JWA Glory Episode 177 - Mad Dash Tag Lottery Semi-Final #2

[Kip Whistler]

Greetings, grapple fans!

It's the second week of the Mad Dash Tag Lottery and if last week is any indication of what to expect, we're in for a treat. The first team this week is the reunited Big Waves, as Pierre The Enormous and Chad Shredsbury will have to hope they can work together to rekindle the magic that made them one of the greatest tag teams in the history of JWA. I know it won't be easy, seeing as Chad turned his back on not only Pierre, but also the fans, Troglo AND Huggy Bear. Finding a way to make it work is the only way they're going to get any closer to the World Tag Team Championship match at Super Glory. Finding a way to make it work also applies to their opponents tonight, that being the team of Omega Satyros and Bad Luck Bradley. Anyone who's been around JWA long enough knows that Brad can certainly be a handful to deal with, and Omega is finding out firsthand. Will Brad's shenanigans soften Omega's demeanor and allow for a bond to be formed between these two competitors? Will Brad's antics only drive a wedge between these two, preventing a functioning team from being created? We won't have to wait long to find out!

(The polls will be open for at least 24 hours. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you participate!)

Last week we saw "The Pirates OF DOOM" pick up a win, or is it "At Your DOOM"? Regardless, they defeated the team of Arizona Chance and Mack Caliber. Rogers and DOOM now find themselves one step closer to a World Tag Team Title match at Super Glory, but also waiting for the winner of tonights match. Do they have a team they'd rather face? We may find out tonight. As for Mack and Arizona, they'll meet again at Super Glory in the 5-way match for the JWA World Heavyweight Championship. That fact is likely part of the reason they didn't work out at all in last week's match.

Joining Arizona and Mack in that match are Omega Satyros and Chad Shredsbury who will be competing tonight, as well as one half of the World Tag Team Champions Duke Mongoose. Last week Duke Mongoose and Penguino broke the record for the longest tag team title reign in JWA history, and a party was held. I'm not sure what kind of shape Duke will be in this week, but we hope to hear from the tag champions to get their thoughts on the tag tournament so far.

What is going on with the mystery vignette we saw on Mania this week? Speculation as to what or who it is about is running rampant, not only on the internet but in the JWA locker room as well.

Speaking of Mania, "The Huntress" Artemis showed that her Hunters are certainly a force to be reckoned with and will certainly spoil any attempts by Chief Buffalo to intervene in the Women's World Title match coming up at Super Glory. Will our champion, "The Mean Queen" Jessie Aldean, have an answer for this? We hope to hear from the champion during tonight's broadcast.

Let's start the show. Get out there and work your gimmick!

[Pierre The Enormous]

*Rapture by Ross Bugden plays through the studio and I make my way to the ring with Chad on my back*

[Thumper Moore III]

Just prior to the main event

LERAY: That’s Chance’s music! But he’s not been cleared by the doctors!

BEEMAN: I assume he’s not here to wrestle, he got beat last week by his own hubris.

LERAY: Indeed, there’s Arizona coming down the ramp. Hello Champ! Wait, you’re going to be on commentary for this match?

ARIZONA, shoving himself between Beeman and Leray): Yea, Mick, Sean. I thought Kip told you? I’m not cleared for wrestling this week, or I would’ve challenged Mack to some type of match where I would’ve had a reasonable opportunity to maim him. But, alas, all I can do this week is talk, so here I am. I’m very interested to see who will face the Pirates of Doom next week, and also to scout Chad and Omega up close and personal.

BEEMAN: Don’t make yourself too comfortable, champ. I plan on doing this job for the foreseeable future. I know you’re getting up there in years, but you can’t do my job after you lose at Super Glory.

[Chad Shredsbury]

Beeman. Why on earth is Chad riding in theat big goof’s shoulders? Why aren’t the Beach Boys playing? What is happening here?

LeRay. I’m as shocked as you are, my Savvy friend. Maybe Big Waves have quietly mended some fences in the leading up to this match. Maybe these guys have had enough of The Forever Champs now that their own record has been broken!

Beeman. Whatever it is, I don’t like it one bit.

[Pierre The Enormous]

*Chad hops off my shoulders and I scratch my back with the ring ropes*

[Omega Satyros]

(OOC: I hope there's no issue with me running some Chance commentary as we start this match off))

"Satyr" by Andromeda begins playing as Omega makes his way out. Bad Romance begins playing as Omega reaches the top of the ramp. Omega seems to be in good spirits to share a ring with Pierre. Brad joins him on the ramp.

LeRay: And their opponents, representing Legado Del Infierno, Omega Satyros and Bad Buck Bradley.

Chance: Big Waves may have set aside their differences for the sake of chasing the tag gold, but these two shouldn't be overlooked.

Beeman: I can't wait to see one of these teams shatter and devolve into fighting each other. It's bound to happen. At least Mack Caliber didn't string people along, pretending he was going to try and make nice.

Chance: Beeman, remind me to ask Omega to try and kick some sense into that skull of yours after Super Glory, clearly last time didn't leave enough of an impact.

Beeman: You're laughing now, but you won't be when Duke, Mack, or Chad leave you bloody and title-less.

Brad is stood beside Omega, waiting for a fist bump that seems destined to never come as Omega begins to make his way to the ring.

[Red Pirate Rogers]

Before the main event

The camera catches The Greatest Wrestler of DOOM sweating profusely under his mask, with puddles on his singlet shoulders as he heaves and stands next to a still fresh as a daisy Rogers in his red athletic gear and mask. 

DOOM: Okay...jeez...enough...please...what do you call this crazy training routine...

Rogers: ...You mean the Sun Salutation? It's a foundational flow-yoga.

DOOM: FRO-YO?!?

Rogers: (Wincing) "Flow yoga"

DOOM: Okay, FLO-YO guy! can I get those boba balls?

Rogers: Sure, but we have one more thing to work on (DOOM groans). Your splash last week was a great finish, and your consistency is a great use of your strengths, but we could use something to help slow opponents down, a hold, a lock, something to wear down opponents so we don't end up in a shooting match like we did with Mack.

DOOM: Can't I just head but 'em?

Rogers: It's a strong move for you, but it may be against Pierre who can literally be hit by a boulder and barely flinch, or it may be against Bradley which...I honestly don't know if there's anything up there to damage. I think you might have some luck with a Torture rack...

DOOM: ughh...sounds hard...

Rogers: Sorry, I misspoke, a Torture rack...OF DOOM!!! (DOOM brightens up instantly, Rogers positions himself to let DOOM get a grip but as TGWOD lifts his knees wobble, his mask starts dripping again and he collapses under Rogers weight for a pinfall...) Okay...not.......great...but it's a beginning. Let's try again...

DOOM: Uh-uh...you said one more thing...that was one more thing...BOBA ME!

Rogers: I meant...

DOOM: (Serious) BOBA. ME! (Rogers looks concerned and turns to find an industrial bin of boba balls, he breifly looks confused and then remembers the joy of willingly suspending his disbelief and tosses one into DOOMs mouth. DOOM is delighted) Okay...again! (He reaches for Rogers again and the skit fades to commercial)

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I start off for Big Waves and Omega starts for LDI we lock up and I overpower Omega giving him several chops*

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Pierre knocks Omega into the corner and Brad tags in, all full of pee and vee.

Brad has both Pierre and Chad on him. The big man and the surfer, used to one another, in sync with their own rhythms, take part in a choreographed dance as they tag in, stomp, tag out, stomp. The ref is frustrated and and gives them a count. With practiced ease, both men conference quickly and then Chad is legal. Pierre lifts up Brad and leaves the ring. Chad has Brad in a suplex but...

LeRay: Brad isn't out yet!

Indeed, the Bad Luck Wrestler is shaking his legs, peddling like on a tiny unicycle as the surfer lifts him aloft. With a momentum shift, Brad drops and begins to heft Chad up. Then, Pierre is in, burning his tag to join his partner is a double suplex. He would have easily hoisted Brad up only-

Beeman: Oh my!

Omega has burned his tag too! He gallops over and-

LeRay: What the hell?

Beeman: He can't be!

Instead of joining Brad and attempting to suplex Big Waves, he jumps up as Brad is lifted and hangs onto the Bad Luck Wrestler's dangling legs. Slowly, Big Waves struggle but their momentum is lost. Brad's feet touch the ground and Omega wraps his arms around his partner's waist and -

LeRay: Sweet baby Jane!

Omega suplexes Brad, who still has both Chad and Pierre in a suplex hold. All three men are lifted in a gutwrenching, musclebusting, herniating German Suplex as Omega tosses every man over his shoulder. The ring, reinforced as it is, shudders with the impact. The crowd is on its feet, the sound rattling the very teeth in your gums. 

[Pierre The Enormous]

*I wince in pain*

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Bradley's Grandma, terrified of her grandson's possible imminent death, throws in the towel - literally. She takes out a handkerchief and tosses it into the ring. All four men watch it spiral through the air. It lands dead centre. It is red.

Suddenly all four men charge to a separate corner and begin to scrape at the ground, huffing and puffing. It is a red rag and they are all-

At once, all the men barrel inwards towards the red scrap. There is a gruesome crack as their heads collide. Together, with practiced grace, they spiral. Pierre is the first the fall but last to drop as he tumbles over the top rope. Brad does a bit of a strut and lands face down. Chad is next, waving a finger to the crowd and tapping his clever head... Until he tumbles to the ground, eyes rolling.

Only Omega stands. He looks at the carnage and slowly raises his arms. The crowd erupts like Vesuvius.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

After the ad break before the main event, the JWA “Weclome Back” graphic fades and the screen remains black. The sound of gravel crunching and a dull heavy scraping are heard. It gets louder and louder and then the image cuts in: we’re ground level, looking at those heavy boots approaching us, the shovel trailing close behind. Suddenly, the figure stops walking.

The view switches to an aerial shot, looking down at what can be reasonably assumed (from this angle and in the low light of nighttime) to be man, heavy clothing and the darkness obscuring his frame; he’s standing at a fork in the asphalt road. After a moment, he slowly turns his head to the road on the right…

Another camera cut and we’re ground level again, but situated about 75 yards down that right hand path, looking back at the shovel-trailing figure. Silhouetted against the night sky in the distance, we can’t make out any discerning features of the man, but we can tell his head is turned our direction. Somewhere behind the camera is civilization: the glow of lights, maybe even neon, reflect off the blacktop around the bottom of the frame; the ghostly echo of nightlife can be heard in the distance - a cacophony of music, machinery and chatter. The man at the crossroads takes it in for a moment and slowly turns his head to the road forking to his left…

The camera cuts again and we’re in an almost mirror image of the previous shot, situated down the left hand path and looking back at the man with the shovel. Like before, there is life in the distance behind us, but different: the lights are now bluer where they were reddish on the other road, and a similar cacophony of civilzation echoes far away, but the vibe is not the same. The man’s head is fixed this direction for a moment also, then he turns back to face forward.

The aerial shot again. The man stares at the fork in the road, statuesque for a beat and then he begins to walk. He is in the centre of the crossroads, but he keeps walking forward. The camers pans up to follow him. He chooses neither the left path or the right, but instead walks off the asphalt and into the dirt ahead of him. As the figure disappears into the darkness outside the lights of the highway - the sound of the footsteps and shovel scraping continuing - the camera continues to pan up to the horizon line. At the other side of the baron, black expanse the man has just entered, a city sits on the horizon. The scraping sound continues. The camera cuts to black.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Chad is the legal man against Brad. The two men are in pain but square up to one another. They trade blows and Chad shoves Brad back, cracking him with a jaw-shattering superkick. Brad bounces back off the ropes and Omega tags himself in. As Brad bounces into the centre of the ring, rubbing his jaw, the ref tells him he's the illegal man and Chad hits him with another superkick, knocking him back into Omega. It's Omega's turn to shove Brad away and the Bad Luck Wrestler staggers towards the surfer. Another superkick and now Omega is circling Chad, allowing Brad, punch-drunk and his face in agony, to be his shield.

The crowd is rabid as Brad inadvertently protects Omega with his face.

Both Brad's Grandma and Arizona Chance are on their feet, crying at the brutality in the middle of the ring.

Grandma and Arizona: Stop the match! My Bradley!

Both of Brad's biggest fans turn to one another.

Grandma and Arizona: My Bradley?

As the pair of them stand ringside, roaring at each other, Omega has circled Chad. Brad is bleeding from his mouth, his eyes rolling back into his skull. Omega's back is to Pierre and the big man grabs him. Brad takes a final superkick and collapses, rolling out of the ring. Chad, exhausted, levels a final boot to Omega and-

Beeman: Watch out!

Omega ducks. Pierre takes a superkick to the face and-

LeRay: Timber!

He falls off the apron, landing between Arizona and Bradley's Grandma, kicking up a cloud of dust. The pair instantly move to Brad to check on him. Chad is looking at his partner, his face aghast. He turns around and Omega is ready for him.

Boom!

Killer Satyr Kick to the surfer and, once again, Omega is the only man standing as the crowd fire out a chant of "THIS IS WRESTLING!"

[Chad Shredsbury]

Beeman. We’ve got bodies everywhere, LeRay!

LeRay. It’s pandemonium to be sure, Sean. And Omega is galloping around the ring, he is fired up here.

Beeman. I may have misjudged Satyros a bit here. Using his idiot partner as a human shield was probably the best use I’ve ever seen anyone make of Brad’s ugly mug.

LeRay. I think that was inadvertent, Sean.

Beeman. You think a what now?

LeRay. I don’t think he did that intentionally at all.

Beeman. No? Alright, well, I guess we will see if he’s a strategic Satyros or not so much. He sure doesn’t seem terribly interested in Bad Luck’s health at the moment.

LeRay. Well he has a match to fight here, and it’s back on as Chad Shredsbury is staggering up. Omega fires him into the corner, but Chad, as we have seen before, using that athleticism to simply run up the turnbuckles and he moonsaults off the top to OH MY WORD! He landed square on Omega’s horns! He nearly implied himself, and Shredsbury is on the mat in agony.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Pierre is up on the apron and Chad is dragging himself along to his partner. Omega has him by the feet but Chad kicks him off and dives for the hot tag. Brad is still on the ground being looked after by his grandmother and Arizona. Omega, filled with adrenaline and momentum, squares up to JWA's biggest man. The pair trade chops, slaps and claps. The crowd is bellowing with each smack. Chad is roaring to Pierre and has hopped up to the turnbuckle, air traffic controlling.

But Omega has the strength of a god. With golden blood and crimson horns, he is holding on for dear life, asking Pierre for more. The pair lock up and spin in place.

Chad is ready to hit another aerial move but-

Chance: That's my boy!

Brad is on the turnbuckle too. He is not a man used to height, and it is shown by his wobbly footing and profuse sweat. He is bleeding from his forehead when all men cracked skulls and Chad's boots have left him with a puffed eye and swollen lip, yet he is determined to go airborne.

LeRay: How can this end?
Beeman: Not well!

Pierre sees Chad and gives a bone-grating nod. Omega glimpses Brad and does the same, his muscles loose and ready. Both men attempt to Irish whip the other into their partner but end up slingshotting themselves. The men on the turnbuckle jump, dual cross-bodies.

Chance: I can't look!

From the crowd:

Grandma: Braddykins!

From beside her:

Martha: Bradley, look what you're doing, you putz! Your grandmother has angina!

Pierre catches Brad, holding him, ready to bodyslam.

Omega does the same to Chad.

Both legal men spin, smash their held wrestler's backs to together like two revellers clinking their glasses together in a human cheers and perform a tandem bodyslam. Instinctively, they both go for the pin but the referee informs them that neither of the slammed men are legal!

LeRay: The instincts of these two behemoths!

Without missing a beat, Pierre grips Omega, lifts him with ease and throws him upon Chad and Brad, who, with equal instincts, get their knees up in time to protect themselves, further devastating the damage on Omega's back!

Beeman: Surely his spine is broken!

Pierre goes for the pin - a legal one this time - and the ref hits the one, two, thr-

Chance: Omega has kicked out!
Beeman: I can't believe it!
LeRay: Two point nine nine!

Indeed, the Greek God has his shoulder up. Pierre can't believe it. The crowd chants, "Oh-Meg-Ah! Oh-Meg-Ah!"