JWA Glory Episode 199 - Openweight Championship Match

[Kip Whistler]

True to my word, we're going to keep the JWA Openweight Champion busy, as tonight Penguino will defend against the JWA's newest sensation Thumper Moore III. Penguino's prior title defense ended in a no contest due to interference from Domination, Inc. as well as Red Pirate Rogers and Thumper Moore. I'd like to say that tonight's main event will be free from such shenanigans, but I'd be a fool to assume that Moore's issues with Omega Satyros and Conor Caine are all over with. I've got my fingers crossed that we'll see a good clean match between these two standout competitors, but one never knows what might happen in this crazy sport of professional wrestling!

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

Regarding the aforementioned members of Domination, Inc., that being our World Tag Team Champions Conor Caine & Omega Satyros, they were lucky to escape still as champions after last week's TLC match debacle. Never before have I seen a ladder match end in such a fashion that we don't have a clear winner. That's why I've decided that for their third encounter, The Pirates OF DOOM and The Alpha & Omega will square off at Super Glory in two weeks in a Texas Death Match! I'm going to guarantee a winner and we WILL know who the champions are at the end of the night.

To keep things interesting leading up to Super Glory, I've put together a preview tag match featuring the competitors in the marquee matches. Domination, Inc. will be represented by the World Heavyweight Champion Winter Hex and the World Tag Team Champions Caine & Satyros as they take on World Title challenger Duke Mongoose and tag title challengers The Pirates OF DOOM. Yes, I know that forcing Duke Mongoose to work alongside Rogers and DOOM may not work out, but that's what makes it such an interesting match. Plus, the winning team will have the all important momentum as they head into Super Glory!

It seems that we're no closer to finding out what happened to Tembleberry when he was supposed to meet with me to discuss the Artemis/Lady Diana Gallus/"Lord" Taylor Thorin situation. Both Artemis and Gallus seem convinced that the other is responsible for his disappearance. The issues between those two will need to be settled sometime in the near future. Hopefully we'll get some information that leads us to wherever his Lordship's loyal servant has gone off to.

Whoever walks out as the JWA Openweight Champion tonight will have a tall task ahead of them - literally - because on the September 17/18 edition of Glory they'll be defending the title against Pierre The Enormous! We'll be checking in with Killie's Crew to see what they think about that later on during the show.

All this, plus a visit to Burl's Butterfly Room.

Now get out there and work your gimmick!

[Pierre The Enormous]

*KC and I are watching Glory*

Pierre: *I let out a roar in excitement*

Jax: What are ya excited about big guy?

Pierre: Boss has given me an Openweight title opportunity

Jax: HELL YEAH!!!!!

Pierre: Better start training

Jax: Got some empty kegs out back

Pierre: Want to spar Trog?

Troglo: *chops my chest*

Pierre: *I belly laugh* I'll take that as a yes

[Penguino]

“Stay Vicious” by the Gaslight Anthem begins to play on the loudspeakers while Penguino and Johnny Kobra come out and do their usual routine of walking to the ring.

LeRay “Penguino the openweight champion making his way to the ring and you have to think if Domination Inc. doesn’t cost Thumper Moore this match he may not have the championship by the end of the night.”

Beeman “We’ll I want neither of these guys to win but I guess I’d rather Thumper win so it’ll be quicker for Domination inc to take the belt from him.”

[Bayou Burl]

The titantron flashes the title screen for Burl's Butterfly Room once more. Two more photos have adorned the wall: Slashmaster and Arliss V. Worrell.


“Oh! Bonjour my Butterflies! Welcome to another episode of the Butterfly Room! Forgive me…I lost track of time and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks painting a picture..I just love doing art! It’s so important to express yourself! Do you all still remember what happened last time I saw you?”


Canned cheering


“And did you enjoy meeting my new best friend?”

Canned cheering again


“I thought so! I knew you would!! Isn’t he great? A real awesome guy. He’ll be coming out again once he feels ready…And that will be very very soon I'm sure! But this week both he and I want to take the opportunity to send a message to someone very special, an old friend of mine. Because it's very important to do good deeds for your friends. And the friend I'm gonna try and help today is the same person this painting is made out too. Someone who’s withstood the test of time like few others. See, when the JWA was first formed, I was there, most of the guys who were on my wall were there alongside a few others that I haven’t added yet…But one other man was there too…A man who’s endured past all of us..Yet a man who was still destined to be forgotten regardless if not for our help. Oh! The painting is almost done…And…yes!”


Burl turns the painting around: It's him and The Niz losing their tag titles to Pierre The Enormous and Slashmater, AKA Last Call.




“Taa daa! Do you like it? It’s a painting of me losing my first set of JWA tag titles. This super scary guy over here is Slashmaster, who I added to the wall yesterday after this painting made me think of him…And this tall gentleman here is Pierre The Enormous, winning his first set of JWA tag titles. I painted him this picture to remind him of what is surely the greatest moment of his career! In fact, Pierre loves this moment so much he's remixed it over, and over and over again. What is he? A 200 tag champion at this point?"
 
The children laugh at the lame quip.


"I wanna talk to the big man. I wanna give him a warning and give him a choice. See children, when I was here beforehand, the giant was somebody I always admired..I saw him as everything I wanted to be: imposing, successful and resilient. But now I’ve come back I have nothing for him but pity. And I pity him because The Fright has opened my eyes to what Pierre The Enormous really is despite all his longevity. He's exactly what I was, another man destined to be lost to time - for exactly the same reasons.”

Burl taps his forehead.


“See The Fright knows what you are, because he’s seen it before! You’re doing exactly what I was trying to do…You’re just better at it! You have the brute strength, the striking look and the self-assurance of The Manhattan Mauler - But none of the talent, just like The Manhattan Mauler! That's why you are doing EXACTLY what The Manhattan Mauler did and you're running around with as many people as you can without holding up your end of the deal! How many people have you buddied up with over the years now, Pierre? Yuppie, Slash, Shredsbury, Arizona...And when it stops going your way for whatever reason you leave them in the dust like I did to my old partners."

Canned boo's

"Keep going as you are and soon enough you'll fade into obscurity as I was destined too. The roster and the fans will both see you for what you are and leave you behind. But don't worry! The Fright is going to help you like he's helped me. Now the choice you get isn't whether you want his help in going down in the history books, because once The Fright chooses you as he chose me - and now you Pierre - you can ensure you'll be immortalised one way or another. The choice you get is how."

Bayou's tone suddenly turns more menacing, as it has the past few weeks.

"So your choice now, Pierre, is whether you want to be remembered as a conquering giant or a lifeless, broken body underneath his feet. He's going to destroy your weakness one way or another... Will you be a student of The Fright, or a victim of The Fright...What do you want your lasting legacy to be? The choice is yours. We'll be waiting for an answer."


Burl laughs as the titantron fades to black.

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I watch as BBR draws to a close*

Pierre: Burl... The Fright... I accept your challenge...

[Thumper Moore III]

Our Solemn Hour by Within Temptation begins to play as “I . AM. UNDENIABLE.” appears on the Jerkatron.

LERAY: And here comes the irrefutable, irreplaceable, incomparable, undeniable Thumper Moore III, Esquire.

BEEMAN: And next to you is the flabbergasted, disengaged, uninterested Sean Beeman.

LERAY: The fans disagree, Sean. They’re excited to see two guys who are on a hot streak here in JWA battle it out for the Openweight Title. Penguino has been undefeated for over two months, and Thumper has yet to lose a one on one match in JWA, with wins over Vinny Bambino, Black Cat, and Omega Satyros to his credit.

BEEMAN: Two of those wins were a DQ and a countout, Mick— and championships don’t change hands those ways.

LERAY: He’d already be a titleholder if it wasn’t for Omega interfering in his match with Black— oh, you’re not listening anyway, Sean. Let’s just see how the match plays out. Johnny Kobra whispers some final instructions to Penguino, and there’s the bell!

[Omega Satyros]

Omega: WHERE'S ROGERS?!

Omega's tearing through the backstage area looking for the Crimson Corsair, before getting stopped by Toni Cruise.

Toni: Omega, how are you feeling after the unusual ending of last weeks match.

Omega: Shut it Cruise, unless you know where Rogers is hiding, I don't have time today.


Toni: What about DOOM, he was the one who gave Domination Inc. a loss in BattleDome and very nearly had the TLC match won.



Omega: I'm fairly sure he still hasn't gotten up from his exodus from relevance, splintered through the announce table. Besides, I'm looking for Rogers, not his bumbling sidekick.

Toni: I'm not sure he's arrived in the arena yet. And DOOM is far more than a mere sidekick. Do you have any words for...

Omega: No, I have a beating in store for that burgandy b******. He carries himself like some noble, daring hero, but he's nothing but a petty, thieving b****. He yet again fails to beat The Alpha & Omega, and instead of taking his failure like an adult, he hijacks my rightfully earned title belt. Rather than facing me like a man, he chickens out and hides it and himself. Rogers is playing a dangerous game, because Kip booked our match for Super Glory to be a Texas Death Match, and I can't promise that won't ring uncomfortably true for what few loved ones Rogers may have.

[Duke Mongoose]

LeRay: Before this match gets too far underway, let's go to these pre-recorded comments from Duke Mongoose.

(A picture-in-picture box fills the upper right corner of the screen showing Duke Mongoose standing in front of a JWA banner)

Duke: As the only REAL "Hollywood" here in JWA, Big Daddy Duke has been doing some research into intergender matches in the past. You'll want to tune into JWA Mania this weekend to see what I'm talking about, but I've got a big surprise for Winter! And next week's six-man match feels like a cleverly disguised ambush for yours truly, so don't think I'm not going to have a close eye on all 5 of the other people in that match! Nobody is going to stop Big Daddy Duke from walking into Super Glory and walking out as the NEW World Heavyweight Champion! Call your grandmother! This interview is over!

(Duke flexes as the picture-in-picture box fades from the screen)

LeRay: What on Earth do you think Duke's "surprise" for Winter will be?

Beeman: Knowing Duke, it could be anything. It sounds like Mania is appointment television this weekend.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

LeRay: Word is just in that Toni Cruise has caught up with the other half of the Tag Team Champions backstage...

We cut to a corridor backstage where Toni is running up on Conor Caine, dressed in smart clothes, shades and carrying his Tag Title over his shoulder. Conor stops just in front of a door as Toni runs up: in contrast to Omega, Conor is relaxed... smiling even.

Cruise: Conor, are you joining Omega in his hunt for Red Pirate Rogers?

Conor smiles and holds his hands up, calling for quiet.

Caine: Cool down, Toni: Chill, huh? Listen, things are starting to get out of hand around here: we have Red Pirate Rogers trolling us over Omega's title; Thumper Moore running around like the world's dumbest accountant, begging the Charismatic One for a receipt; and now Kip has seen fit to bring the biggest waste of hot air - Duke Mongoose - into Domination Inc business. There's just too much static for a devout yogi like myself, so tonight I'm gonna take some quiet time. I'm going into this designated Quiet Room here and I'm gonna chill out, cut out all the bad vibes and the B.S. and I'm gonna meditate for the duration of the show. I kindly ask you respect my privacy and the sanctity of the Quiet Room and just leave me in peace, okay? Thanks.

Conor chuckles quietly to himself as he goes into the Quiet Room. Toni tries to muster a question as the door slowly closes, with Conor on the other side - a finger on his lips doing an exaggerated "shush" gesture.

LeRay: Is there a back door out of that "Quiet Room"...?

[Thumper Moore III]

LERAY: Champion and challenger circle each other, and Thumper suddenly stops and holds his hand up— he reaches out his hand in a show of respect.

BEEMAN: That means he just doesn’t want this title enough.

LERAY: Penguino slaps the hand in a high five— or a high flipper? Either way, they begin circling again. Moore attempts a collar and elbow tie up, and Penguino slides under his legs. He tries to trip Thumper, but his tree trunk legs resist and they separate again. Another lunge by the challenger, the champion again is too quick and ducks behind Moore, has him in a waist lock.

BEEMAN: I’m surprised Penguino can get his flippers around Moore. Has Thumper gone on a diet?

LERAY: Moore powers out and twists our friendly neighborhood penguin’s arm— wing— upper appendage. And no, I’m not aware that Thumper has changed the way he is eating.

BEEMAN: He looks smaller than usual between the ears.

LERAY: That may be your lamest insult yet. Penguino somersaults out of the arm wringer, holds on and tries to arm drag Thumper, but he’s not going anywhere. Moore smiles at the champ, and in one quick motion lifts Penguino onto his shoulders! Penguino wriggles out and rolls outside to consult with Johnny Kobra. Looks like he’s going to need to rethink his strategy and use his quickness in different ways to get the behemoth down.

BEEMAN: Penguino was about a second away from being hit with Larger Than Life. Moore doesn’t get paid by the hour, and maybe he’s smarter than I gave him credit for. The longer this match goes, the more it favors Penguino.

[Penguino]

Thumper follows Penguino out of the ring and the penguin is trying to stay away and Johnny Kobra blocks for him and Penguino gets back in the ring to wait for Thumper.

LeRay “Smart thinking by Penguino and Kobra and now Moore is rolling into the ring and ‘Guino stomps on him while he’s down.”

Beeman “Yeah kick ‘em while he’s down, Penguino’s showing his old side again and I love it.”

LeRay “Penguino now lifts Moore up from the mat and nails him with a DDT and goes for the cover, Moore kicks out at one.”

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

LeRay: Things are beginning to heat up in our Main Eve--
Beeman: Just a second, Mick! We're getting word from back stage again!

We cut to Toni Cruise once again.

Cruise: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the interruption but a shocking scene has just been discovered backstage at JWA Studio.

The panning camera shows that we're in the loading dock where some medics surround a prone figure. The camera moves closer and we see it's The Professional Wrestler of DOOM, laying unconscious. The camera pans back to Toni.

Cruise: This is an emerging situation and details are scarce right now! All we know is that The Professional Wrestler of DOOM has been assaulted backstage, however no witnesses can be found at this time! Mick and Sean, I'll keep you post but for now--

Toni freezes as she notices something on the ground. She tells the camera operator to get a shot of it. The camera pans down, and just outside the ring of medics attending to DOOM, next to the Lucha-Pirate's head, lays a large salami. The feed cuts back to ringside.

LeRay: That salami might as well be a red herring: we know what that represents!
Beeman: I know what your twisted little mind is conjuring up and don't even bother trying to pin this on Conor Caine! He's hold up in the Quiet Room, getting right with his chi or whatever! For all you know, DOOM came in here chomping on that sausage and slipped on his own cape!
LeRay: Time will tell, Sean, but for now - back to the action!

["Lord" Taylor Thorin]

The opening bars of Mozart's 'Marriage of Figaro' hits and the crowd get to their feet for the first in-person JWA appearance of "Lord" Taylor Thorin in some time.  The pop gets louder as Thorin walks out alongside Artemis .  Neither look very happy as they make their way to the ring.  Thorin wipes his feet on the apron before holding the ropes for Gallus and the two get in the ring.  A JWa technician at ringside hands Thorin and Gallus a mic each.

THORIN: "Now, I've tried to deal with this away from the ring so not to take time from people here who actually wrestle nowadays.  I honestly thought I'd never step foot in the ring again after that whole East India business, but so be it."

DIANA: "That's right...it's clear I have the utmost respect for Lord Thorin and I hoped that by reaching out we'd be able to work together to the benefit of each other.  I wasn't to know that something small like that would cause Artemis to become involved and obsessed with Lord Thorin.  To the point now where we know Artemis has something to do with Mr Tembleberry's disappearance.

THORIN: "This is beyond jokes now Ms Artemis.  I demand you come out h..."

At that moment, Thorin is interrupted as I Love The Night by Blue Oyster Cult begins to play and the lights dim, with a spotlight focusing on the stage.  Artemis walks out, but she's not alone.  With his is a gagged Tembleberry, who also has his arms tied behind his back!

LERAY: "Dear god what has happened to Tembleberry!  What has Artemis done?!?!"

Artemis pauses on stage, and with a grin on her face licks the side of Tembleberry's face!  In the ring, Thorin looks furious, but no more so than Lady Gallus who flies out of the ring and runs up the ramp to get to the pair!  Artemis goes to meet her in the middle of the ramp and the two begin to brawl!  The crowd come alive as the long-time rivals trade blows.

In the meantime, Thorin takes the chance to run up the ramp himself to get to his long-time assistant.  He removes the gag but before being able to try and untie him, is distracted by a mighty crash as the brawl between Artemis and Gallus ends up sending both through the security barricade as security start to pour out from the back.

TEMBLEBERRY: "Go...go...I'm good!"

Thorin goes to help the security split up the brawl but is suddenly sent flying off the ramp from behind by Tembleberry?!?!?!

LERAY: "What in the..."

Tembleberry, who it's revealed wasn't actually tied up, looks down at Thorin who has crashed through a host of equipment and is not moving.  The fans, and security, are stunned!  This slight distraction also allows Artemis to get the better of Lady Gallus, as she sends her rival into the ringside steps.  Back at the top of the ramp, Tembleberry takes something off his hand and tosses it on the fallen body of Thorin before security eventually intervene and manage to get Artemis backed off.

She heads up the ramp with a manic grin on her face where she meets Tembleberry, once again licking the side of his face, to Tembleberry's obvious delight, and the two head to the back.

BEEMAN: "Hahaha go get yourself some Temmy!  Yes!! Ahahahah, it's about time!!!"

LERAY: "I can't believe what we've seen here???!!!  We need to cut to commercial to get this cleaned up."

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

Another cut to backstage. Toni is standing in front of the camera, looking shocked.

LeRay: Toni, we understand there's been another assault?
Cruise: That's right Mick, another grumesome beating has taken place backstage and we can get access to the scene as soon as the Medical staff have put a sheet over the victim.
LeRay: A sheet? You don't mean... murder??
Cruise: What? No! No, it's... maybe even more horrifying than that.

We're ushered into a room by Toni and we see that it's a tanning room with some sun loungers lined along the wall. Lying unconscious on the floor in the middle of the room, his lower half now thankfully covered by a sheet is an oiled up, (hopefully) half-naked Duke Mongoose.

Beeman: Juicey! Noooooooooooo!!!
LeRay: The Professional Wrestler of DOOM and now Duke Mongoose! It's clear what's going on here. Toni, has anybody checked on Conor Caine in the Quiet Room??
Beeman: There you go jumping to conclusions again, LeRay! For all you know Duke just had an accidental slip after applying too much baby oil!

LeRay: I can't believe you're defending Conor Caine over your beloved Duke Mongoose!
Beeman: I'm not defending anybody anybody Mick, I'm just looking at this objectively - I suggest you try it some time!
LeRay: Ugh! Toni, keep us in the loop!

[Red Pirate Rogers]

Toni Cruise: I think I've tracked down the last key player in the Tag Team shenanigans, with Conor Caine in a quiet room, the Greatest Wrestler of DOOM knocked out, and Omega Satyros on the rampage, the only person left unaccounted for is Red Pirate Rogers, but while he didn't seem to be in the regular backstage area, I think I have located him.

(Toni carefully opens a door that leads onto the studio roof, where Red Pirate Rogers is perched with a small portable television set and a notepad perched on his lap)

Toni: Red Pirate Rogers, are you aware of what is going on down below?

RPR:  You refer, Antoinette, to the misbegotten mayhem that has followed a simple rib?

Toni: Your partner, and your teammate next week have been found injured...do you have any response?

RPR: I must admit, I have many responses...but given that my team's challenge for the tag team titles has been rendered conditional on my not clobbering part of Domination Incorporated, I'm feeling a little hamstrung. So I chose to come up here, lest I cause more unfair treatment for my good friend DOOM...and my work acquaintance Duke Mongoose.

Toni: You are not going to get involved?

RPR: I'm deeply involved, Antoinette. It's my silly joshing that seems to have enraged Omega Stayros to the point of frenzy...or enabled Conor Caine to use his "medical treatments" in the most absurd way possible. I've been in touch with the medical team attending DOOM already. I'm covering all of my partners expenses, and being provided with regular updates about his progress. As for Duke...(he continues to pause)...(really a very long pause)...(finally he finds the word) meh...

Toni: Will you return the belt to Omega Satyros?

RPR: I'm of two minds...on the one hand, I want to do whatever I can to stop this madness...on the other, delivering it now after either he or one of his ilk have beaten innocent men seems to encourage such misbehavior in the future. So, I'll make it clear: the coordinates of your precious bauble are here Omega...by all means, come and claim them...I'll simply be in the way...you know...like a coward would be. And now, Antoinette, I might suggest that you depart before Mr. Satyros makes his entrance.