JWA Glory Episode 179 - Winter Hex vs. DOOM

[Kip Whistler]

Greetings, grapple fans!

Tonight is the fallout from Super Glory, and we've got quite the interesting main event. In the first ever inter-gender singles match on Glory, Winter Hex will be taking on one half of the new World Tag Team Champions The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM. Winter scored a victory over Cyber Blue on a episode of Mania a few weeks back and issued an open challenge at Super Glory to face any male competitor on the roster. Her first choice was the World Heavyweight Champion Arizona Chance, but fortunately (or unfortunately) DOOM was the first to answer. Can Winter Hex do the unthinkable and defeat the mammoth monster that is DOOM? Or will be he too much man to manhandle? We'll find out soon enough.

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

Yes, you heard me right: We have new World Tag Team Champions. The Pirates OF DOOM, that being Red Pirate Rogers & The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM, continued their unbeaten run and defeated The Forever Champs of Duke Mongoose & Penguino last week at Super Glory. The Pirates OF DOOM continue the grand tradition started by teams like Dyno & Arliss V. Worrell and The Masked Men of the "odd couple" champions. I doubt that Duke and Penguino are going to take kindly to having lost their gold, so we expect to hear from them, as well as Red Pirate Rogers, during the broadcast.

Arizona Chance defied the odds and walked out of the 5-way match still the World Heavyweight Champion. With Duke Mongoose, Chad Shredsbury, Mack Caliber, and Omega Satyros in his rear view mirror, who's next to challenge Chance? 

One person who might be in line would be the former champion, "Relentless" Conor Caine. Last week Caine revealed himself as the man behind the "Shovel" vignettes that had been airing during JWA shows. Caine has made his intentions clear, that he wants to tear apart the JWA roster and get back to the top. Last I checked, Caine has not been medically cleared to return to the ring by JWA doctors, but he's present and willing to speak his mind.

As for Chad Shredsbury, Mack Caliber, and Omega Satyros, how will they rebound from this setback? We know that Satyros missed a scheduled appearance on The Blip. Perhaps some light will be shown on why tonight.

"The Mean Queen" Jessie Aldean successfully retained her Women's World Championship, albeit with a little help from Chief Buffalo. That obviously won't sit well with Artemis, so I imagine we'll be hearing from these two during tonight's show.

It appears that the Big Waves reunion was only for one night. What's next for Pierre The Enormous, our resident friendly giant?

Let's get the show underway! Get out there and work your gimmick!

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

CANNONS BLAST and MF Doom’s masterpiece “Accordion” hits and the words Pirates of DOOM and At Your DOOM flash across the tron with images of pirates ships, swashbuckling and various pirate stunts. The Greatest Professional Wrestler of DOOM explodes through the curtain, whipping his half of the JWA Tag Team Championship around frantically.
His partner appears, hands held out front as of to plead with DOOM not to go through with engaging a lady in combat. DOOM pauses for an instant, adjusts his eyepatch from the left eye hole of his mask to the right as he always does when deep in thought. Then he barrels past his mate, Jollyroger cape whipping Rogers and a number of fans in the face as he storms the ring. DOOM makes it all the way to the announce table and swipes a sip of Mick LeRay’s drink before clunkily stomping up the steps into the ring as he sucks in precious o2 and awaits Winter’s arrival.

[Thumper Moore III]

The show opens in total darkness. The opening bass riff of Hysteria by Muse begins to play. As the guitar kicks in, a single spotlight silhouettes the familiar image of Arizona Chance holding aloft the JWA Championship. The arena is awash in white light as the full band kicks in, and Arizona heads to the ring, taking his time, slapping the fans hands and even taking a couple of selfies. He leads the singalong as the chorus kicks in:

I want it now, I want it nooooow
Give me your heart and your go-old.
I’m not breaking down, I’m breaking ooooooout
Last CHANCE to gain controooooool

LERAY: Against the odds, Arizona Chance remains your JWA Champion. I’m Mick Leray and joining me is the dejected Savvy Sean Beeman. What a night we had last week on Super Glory— we’ve got new tag champs, one half of which is in an inter gender match tonight.

BEEMAN: I apologize to our viewers for what may be the worst night in television history. We have a bloated whale taking on an ice queen and this blowhard starts the show. What could be worse?

ARIZONA: JWA Fans, i couldn’t be here without you. My record in championship matches this run now stands at 4-0-1, and I have avenged the last four embarrassments I’ve had in JWA all at once!

BEEMAN: He’s counting last week as four separate wins? That sounds like something I’d do.

LERAY: Its already canonical that Arizona is terrible at math.

ARIZONA: But I’m not here to gloat about the past! Well, maybe a little. But mainly, I’m here to discuss what’s next for Arizona. See, I’ve just beaten the best that JWA has to offer all at once. Chad, Duke, Mack, Omega, all great competitors, and now they’re all fighting for another shot at the champ. Arizona holds the title aloft as the fans cheer.

So, who’s next for the Franchise? Is it one of the four guys who probably deserved a singles title shot? Is it one of the new tag champs, Red Pirate Rogers or the Greatest Wrestler of DOOOOOOOM? The fans yell DOOOOOM with Zona. How about the man-bird they defeated, Penguino? Maybe a returning Conor Caine? Or maybe, just maybe, the Bad Luck Wrestler himself, Bad Luck Bradley? Maybe someone primed for a return, like Tommy End, or someone coming out of retirement, like Yuppie VP or Dyno?

Regardless, I know one thing: NOBODY CHASES THE GOLD LIKE ARIZONA CHANCE!

["The Reminiscer" Winter Hex]

'Crazy' by Patsy Cline plays throughout the arena and here comes "The Reminiscer" Winter Hex. The camera turns back to the ring where a butler walks in he takes over the announcers job and announces the incoming participant. This is... Bruce the Butler

Bruce: "And introducing his opponent. From Hollywood, Blvd 1950. She is the Star of the show! "The Reminiscer" Winter Hexxx!

Beeman: What in introduction from this man. I'm assuming he is her butler

LeRay: But he completely took over The Winks job. He better get paid overtime for dealing with that

As usual *blackout*. Then when the spotlight comes back on she lip syncs the rest of the song then as the song finishes she stays in position and freezes. For what feels like forever. The referee decides to just pat her down then start the match

🔔🔔🔔

The bell rung and the match is officially underway. Winter Hex is just... standing there still

[Artemis]

Toni Cruise is with Diablo and Black Cat, ready for an interview. Artemis interputed, cutting a promo directly to the camera.

Artemis: Do you think that proves anything Jessie? Do you think you proved you're worth anything Jessie? I yet again had you dead to rights. I'm the rightful winner, and the rightful champion.

Toni: Uh, Artemis. We're in the midd...

Artemis: Shut it. Don't you have a mic to defend the title of? Oh wait.

Cue edited in flashback of Toni offscreen, getting ready for her interview with Duke on the Mad Dash Finals episode of Glory, the mic and AOE Hardcore title on a chair. Winter enters view and places a hand on the mic, taps a three count, and walks off, taking with the AOE Hardcore Title her. Toni appears on screen, realizing what happened seconds before Duke enters for the interview.

Toni: Just hurry up.

Artemis: Thank you. Unlike either Jessie or Chief Buffalo, you know a sense of decorum. And back to you Jessie. This is three times now I've beaten you, only for you to weasel your way out. You should be embarrassed to lie to the world and call yourself champion. And as for you Buffalo, you clearly have no faith in your charge if you feel like she simply cannot win without making it a glorified handicap. Don't get me wrong, you're right to think that. She's clearly proven she cannot win without your interference. And I must commend you, you've proven resilient to the hunt, and my Hunters will be training to sharpen their skills. But, Jessie, Jessie is far more vulnerable to failure. Up until Destiny that's all she seemed to know how to do. The Hunt is on, and I will get what is mine.

[Omega Satyros]

Toni: Okay, now that interruption is over, my guests at this time, Legado Del Infierno, Black Cat and Diablo. Can either of you shine light on what's going on with Omega?

Diablo: Haven't heard from him since the night of Super Glory. He was gone by the time we made it backstage. We checked everywhere we could think of to find him, and nothing.

Toni: So, seemingly for the second straight week, with him slipping away last week to record a promo that got interrupted when Bradley found him.

Black Cat: Yeah, he doesn't want to be found right now. He's made himself scarce and we don't know when he'll be back.

Toni: So, are you just going to keep looking for him?

Diablo: No, Black Cat is right, he doesn't want to be found right now, he needs to blow of steam, however he's doing that at the moment. All we can do is try and keep the show moving forward while he gets put back together.

Black Cat: As such, we plan on continue competing, starting this week on Mania against Glitter Guard.

Toni: Okay, good talking with you both.

Toni heads off, Troglo entering the screen.

Troglo: Mask Friend okay?

Diablo: He needs time away right now to calm down.

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

DOOM slowly approaches the still frozen Winter. He scratches his head. He switches his eyepatch from one side to the other and looks at official Tasha West, who shrugs. DOOM gently places his finger on Winter’s shoulder and gives a push. There is no reaction. DOOM tilts his head to the side, confused, and Winter suddenly slaps him hard across the face, screaming “How dare you put your hands on me!” she kicks him in his blubbery midsection, her foot simply bouncing off of him. But he’s still reeling from the slap, rubbing his jaw and shaking his head.

["The Reminiscer" Winter Hex]

"Can't Believe I have to do this myself"

Winter Hex reaches for the clapper and claps it "Action!" She now begins laying into DOOM. She continues to kick him but it doesn't seem to be doing much damage. She scream and runs off the ropes. DOOM turns around to face her and Winter goes for an attack. However due to his size. She just bounces off of him and falls straight on the mat causing for a few laughs at Winter's expense. Winter is feeling the energy and she plays along with the laugh. She stands up and hypes with the crowd. She acts like she slips over however after the 5th slip where she is facing up she is met with a giant splash from DOOM. and the crowd feels the splash. Chants like: "oooooo" "oh damn" "he could've killed her" were heard and the commentators had their own comments.

LeRay: You think that would kill her intergender experience?

Beeman: Hell no! Winter you keep fighting back

DOOM pins Winter and only gets a late 1 count. DOOM picks up Winter but she tricks him and rakes his eyes. He has his back turned away from Winter where she gives him a Bulldog.

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

Winter panders to the crowd and curtsies, raising her hands beside each side of her head as if she is accepting flowers instead of boos. Tasha West admonishes her for the eye gouge and Winter takes exception, hollering back at the official.

DOOM takes this time to gather his bearings and, of course, switch his eye patch. He yanks Winter by her shoulder and delivers a short arm clothesline of DOOM. Hex looks to be laid out by this. DOOM lifts her up into a military press high above his head.

Meanwhile, Red Pirate Rogers has made his way to the ringside area and he pleads with DOOM, leaping onto the apron.

Rogers: Please, DOOM, don’t do this! Remember, she is a lady, albeit a rather unpleasant one!!!

DOOM looks at his partner and hesitates just long enough for Winter to take his eye again, from high above his head. This causes DOOM to drop her hard on her face, which she quickly pops up and covers to make sure it isn’t damaged. Winter lets out of shriek and kicks DOOM square in the privates. DOOM doubles over. Rogers’ jaw drops open.

LeRay: Oof.

Beeman: Yowzers.

Winter: Make up! I need make up at once!

[“heartBROKEN” Mack Caliber]

“Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet” begins playing softly, then swells to its full magnificence as murmurs start to permeate the arena. I come out from behind the curtain with the grace of Errol Flynn and the rizz of James Cagney in a debonair vintage three piece suit, holding a bouquet of roses.

I slowly head to ringside, and have a short chat with Ms. Hex’s butler. Cameras overhead me asking permission to court her. He replies that Ms. Hex makes her own decisions, as a strong, independent, modern woman. I gently place the flowers in the capable hands of Sean Beeman, and stand at ringside, awaiting the conclusion of the contest so I can make my intentions known to Ms. Hex directly.

["The Reminiscer" Winter Hex]

Bruce the Butler to the rescue and he gives her a light dap of foundation and she's all good to go she gets back up and goes after DOOM once again. He picks her back up and slams her face first into the turnbuckle completely ruining her makeup once again. Bruce the Butler comes back to fix it. More foundation and fixes up the lipstick. DOOM drags Winter Hex back into the center of the ring however with Winter's face moving the red lipstick drew up her face and she is looking like a completely hot mess.

LeRay: Look at Winter's face! It's a mess!

Beeman: Don't laugh at her. It's all DOOM's fault

LeRay: Doesn't mean I can't laugh at her

Beeman: You are so immature

LeRay: Takes one to know one

She stand ups and DOOM gets frightened by her makeup mess. His shocked face says it all but it also proved to be a good distraction. Winter slapped him in the face grabbed onto his mask and slammed him down. She gets on top of him and starts slapping him crazy. She gets off him and bounces off the ropes and goes for a legdrop. She hits it and pins him 1, 2, Kickout!

DOOM literally grabbed her and threw her off of him to kick out. She went flying higher than the top rope and crashed into the mat

[The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM]

DOOM very slowly rolls over and gets back to his feet. Winter is crawling to the corner, using the turnbuckle to pick herself back up. She turns herself around just in time to see DOOM charging her for an avalanche of DOOM. He trips on his cape, though, and stumbles face first into her abdomen, his head crushing her guts against to corner. A forcible pocket of air exits her lungs as she lets out a yell like an injured cat.
Another forced picket of air exits out of her rear end, equally loud and twice as humiliating. Winter’s face contorts between pain and embarrassment. Her hands flail about as she doesn’t know if she needs to cover her belly or her eyes.

Rogers puts his head in his hands.

Mack’s neck snaps his head abruptly in the direction of the noise.

Tasha West cringes and covers her nose in anticipation.

DOOM hits the canvas and lets out a wheezy chuckle.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

[EARLIER IN THE SHOW]



The fans in attendance explode when his music hits, and the pop only gets louder as Conor Caine steps from behind the curtain dressed in street clothes with his trusty shovel over his shoulder. He looks around the cheering fans for a moment before raising the shovel in the air with one hand, and with his other he beats his chest in solidarity with his fans.

LERAY: I'm still not sure what to make of Conor Caine's attitude coming back from injury. Some of the stuff he said out here last week was not only misrepresentative of the facts, but downright inflammatory!
BEEMAN: I've never been a fan of Conor Caine, but at least he got my attention with that one. Considering who he's out here tonight to address, though, I'm not expecting to be a fan any time soon.

Caine makes his way to the ring and steps through the ropes where he climbs a turnbuckle and again raises the shovel to an ovation.

LERAY: That's right Sean. Conor Caine and Chad Shredsbury exchanged words on social media this past week and we're expecting both men to elaborate here tonight.
BEEMAN: Chad Shredsbury is pound for pound one of the best wrestlers we have on the roster - and a saint, to boot! - so Conor Caine had better choose his words carefully...

Caine has a mic and is standing center-ring as his music fades.

CAINE: Seems as though my return last week put a few noses out of joint... good. Well, it wasn't long before one of these pretenders in the back grew a sack and called out The Relentless One: Chad Shredsbury... "The Welsh Wave Rider"... or is he not Welsh any more? Never mind, I couldn't care less. 

A "Shredsbury Sucks" chant goes around the audience and dies down.

CAINE: Y'know, I could never get into surfing: it looks like a lot of effort, paddling your ass out into the ocean only to get washed up right back on the shore where you started moments later. I can see why it appeals to you though, Chad; like how you tend to build up all this momentum for a singles push but when it's time to challenge for the title, you wash out. Washing out... it's kinda your thing.

BEEMAN: How dare he?!

CAINE: Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. That's Chad Shredsbury's story. I mean yeah, sure, he did have a legendary run with the tag team titles, but to actually rise to the occasion in that instance he had to literally stand on the shoulders of a giant. Now I'm not saying Pierre carried your ass, Chad, but you did look awful comfortable up there...

The fans in attendance "oooohhhh" at the insult.

CAINE: You called me out on Chirpy last week and you were keen to point out that I've never pinned you before, and I have to admit that you're right on that one - I haven't. I haven't pinned you before Chad, because the last time the opportunity to pin you came up, I opted to step over your ass and pin somebody who actually mattered - somebody you've never been able to pin when it counted: a JWA Champion.

More "Oooohhhh"s and an applause from the fans.

CAINE: You see Chad, when it comes to facing one's destiny, unlike you, I don't flinch and I don't fumble. Unlike you, I'm not a wash out. And while I don't normally waste my time on wash outs I've decided to take pity on you. I'm finally gonna help you achieve your destiny Chad. Finally Chad Shredsbury, the perpetual bridesmaid, will become a bride. A corpse bride. Bring your barefoot, hobo ass down to this ring next week and get bodied by the only real wrestler left in this company. Your plot has been dug, your destiny awaits: Get ready, or get gone.

The segments fades to an ad break with Conor staring into the camera as his music hits and the fans cheer.

["The Reminiscer" Winter Hex]

Winter Hex is visibly embarrassed but that embarrassed face turned into anger. She walks over towards the clapper and yells "Cut!" She then goes all anger mode on DOOM. She grabs DOOM by the head and throws him to the ground facing up she then starts chocking the life out of him. While Tasha counts she starts screaming at him

Winter: How dare you even think about doing that!!!

She pauses as the DQ count got to 4 then continued

Winter: Embarrassing me like that in front of the entire world!!!

Pauses again and continues

Winter: Don't you know what the star I am!!!!!!!

She stops chocking him and continues to slap him continuously. She gets up and stomps him 5 times. She stops attacking him, calms down, walks towards her clapper and "Action!" She goes towards DOOM and puts a regular figure 4 leglock

LeRay: What did we just see?

Beeman: What do you mean? I didn't see anything, she said action and now there is a leglock

[Chad Shredsbury]

Coming back from a commercial break the Jerkatron displays Chad Shredsbury, oiled up on a beach, shades over his eyes. Q

Chad. Hey, bros and babes. It’s your dude, Chad Shredsbury. Sorry I couldn’t be there tonight for the show. I’m sure it’s a bummer for all of you. I know Connor “the man who walks with a” Caine is there, though. And I’ve got a few words for him. I didn’t like the things you had to say last week when you came out with your shovel, and I will admit that I came out hot. But I’ve thought better of it and I’m willing to let bygones be bygones. Maybe you think everyone’s a scrub, maybe you’re just trying to stay relevant so the fans don’t forget you because you know you can’t hack it. Whatever. But broski, you aren’t cleared and you need to listen to the docs before you find out the truth and get yourself really hurt. And I get it, man. I mean, I’m in waaaaay too great condition to get hurt, but I get the concept. Look, you had a great run. Sometimes the star that burns twice as bright burns half as long, amigo. Accept your injury and do the right thing.

Chad lowers his sunglasses, the camera pulls in on his face.

Chad: Look. If you make it back legitimately I’d be happy to shut your mouth since you seem to be having trouble doing it yourself. But you really ought to think about the big picture. Get a hobby. Get a life. I’m not at Glory tonight because I’ve realized if I’m not in the main event I don’t need to be there. Anything I’ve got to say I can do from right here on the beach. You may need to find something else to fill your time, bud. And in that spirit, I’ve got you a gift. I was inspired but some of the old timers I see limping along the beach early in the morning when I come to catch the waves. It will pair quite nicely with your new shovel and with your totally obvious obsession with precious metals. I’ll bring it by the studio real soon. I’m sure you’ll be there.

The camera pulls out to see Chad holding a metal detector. He starts walking down the beach with it, laughing. He yells back, over his shoulder as he goes.

Chad. But one way or another. You won’t be around for long.