MIDWEEK MISC - PART II

[Insane]

JWA.COM EXCLUSIVE VIDEO

Brother Abel responds to Conor Caine's challenge.

Backstage, in a familiar dark room, the camera askew, two figures stand. Both are wearing masks, red-and-black, identical, with X's for eyes and a grill for a mouth. In the foreground, the first figure addresses the camera, their robe billowing as they gesture. This is Brother Abel. The second figure, gently shadowed in torn and ragged flannel, is Brother Seph.

Brother Abel: I am Brother Abel. Welcome to the Compound. Caine. You have made threats and overstepped your mark this week. The gall of you, Caine, to turn down the Compound's hand in friendship, only to be responsible for our loss when we lowered ourselves to aid you in the tag match against two animals and then to fling accusations and wicked words in our direction. Despite what you and your adoring fans may think, the world does not revolve around you. We will not bend to your whims.

Brother Abel turns to Brother Seph and gently places a hand on his shoulder.

Brother Abel: You made false accusations about the true man behind this mask. You claim that he is some sort of imposter and that I am truly Brother Seph. You are a fool. Consider the words Brother Seph spoke when he arrived here. Then, he was scared, his eyes wide with horror as he looked upon the sins of the world without my protection. He spoke ill of me. A simple mistake to make and one that he paid for.

Brother Seph's head bows in shame. Brother Abel releases him from his grip and turns toward the camera once again.

Brother Abel: Would such a man then deign himself to wear the mask of the man he claims was so cruel to him? Would he not fear the reprise of this Brother Abel of whom he lied? Would he not quiver at the thought? I can tell you that he did. You saw him when he opened the boxes. The mere glimpse of this mask caused him to shiver and hide. I found him, though, every true seeker claims their mark.

Brother Abel moves towards the camera.

Brother Abel: When you first made your demands for a match, I dismissed them. You have shown yourself to be little more than a common thug, one who I incorrectly saw as an honourable man. You turned down our offer and still showed your weakness. We could have been wonderful together, Caine. We could have ruled the world, but your myopic mind of masculine might held you back. Now, I reconsider your challenge. I see them in a different light.

Brother Abel steps back again. Brother Seph, unseen by the camera, is holding a box. Black, red-bowed. He has it in both hands.

Brother Abel: You will not face me, but I will agree to your stipulation. Steel Cage. Guts and Gory. October twenty-ninth. "The Relentless" Conor Caine against "The Truth" Brother Seph. If you win, I will remove my mask and reveal to you and the world my true indentity. If you lose - and you will lose, Caine, mark these words - then you will open this box and become Brother Conor. 

He steps back and opens his arms wide, both men glaring straight down the camera lens.

Brother Abel: I am Brother Abel. Welcome to the Compound.

[Bad Luck Bradley]

Exclusive video from Honest Sal's own social media profile. Sal is standing, dapper as always, alone in front of a curtain.

Honest Sal: The full details of the JWA J-1 Pinnacle Tournament are to be revealed shortly, it's a day that I'm certain my guest at this time will not forget, I'm talking about the former Compound Member, Bad Luck Bra-



For some reason, Bad Luck Bradley's Bliix remix of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance plays but... it sounds a little tinny...

Brad enters the frame as soon as the guitars explode. The camera pans up from his boots, up his ring gear to his upper body and we see that the Bad News Wrestler is holding a full boombox. This is interesting because, to the best of my knowledge, this song was never released on tape cassette. The amount of effort this man has put in to looking so bad is nothing short of shocking. He hits the off button and the song ends mid-verse, abruptly and jarringly. He sets the boombox down. It is very awkward.

Honest Sal: Bad Luck Bradley, thank you for contacting me and offering me this exclusive interview, you told me that you had some ground-breaking news.
Bad Luck Bradley: That I do, Honourable Sam, that I do, let me tell you, Bad Luck Bradley, yeah, Big Bad Brad, the Bad Luck Wrestler, yeah, first in, last out, always here, never fear, yeah, Bad Luck Bradley, that's me, just got a Bad List to share with you, yeah.
Honest Sal: A list?
Bad Luck Bradley: A list, some mist, a little pissed-
Honest Sal: Hould yer wisht!
Bad Luck Bradley: That too, like a snake, yeah, hissed, not like Juicy Mongoosey, who I still owe a hot ten for Memphis, yeah.
Honest Sal: Tell us about this list, what is it?

Bad Luck Bradley whips out an old parchment, crumbling at the edges and coffee-tanned. 

Bad Luck Bradley: Let me tell you, I have a list here of all twelve participants, yeah, in the J-1 Pintrest Tournament.
Honest Sal: Well this is exciting indeed, Bad Luck Bradley, but surely we can figure out the competitors from looking at the JWA roster.
Bad Luck Bradley: You'd think that and you wouldn't be wrong, only this list tells me that you are, yeah, wrong as a song, yeah. I have in my damp fingers a big bad list of names that will shock you, rock you and sock you right in your predictions, yeah.
Honest Sal: Well this truly is an exclusive! Please, read on!

Bad Luck Bradley pulls out his little half-moon glasses and places them on the tip of his nose. He clears his throat theatrically.

Bad Luck Bradley: First, there is, of course, me, Bad Luck Bradley, yeah. Then there is the aforementioned Juicy Mongoosey. Hot ten, Memphis. Then there is Lord Have Mercy Tyler Thornbury. Rich taste. Penginster. Don't come near me. Ashey-Baby. Hiding underneath rings. Conorandcaine. Future Bad Luck Bro there if ever I saw one. Radiator Jones. Keeps the cheap heat all night. Banana Robinson and Marty Face. Pair of jokers, old school. Wise "Jacob" Tallyknacker. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. The One and Only Whiskey-
Honest Sal: Bad Luck Bradley, I have to interrupt you. A good number of these wrestlers are not and have never been in the JWA. Show me that list!

Sal whips the list from Bradley's sweaty hands and runs his eyes over it.

Honest Sal: This isn't a list, Brad. It's the list. Where did you get this?

A moment passes. Brad is shame-faced.

Bad Luck Bradley: Yuppie Vuppie.
Honest Sal: Yuppie VP? Bradley, the heading is "List of people who owe me money". Did that not tip you off? That's enough of this. Like and subscribe everyone and tune in Glory on Tuesday 21st October 2022 where the actual J-1 list will be revealed.

[Duke Mongoose]

@mongooseisloose on Chirpy

Big couple of weeks ahead. Two meetings with Bird Brain. Two big victories followed by two more victories and two championships on Big Daddy Duke's mantle! Then it's off to win the J-1! Aren't you all lucky to be alive at the same time as I am?

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Viewer Podcast

RYAN HERNANDEZ: I’m flying solo today, folks, as Dan is taking a much deserved vacation. I want to try to put the matter to rest between Arizona Chance, Rodd Puttergill, and the JWA.

My sources tell me that unless Chance apologizes to Rodd, publicly and sincerely, he’s done in the JWA. Finished. Burning bridges and moving on to browner pastures, because, let’s be frank, there are no greener pastures than the JWA.

They also tell me that the J-1 field is set and Chance isn’t in it. Barring an injury or unforeseen circumstance, there’s a good chance that Arizona will be leaving JWA without competing in another J-1 match. That has to stick in his craw a little bit, that he won’t even get an opportunity to compete for the one title that has eluded him, but he really has no one to blame but himself.

Arizona has treated people like scum from the bottom of his shoe, and now he has to bear the consequences for his actions. He may be a draw, as my partner noted, and he may move merch, but the guy is a locker room cancer and in my humble opinion, and the opinion of several of my sources, JWA will be better off without him. We’ll be back after a word from our sponsor this hour, Itch-Be-Gone Gluteal Ointment.

[Penguino]

Penguino looks very upset walking into Killies with Johnny Kobra and the two of them talk for a while until Jackson walks over to them and asks them what they want. Penguino responds with “I’ll have a couple of tins of krill and a bottle of beer. This surprises Jackson as Penguino normally manages his fish diet and doesn’t drink beer but he listens anyway

[Duke Mongoose]

***JWA.com Exclusive***

Honest Sal: Fans, I'm backstage and the main event of Glory has just concluded. I'm hoping to get a word with the winner of that match, Duke Mongoose.

(Duke walks into the scene, jubilant)

Sal: Duke! First of all, congratulations on your victory over Penguino.

Duke: Light work, baby! Big Daddy Duke is steamrolling his way to the championship!

Sal: I'm curious and I'm sure the fans at home are as well - What was on the paper that Tembleberry gave you?

Duke: That's strictly confidential, Sally boy! Whatever nonsense "advice" Taylor Thorin wants to give me is between myself and his Lordship, you understand?

Sal: You crumpled the paper and threw it at Tembleberry. Is it safe to assume you didn't agree with Thorin's proposed strategy?

Duke: Wow, you're clever, Sal! Did you figure that out all by yourself? Look, last week Thorin made it abundantly clear that he's in over his head in JWA, and if it weren't for Big Daddy Duke being as awesome as he is, Thorin would have been handed his first ever loss!

Sal: Will you and Thorin be able to co-exist again next week in the finals of the Mad Dash Tag Lottery?

Duke: We don't have to, Sal. Thorin just needs to stay in the corner and keep his cockamamie ideas to himself!

Sal: What if Thorin tags himself in?

Duke: ...

Sal: Duke?

Duke: ...then God helps us all...

Sal: Fans, there you have it. Stay tuned to JWA.com for more exclusives!

[Thumper Moore III]

Wrestling Viewer Podcast

RYAN HERNANDEZ: We’re here with an update on the Arizona Chance situation, and rejoining me after a well-earned vacation is our founder, Dan Mixer.

DAN MIXER: Ryan, as always, it’s good to be back behind the mike.

RYAN: You’ve heard some developments?

DAN: Yes, Ryan. It looks like Chance and the JWA have come to an agreement, and he’ll be in the J-1 as originally planned. He should be back on with some sort of explanation on Tuesday during the Tag Team tournament finale episode.

RYAN: Dan, I’m hearing similar but different. Yes, I hear Chance will be on the show Tuesday, but not in the J-1. My sources say management believes that Chance’s consequences for his bad behavior include being left out of the J-1. These sources also believe that the problem will go away naturally in January, when Chance has his Streak v Career match against Slashmaster.

DAN: I’ve seen the participant list for the J-1. Chance is on it. Care to make a bet?

RYAN: Fine, but you’re going to owe me a beer.

[Kip Whistler]

@bookitkip on Chirpy

Just signed! As a result of their backstage confrontation this past week at Glory, Ashe and The Mean Queen Jessie Aldean will face off at Guts & Gory!

[Thumper Moore III]

“I may not be available now, but I am, as always, at your command. BEEP”

“Hey Red, it’s Zona. Long time no talk. I’m still not at liberty to talk about what happened, but at least now I’m allowed to talk to you guys again. Shades are a good look, especially with that world title across your shoulder. Couldn’t be more proud of you. How are things going with the new girlfriend? Can’t wait to see you Tuesday.”

Arizona presses a button to hang up his phone and starts going down the list of people to call with a smile on his face. It’s been agonizing not seeing these people. I’m just glad Kip and I can put this behind us.

“You’ve reached Pierre. Leave the beer at the front door. BEEP”

“Hey old friend, long time no talk…”

[Kip Whistler]

@bookitkip on Chirpy

I want to put some of the rumors to rest. Yes, Arizona Chance WILL be present at Glory this week, and the terms for his reinstatement and inclusion in the J-1 will be explained at that time. Make sure to tune in, you won't want to miss it! #Glory

[Duke Mongoose]

***JWA.com Exclusive***

Honest Sal: Fans, Honest Sal here, backstage as Glory is getting ready to go on the air. Obviously everyone has their sights set on tonight's main event to determine the next challengers for the tag team titles, but tonight we'll also find out the groups for the 2022 J-1 Pinnacle Tournament. Whoa, speaking of tonight's main event, here comes Duke Mongoose and he looks upset.

(Duke walks through the shot. The cameras follow and Duke stops outside of "Lord" Taylor Thorin's private locker room. Duke bangs on the door angrily. Tembleberry answers)

Tembleberry: Ah, Mr. Mongoose! How can I be of assis-

Duke: ZIP IT, JEEVES! I just thought I would share some advice with "his Lordship" before tonight's match. Make sure he gets it!

(Duke slams a wadded up piece of paper into Tembleberry's hand, then leaves the scene. Tembleberry reads the note and chuckles)

Sal: Pardon me, but would you be willing to share what's on that note with the JWA audience?

Tembleberry: Oh, certainly.

(Tembleberry holds up the note to the camera. It reads: "My advice if you want to win? STAY IN THE LOCKER ROOM")

Sal: Oh. Oh dear.

(Both Sal and Tembleberry share a laugh. "Lord" Taylor Thorin can be heard calling in the background)

Tembleberry: Forgive me, I must attend to my duties.

Sal: No worries. Thank you for sharing the "game plan" as it were. Fans, don't miss tonight's edition of Glory!

[Thumper Moore III]

As Tembleberry closes the door and leaves the shot, in the background is Arizona Chance heading into his locker room.

HONEST SAL: Arizona! Arizona! Do you have a moment?

The camera man and Sal start jogging down the hall toward Chance, who turns toward them, smiles politely, and heads into his room. He sticks his head out for a moment, and says, “We’ll talk later, Sal. Meet me in the ring prior to the announcement of the J-1 participants.”

[Duke Mongoose]

***JWA.com Exclusive***

(Toni Cruise is in the center of the shot in the locker room area and Duke Mongoose storms in and kicks over a water cooler)

Toni Cruise: Fans, I'm in the back immediately following tonight's main event, and-

Duke Mongoose: THAT COWARD SCREWED ME!

Toni: Clearly Duke Mongoose is upset with the loss.

Duke: Little Lord Fauntleroy screwed me out there! I was left all alone to fight off the bird man and the Dutch man!

Toni: To be fair, you DID tell "Lord" Taylor Thorin on multiple occasions that you didn't need his help and even instructed him not to come to the ring.

Duke: Why does everyone keeps bringing that up? OBVIOUSLY I didn't mean it! I'm not an idiot, Toni. I know better than to go into a self-imposed handicap match! Little Lord Fauntleroy is lucky that I've got a World Title match at the pay per view this weekend, and that we're in separate blocks in the J-1, because he can avoid catching the beating that he deserves. But keep this in mind: Big Daddy Duke is like an elephant.

Toni: Because you never forget?

Duke: What? I'm like an elephant, Toni! I'm big; I'm powerful; You don't want to get in my way!

Toni: ...and an elephant never forgets. That's the old saying.

Duke: What's this sudden obsession of yours with elephants, Toni? You know what Freud would say about it...

Toni: With all due respect, you're the one who brought it up, and-

Duke: CALL YOUR GRANDMOTHER, TONI! THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!

(Duke picks up the water cooler he kicked over earlier and heaves it across the room before jogging away)

Toni: Fans, stay tuned to JWA.com for more exclusives, and don't miss Guts & Gory live on pay per view this Saturday, October 29th!

[Kip Whistler]

@bookitkip on Chirpy

"Relentless" Conor Caine & Tommy End will meet in the first round of the J-1 and their match will be a no holds barred match, as requested by both competitors. This will be the only special stipulation match in the tournament.

[“The Relentless” Conor Caine]

JWA.COM EXCLUSIVE VIDEO

Wide shot of a room in the basement of JWA Studios: It’s dark, lit only by a small window near the ceiling, which casts a rectangle of dusty daylight down on a patch of the concrete floor. Impossible to ignore on that patch of concrete is a dried pool of blood. We’re in the room where Francis “The Effect” McCorry was assaulted by The Compound and driven headfirst into the ground by Brother Seph during this week’s Glory…

It’s the next day and all is silent: standing over the blood, staring at it intensely, is Conor Caine. He looks like he’s been transfixed there for a while.

A figure enters the room and steps to the edge of the light, opposite the blood pool from Conor. It’s Yuppie-VP. He pauses a beat, seeing that Caine isn’t going to look up or acknowledge him.

YUPPIE: You’re back from the hospital. Any change?

Caine doesn’t answer. Yuppie lets out a sigh, puts his hands on his hips, and stares down at the blood too.

CAINE: Where do they stay when they’re not here?
YUPPIE: Sorry?
CAINE: Seph Kobane and his lacky. Where do they live?
YUPPIE: No address on file. Seph was homeless when he got here, and Brother Abel…?

Yuppie trails off, shrugging. Caine, who hasn’t looked up from the floor yet, turns and starts to walk out.

YUPPIE: Where are you going, Conor?
CAINE: I’m gonna kick over whatever rock they’re under and put this right.
YUPPIE: Don’t make it worse, Conor. They’ll be back here for Guts & Gory, you know they will, and you can settle it in the ring… where it’s safe.

Caine stops.

CAINE: If I get my hands on them before Saturday, there won’t be a match.

Caine continues onwards into the darkness and out of the room.