JWA MANIA

[Artemis]

@jwaofficial on Chirpy

    A video autoplays, showing Desmond making his way to ringside, he passes by Jonny Powell and Joel debating over a large stuffed dolphin with an envelope pinned     to its bow.

    Joel: It's clearly a J, and no offense, but I'm more of the heartthrob of the team.

    Jonny: And no offense, but frankly, you're too much of a "heartthrob" for someone to be doing this coy secret admirer stuff with.

    Desmond stops and looks and stifles a laugh.

    Desmond: I'm sorry gents, but that's a T, what made you both think it was for either of you.

    Joel: Well, you wouldn't put it in the locker-room, too easy to get mixed up, so I assumed they knew we were starting the show off against Kenny Wynn and Chase
    Victory.

    Desmond: You are in front of "Lord" Taylor Thorin's locker room though.
    

[Thumper Moore III]

RODD PUTTERGILL: I’m here with Chet Desmond for tonight’s main event. There’s Our Solemn Hour, and here comes the Incomparable, Unlimited, Boundless, and Undeniable Thumper Moore III. The fans are quite excited to see him. Chet, what are you doing?!?

CHET DESMOND: THUM-PER! WOOP! WOOP! THUM-PER! WOOP! WOOP!

PUTTERGILL: It appears Chet has gotten himself caught in Thumpermania. But I hear Back in Black, and here comes the AoE Hardcore Champion, Black Cat. This match is arranged under the auspices of AoE, but while ordinarily this belt is fought under no-DQ, Falls Count Anywhere stipulations, Black Cat has insisted that this match be contested under regular match rules before he accepted the challenge.

DESMOND: We’ll see who this favors as this match kicks off with the bell.

PUTTERGILL: Black Cat using his quickness advantage and he lands several punches and kicks to the gut and chest of Moore, and Moore responds with a shove that sends the champion all the way across into a neutral corner. Moore charges but Black Cat dodges out of the corner and hits an enzigiuri to the back of Moore’s skull. Moore just shakes it off and grabs Black Cat— a huge Beal toss to the opposite corner! Black Cat must have been eight or nine feet in the air!

DESMOND: What strength! It’s as they say in boxing— a good big man beats a good little man.

PUTTERGILL: Not so fast— as quick as, well, a cat, the champ lands several kicks to Thumper’s thigh. They’re followed up by a low drop kick which drops the big man to one knee— Light Out DDT— blocked by Thumper, who picks up Black Cat and makes him a black splat in the corner, crushing him between the turnbuckle and 330 pounds of Texas beef.

DESMOND: That looked painful.

PUTTERGILL: Black Cat stumbles out of the corner— the pop-up— SANCTUS ESPIRITUS! Thumper got every bit of that one. He picks up the champ, scoops him into his shoulders— LARGER THAN LIFE! We’re gonna have a new champ! One… two…

[Omega Satyros]

"Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi sounds, and for the second time this week, fans get their hopes up just to be met by Black Cat's Masked Ref walking down. Both Tasha West's and Thumper's focus is on the crooked ref, letting Omega hop the barricade and slip into the ring. The fans boo as Thumper Moore III turns around to a Satyr Kick. Thumper drops to a knee as Omega bounces of the ropes for momentum, nailing a second Satyr Kick, this one gashing the third-gen wrestler right on the brow-bone.

Puttergill: Tasha West calls for the bell, but with Black Cat getting back to his feet, this assault looks far from over. Thumper called Omega out, and he got the raging satyr.

Desmond: I'm not sure who AOE made the stipulation for this match for, Thumper to try and mitigate interference, or Black Cat to ensure any interference would simply protect his reign?

Omega and Black Cat climb the turnbuckles, a devious look on Omega's face as they nail Thumper with Wrath of Olympus. They get to their feet as Omega grabs the mic from Wink.

Omega: How's that for Undeniable? This is what happens when you step up to Domination Inc. Thumper. Ask anyone who's been foolish enough to try it, you're destined to fail. You only have yourself to blame.

[Dyno]

The JWA Digifoto account just shared this video:

We are at a lavish home, the drone camera makes a point of buzzing around the complex, it buzzes over the pool (where a rubber duck ring is still floating around) and around to where a BBQ is set up, ready to go.

The camera then focuses on a few rose petals that are scattered around the BBQ...it follows them up the path to a side door.  As it does so, the door opens (perfect timing).  Tembleberry steps out and sees the roses, he turns to shout inside the house which is inaudible, but then his eyes spy a package that has been left by the door.

Tembleberry picks up the package, reads the tag, which the camera briefly catches:

    "Be the lord of my ring"

before slamming the door shut, taking the package indoors with him.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Jul 6, 2024 17:46:58 GMT -5 Dyno said:

    "Be the lord of my ring"

Funky sax plays.

[Dyno]

Jul 6, 2024 17:46:58 GMT -5 Dyno said:

The JWA Digifoto account just shared this video:

We are at a lavish home, the drone camera makes a point of buzzing around the complex, it buzzes over the pool (where a rubber duck ring is still floating around) and around to where a BBQ is set up, ready to go.

The camera then focuses on a few rose petals that are scattered around the BBQ...it follows them up the path to a side door.  As it does so, the door opens (perfect timing).  Tembleberry steps out and sees the roses, he turns to shout inside the house which is inaudible, but then his eyes spy a package that has been left by the door.

Tembleberry picks up the package, reads the tag, which the camera briefly catches:

    "Be the lord of my ring"

before slamming the door shut, taking the package indoors with him.

This of course was posted from the wrong account.

[Artemis]

"Run The World" by Beyonce sounds and Lady Diana Gallus makes her way down to the ring, currently occupied by Dwayne Simpson.

Desmond: You know, Glory didn't go quite how Diana was hoping, but she's not taking it lying down, back in the ring here tonight.

Puttergill: Good for her, but you can't say she's really challenging herself, taking on the person on the roster with the longest active losing streak.

Before the bell can ring, the JerkTron lights up, showing five simple words: "I know that it's you." Diana looks pissed off, storming backstage.

Desmond: An ominous message for sure, any idea what it could be about?

Puttergill: Absolutely not, and with this Blue Butterfly and Secret Admirer stuff going on, I'm at about my fill for ominous mysteries. I hope we get some answers, and soon.

[Omega Satyros]

Puttergill: Starting off tonight's Mania, we've got Suddenly Seymour taking on Tommy Tough.

Desmond: Things have been heating up between these two after Tommy alleged to be bringing back the Beeman Family, although Beeman's expressed no interest in them.

Puttergill: Tommy needs to move on from the past to...

As the bell rings, Tommy rushes towards Suddenly Seymour only to be flattened by a Satyr Kick, a hoof-shaped gash left in his cheek. Seymour turns Omega around, only to take a Lights Out DDT from Black Cat. Black Cat throws both of them out of the ring while Omega takes the mic from Wink.

Omega: Well Red, you've done it now. You could've moved on. Could've accepted your loss with grace and gone into the Openweight Finals 100% and made something worthwhile of the last gasp of your career. But no, you insist on remaining an annoying gnat in our business. So yet again you ask for trouble? Well, let Domination Inc. comply and deliver to you what should be the final blow your ego needs to realize your place. Let the Battledome finally be the place your arrogance gets beaten out of you and even an ounce of sense beaten in to replace it. I'd love nothing more than to be a part of that.

Omega moves in closer to the camera.

Omega: Oh, and if you want to talk about riding coattails, maybe you should look in the mirror. You started your career riding the coattails of Arizona and Pierre, and continued that tradition in JWA, from seizing your partner's injury and a battle royale for the most solo success you've had here to dragging DOOM and Thumper down with you now. Your pride got bruised months ago, and you haven't been able to get over it. Hell, just look at how you characterize us. Calling Winter a puppet. Projecting a false visage of me being a coattail rider. Treating Black Cat's obligations beyond the JWA Studios as "appearing and disappearing just as easily as you'd expect." Dismissing Mack Caliber as some aimless undirected fool who you "have no idea what's in his head these days." All of us fallen under the spell of "The Charismatic" Conor Caine. Not because any of us are showing signs of being followers, rather than equals, but because he's the one who first bruised that ego of yours. DOOM got randomly paired with you nearly 6 months ago and hasn't displayed an active thought or choice since. Thumper joined JWA at the perfect time to make a splash in the Openweight Tournament, but no, instead he saw you get your ass handed to you repeatedly, and so he signed up for your faithless crusade against us.

I'll give you credit, in spite everything you've said against Conor, you've done a great job these past few weeks of everything you chastise him for. All three of you were given a shot in that tournament, Thumper even helping you win your match. But they got left behind while you look to prosper. So I hope after Fortune & Glory, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you see in yourself what I've learned to see in you, not a bold, brave, fearless pirate, but a insecure, little, petty thief. I hope you take that mask off, look through the bloody pulp your face will be, and finally see who you really are.

[Thumper Moore III]

“Our Solemn Hour” plays and Thumper Moore III appears at the top of the entrance ramp.

“Mr. Satyros, Mr. Cat— Greetings, and salutations. I have been instructed by Mr. Whistler to not engage physically with you today, and although I’d love to walk down there and put the two of you in beds 221A and 221B down at County General’s trauma ward, I will abide by Mr. Whistler’s wishes, as I am a patient man.

I can wait just a couple of nights to get you into that unforgiving steel enclosure, from which there is no escape. Omega, you made a critical mistake, one you have consistently repeated since my arrival here: you’ve expected me to just lie down.

You expected me to not take vengeance when you interrupted my coronation and helped your friend keep his sham championship. You expected there to be no retribution when you sent him and his goons after me to take me out. And you’ve all but ignored me, choosing instead to think of me as a lackey in some grand game played between you, your colleagues, and the Burgundy Buccaneer.

You have made a grave error— Miscalculation Inc has greatly underestimated my splendor, and now you will all have a chance to revel in it. Omega, I would like you to pass on a message for me on Thursday. Please send Tamika my best— she’s a nurse on that trauma unit. I’ve already registered you for surgery Wednesday to remove mangled steel from your rectum.

And Black Cat, if you attempt to interfere, the good news is that Dr. Acula is having a BOGO sale, so your visit will be free. See you on Tuesday, Mr. Satyros.”

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

PUTTERGILL: Welcome back to JWA Mania where our exhibition match between Jonny Powell and Barney Burrowitt is already underway!

The match is in its early stages - tie ups and wristlocks - as the fans good naturedly clap along.

DESMOND: Burrowitt reverses the wristlock and whips Powell to the ropes-- OH MY GOD!

PUTTERGILL: Spear! SPEAR!! SPEAR!!!

DESMOND: Conor Caine came out of nowhere, slid under the bottom rope and speared Powell out of his boots!

PUTTERGILL: The speed, the power! I've never seen anything like it!

DESMOND: Burrowitt isn't getting off any easier! Before he can think to defend himself, Caine kicks him in the gut, hoists him up in the crucifix position: CHARISMATOMIC BOMB!

PUTTERGILL: The ring shook like thunder on that impact!

DESMOND: There's been a great deal of speculation online about Caine's injury status - I guess we can put that to bed now!

PUTTERGILL: I think that's the only reason he came here because Conor Caine is already leaving the studio without saying a word to anybody!

[Omega Satyros]

Omega's shown arriving at JWA Studios for Mania. He gets held up by security. Diablo walks up to talk.

Omega: What's going on, I'm booked for a series of matches the next few weeks with Conor?

Diablo: Kip sent me to inform security of a clarification. The contract for the matches says "The Tag Title Holders with have a series of matches for Mania, starting with The Wild Horses, Jonny Powell and Joel."

Omega: Yeah, me and Conor, the current tag champs The Alpha & Omega. I don't care what vendetta you're trying to exert here...

Diablo: It's no vendetta, but the wording of the contract isn't the tag champs, it's the "Tag Title Holders" and after that TLC match, Red Pirate Rogers is holding onto that other title. And so this series of Mania matches goes properly, if Conor Caine attacks Red Pirate Rogers at any point before Super Glory unless in a booked match opposing him or abandons one of the scheduled Mania matches, The Alpha & Omega will be stripped of the tag titles and barred from Super Glory where The Pirates of DOOM will take on the Killie's Crew to crown new champions. While if Red Pirate Rogers attacks Conor Caine at any point or abandons one of the Mania matches as described, The Pirates of DOOM will forfeit their title opportunity and the Killie's Crew will take over the match at Super Glory. 

Omega: This is bullsh...

Diablo: And so long as Red possesses the belt, you are barred from Mania until the series is completed, to prevent you from interfering. If you don't comply, your half of the tag title will be officially forfeited to Red Pirate Rogers and he and Conor Caine will have a singles match to determine the champions at Super Glory.

Omega is visibly restraining himself from laying Diablo out with a Satyr Kick.

Diablo: And one last word of advice, I'd recommend you not attack a JWA official, unless you want to be suspended until Super Glory like Mack is.

Omega storms back to his car, where Black Cat is waiting. They drive off.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

Inside the arena, "Cheat Code" by Sate Francis plays and the JWA Maniacs in attendance start to boo.

PUTTERGILL: This isn't on the schedule...

Conor storms to the ring, dressed in tracksuits bottoms, trainers and a Domination Inc tee. He has his tag title over his shoulder and a mic in his hand: he looks pissed.

CAINE: I don't know what kind of game is being played here but I don't take kindly to my partner - Omega Satyros - getting embarrassed by anyone, let alone a peeon like Diablo! And if anybody thinks I'm gonna reach a hand out to Red Pirate Rogers for any reason other than slapping the scurvy off him, they're dreaming! Whether he's gotten to the studio or not, I don't want Rogers out here and I don't need him to put the boots to Jabroni and Jackass Powell. Get those Wild Horses out here so they can get broken.

Conor drops the mic and his tag title and paces the ring, waiting for The Wild Horses to come out.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

PUTTERGILL: And here come The Wild Horses! They're forgoing their entrance music to take advantage of Conor Caine out here on his own!

DESMOND: Two on one for the title! We're gonna have new tag team champions tonight on Mania!

The brothers slide into the ring under the bottom rope and Jonny immediatey eats a spear from Conor!

PUTTERGILL: Jonny Powel rolls out of the ring and the referee rings the bell. We're officially under way. Joel is trying to pepper Conor with punches as The Alpha of Domination Inc is getting up from the spear!
DESMOND: It's having little effect as Caine gets to one knee and puts a hand up to block Joel's offence. The fans are booing as Conor fights to his feet, he has Joel reeling--
PUTTERGILL: A kick to the gut, Joel is hoisted overhear in the crucifix position!
DESMOND: Charismatomic Bomb!
PUTTERGILL: Caine puts a foot on Joel's chest for the pin as he shouts into the camera...
CAINE: Stay out of my way, Rogers!

The ref calls for the bell and Caine exits the ring, and the arena.

PUTTERGILL: Another strong showing from a guy who was suspected of carrying an injury just a week ago...

[Duke Mongoose]

Rodd Puttergill: We've certainly got a treat for you this week, as standing in the ring is Duke Mongoose.

Chet Desmond: It's good to see that Duke has recovered from that cowardly sneak attack in the tanning room at Glory this past week.

Puttergill: Cowardly attack or accident with baby oil. The world may never know. Let's send it up to Big Daddy Duke himself.

(Duke is standing in the ring in his wrestling attire with a comical bandage wrapped around his head)

Duke: Everyone here knows that Big Daddy Duke has a match coming up at Super Glory for the World Heavyweight Championship against Winter Hex. That's right, Hollywood vs. "Hollywood". Mano vs. Woman-o. So in preparation, I looked at the greatest intergender wrestler of all time - The Shmuck!

Desmond: Oh lord, no. I don't like where this is going.

Duke: Winter, you seem oddly confident in your abilities. Need I remind you that I've beaten plenty of men that are bigger and stronger than you? "But you've never beaten a woman" I hear you saying in that phony accent of yours. Well, you're right. Duke has never hit a lady in his life, and I won't stand for anyone who does, but when you step into the ring for a sanctioned bout of gentlemanly grappling, anything goes, sister!

Puttergill: Are you following any of this, Chet?

Desmond: I'm doing my best, Rodd.

Duke: In the spirit of his greatness, The Shmuck, I have gone out and found a woman that is BIGGER than Winter... who is STRONGER than Winter... who, I dare say, is PRETTIER than Winter... and is a LEGEND in this business. Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent for this exhibition bout this week is none other than... LYNDI HARKER!

("Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper plays as Lyndi Harker makes her way down to the ring. She is dressed in a JWA tracksuit and is clearly not the competitor she once was. She gets a huge ovation from the fans in attendance as she high-fives and smiles her way to the ring)

Puttergill: While all of the things Duke said are true about Harker, it is important to note that she's been retired for nearly 2 decades and is clearly not in ring shape anymore.

Desmond: I bet she could still whoop you, Rodd. I certainly wouldn't want to fight her.

(Duke and Lyndi are face to face in the ring)

Duke: Lyndi, you and I go way back. I remember when you beat my good friend The Almighty Dollar to win the Women's Championship. Boy, the people loved you. You were, and still are, at least in my eyes, the epitome of a female wrestler. That's why I've asked you here today to participate in this exhibition. I want to show that charlatan World Champion of ours that I can beat someone who would run circles around her. So what do you say? Shall we lock up?

Lyndi: Duke, you old snake in the grass, I would love nothing better than to clobber your keister and show all of these fine JWA fans that a good woman will always triumph over any man! You're on!

(Referee Tasha West sends the two competitors to their corners and calls for the bell. The two lock up in the center of the ring, and Lyndi takes Duke down to the mat with a back heel trip, much to the delight of the fans)

Puttergill: What a clever move by the ring veteran. Duke looks flabbergasted!

Desmond: Harker is one tough mother and I fear Duke is going to learn that the hard way today.

(Duke gets up and calls for another lock up. Lyndi obliges and immediately catches Duke in an armwringer which she turns into a hammer throw to the corner. Duke hits the corner pads with a thud and staggers toward center as Lyndi hits the ropes and catches Duke with her signature Bulldog Headlock)

Puttergill: Rodeo Bulldog by Harker! There's the cover!

*One...Two......Kickout!*

Desmond: I can't believe how close that was!

Puttergill: Harker is continuing with the onslaught, and it looks like Duke is helpless to stop her! She's blistering him with forearms and backing him into a corner!

(Duke ducks through the ropes and the referee steps in to break it up. Lyndi backs off, but then immediately charges back in to continue the assault. However, Duke manages to get a thumb to the eye which the referee did not see)

Desmond: Dirty pool!

Puttergill: Unfortunately the referee was out of position or else this match would be over. Harker is clearly hampered by the injury to the eye, and here comes Duke Mongoose...

Duke: CALL YOUR GRANDMOTHER! THIS ONE'S OVER!

Puttergill: Duke applies the Cobra Clutch! Harker submits!

Desmond: What a shameful display that was. Duke needed a shortcut to beat a retired out of shape competitor.

Puttergill: And now he's got the microphone again.

Duke: See! Piece of cake! Winter, I'm coming for you and I'm coming for your title!

(Duke throws the microphone down and storms to the back, clearly frustrated by the difficulty he faced in the "match")

Puttergill: Duke and Winter might be facing off sooner than Super Glory if they find themselves in the ring together this coming week in that six-person preview match.

Desmond: As long as Duke doesn't suffer any further tanning oil related injuries, that is.

[Omega Satyros]

A camera is settled on the outside of Mania as Omega and Black Cat arrive, Omega looking more pissed off than usual. He trudges over to the landscaping outside the arena, security with a fierce eye on him. He scours through the bushes, finding no sign of any hints. He kept looking, settling on a set of tallish trees, only to fall out after poking his head too close to a surprisingly ornery next of robins.

Omega stomps back to the car, all but brimming with rage. Black Cat steps out as Omega rants in some Ancient Greek dialect. Black Cat steps over to the landscaping to see if he could spot something Omega couldn't, only for The Lord's Court (Henry Evermore, Rhiannon, Claymore, and Sir Wallace) from AOE to burst out, Evermore dressed in a ref shirt. Claymore and Sir Wallace hit Rolling The Dice and Lacerator. Evermore counts the three and holds Sir Wallace's hand in the air as the winner. The group grabs the AOE Hardcore Title and speed out, an envelope fluttering from under the green car they had arrived and hidden in.

Black Cat was at a loss for words as Omega and him converged on the parking spot, grabbing the envelope.

"This Mania Saturday shall be the time. Have you likely, no patience for rhyme. Elapsed loss in green this hint may be. The gold you lost left you blind with fury. Only if finding your belt your true desire. I forsee south the border will send the fire. Labor Day trip to your office take. Ever deny your labor, then your goal forsake." -The Crimson Corsair

Black Cat: Wait. Did Rogers orchestrate all of that? Inviting those DnD dorks here to steal my title? All to rub salt in the wound while leaving you stuck on this wild goose chase? I hate to say it, but he really thought this whole thing out.

Omega turned the paper over, ensuring there's no other information on the clues. He reads the note left before taking a deep breath and shouting some expletive in that ancient dialect.

Well Omega, I await the outcome of this little game that we have played The Pirates of DOOM look forward to beating you and Conor at Glory, and again at Super Glory

Omega: He thought out everything but how the Pirates of DOOM are going to handle The Alpha & Omega at the peak of our rage. The rest of the locker room should consider themselves glad that I'm saving this up so that Red can feel every ounce of the beating he has all but explicitly asked for.

Omega looks dead into the camera that has been filming this whole thing.

Omega: Red, I will get my title back, and then you will have an 8 day count down, not just to your defeat at Super Glory, but to the end of your career as you know it. You've decided you wanted to awaken the utter depths of my burning fury. You have only yourself to blame when everything you know goes up in flames.