MIDWEEK MISC - PART III

[Artemis]

***JWA BOOBTUBE CHANNEL***

The video starts off, showing a misty room of shattered mirrors, a violent cackle sounds before Artemis and Tembleberry enters view.

Artemis: Well, I suppose you all would like an explanation.

Tembleberry chips in, serving as an interviewer, including a mocking Honest Sal impression.

Tembleberry: Artemis, why did you kidnap him?

Artemis: Oh, I did no such thing. He came to me, and well before a few weeks ago when we staged his disappearance. It started off when Thorin and Tembleberry first notice the 'secret admirer'. Tembles is smarter than any of you gives him credit for, and caught on that Diana was the admirer just about immediately. He didn't like that; he didn't like that Diana was trying to muscle into his life. So, after the first few times, and it became clear that she wasn't going to go away, he decided to do something no one else in this damn company would do, and he reached out to me. Now, as I was still being held against my will, I couldn't do much more than provide him plans, which he executed perfectly. The drone, the note in the bottom of the drink, perfection. And while at first, he just wanted Diana out of the picture, as it went on, he realized something else. He could not stand the "Cardboard Lord" Thorin. A spoiled rich boy living off mommy and daddy's ever-draining inheritance, including a fake lordship. He'd been mistreated for so long, and this secret admirer crap was the thing that opened his eyes to it all. All from the online debate over who Diana meant when she said "For T."

Tembleberry: And why was that the epiphany point?

Artemis: Well, it made him think about something he had more or less just accepted over the past 2+ years. Any ounce of respect or care any one in JWA showed for him was fake, no one in the company could even be bothered to learn his proper name. Reuben P. Thimbleberry. Thorin misheard his last name and had been calling him Tembleberry ever since. And because he had been paid to buy into it at first, he accepted it, but years of that kind of disrespect does something to a man. Being denied your own name, no amount of money is truly worth that. He contacted that dreadful "intensive therapy" facility and got me out. Then came time for phase two of the plan. And it was so easy to orchestrate his "capture." There was never any doubt that Thorin would send Thimbles ahead of him to investigate rather than doing anything for himself.

Thimbleberry: But why reveal it now?

Artemis: I really had no choice. Yuppie and Diablo didn't buy my alibi, so I had to strike while I still had the advantage, and Thimbles did such a good job at it. Thorin and Diana didn't stand a chance. So, if the "Cardboard Lord" Taylor Thorin and "Receding Lady" Diana Gallus want to take us on, then I'd love to see them try. You're on, at Super Glory, we'll show you a new meaning of the word shattered.

The display of the video shattered as Artemis and Thimbleberry cackle.

[Omega Satyros]

***JWA BOOBTUBE CHANNEL***

Black Cat: Anything sound good to you for lunch?

Omega: Nothing in particular, you bring this up because...?

Black Cat: I've been craving something Tex-Mex for a few days now.

Omega: Not the day before a match. Need to be at my peak when Domination Inc. shows the Pirates of DOOM and Duke Mongoose how much they messed up stepping up to us. And aren't you still scheduled for AOE's Labor Day show?

Black Cat: Nope, I was scheduled for the Hardcore Battle Royal, but after Rogers screwed me out of my title, they called and said they had a big debut they were moving up in my spot. Speaking of Labor Day, didn't that stupid letter say something about...

Omega, who had been sat mentally connecting the dots already, popped up and rushed outside. Black Cat grabbed his keys and followed him.

---

They arrive at Domination Inc. HQ, Omega rushing in, looking over the hint note. He'd been scanning over this on and off since Mania, and finally he catches the first letter of each line. He makes a beeline to the nearest restroom, spotting a stall with a small R carved into the door. He opens it up, and sees nothing. His frustration is about to get the better of him until he thinks to check the tank, where he finds the title belt taped to the lid.

Omega: Seriously? You see, this is the kind of disrespect I'm talking about. Calling the JWA Tag Team Title Belt a bauble, and treating it like this when he has it. And he thinks he deserved to get this back? Red. There's no chance I punish you as much as you deserve tomorrow night. The countdown starts now. So get your affairs in order because the legend of the Red Pirate Rogers will finally meet it's grizzly end.

[Thumper Moore III]

Arizona Chance is seated in his customary location— leather, high backed chair, oak side table with antique highball glass filled with amber liqueur, but he’s very different looking. No longer clean shaven, he sports a three-inch beard. He looks like he’s gained about ten pounds, and not in good places. He wears a t-shirt that reads “Maddie’s Dad”. He seems at ease. This is not the intense Arizona Chance who fights for world championships— rather, this is a suburban dad, a guy who looks like he might rupture an Achilles tendon getting off the couch. He speaks, not with bravado, but with bemusement.

“Slash, I saw your impassioned plea to get me back in the ring, but as you can see, I’ve settled into retirement quite well. These aching bones are no longer aching to get back into the ring. In fact, I have enjoyed the hell out of a couple months of not training so hard, eating what I want when I want, not having to maintain a “look” to go with my “gimmick”, taking a trip whenever I damn well please instead of when Kip tells me to, and being present in my wife’s life and supporting her the way I never could while an active wrestler.

See, you waltz in here after what? Two years? You could’ve had me for Friday the 13th then. You DID have me for Friday the 13th then. And you disappeared. You no-showed. I promoted the hell out of an event that never happened. It would’ve been epic— two aging veterans at the end of their prime going at it in a huge spectacle for bragging rights.

Slash, I’ve made peace with that. I don’t need this. I don’t want this. You can even say you win— I won’t argue. I’m not in fighting shape. I can’t put on the match with you I could two years ago, and I don’t want the fans to watch two over the hill guys beat each other with weapons and say it’s anything it isn’t. I’ve spent decades building my legacy, and I won’t tarnish it by getting into the ring in this condition.

And I see your threat, and call your bluff. You’ll leave my family alone, take your W against someone far more deserving, and we can both go on our merry way. Try getting Omega Satyros to bite. That little prick deserves a beating. Slash, my answer is no, because nobody is enjoying retirement more than Arizona Chance.

[Omega Satyros]

Omega and Black Cat are walking out of a gym after some training, a fan recording the interaction walks up to them.

Fan: Omega, any chance I could hear what your thoughts are on Arizona Chance seemingly teeing you up for a match with SlashMaster?

Omega: What are you, some wannabe Ryan Regret? Some pretend John Voss Gapp?

Fan: Uhh...

Omega: Look, the only takeaway from that video Arizona put out I got is I can't believe how much he let himself go in the past few months. It's a good thing he's not taking that match, I'm not sure what'd be more embarrassing for Maddie, watching her dad lose again, or watching him look like such s*** doing it. As for Slash, I'm not worried about another has-been who's trying to drag out his relevance. At least Slash has the decency to withhold his ego-stroking to special occasions. I'm looking forward to taking down the Pirates of DOOM next week, then Domination Inc. will be too busy celebrating our success to be worried about Friday the 13th.

Fan: But...

Omega: But nothing, now get out and stop walking up to random wrestlers hoping to get whatever 'scoop' you hope will make you anything but an irrelevant nobody.

[Slashmaster]

The scene opens on the interior of an old, abandoned cabin deep in the woods. The camera shakes slightly, as if being held by an unsteady hand. The feed is dark and grainy, with only a single flickering light overhead. Slashmaster is standing in the middle of the room, studying his bloodstained machete. His deep, gravelly voice breaks the eerie silence:

You thought you could ignore me, Arizona?
You thought you could sit in your cushy little chair, enjoy your retirement, sip on your drink, and pretend that I would just… go away? 
You called my bluff... but as you can see, Arizona...

I don’t bluff.

Slashmaster moves out of the way and behind him we see her: Veronica Chance. She’s chained to the floor, her wrists tied tightly, fear in her eyes. There is blood trickling from an undeep cut on her cheek. She shouts, telling her husband not to take the bait, not to... Slashmaster forcefully puts his hand over her mouth.

You should have known better.
You should have known that when I make a promise... I always deliver. 
You wanted peace, Arizona?
You thought you could live the easy life and forget about the war you and I are destined to have.
But there is no peace for you… not until I get what I came for.
You don’t want to fight?

Too bad.

You can't always get what you want.
I wanted to fight the brave hero of the JWA, but I will settle for a desperate man who is about to lose all he holds dear.

Slashmaster pushes Veronica against the wall, raises his machete and violently swings it back down. The steel connects with the wooden wall, mere inches away from Veronica's head. As the wood splinters she begins to cry and beg for mercy, for freedom, but her pleas fall on deaf ears.

Don't worry, Arizona. I'm not going to hurt her...yet.
I know that if I end her now, whatever fighting spirit you still have in you will die with her.
You talk about your legacy.
About how important it is to you.
Well, it is time to choose how you will be remembered.
As a coward who withered away while his wife suffered,
Or as a hero who died a warrior's death on the field of battle.
I’ll be waiting, Arizona.

And the clock... is ticking.

[Thumper Moore III]

“Thanks, Coltrane. I know that you’re doing everything you can.”

The man in uniform responded with a grim look on his face. “Listen, Zona, you know as well as I do that after the first 48 hours—“

“I know, R.P. Thanks again.” Arizona chokes back tears as he escorts the peace officer to the door. After the door closes, he rests his head against a wall, balls a fist, and pounds it against the spot where news articles and trophies once hung.

“Daddy, why you so upset? And when is Mommy coming back?” Maddie looked up at her father, her hero, the man who is always right and knows everything. He steeled his reserve, took a deep breath, and picked up his preschooler.

“Daddy is upset because a bad man did a bad thing.” Suddenly, a fire was lit in his eyes, and the man who knew everything knew what he must do.

“But Mommy is coming back Saturday morning. Daddy is gonna make sure of that.”

[Duke Mongoose]

@mongooseisloose on Z, formerly Chirpy

You all doubted Big Daddy Duke, but now I’m the World Heavyweight Champion! This golden Mongoose is going to celebrate with a long overdue vacation. Maybe I’ll drop by Glory via satellite if I can find the time. Ha!

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

Sept 15, 2024 7:01:13 GMT -5 Duke Mongoose said:

@mongooseisloose on Z, formerly Chirpy

You all doubted Big Daddy Duke, but now I’m the World Heavyweight Champion! This golden Mongoose is going to celebrate with a long overdue vacation. Maybe I’ll drop by Glory via satellite if I can find the time. Ha!

OOC: I am here for the Golden Mongoose!

[Thumper Moore III]

EPILOGUE

“Veronica, he will definitely need a couple months to recover— severe concussion, three fractured ribs, and now a new onset spinal stenosis that will require fusion at some point. Even if he wants to get back into the ring in the future, I’d advise against it. But, he should make a full recovery if he goes ahead with the cervical fusion.”

Veronica nodded solemnly. “I can’t thank you and the staff here enough, Dr. Acula. Please send my thanks along to your supervisor, what was his name again? Dr—“

“Dre, yes, I’ll send him your thanks.” The man in the lab coat left the room. Arizona lay in the hospital bed, conscious but under the influence of heavy pain medication, while Veronica and Madison stood at the bedside.

“Ayy, Ronnie, what’s this about surgry? I ain’t habin no surgry. Madiston, tell Mommy that Daddy ain’t habin surgry.”

“Daddy isn’t gonna have scurvy, Mommy.”

“Zona, we’ll talk about this later. For now, just rest, and know that you are and will always be my knight in shining armor.” She leans over and kisses Arizona on the forehead.

“Just one kestion fore you go. Did the cops get him after the match?”

“No, Zona, they couldn’t find any trace of Slashmaster afterwards. It was like he got what he needed and just vanished. Officer Coltrane said there was only one exit from the storeroom, they had it covered, and he somehow got out.”

Arizona shot upright in bed. “Dammit! That means he’ll be back in December! I gotta warn Kip!”

[Kip Whistler]

@bookitkip on Z, formerly Chirpy

Its official! Conor Caine and Red Pirate Rogers square off on the September 24/25 edition of Glory, with Caine having to submit to an independent medical examination should Rogers be victorious, and Rogers being unable to challenge for any title held by a Domination, Inc. ever again should Caine prevail.

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I'm in my room at Killie's hanging the Openweight Championship on the wall*

Pierre: There we go...

Jax: Looks good

Pierre: Thanks

Jax: Seems like just yesterday you and I first met... was terrified of you not gonna lie...

Pierre: *I belly laugh* now look at ya

Jax: Rooming two hungry giants and one sentient teddy bear... and I wouldn't change a thing

Pierre: *I grin and my stomach rumbles*

Jax: Hungry big guy?

Pierre: Burgers?

Jax: On it Boss

[“heartBROKEN” Mack Caliber]

I walk into the JWA offices because I can’t get out of my own head. I haven’t won a match in forever. Girlfriend is gone. My teammates are pushing for me to chase the world title and I couldn't chase my own tail now if I were a dog. I need advice from someone who has been where I am right now.

I walk down the hallway of the executive offices. I see the names on the door. Dyno… too much of a goody two shoes for my liking. Kip Whistler… he’s the boss. Just gonna tell me “work your gimmick” or some stupid garbage like that. Arizona Chance… HELL NO, plus his brains just got scrambled by Slashmaster. Yuppie VP… I knock on the door.

“Come in,” I hear from the other side. “Caliber? What brings you in?”

Yuppie, I’m at a crossroads. I can’t win a damn match.
I’m falling down the ladder, I’m personally in a rough patch.
I don’t know what to do, and I need some advice.
You’ve been where I am, and some wise words from you would be… nice.

“Mack, thanks for coming in. Part of my job here is helping young men sustain their careers here, so you’ve come to the right guy. Let’s start with the personal issues— I assume you’re talking about the breakup with Winter? Listen, with a face like yours, you were out of your league with her anyway. I kid, I kid, but I know it must be rough…”

His voice trails off in my mind. He’s right. I was out of my league. She just liked the attention and used me as a bodyguard, like Bruce… except she paid Bruce, and I worked for free. God, I was such an idiot to think someone as hideous as me… and the tux, the love music, the whole package— the fans weren’t laughing with me, they were laughing AT me. I’ve been a useful idiot to her… and probably Omega and Conor too. They’re the ones holding gold right now, not me.

“So, I think that with a little tweak, and a visit to our on-staff therapist—“

Yeah, thanks man. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
If I need you again, I’ll give you a shout.

I walk out on him mid-sentence.

[Kip Whistler]

@bookitkip on Chirpy

On the October 1/2 edition of Glory, Pierre The Enormous will defend the JWA Openweight Championship against The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM!

[Pierre The Enormous]

@thelumberinggiant on Chirpy

Woke up to the announcement I'm wrestling DOOM... hell yeah #giantsdoinggiantthings

[Thumper Moore III]

Sept 26, 2024 8:22:18 GMT -5 Kip Whistler said:

@bookitkip on Chirpy

On the October 1/2 edition of Glory, Pierre The Enormous will defend the JWA Openweight Championship against The Greatest Wrestler OF DOOM!

Trying to post the gif of Big E eating popcorn. Any idea how to do that on mobile?

tenor.com/view/big-e-popcorn-excited-gif-9857665