WhichCulture, we’ve done some research. It appears that XPW, according to legal documents, is owned by Cotguy, LLC, registered in Antigua. Searches for the company have all come up empty, but since we know Arizona is involved... we have a theory.

See, we know that Arizona is good friends with several old timers. Chance has been seen in public recently with O’Hooligan and with Tennis Pro. Chance and Average Guy were the faces of the old ABCW franchise in the 80’s and 90’s, and remained friends until his untimely passing last year. Chance.. O’Hooligan... Tennis Pro... Guy... COTGUY. Those four gentlemen put together XPW, and when Guy passed away, the ownership fell to his son, Flint Decker. We believe the mystery owners are those four men. Why they’ve remained off screen except for Chance is still a mystery.

That’s our list. Remember to subscribe to WhichCulture. I’m Brian Limey, and now you know who.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week Two
Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: We’ll cut right to the chase here. Why the hate for the Gentlemen’s Classic? It’s a great concept— you get the best chain wrestlers and mat technicians in the world together, and you let them have great wrestling matches. The wrestlers are happy because no one is going through tables, management is happy because no one is getting injured, and the fans are happy.. or are they?

This tournament would probably go over much better in Europe than it would here in the USA. The catch style, digital manipulation, unique submissions, grapples, holds... it flies over there, but not so much here. Now, I’m not saying that the American style is superior— but this tournament would play much better there, just like a Cruiserweight tournament would go over like rover in Mexico City, or Strong Style in the Puro Dome.

There has to be some resistance in management, and among some of the guys like Rager Gage who’s style involves next to no technical skill. It’s a good concept, it’s just not going to appeal to a wide audience.

[cotguy130]

Vacation Break!!

-----------------------------------------


September Week 3
Wrestling Classic
Golden Plaza

Before the show intro music began, a graphic appeared on the screen:

Dear Fans:

XPW always strives to bring you the best entertainment that professional wrestling can provide. We focus on what happens inside the ropes. We know that’s what you care about. Something we know you don’t care about is the business of XPW. Certain so-called “journalists” take it upon themselves to conjecture about who is doing what in the boardroom and meeting rooms. The XPW office is a very mundane place, and nothing that takes place there would be of the slightest interest to you as a fan. We encourage you to simply ignore this fake news, and even more so, those who crave attention so much that they feel they must manufacture their own facts.

XPW

P.S. Enjoy the Gentlemen’s Classic next week!


1) We open with the introductions to the first match. It features the debut of a new team, The Mindbenders, as they take on The Enhancer and Timmy Tough. As expected, the newcomers get in the win column with little effort. As Adam and Kyle move on to the next topic, the Mindbender calling himself Professor When asks for a mic. Kyle comments on how unusual it is a for unheralded newcomers to get mic time. However, he does procure one.
WHEN (in a British accent): ‘Ello XPW. I am the Professor, and this is Mystic. I will be brief. I see through time and space, and Mystic pierces the veil to other worlds and realms. We have seen what’s coming, and we want to help. You all only think you know the depths of depravity to which Grimcraft will sink. Mystic can attest to that. Tell them.

<However, when Mystic tries to talk, the mic’s been cut off. He tries for another, but music plays and it goes dark as a commercial for action figures shows on the screen>

2) Warbird defeats Keziah.

3) In a three-way match, Doomsayer defeats Grifter and Shadow. It looks like Grifter has the match well in-hand. As he prepares to pin Shadow, Cyber Blue makes the distraction. Doomsayer takes out Grifter and pins Shadow.

4) In a Trios match, The Uprising of Gavin Sterling, EQ, and Pendragon defeat The Numbskulls and Richie B.

5) In a non-title match, The Sky Diamonds defeat the Kunoichi Clan when Mother Mercy provides a timely distraction.

6) Rod Codger and Cutie Pie are out to talk about the Gentlemen’s Classic.
ROD: Honestly, I’m a little shocked we’re out here. We’ve barely promoted the event, and it’s next week.
CP: You don’t get paid to be shocked, Codger. You get paid to do as your told without adding your own biases. The Gentlemen’s Classic is getting the attention it deserves. Speaking of which, here are three men who will be participating in the tournament, Donny Atomic, Dre Apex, and a new face that needs no introduction, Gridiron. ‘Big guy, my money’s on you in this tourney.
DONNY: Hey-
GRID: Pipe down, little man. CP, you’re a rare combination of looks and brains. (She blushes). You as hot as an NFL cheerleader and as smart as head coach.
ROD: Good lord.
GRID: Why don’t you three just leave, ‘kay? Me and CP got this. I am the clear-cut winner of this tourney. Follow this young lady’s lead, and if you’re a betting man, put your money on Gridiron and let it ride. (Sees the other guys behind him) Why are you still here?
ROD: I’m not done. In addition to the three men you see here-
CP: I see one man and two little boys.
ROD: As well as Mr. Europa and Gran Manga who we saw last week-
GRID: The little Japanese midget is still wrestling. He’s got to be 102 years old.
DRE: Shut up, please.
GRID: Why don’t you try and make me.
CP: Better yet, let’s go chat elsewhere, and let these dorks finish.

(He offers his arm. She takes it and they exit)

ROD: Finally. In addition to the aforementioned participants, the tournament will be rounded out by Emperor Enyu, Richie B, and Seraph.
ATOMIC: For a tournament that’s supposed to focus on technical wrestling, it really does have an odd field of participants.
ROD: I don’t get it either. I would hardly call Gridiron a technical wizard.
DRE: I know, right?
ROD: Well, fans, that’s the rundown on next week’s big P4V event. Now, back to the ring.

7) The Gage Guyz over The Neo-Knights.

8) We quickly cut to backstage where Emperor Enyu, Big Tony, and Grimcraft are having a heated discussion. Each man is accompanied by his team. It stands out that Icepick Dominic looks bored and unengaged. Tony does not notice this, but Baby Girl does. She appears to be enjoying his attitude.
ENYU: I am not prone to repeating myself. I know you two and your comrade consider yourselves above all others. You are wrong, and I have no issues with proving it. Tony, you lost to Saratoga last week. You have no right to really be represented here.
TONY: He had help.
ENYU: Irrelevant. Grimcraft, nobody is frightened by your fake voodoo and parlor tricks, least of all me.
GRIMCRAFT: A fatal mistake. Everyone predicted Lord Evermore would make short work of me. Here I am…where is he? Long gone…run out in shame. The love of his life stands with me.
WINTER: EX-love.
ENYU: You surround yourself with weak-minded people. Lord Evermore was overrated from the outset. Simple really. A final warning to your little cabal…I go where I please, and I do what I please. Do not interfere in my plans and I will leave you alone.
TONY: Why you- You don’t understand who runs the place.
GRIMCRAFT: Tony, cease your prattling. Let Enyu talk. He loves the sound of his own voice. His words mean nothing. Dark Arts let us depart.

9) In the main event, Jakob Hearse defeats Alexei Monstro to win the right to face Flint Decker at Gentleman’s Classic for the XPW title.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week Three
Chirpy Highlights

@realdreapex
Technical prowess is my specialty. Gentlemen’s Classic is my opportunity to shine like the star I am.

@biggrid
Gridiron smash everyone. Gridiron take Cutie Pie for 48oz steak after Gentelman Clash.

@bigtony450
After watching the tape, Dom, Baby Girl, you are on probation. Meaning, watch your attitudes before they get adjusted for you. Capiche?

@thiccbabygirl
Tony, you won’t harm a hair on my beautiful, curvy body... which you won’t be touching until you apologize.

@hearse
Good match Alexei. Good to be challenged for a change. Decker will be no challenge, and I will bring prestige back to the world title.

@smilefordominic
Teeheehee, you’re so funny Tony. Why don’t you try to enforce your probation? It’ll be a gas!!! Teehee!!!

@grimcrizzle
Enyu is irrelevant. Dark Arts is unfractured. It’s only a matter of time before the ritual is complete and I and my associates will reign supreme.

[Thumper Moore III]

September Year One Week Three
Official XPW BoobToob Channel

A generic looking background of a wrestling arena is the background for the promotional video for Gentleman’s Classic. The video production quality is roughly what you would expect from a high school AV class from 1996. A big top sounding announcer reads the promo with an old-timey twang in his voice.

“Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages! XPW proudly presents... The Gentlemen’s Classic! It’ll be a whiz-bang grappling clinic, starring all the best technical wrestlers in XPW! This cavalcade of stars includes: Dre Apex! Richie B! Seraph! Donny Atomic! Emperor Enyu! And many more!

As a bonus, you’ll see German Strongman Jakob Hearse take on Fabulous Flint Decker for the World’s Championship! Come one, come all, and see the best wrestlers in the world grapple their hearts out in the Gentlemen’s Classic!

[cotguy130]

September Week 4
Gentlemen’s Classic
Olympus Colosseum

Much in the same way as the lead up to tonight’s show had little in the way of hype for the event, the event itself began in a rather lackluster way. Kyle and Adam welcome us to the show, and we go right to the ring.

1) Mr. Europa over Donny Atomic.

2) Dre Apex over Gran Manga.

3) Richie B comes out for the next match. Emperor Enyu, with Bao Zhang, enters second. Enyu stops his ring announcement.
ENYU: Cease your speaking and my musical accompaniment. You are all here to witness one thing this evening. My ascension to the throne of professional wrestling in the Unites States. I’m sure you’ve noticed the lack of build-up for this tournament. It’s glaring in its absence. The forces in play, of whom I’m spoken before, are doing this to sabotage my coronation. I’ve seen comments from fans about wrestlers they feel should be in this tourney. It’s simple why they aren’t…they’re conceding to my greatness. No worries, however, I will defeat each and every one of them in my own time. This slight will not be forgotten.
Enyu picks up and easy win over Richie B.
4) Seraph comes out for the final first-round match. His opponent, Gridiron, is announced second. As Gridiron makes his way to the ring, his music and accompanying light show stop in a rather sudden fashion. He stops halfway to the ring in confusion. Rod Codger, surrounded by a huge security team, meet him in the aisle. Rod warily makes his way to Gridiron, and whispers something to him. The conversation goes on a few seconds when Codger dives out of the way. Gridiron swings a huge arm that takes three guys out as he bellows in rage. Rod flees to the ring and says something to the ring announcer. Grid is trying to tear through security and is succeeding.
RING ANNOUNCER: Gridiron, please stop. If you don’t, you will be barred for life immediately. Rod was just delivering a message. <Gridiron looks like he might literally explode from rage> The decision is final, Gridiron, although it may not be fair. Please return to the back. <after a frighteningly long pause, Gridiron return to the back> Ladies and gentlemen, we have informed Gridiron that he’s been pulled from the tournament due to “a wrestling style which does not meet this prestigious tournament’s standards”. Folks, I don’t know what that means either. Frankly, there’s a lot about tonight that makes little sense, and if that gets me fired, I’ll survive. Substituting for Gridiron will be, from Blue Steel, Bomber John.

Bomber John defeats Seraph in a clash of styles, neither of which seems to “meet the standards of the tournament.”

5) The back-and-forth over the Tag Titles continues as The Gage Guyz take the belts back from Brick City.

6) Mr. Europa over Dre Apex.
EUROPA: Apex, you may have won that best of 3 series from a few weeks ago, but I only needed to win once, when it mattered, to show you for the inferior you are.

7) Emperor Enyu defeats Bomber John in a more competitive match than many expected. It ended up being the match, not only of the tournament, but of the night.

8) Before the XPW title match, Flint Decker has Electronica come out and remind Jakob Hearse about the stipulations surrounding this title challenge.
FLINT: Since you heard it from her first, I figured she should be the one to remind you.
ELECTRONICA: Remember, Jakey, after you lose to Flint, and you will, you will be out of contention for all title’s for six months. You did this to yourself.
HEARSE: Sending your bitch to deliver a message, Decker? That’s beneath even-

<Hearse never finished as Decker was all over him>

Decker goes on to retain the XPW title against Jakob Hearse. As Hearse watches Blue Steel celebrate in the ring with their leader, Electronica asks for a mic.
ELECTRONICA: Jakey, one thing I forgot to mention. You know the rule about not holding two belts at the same time? The rule that you blamed for your own stupidity? You recall that rule? Guess what? They’re gonna change it. <Blue Steel laugh at Hearse> Greed, arrogance, and impatience are ugly, ugly things. You should take some time to self-evaluate.

9) In the Gentlemen’s Classic final, Emperor Enyu defeats Mr. Europa. After the match, he is joined by Bao Zhang and the Kunoichi Clan. Adam and Kyle begin to close the show. Bao Zhang leaves the ring and accosts them.
ZHANG: What are you doing? The evening’s not over. Where’s the trophy presentation?
KYLE (perusing the sheet): Don’t see one. After the announcement of the tourney winner, we are to go straight to close.
ADAM: If you’ll excuse us, that’s what we’re doing.

Zhang reports to Enyu who starts yelling about being “outraged” as we fade away.

The screen goes black. When it comes back up, we see an old Western town with one dirt road down the middle. We track down the street and into a very traditional-looking saloon. The place is chaotic. Armed men are in a stand-off over a card game in one corner. Chorus girls are being harassed. A fist fight breaks out, and the bartender gets knocked-out with a whiskey bottle. Men begin stealing bottles from behind the bar. Another guy gets body slammed onto the piano and the whole thing collapses. As this is going on, we hear the sound of a galloping horse, faint at first, but getting louder. The sound of the piano collapsing is accompanied by a loud whinnying and snorting of a horse just outside. Everything stops. The chorus girls smile for the first time. The swinging saloon doors open, and a dark figure walks in. His long duster opens revealing a pair of the shiniest pistols you can imagine. A light from somewhere glints off the left one. As if on cue, everybody in the place involved in some kind of possibly unlawful activity stampedes around the newcomer and out the door. They fight to get out, and the place is soon empty except for the chorus girls, pianist, and groggy bartender. He touches the brim of his cowboy hat, and as the picture fades we hear the breathy voice of a chorus girl say, “He’s back”.

[Thumper Moore III]

October Year One Post Gentlemen's Classic
Wrestling Monitor Review

RYAN HERNANDEZ: What the hell was the point of that? Welcome to the podcast, by the way. Seriously, what just happened? What was XPW's idea here? "Let's put the best workers we have into a tournament, downplay it's importance, and bury everyone involved. Oh, and while we're at it, let's also make the hottest act we have look like an idiot after giving up the mid-card title to pursue the world title because of a stupid kayfabe rule, then after he loses for the first time in six months, we'll rescind the rule immediately?" No one came out of this looking good. No one.

OFF CAMERA VOICE: Bomber John?

RYAN: OK, Bomber John actually did come out looking better than he did. He's been in tag team lower-midcard hell with Jackson... I mean, Jackrabbit, and maybe John can get a singles push out of this. He was a surprise replacement for Gridiron, which is another decision that makes little sense, since John is basically a short version of Gridiron in his skillset, but he is a much better worker. And dangit, did he work. He had a good match with Seraph, and then match of the night with Enyu. And let me tell you, Viewers, Enyu did not carry John to that match-- easily 3.5-4 stars. John carried his own weight, and if he can continue performing like that, the sky is the limit for him.

But ironically, his opponent had the steam taken out of him after the tournament finals, where there was no trophy, no recognition, no celebration, just a fade to black. Is XPW burying Enyu? And if so, why? About the only other positive thing I can say is the promo that they faded to was awesome. You've just reestablished Gunslinger, who was in the finals of the pre-XPW tournament where he lost to Alexei Monstro, as a badass cowboy here to clean things up. Great video package. In fact, the guys who put that video package together are the MVPs of the night. Along with Bomber John.

[Thumper Moore III]

October Year One Week One
Chirpy Highlights

@biggrid
I will do what I always do next week. Eat meat and vegtabels, work out, kick evryone's ass. Stupid ternament anyway.

@acedogma
Good night for #bluesteel! Johnny boy had match of the night, and Flint is still your X. P. W. World. Champion!!!

@yoboycyber
YOOOO!! That party was dope! Nothing like a rave with the world champ!

@hearse
I may not be able to win a title, but I will make your lives hell. Enjoy your rave, Flint. It will be your last.

@risingsunemperor
My coronation was cut short for a video. The subject of the video will pay for his insolence. All will bow before Enyu.

@ragergage
YAAAAAASSS!!! The Town of Solid Clay has FALLEN to our EXCELLENCE! Our quest for GOLD is reaching it's COMPLETION! YAAAAAASSS!!!

@realdreapex
Hey Saratoga, I'm calling you out for a shot at the TV Title. I'll make you an ex-champion.

@officialxpw
Congratulations to all of our current champions! @flintdecker, @carstrutter, @wallydoesthejob, @ragergage and @tattered, @destinyxpw and @pinkchamp!