JWA SG 03/2024 - JWA World Heavyweight Championship 5-Way

[Kip Whistler]

5-Way Match for the JWA World Heavyweight Championship - No Time Limit
Arizona Chance (c) vs. Mack Caliber vs. Chad Shredsbury vs. Duke Mongoose vs. Omega Satyros
*One Fall if there is a clear winner at the end of the poll; Elimination in the event of a draw and run-off voting*

[Duke Mongoose]

("Fatal Charm" by Billy Idol plays and the fans begin to boo as Duke Mongoose labors his way through the curtain and toward the ring)

LeRay: Big Daddy Duke looking a bit worse for wear following his match earlier tonight.

Beeman: This is the only reason I didn't pick Duke to win tonight. All things equal, everyone at 100%? Mongoose is your man!

LeRay: Do you think maybe Duke is regretting all the partying and galavanting he's been doing the past few weeks?

Beeman: Duke lives a life without regret, LeRay. Besides, it'll all be worth it if he walks out of here the new World Champion.

LeRay: I thought Mack Caliber was your pick?

Beeman: I can have two picks!

LeRay: Oh brother.

(Duke feebly attempts to pose on the turnbuckles, the aches and pains from his earlier bout preventing him from showing his usual bravado)

[Chad Shredsbury]

“Good Vibrations” hits and Chad Shredsbury comes out, open shirt, board shorts and shades. He drops to his knee and flexes, throwing up his hang loose to sizable chorus of boos before heading down the ramp.

LeRay. Another loathed entrant in the contest makes his way down.

Beeman. Loathed by you. As far as I’m concerned this match has some of my absolute favorites on the whole roster in it. I’m delighted, but of course, I’m a professional and I would never allow myself to be biased. Man, doesn’t he look to be in great shape though?

LeRay. This man has physically assaulted a teenager and a pair of senior citizens in the last few months.

Beeman. Exactly. I admire a man who doesn’t discriminate. We could all stand to learn a few things from Chad. Guiding light of the wrestling business he is! Maybe three picks tonight.


LeRay. Will you stop!

[Omega Satyros]

"Satyr" begins playing, and Omega makes his way out, flanked by Diablo and Black Cat, all three in pitch black masks. The crowd seems a touch hesitant to cheer, showing that most of the fan support is behind the champion tonight.

LeRay: The crowd isn't as lively for Omega as they usually are.

Beeman: Have they finally come to their senses about the guy?

LeRay: I'd expect its about how he seemed to turn his back on Bad Luck Bradley after they lost Mad Dash Finals last week.

Beeman: I'd abandon that bum too. Not like that makes Omega any more worthy of respect as before. Ideally, he loses tonight, realizes he's not meant for this, and leaves forever.

LeRay: Ideally he'll have heard you say that and will be willing to give it another shot to knock a bit of actual sense into that skull of yours.

Beeman: I can't believe you'd say that to me.

LeRay: Either way, Omega might not be seen as a heavy favorite in this matchup, but the fact he's the only one with backup out here might just be the difference maker for him tonight.

[“heartBROKEN” Mack Caliber]

My music hits and I bust through the curtain. I have a microphone in hand.

Super Glory is finally here, time for me to get crowned.
All y’all gonna leave here with your face in a frown.
Maybe I’ll win this match, maybe I won’t.
But if you’re expecting the champ to retain— don’t.

There’s too much going on. The numbers don’t lie.
Me, Chad, Duke, or Omega are gonna take that belt and fly.
Arizona’s a marked man, and I’ve got a laser sight.
He’ll eat a Magnum Slug before the end of the night.

After he’s out, who knows? It’s time for me to shine.
Omega will probably be the next to eat a Slug, not gonna lie.
Mad respect for Duke, but he was old when I was born.
Me and Chad are in the prime of life, and Duke’s looking a little worn.

Chad and I are a coin flip, but I relish the shot.
Let’s put up, I won’t shut up, I’ll give you everything I got.
So, Super Glory, here we go, it’s time for your boy to shine.
Five men enter, one leaves— everything is on the line.

I drop the microphone and sprint to the ring, ready to rumble.

[Thumper Moore III]

A countdown appears on the screen as the arena goes dark. It starts at ten and counts down. At 5, a still of Omega Satyros pinning Arizona flashes on the screen. At 4, the now familiar image of Arizona with pudding all over his face with a laughing Duke Mongoose in the background. At 3, the sickening image of the exact moment Mack Caliber landed a brain buster on Arizona on the stage, his neck at an awkward angle. At 2, an image of the finish of Destiny, with Chad Shredsbury an Arizona both on their backs with a hand across each other.

At 1, the screen goes blank. And then, a a series of text images: 1 Icon. 1 Mastermind. 1 Franchise. 1 Champion. Only 1 Arizona Chance. Hysteria by Muse begins to play, and as the guitar kicks in, a single spotlight shines on Arizona, holding aloft the JWA Championship for what could be the final time. As the full band joins, the arena is awash with white light as Chance heads to ringside.

LERAY: Quite an entrance for Arizona Chance, the JWA Champion.

BEEMAN: The Future Former JWA Champion.

LERAY: That remains to be seen, although the numbers are definitely stacked against Arizona, despite his questionable math last week.

BEEMAN: On that we can agree. Each man has a one in five opportunity to walk away as the JWA Champion.

LERAY: There’s the bell and we’re underway— Mack heads straight for Chance! So does Chad! While Omega and Duke jostle for position, Chad and Mack beat down the champ. They pick him up, whip him into the rope, he ducks a double clothesline— DOUBLE LOST ARK LARIAT! Chad and Mack are down to start the match!

[Omega Satyros]

LeRay: As the bell rings, Omega and Duke are battling near the ropes. Arizona has his focus on the two opponents he's just downed. He turns around and delivers a double clothesline, sending Omega and Duke to the floor.

Beeman: What's Legado Del Infierno even doing out here, those black masks make them look damn similar to the attackers who took out Trixie a few months ago before her match with Artemis. I don't trust them. Duke's already been in a match.

LeRay: Here may be the start of Omega having something of a numbers advantage in this matchup. Like you said, Duke's already battled tonight. They may have planned to take out the scraps early to leave this as effectively a four man match.

Beeman: Well Ref. Jay Fairweather oughta send them to the back. They have no business trying to screw Duke out of this shot.

LeRay: Whatever the plan is, they seem to be backing off as Omega grabs a cane from under the ring. Meanwhile Arizona is pounding away, sending forearms into the head of Mack Caliber, stopping every few to check that Chad isn't back on his feet yet.

Beeman: Come on Chad, Mack, Duke! Don't let this pair of bozos get the better of you guys.

[Chad Shredsbury]

LeRay. Omega has grabbed Duke’s head and bounced it right off our announce table here and that’s a little too close for comfort! The tag team title match seems to have really left Mongoose in a bad way here.

Beeman. It’s a disgrace that such a legend be treated like this!

LeRay. Meanwhile, Arizona has sent Chad into one corner and Mack into the opposite one. What does the Champ have in mind here?

Beeman. Something that os also disgraceful, no doubt!

LeRay. The Franchise sure is handling the odds well so far, I must say. He grabs Caliber and whips him hard, all the way across towards Chad!

Beeman. Ha! But as we’ve seen before, Shredsbury is too fast and he leaps over Mack! Oh no, Mack hit the buckle hard there! But nice move, Chad!

LeRay. You are unbelievable, Sean.

Beeman. Thank you. Look at Chad now, firing a knee into your precious champion and following it up with a dropkick to drop that bag of bones.

LeRay. And Shredsbury follows up with a standing moonsault, but Chance brings up the knees and Chad felt that counter for sure. Arizona is back on his feet and he puts a few boots into the selfish surfer. He looks to see where Mack is—

Beeman. And Caliber comes off th second rope with a devastating blockbuster! What a move! The cover! New champ! New champ!

LeRay. The pin is broken on the one count by Shredsbury. And now Mack and Chad are face to face.

Beeman. Don’t do this guys! No! Be friends!

LeRay. There can only be one champ, Sean.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Brad is in the audience, sitting forward, fingers steepled, an intense look upon his sweaty brow. The camera pans to the side and he is determining what snacks to have. He chooses the popcorn. He sits back, content, watching the grapplers, considering, ruminating.

[Duke Mongoose]

(Duke rises up from behind Mack and Chad, grabs them both by the back of the neck and rams their heads together)

LeRay: Double Noggin Knocker by Duke Mongoose!

Beeman: Language, LeRay! This is a family show!

LeRay: Duke seems to have turned his attention to Mack as he is now laying in those signature Mongolian Chops. What is Duke yelling?

Duke: OLD?!?! YOU CALLIN' BIG DADDY DUKE OLD?!?! IMMA KILL YOU!!!

Beeman: It would seem that Mack has irritated Duke.

LeRay: That's an understatement. And just as Duke has Mack in a compromised position, Chad Shredsbury blasts Mongoose from behind with a jumping enzuigiri! This match is pandemonium!

[Chad Shredsbury]

LeRay. Shredsbury looks to capitalize on his attack and he rolls a stunned and weary Duke up for a two count. Both men are back on their feet but Mack Caliber grabs Chad from behind and hoists him up for a blue Thunder bomb. The cover gets broken up quickly as Arizona Chance delivers a sliding lost ark lariat to Mack!

Beeman. See? Stop fighting each other guys! Chance is the real enemy!!

LeRay. There will be no rest for the Franchise however, as Mongoose now lifts him up and power bombs the JWA champion, knocking the stuffing out of him! That was brutal!

Beeman. Turn around, Duke! Stop posing just this once!

LeRay. Omega Satyros has set himself up on the corner and Duke turns around into a crushing Satyr spear!

Beeman. Where did he even come from?

LeRay. He’s literally been in th match the entire time, Sean. He threw Duke into our announce table two minutes ago.

Beeman. This is all too much for me to bear.

[“heartBROKEN” Mack Caliber]

Gotta readjust my focus. Every time I hit a move, someone is right there to take me out. So…

I roll to the outside and watch the chaos in front of me unfold. Chance hits a dropkick to Duke. Omega kicks Chad in the head. Omega clotheslines Chance. Duke trips Omega and stomps his back. Chad grabs Duke from behind and hits a belly to back suplex.

Meanwhile, I’ve got this figured out. I walk over to Beeman and start shooting the breeze with him. He invites me to sit down on commentary for a moment, and I agree that I can do a better job than Leray.

I call Chance hitting a Crystal Skull bash on Omega, and talk about how that’s a concussion waiting to happen as Omega flops to the outside. Duke grabs Chance and gorilla press slams him, and I see Chance take the impact and roll out. Duke faces off with Shreds, and they start jaw jacking. I’m into it, and then I feel my headset get ripped off. Omega has me by one ear and Chance the other. They drag me to the apron, lift me up, and drop me face first on the apron, then roll me back in.

[Duke Mongoose]

LeRay: Chad takes a wild swing after something Duke said, but Duke evades and locks Shredsbury into the Cobra Clutch!

Beeman: Call your grandmother! This one's-

LeRay: Jawbreaker by Shredsbury! Duke is staggered back to the corner and appears to be bleeding from the mouth.

Beeman: I hope JWA has a good dental plan.

LeRay: As Chad begins to work over Duke in the corner, Arizona Chance and Omega Satyros have formed a sort of a union as they hoist Mack Caliber upside down and drive him face first into the mat with the Washing Machine! But no! Chance and Satyros lock up immediately following the double team, and Satyros takes Chance over with a modified arm drag! Satyros catches Chance getting back to his feet with a flying headscissors that sends the champion through the ropes and to the floor!

[Chad Shredsbury]

LeRay. Every alliance appears to be extremely short lived in this one, Sean. And now Mack Caliber and Chad Shredsbury see one another and meet in the center of the ring. Caliber holds up his hand as if to say “watch this”. And he races for the ropes and delivers a suicide dive to Omega and Chance!

Beeman. Atta boy, Mack! Take the fight to those dogooder bozos!

LeRay. But not to be outdone, here comes Chad with a vaulting body press on top of all three men! Now we’ve got four men laid out on the floor!

Beeman. I’m… maybe they will all be counted out!

LeRay. There are no count outs
I’m a five man match, Sean!

Beeman. Of course not. I was just seeing if you were Laing attention. Look at Duke, he’s come to.

LeRay. He doesn’t look like he appreciates the one upmanship of his competitors there. He’s pulling on the top ropes and measuring, trying to figure out what high flying maneuver he can attempt.

Beeman. Mongoose is capable of anything, LeRay!

LeRay. Aaaand he’s posing instead. The crows boos in harmony, but for once, Duke Mongoose made the smart decision.

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Chad vaults back to the apron and lands a huge forearm to Duke’s face, knocking him off the ropes. The elder statesman of the match falls awkwardly off the turnbuckle and through the ropes.

BEEMAN: Watch who you’re calling elder!

LERAY: Omega and Caliber both roll in. Satyros sends Caliber back to the outside as well with a well timed kick to the head. He and Chad glance at each other from inside the ring— they fist bump! Both men charge to the opposite ropes, run across— stereo dives to the outside onto Duke and Mack!

BEEMAN: An unnecessary risk from Omega, but a calculated plan from Chad.

LERAY: They literally did the same thing. Regardless, Chance is recovering on the outside— now he’s going under the ring. He’s come back out with a ladder! He chucks the ladder under the bottom rope and sets it up in the ring! Does he think the title is above the ring?

BEEMAN: One too many kicks to the noggin.

LERAY: No, Chance ascends to the top of the ladder and points to the other four men, who are all getting up after the dives— CHANCE OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER TO THE OUTSIDE! He gets all of it! Caliber, Shredsbury, Mongoose, Satyros all wiped out like so many bowling pins, and Chance is on his feet and fired up. He grabs Caliber and rolls him in… scoop and a Modified Michinoku Driver!

BEEMAN: Oh no, no no no!

LERAY: Chance to the top rope— Legion of Boom drop! Satyros rolls into the ring and is back to his feet— Lost Ark Lariat! Mongoose rolls in— Chance drags him to the corner— Crystal Skull Crusher! Eight, nine, ten skull bashes! Duke is wobbling and Chance to the second rope— Chad is back in— Sedona Sunrise to Shredsbury! Duke is out on his feet as Chance calls for the Last Crusade— Mack Caliber with a huge German Suplex from behind!

BEEMAN: Numbers, Leray, numbers. They don’t lie!