Arizona’s BigSky Country Wrestling (ABCW Fed)

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1990 Monday Night Live

Mr. Fantasy from behind his desk: “So, our fans are very happy with what we’re putting out there, and then that Dan Mixer from Wrestling Viewer has to go and drum up more controversy.” Fantasy disgustedly threw a Wrestling Viewer magazine into a trash can. “I invite Dan to come on down to a production of ABCW and see for himself that what we’re doing now is better than that geriatric has-been Codger has ever done. So, today, we’re going to show that the new way is better than the old, by pitting new talent against Codger’s leftovers. Enjoy.”

1. Ezekiel looked to continue his winning ways against Jessie Wild. Ezekiel spoke Scripture into the mic on the way to the ring: “Deuteronomy 20:4– The Lord my God goes with me to fight against my enemies, and give me victory over them.” Ezekiel indeed landed consecutive victories for the first time in his career, hitting the Divine Intervention for the three count.

2. Masakari represented the “old” ABCW against Dude Brohan. Dude could not seem to get his hands on the smaller, much, MUCH quicker Masakari, who wore down Brohan with leg kicks and striking combinations. Brohan finally grabbed Masakari for a body slam, then went for the Big Bro Leg Drop... and missed, allowing Masakari to hit the Eagle Arrow for an upset win.

Backstage, Fantasy winced as he saw Brohan lose. He quickly composed himself. “The night is still young, and we’re 1-1 at this point. Plenty of wrestling left.”

3. The Annihilator came to the ring and faced the debuting Fireball. Displaying incredible agility for a man his size, Fireball kept the smaller but slower Annihilator off balance. He hit some power offense, then tried to land a moonsault and missed. Annihilator took advantage by hitting the Judgement Drop for the win.

4. Exotic Rick came to the ring and insulted all the “fat, out of shape, overweight ABCW sweathogs” to a chorus of boos. Arizona Chance paid him a visit, and the two wrestled a competitive match. AC landed an atomic drop, which caused Rick to bounce into the ref. While the ref was down, Dr. B ran in and delivered The Clubber to Rick. A stunned Arizona stared at a man who two months prior was his enemy. Dr. B motioned for AC to make the cover, and roused the ref. Arizona made the cover while staring at Dr. B, mouth agape as the three count was completed.

5. Dragonfly, fresh off his impressive showing in the Battle Royal, challenges Average Guy for his TV Title with Ryan Regret accompanying him to ringside. The two battled back and forth, and as Average Guy gained the upper hand, Regret spritzed the ref with his spray bottle. This blinded the ref momentarily, allowing Dragonfly to hit a low blow. He propped Average Guy in the corner, placed a steel chair against his head, and climbed the opposite turnbuckle, setting up for the Van-Dragonator. He leaped, and Average Guy rolled out of the way, sending Dragonfly crashing through the chair. He hobbled to his feet in time to get knocked out by the Average Elbow for the pinfall.

Mr. Fantasy was red faced backstage, too angry to even speak.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1990 Sports Entertainment

Mr. Fantasy opened the show in what appeared to be a studio with Ezekiel. “Ezekiel, you have been a shining star since I’ve taken over ABCW. Now, I want you to go out there, and keep reaching for that brass ring. Tonight, you and your... partner here (he gestured at Vegas) need to go out and make a name for yourselves on national TV. Now, go get em!”

1. 2 Zap rapped his way down to ringside for his first match in ABCW to a mixed reaction. The young fans seemed to love his act, but the traditionalists politely clapped or simply had a confused look. The funatopped when his opponent was announced, and a terrified look came across the rapper’s face as Dark Mauler entered the arena. He quickly dismantled 2 Zap in a squash, finishing with the Dark Menace for a merciful pinfall.

2. Mr. Fantasy addressed the crowd. “Now, last week didn’t quite go as planned, so we’ve opened up the checkbook to give you the type of star power you deserve. We’ve just signed the most electrifying guy in wrestling... THE HUNK!!”

The crowd exploded as The Hunk casually strolled to ringside, mic in hand. He raised it slowly to his lips. “Finally, The Hunk HAS APPEARED... in ABCW!” The crowd went nuts. “Mr. Fantasy, The Hunk thanks you for opening the door, and your wallet, to allow these fans the opportunity to see... THE MOST ELECTRIFYING GUY IN WRESTLING.” The Hunk paused for dramatic effect. “I’ve heard your heroes and villains here run their mouths— Lazer, Dude Brohan, The Undermaster, Average Guy, Dr. B... well The Hunk says this: I will take AAAAAAALL their candy booties to the Hunk Hotel and smacketh them upside their roody-poo heads! If you SMEEEEEEELL what The Hunk is smellin’!!”

The crowd erupted in cheers for a true legend of the sport. Mr. Fantasy smiled his approval from the entrance ramp.

3. Kannibal Keith was again led to the ring by multiple police officers. When Dirk Dungeon entered the ring, he knew what to expect. The hood came off, and Dirk set his plan in motion. He allowed the frenetic attack from Keith to begin, but deftly dodged each blow. Keith started to run out of steam, and Dirk took advantage by scurrying around Keith and quickly tying his straitjacket arms together. Keith, enraged, attempted to bite Dirk’s face, but instead caught a Boomkick. Dirk rolled up the still writhing Keith and barely held on for a three count, then screamed at the cops to control this maniac.

4. We cut to highlights from last night’s Len Jayo show featuring a segment with Ezekiel and Vegas. Vegas bragged about not needing to impersonate anyone anymore, and how he would be his own man. He was now comfortable with who he was, and he had Ezekiel to thank. Ezekiel spoke about how the Good Book has changed his life, and taught him that though vengeance belonged to God, Ezekiel was the instrument of God’s vengeance against His enemies. Len asked Ezekiel how he knew who God’s enemies were, and Ezekiel replied, “By reading the Good Book. However, according to James 1:22, I should be a doer of the Word, not just a hearer of the Word like the rest of ABCW. So, they’re all my enemies.”

5. Dragonfly and Magnifico entered through the crowd to the ring for their tag title match, while the Van Winkles entered traditionally. In a hard fought, close bout, the Van Winkles retained their titles when Magnifico had Terry laying on the second rope, and as he ran into position for his finisher, Devin clotheslined Magnifico to the ground and applied the Van Winkle Claw.

[MystMotone101]

(You got the quote wrong, it's "If you HEEEEEEEEEAR, what the Hunk is sayin'!!"

[Thumper Moore III]

Sept 26, 2018 12:55:47 GMT -5 MystMotone101 said:

(You got the quote wrong, it's "If you HEEEEEEEEEAR, what the Hunk is sayin'!!"

Or maybe “If you SEEEEEE, what the Hunk is viewin’!!” Or “TAAAAAASTE what The Hunk is
servin’!!”

It really works with any of the five senses.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1990 Weekend Attitude

1. Ezekiel kicked off the show again, with Vegas in his corner, against the debuting Herman Nerd, Super Spy. He got super pummeled, and Ezekiel kept up his winning ways with an easy victory over the antiquated flower child. Ezekiel walked to the camera after the match, and spoke directly into it, stating, “Deuteronomy 32:35– It is mine to avenge, I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near, and their doom rushes upon them.”

2. The Van Winkles, Arizona Chance, Jessie Wild, and Chet Skye all entered the ring together. Arizona spoke for the group. “So, we’ve been hearing all about these ‘big changes’ that our new commissioner wants to implement. It sure seems like these changes include getting rid of some of the people that made this place what it is today. I think we showed last week that there’s still plenty of fight left in these old dogs. Mr. Fantasy, we’re asking you point blank: Are you trying to get rid of us?”

Mr. Fantasy appeared on screen from his office. “Arizona, gentlemen, no one is trying to get rid of anyone. I’m trying to give the great fans of ABCW the best product for their investment of time and money. Now, think of this like a grocery store. What happens when a product, say a loaf of bread, reaches its expiration date? It gets replaced, because it’s... stale. Some members of the roster are simply stale. Now, some people can be tweaked— Ezekiel is a perfect example. He’s reinvented himself, and now he’s one of the hottest things going. You’ve all been the same for a decade. It worked— the fans loved you. But notice the past tense— loveD. They don’t love you any more. Something has to change. And we’re going to start with this: Van Winkles, you’d better hold onto those tag belts. Because the moment you lose them... YOU’RE FIRED!!!”

3. The screen immediately cut to a scene from Dude Brohan’s gym. Brohan was doing butterflys on a machine when Lazer walked in behind him. “We need to talk... BRO.” Dude stopped his lifts. “Lazer, good to see you. Listen, I just wanted to make clear that I think our interests are aligned. With the exception of both of us wanting to have the World Title, we want the same thing— to entertain the fans. To give them memorable moments. To inspire kids to say their prayers, train hard, and eat their vitamins. Little Dudesters can also be little Lazers.”

Lazer nodded in agreement. “For the fans, for the kids, and for doing what’s right, we’ll make this work. You’re right— there’s room for both of us here.” He reaches out his hand, and Dude shook it firmly. He then looked at the camera—“Whatcha gonna do, ABCW, when the Dudester and the Lazer run all over you?!?” As the Dude ended his line, Lazer let out his signature “Owwww!!!”

4. Howl and Roar went to the ring for a number one contender tag match with Chicano and Big Rig with Ryan Regret. The two teams had a match full of big slams and the match ended when Howl and Roar attempted a double superplex on Chicano, but Big Rig snuck underneath them and hit power bombed both as they suplexed Chicano, which let Big Rig get a pinfall on Wolf.

5. Femme Fatale fought Gothica for a chance at the Ladies Title. Gothica applied the Halloween Dreams fairly quickly and got the victory. After she was declared the winner, she refused to break the hold, and flung FF violently while she was knocked out, screaming “NO ONE IS TAKING MY JOB!!” Femme was injured, and a neck brace had to be placed on her. She was stretchered out of the arena and into a waiting ambulance to close out the show.

[Thumper Moore III]

Feb 1990 Valentine’s Day Massacre

Mr. Fantasy opened the PPV from behind his desk. The audience started booing immediately, tired of his drawn out, boring intros. He began, “I apologize to those of you who may have been shocked or appalled at the actions of Gothica on the last broadcast. I assure you, she will not be receiving her title chance, as we have reversed last week’s decision and disqualified her. So, tonight there will be a new number one contender’s match: Gothica vs Trixie. Enjoy the show.”

1. The opening match featured Arizona Chance against Dark Mauler. Chance seemed notably slower than usual, almost impaired as he moved around the ring. He botched an attempt at The Last Crusade, and Dark Mauler hit the Dark Menace to win a very strange match.

2. Jacko Pop, Vegas, 2-Zap and Dizzy Lixx were backstage discussing the merits of pop, blues, hip-hop and rock music, respectively. Nothing to see here, but a successful comedy segment.

3. Gothica defeated Trixie in a surprisingly athletic match, with Trixie showcasing her high flying skills before Gothica grounded her for good with Halloween Dreams. Gothica again looked ready to injure one of the newcomers, when the curtain flew open and the entire ladies locker room came out to pull Gothica off Trixie.

4. In the tag title match, the Van Winkles lost to Big Rig and Chicano. The Van Winkles were soundly beaten, and the quickness advantage they should have possessed was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the bigger men seemed much faster. Mr. Fantasy appeared on the video screen and said two words as the Van Winkles picked themselves up off the mat: “YOU’RE FIRED!!!” The fans quickly started to chant “Thank you Devin! (Clap clap clap-clap clap) Thank you Terry! (Clap clap clap-clap clap)”. The Van Winkles acknowledged the crowd, and as they made their way down the aisle, Devin shrugged and said to Terry, “Back to Texas?” Terry nodded as the brothers exited.

5. The Undermaster slowly made his entrance. Then Dr. B’s music hit, and the fans erupted, but Dr. B was nowhere to be found. After a few seconds, he stumbled down the ramp, actually tripping once. He fell off the ring steps on the way in, then decided to roll into the ring. The match ended incredibly quickly, with the Undermaster glaring at the curtain the entire match, as if he was angry at someone. He quickly hit the Grave Digger for the pinfall.

6. The fans were primed for an instant classic with Dragonfly v Chet Skye in a ladder match. Instead, Skye looked slow and plodding, and it looked like Dragonfly was preparing to do a dive over the top rope from a ladder onto Skye, but suddenly he stopped, and instead climbed down the ladder, gently rolled Skye into the ring, and hit a Dragonstar Splash for the win. The fans were left wanting considering what might have been.

7. Backstage, Skullgore was with Honest Al... in a new outfit and calling himself Skelescreem. “My plans for world domination were thwarted last decade, but now, under the guidance of Mr Fantasy, my time is coming! I will rule the world one day, but for now, if you can’t beat them, join them!”

8. Average Guy looked positively drunk as he wobbled to the ring. The Hunk received a huge ovation and absolutely decimated Average Guy. He too looked confused at what an easy time he was having against a ring legend. He hit the Hunka Drop in a quick match, and it looked like he went easy on Average Guy, like you would do when playing around with a child you don’t want to hurt.

9.Freedom Fighter cashed in his World Title opportunity against Lazer, accompanied by Dude Brohan, who actually was helping Lazer to the ring. Lazer too looked sluggish, but the two still managed to put on a decent match. Freedom Fighter was in control and lined up for the Haymaker of Justice when the lights went out and a video played on the screen. It was security footage of catering from earlier in the evening. Mr. Fantasy was seen with a vial of powder, and dumping it into the mashed potatoes on certain plates. The camera zoomed in, and the name cards on the plates Fantasy tampered with read Van Winkle, Skye, Dr. B, Average Guy, and Lazer.

The lights came back on. Freedom Fighter looked confused. He screamed something in Russian that would probably be censored if the event were held in Moscow. He then helped Lazer to his feet, and said “We will do this again some other time. This is some Soviet bullCENSORED.” FF and Brohan helped Lazer to the back, and the match ended in a double countout.

[Thumper Moore III]

Mar 1990 Monday Night Live

The show opens with cameras in the locker room. The entire roster is seated as the audience with a podium at one end. In walks the recently retired Mr. Tycoon. He steps up to the podium, and addresses the roster. “I’m sure that you all have some huge questions about what happened at Valentine’s Day Massacre. I can’t answer any of those, because Mr. Fantasy did not authorize me to address that. However, he is taking a leave of absence, and he has authorized me to be temporary general manager of ABCW until his return.” Much grumbling could be heard among the performers while Tycoon continued. “Let me speak to the elephant in the room first: I had nothing to do with what happened at Valentine’s Day Massacre, and I found it repugnant that someone would intentionally cause harm to another person simply to cause them to lose a match. (The locker room rolled their eyes.) Mr. Fantasy called me and offered me untold sums of cash to become GM immediately after the show. I turned him down, because I have plenty of money. But then he offered me something I truly desire— power. Power to right my previous wrongs. Power to make up for the way I treated so many of you in the past. My promise is to run this organization fairly and equitably until Mr. Fantasy’s return. First match is Ezekiel vs Skelescreem in five minutes. Go to it boys.”

1. Ezekiel and Skelescreem opened their match with a handshake and squared off. Ezekiel stopped before they locked up and walked to a camera. Staring directly into the camera, he stated “Mr. Fantasy: Proverbs 11:3– the treachery of the wicked will be their downfall, but the integrity of the righteous shall guide them.” He then laid down in the middle of the ring and instructed Skelescreem to cover him. Skelescreem laid down next to Ezekiel in solidarity against Mr. Fantasy, and the two laid an arm across each other for a double pinfall. Skelescreem lifted his shoulder just before the three count, and won the match. He started celebrating as if he won the world title, until Ezekiel blasted him with a clothesline and then Divine Intervention.

2. Undermaster squared off against Average Guy, who put up a great fight before Undermaster outlasted him and hit the Grave Digger for the win. Undermaster asked for a mic after the match and waited for Average Guy to gain his footing again. “Mr. Fantasy, I would have laid down in this ring too, but this man said the fans deserve more. You have him to thank that any of these guys are staying in the building and doing their jobs tonight. I hope you never come back, and that you rot in hades for eternity.”

3. 2-Zap rapped his way to the ring again. In what is becoming routine for him, he again faced an opponent well above his level in the debuting Beer Can Man. BCM won without much difficulty, and then went to the audience and grabbed a frying pan from one audience member and a rolled up newspaper from another. He beat 2-Zap with the rolled up paper, and when he reared back with the frying pan, the ref grabbed it from him and 2-Zap escaped. BCM then chugged a six pack as he celebrated.

4. In a huge non-title match, Lazer squared off against the Hunk, with the stipulation being if The Hunk won, he would get a world title shot. Both men hit all their signature offense, and in the end, the Hunka Dunk was countered into the Lazer Death Drop, which led to the Lazerlock. The Hunk did not submit, but instead passed out in the hold.

5. In an equally entertaining main event, Dragonfly defeated O’Hooligan for the Cruiserweight Title. Dragonfly then celebrated in the ring with Magnifico as the show ended.

[Thumper Moore III]

Mar 1990 Sports Entertainment

Dude Brohan and Lazer were in the back speaking to Mr. Tycoon. “Let me tell you something, brother,” started Brohan. “Fantasy basically poisons several members of his roster, and he skips town and leaves you to deal with his mess? How much did he offer you, brother?” Lazer continued, “Seems a bit convenient that he picked a guy to run things who, just a couple years ago, controlled all the belts and very nearly made a system where it would have been impossible to stop? I’m wondering if he doesn’t want you to pull the strings again.”

Mr. Tycoon seemed taken aback. “Lazer, we’ve had our differences, but I’m a different man now. And Dude, I’m here to help right that wrong. You’ve got a match against Dr. B tonight, so you should start worrying about that. Now you get out of here... brother.” Dude scowled and took off. Tycoon grabbed Lazer on the shoulder before he could storm off. “Lazer, I mean what I said. I’m a new man. I can only ask for your forgiveness for how I’ve treated you in the past.” He reached out his hand for a handshake. Lazer stares at his open hand for a moment, and the screen faded to black.

1. A clip was shown from the Saturday morning version of Teeny’s Playhouse. Average Guy talked to the kids about overcoming hard times. The Undermaster tried to speak, but terrified the kids and they all ran away. The Hunk was able to gather them all together, and taught them a lesson about not judging others based on appearance, because Undermaster was really a cuddly teddy bear of a guy. Undermaster managed a horribly forced smile, and the kids ran up and gave him a hug.

2. A tag match between Howl and Roar and the Smooth Criminals was next. Mighty Leo got the pinfall over Vegas with the Thunderstrike. Ezekiel picked up Vegas after the match and tried to comfort Vegas with scripture, but Vegas pushed him away. Howl and Roar will go on to face Chicano and Big Rig for the Tag Titles.

3. 2-Zap rapped his way to the ring about how he was tired of fighting Dudes twice his size because it wasn’t fair. His match opponent the. Came out— Magnifico. 2-Zap continued his losing streak as Magnifico hit the Magnificanrana for the victory.

4. O’Hooligan came to the ring and bragged about the success of his pub. A gravelly voice came from the back interrupting him, and the voice said that his segment would soon be the best place to talk to wrestlers. Reptile Ranger emerged, and talked about how he would start to have friends over to his Reptile House and they would be free to be themselves without O’Hooligan antagonizing them.

5. Dude Brohan and Dr. B wrestled a great hoss fight to close the show, with Dude hitting the Big Bro Leg Drop for the win. Both men received a standing ovation from the audience after the match, and Dude raised Dr. B’s hand after the match to recognize his efforts.

[Thumper Moore III]

Mar 1990 March Madness

Mr. Tycoon started the show by stating how proud he was of how everyone in the roster responded after the “incident” at the last PPV. He assured the audience and the roster that no such shenanigans would take place, especially during the inaugural March Madness Tournament. The first match of which... starts NOW.

1. Average Guy came out and grabbed a mic. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight since two weeks ago. That Undermaster done got the betta’ of me then, but this common man gonna show tonight exactly why I’m a baaad man!” Undermaster slowly approached the ring, then the match began. Average Guy more than held his own against his larger, more agile, stronger, younger, more athletic, more intimidating, and decidedly less common opponent. However, in the end, an Average Elbow missed, and a Grave Digger resulted in a win for the deceased gentleman.

2. Dude Brohan was accompanied to the ring by Lazer for his first round match against O’Hooligan. Dude controlled the early going, and it looked like there was no hope for the loud mouthed Irishman. However, a well timed thumb to the eye turned the tide. O’Hooligan beat down Dude until he “duded up”, and he hit a Big Bro Leg Drop for the win.

3. The Hunk defeated Dr. B in a very solid match. Afterward, Hunk also applauded Dr. B, much like Dude did last week. Dr. B graciously thanked the fans, but seemed visibly distraught as his losing streak that started just after his unexpected popularity began continued.

4. The final first round match saw Dark Mauler overcome Orion once again with the Dark Menace. Mauler took the opportunity to put his foot on his fallen foe’s chest after the match, silently declaring his dominance. This set up the second round as Undermaster v Brohan and Hunk v Mauler.

5. Big Rig and Chicano put their belts on the line against Howl and Roar. Wolf started off and got pummeled, made the hot tag to Leo, and Leo wiped the floor with the big men. Leo then was caught off guard by outside interference from Ryan Regret, who spritzed Leo in the face. Leo took a Straight Edge followed by a Road Kill, but Wolf made the save from nowhere. Wolf then cleared the ring, and stood in the corner for the tag. Big Rig attempted to stop the tag, and picked up Leo—who delivered a Thunderstrike out of nowhere for the win to become new tag champs.

6. Round Two: Lazer let Brohan know backstage he had to get ready for his world title match. Brohan went to the ring alone, and Undermaster made his spectacle of an entrance again. Undermaster dominated for a long stretch, with Dude getting in next to no offense. Undermaster completed his dominance by hitting a Grave Digger, which Brohan kicked out of. He “duded up again, hitting his signature offense, and attempted the Big Bro Leg Drop, which missed when Undermaster sat straight up. A second Grave Digger ended the match.

7. The Hunk quickly dispatched Dark Mauler in the other semifinal in easily the worst match of the tourney so far.

8. Freedom Fighter got his rematch for the World Title against Lazer. In a fun, back and forth match, Lazer ended up ducking the Haymaker of Justice and applying the Lazerlock to retain. He remained at ringside for the tourney final.

9. Undermaster and Hunk ended the evening in the tournament finals with a hellacious brawl. Hunk put Undermaster through the ringside announce table at which Lazer was seated. He then tried to verbally berate the champ, which allowed Undermaster time to recover, and he hit a desperation Grave Digger on the concrete floor. He rolled the Hunk into the ring... and hit a second Grave Digger in the ring for the win, tournament victory, and title shot at the next PPV. Lazer walked in to the ring to shake his hand, but Undermaster instead turned his back on Lazer and walked out. Undermaster stopped at the curtain, turned back to the ring, and made a throat slitting gesture to Lazer as the program ended.

[Thumper Moore III]

April 1990 Monday Night Live

The show opened with a prerecorded statement from Mr. Fantasy. He was seated behind a desk with windows behind him overlooking a city skyline. “I would first like to say to Dan Mixer and the editors of the Wrestling Viewer: I am not the most hated man in wrestling. I am the most innovative. The most ruthless. But not the most hated. You haven’t seen the most hated yet... but you will tonight.” He paused and took a sip of water from a cocktail glass. “Hunk, tonight your opponent will be... a surprise. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Tycoon for doing an excellent job of running things in my stead. I will return in the near future. Until then, the show is in good hands with someone so... business-savvy. See you in a few weeks.”

1. Ezekiel lost a very competitive opener to Chet Skye. Skye landed the Torpedo Dropkick after countering Divine Intervention into a DDT. Vegas came to ringside to help his partner to the back. Ezekiel started to quote Scripture, but Vegas put a finger over his lips, shooshing him.

2. Average Guy and Dr. B fought to what was almost a time limit draw, but Dr. B hit a Clubber from the top rope with ten seconds left for a victory. The fans went nuts, and once again applauded both men for their efforts. Mr. Tycoon came out as the match ended, and told both men what a tremendous show they had put on, and how much the fans enjoyed it. Dr. B made a strange face that seemed to convey both indignation and acceptance of the praise.

3. Magnifico put on a good match with Fireball. Magnifico just couldn’t seem to damage the much bigger man with his offense, only taking him to one knee once. Fireball squashed Magnifico with a top rope Flying Fireball.

4. The Hunk came to the ring, mic in hand, but ready for a fight. “Alright Fantasy, let’s see your jobber gets his monkey-butt kicked AAAAAALL the way to the corner of Loser Lane and Weakling Way, and get checked into the Hunk Hotel!!” The Bell then rang without an opponent in the ring. The lights went out, and when the came back on... The Ace of Spades was standing behind the Hunk. Hunk turned around, and had a shocked look on his face for about a half second before he was kicked in the gut and hit with the Ace Crusher for a pinfall. Ace flipped Hunk a couple of aces and grabbed a couple of beers to chug on the way out.

5. Dragonfly successfully defended his Cruiserweight Title over O’Hooligan. Just a bad match between two good wrestlers that brought a disappointing end to an otherwise stellar show.

[Thumper Moore III]

Apr 1990 Sports Entertainment

1. Chet Skye over Skelescreem in a very entertaining match. Skelescreem has Skye rocked before he had a wardrobe malfunction involving his mask nearly coming off. The distraction this caused allowed Skye to win via roll up.

2. Ace of Spades came to the ring solo with a mic in hand. “Ohhhh, heck yeah!! Did you miss me? Did you get those butterflies in your stomachs when you saw me stomp a mud puddle in the Hunk last week? Did you get a little surprised when I showed up, and chugged a couple of Ace-weisers? Well, the bottom line is this: I’m back, I’m kicking butts, and I don’t have time to take their names. And that’s a sure bet, cause Ace says so.” He then chugged a few more beers and flipped the crowd the aces before leaving the ring.

3. The Pit Fighters squared off with the Smooth Criminals in a tag match. Johnny Kobra hit the Helicopter Kick on Vegas for the win. After the match, Ezekiel picked up his partner, tried to quote Scripture to him again, and Vegas covered his ears. Ezekiel pulled his hands away, and told Vegas “You May not want to hear what God has to say, but you need to hear it! Remember how His Word gave you the strength to lose that weight and to be the man you are today! You’re losing battles inside the ring an out because you’re not listening to Him anymore!”

4. Mr. Tycoon came to the ring where four chairs were set up. He took one of them. “For our main event, it will be Big Rig versus Lazer for the world title. I’ve called a panel of three prominent stars to make their predictions. Gentlemen, please join me.” To the ring walked Dude Brohan, The Hunk, and Dragonfly. They each took their seat in the ring. Dude spoke first.

“Well, you know somethin’ Mr. Moneybags, the Lazer has got the backing of all the little Lazers and all the little Dudesters out there. That’s a force to be reckoned with. Lazer is the perfect gay.. I mean gay guy... guy... to get the job done tonight.”

The Hunk was doubled over laughing at Dude’s flub. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, right Brohan? The Hunk says this: the Big Rig will open a can of pie filling and fill Lazer’s pie hole with his fists, and then take his boot, shine it up, and shove it straight down his ugly throat! If you smell what the Hunk is smellin’!!”

Dragonfly just looked confused. “Dude, why am I out here again? Someone said there was pizza. Hey, by the way, is weed legal here? Because I’ve got a bunch if you want to... it’s not? Ummm, nope, never mind. I don’t have any.”

5. The ring was mercifully cleared and Big Rig and Lazer began their title match. The match went back and forth, and nearly ended in disaster as toward the end of the match. Big Rig went for the Road Kill, Lazer countered but something went wrong and he landed awkwardly on his neck. He was visibly hurt, but the match hurried to a conclusion soon thereafter with Lazer simply doing a double leg pickup and applying a Lazerlock while in severe pain. He then collapsed and had to be assisted to the back by Brohan and a couple of medics.

[Thumper Moore III]

April 1990 Weekend Attitude

Backstage, 2-Zap was whining to someone on his Motorola Star-Tac. “I keep seeing these dudes three times my size, or so dang quick they’re like mosquitoes— I’m never going to win a title around here. You gotta come down and help me out, big man.”

“Dude, just chill,” interrupted Dragonfly. “I’ve got to put this Cruiserweight Title on the line tonight and I don’t have an opponent. I’ll give you a shot, but if I win, you’ve got to buy me some mari... some grass... killer, because I want to Xeriscape my yard, if you catch what I’m saying.”

“I’m gonna holla back at you later,” said 2-Zap as he flipped his phone shut. “Sounds like a win/win to me.”

1. Dude Brohan came to the ring and spoke to Honest Al. “Well, you know somethin’ Honest Al, things got bad with the Champ last week. I’ve got bad news for all the little Lazers out there— the neon brother is hurt pretty bad. I’ve got the best doctors I know working on him, and we’re hoping he’ll be ok for his title match next week against the Undermaster. Just in case the dead dude tries any funny business, the Dude will be in Lazer’s corner again. But I don’t think he’d be stupid enough to try anything when Dude’s around... cause whatcha gonna do, Undermaster, when the 23 inch anacondas of the Dudester and the Lazer run all over you?!?”

2. A match with a convoluted stipulation was next, with Ace of Spades teaming with Average Guy taking on Copper Commander and The Hunk. Whoever gained the pinfall would challenge Average Guy for the TV Title at next week’s Champ Clash. If Average Guy wins, he faces Exotic Rick. Naturally, Rick was on commentary. Average Guy did end up picking up the win for his team. Copper and Ace were the legal men when Ace and Hunk both charged in to break up a pinfall attempt after an Average Elbow. They argued with each other and then beat each other outside the ring. The ref was distracted, and Rick hit Copper with brass knuckles, then signaled to the ref to count the pin. Average Guy shrugged his shoulders and made the cover for the win. Ace and Hunk brawled all the way to the back.

3. Magnifico gets brutalized by Beer Can Man. Nothing to see here, moving on...

4. Undermaster cut a promo from Mort’s Mausoleum. “All the little Lazers, or little Dudesters in the world will not keep you from your fate, Lazer. All the living men in the world could not stop me from taking your title. After I beat you senseless, and hoist you up into the Grave Digger, you’ll end up six feet under, and your soul, and the souls of your little Lazers, will belong to the Undermaster. After your soul is mine, you will.... rot... in... Hades.”

5. Dragonfly smoked 2-Zap. After the match, 2-Zap got back on his phone. The conversation was muffled, but the only words that could be made out were “you gotta come now.”

[Thumper Moore III]

April 1990 Champ Clash

1. Average Guy and Exotic Rick open the show with a clash for the TV Title. Rick tries every dirty trick in the book, but in the end had no answer for Average Guy, who landed the Average Elbow for a pinfall.

2. Dude Brohan was a guest on O’Hooligan’s Pub. O’Hooligan began the segment by asking about Dude’s goals for his time in ABCW. “Well ya know somethin’ brother, the Dude always wants to be the best, so eventually I’m going to be world champion.”
“But Dude,” O’Hooligan interjected, “Your best pal Lazer is the champ.”
“What are you getting at O’Hooligan, you weasel?”
“Just that normally a certain green-eyed monster rears it’s ugly head when one friend has something the other friend wants.”
Dude was appalled and stood up from his barstool. “Are you trying to say that I’m jealous of Lazer? He and I are on the same exact page right now, and you trying to drive a wedge between us isn’t going to change that.”
“Oh, I’m not driving any wedge anywhere. You’re the one that said you want what he has. Don’t blame me for your own jealousy, tough guy.” O’Hooligan gave a knowing look to Dude as he walked off set, leaving Dude to seethe in anger.

3. Howl and Roar retain the tag titles over the Pit Fighters. Bad match. Moving on...

4. Ace of Spades and The Hunk tear the house down beating the holy hell out of each other in the best match in ABCW history. It is clear there is more hatred between these two than simply costing each other a title shot. Dan Mixer of the Wrestling Viewer completely marked out, ensuring the first 5* match in Fed history. Ace wins, but Hunk looked strong in defeat, and both wrestlers were elevated as a result.

5. Dicky Thunderbird challenged Dragonfly for the Cruiserweight Title. Dicky hit the Thunderbird Chop for the win. After the match, the two shook hands. Magnifico came to ringside and immediately challenged Dicky for the title, much to Dragonfly’s dismay. Magnifico told Dragonfly that he did not want to challenge him out of their friendship, but he didn’t want to miss an opportunity to become champ himself.

6. Arizona Chance talked about his role in the company being diminished by Mr. Fantasy, but with Mr. Tycoon in charge, he expected that though they don’t like each other, they do respect each other, and he expected more and better opportunities moving forward.

7. Princess Starbright retains the Ladies Title over Gothica. Gothica says after the match, “If I have to lose, at least it’s not to a flash in the pan.”

8. Freedom Fighter over Dr. B and Dark Mauler in a three way dance. FF and Dr. B both dominated at different times, but Exotic Rick snuck in and hit Dr. B with his brass knuckles as FF hit the Haymaker of Justice on Mauler. Rick gave a pelvic thrust in Dr. B’s direction as he left.

9. Injured Lazer defended the World Title against Undermaster. Undermaster took advantage of the injury, working Lazer’s neck mercilessly. The tide turned on a missed tope suicida attempt to the outside, and Undermaster’s chest made a sickening thud on the concrete. Lazer took advantage by locking in the Lazerlock on the outside, then hitting the Lazer Death Drop also outside the ring. He rolled Undermaster in, and hit a second Death Drop for the pinfall victory. Dude Brohan came out to celebrate, and helped Lazer to the back as he was still clearly injured.

[Thumper Moore III]

May 1990 Monday Night Live

1. Show opens with Rad Racer over Officer Chip with the Tail Whip. Fans are uninterested.

2. Orion Northstar is scheduled for a match with a local talent. On his way to the ring, the local talent is jumped by Dark Mauler, who says he has unfinished business with Northstar. Mauler takes his place in the ring and beats Orion in a very competitive match with the Dark Menace.

3. The repackaged Dizzy Lixx faced off against Zen. Lixx managed to plant Zen with the Antichrist Superplex for the three count. Zen landed awkwardly on his side on the finisher, and was gasping for breath. The commentator mentioned he might have cracked a rib or two. He received medical attention and was escorted to the back.

4. Undermaster v Ace of Spades. The two went back and forth like the legends they would become, and Ace hit the Ace Crusher. When he went for the pinfall, The Hunk ran in and pulled the ref out of the ring. Ace rolled outside and hit an Ace Crusher on Hunk. Ace rolled back in and flipped Hunk a couple of aces, but the distraction was enough for Undermaster to clothesline Ace and then land the Grave Digger for the win. Hunk got up, rolled into the ring, picked up Ace, and nailed a Hunka Dunk, followed by the most exciting move in sports entertainment, the Hunk’s Elbow.

5. Dicky Thunderbird defended his Cruiserweight Title against Magnifico with Dragonfly at ringside. Magnifico attempted the Magnificanrana, but Thunderbird countered it into a power bomb, which he followed with the Thunderbird Chop for the win. Dragonfly stood up and applauded the match, and shook hands with both the victor and the defeated.

After the match, but before the closing credits, Mr. Fantasy showed up on video. He began: “By now, most of you know that a few hours ago, the US military has begun deployment to the Middle East in response to a hostile takeover of an ally. I just want it to be known before we close the show, that our troops have the full support of ABCW, and God bless you all.”

[Thumper Moore III]

May 1990 Sports Entertainment

The show opens with the entire locker room on stage; behind them is draped an absurdly large American flag. Front and center are the most “patriotic” wrestlers, Dude Brohan, Freedom Fighter, Lazer, Arizona Chance, and Average Guy. Mr. Fantasy walked from the back through the athletes with a microphone. The crowd reacted with a mix of cheers and boos, as they cheered the patriotism, but booed the man who, only a few weeks ago, appeared to poison some of the fan favorites. “ABCW is, and always has been, a huge supporter of our military. Here in Big Sky country, we know that without our troops, we would not be able to have the freedom to entertain you, the fans. So, without further ado, here to sing our national anthem, Jacko Pop!”

He did an adequate to above average job of an R&B styled Star Spangled Banner, and the crowd cheered with a patriotic fervor. The scene faded to black as the crowd chanted “USA! USA!”

1. An opening segment saw Exotic Rick challenge anyone in the back to an arm wrestling contest. Dark Mauler emerged from the back, without saying a word, walked to the ring, stared down Rick, then sliced the arm wrestling table in half with a glowing sword. Rick was too shocked to do anything about it, and Mauler walked away, again without a word.

2. The Neon Express lose to Howl & Roar after Jessie Wild inadvertently knocked Chet Skye off the ring apron, and Mighty Leo hit the Thunderstrike for the win. Skye was visibly upset with his teammate and the two walked to the back separately.

3. Star Boy and Piranha continued their decade long rivalry with yet another classic match. Star Boy picked up the win with the Flying across Chop. Piranha did not immediately get up. Star Boy made it halfway down the ramp, but then saw springs was hurt, and returned to the ring and assisted Piranha to the back in a show of respect.

4. Three chairs were set up in the ring, with an interview podium. Honest Al walked to the podium and introduced three guests for the panel on who would win tonight’s number one contender match between The Hunk and Dr. B. The panelists were Ace of Spades, Dude Brohan, and Undermaster. Each made their way to the ring, and Honest Al asked Ace his opinion first. Ace started to answer, then before he spoke a word he nodded at Undermaster. Ace and the dead guy attacked Brohan, beating him into a crumpled heap. Ace picked up the microphone, and said “There’s your answer, Al. Now ask Brohan how it felt to get a mud puddle stomped in him!” He angrily threw the mike down, and he and Undermaster walked away, leaving Brohan writhing in pain.

5. In the main event, Hunk and Dr. B went back and forth in a grueling match. Dr. B hit a Clubber, but before he could make the pin, Ace of Spades jumped in and attacked Hunk, which made Hunk the winner by DQ. Undermaster then hit the ring and clobbered Dr. B. Hunk received the worst of the double beatdown, taking an Ace Crusher through a table, then a second onto a steel chair. Dr. B ate a Grave Digger before Undermaster walked away. Dr. B got to his feet, saw Hunk laid out, and asked for the medics to come from the back. The show ended with the medical staff working on Hunk with a concerned Dr. B looking on.